Things you never thought you would hear yourself say before having children...

(107 Posts)

I was at the park on Saturday and there were two woman and their little boys playing together. One of the boys came up to his mum and I heard her say 'Don't worry darling, you can be the skunk...'grin

What did you never think you would hear yourself say?

Acinonyx Sat 27-Jun-09 19:12:02

Another consitpated 3 yr-old here:

'They're calling the register at poo preschool Where's dd-poo?

It's not here - it's still in dd's bottom.

Well, it needs to come out and come to preschool.'

et,etc....

Momdeguerre Sat 27-Jun-09 02:39:41

In soothing voice to hysterical and constipated 3 year old 'No, the pooh is not chasing you we just need to snap it off'.

pispirispis Thu 25-Jun-09 21:47:48

(In high pitched deranged excited sounding voice)

Oh look it's a birdie! Yes, it goes "tweet tweet" doesn't it!!! TWEET TWEET!

Ooh look and a doggie!! It goes "woof woof"! Yes that's right pet, WOOF WOOF!

Yes, that's a motorbike! Yes, vroom vroom! VROOM VROOM!!

etc etc....

Delirium Thu 25-Jun-09 19:53:10

"Come here and let me sniff your bum."

HobbitWife Thu 25-Jun-09 19:30:45

I remembered a classic (prompted by someone elses post...)

Stop playing with your willy or it'll drop off and the cat will eat it.

For some reason the thought of the cat eating it worried my son far mroe than it dropping off in the firt place!

please don't hit your brother with the baseball bat. (i wouldn't of minded but they were 12 and 9 at the time!)

mrsrawlinson Tue 23-Jun-09 12:39:45

"Am I the ONLY person in this house who ever picks anything up off the floor?"

"Don't climb on that. If you fall off you'll get blood everywhere and I don't have time to clean up now."

"The reason you shouldn't try to drown your brother is because you'll make him die."

"No, I've no wet wipes. It'll have to be a spit wash. Now come here...."

Miamla Tue 23-Jun-09 08:24:36

6am?! Ooh a lie-in! grin

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup Mon 22-Jun-09 23:14:20

Feck

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup Mon 22-Jun-09 23:13:55

8am?! Ooh a lie-in!

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup Mon 22-Jun-09 23:13:54

8am?! Ooh a lie-in!

muscateer4 Mon 22-Jun-09 22:55:07

If you're going to play with anyone's penis, play with your own! (mum with too many boys)

thefortbuilder Mon 22-Jun-09 21:12:08

do not pick your brother up by his head (at top of my voice)

if you don't put pants on your penis will get cold and fall off

point your penis DOWN

yes ds it's muscles chicken
and muscles sweetcorn
and yes it's muscles peas too

don't water grandad michael's shoes! No, they do not need to grow anymore.

Sweetie, take your banana out of Daddy's shoe please.

No darling, I don't think Uncle Steven wants to sleep in the bath.

Do you want chocolate chicken for tea? (She'll only eat chicken if I tell her it's chocolate cake for some reason hmm )

Frasersmum123 Mon 22-Jun-09 15:02:07

Oh, and last week when we were making Fathers day cards - 'No I dont know what Wax Crayons taste like'

Frasersmum123 Mon 22-Jun-09 14:54:27

Me - Did you drop your motorbike down the toilet before or after you did a wee?
DS - After
Me - Before or after you flushed the chain?
DS - Before
Me - give me the motorbike here so I can wash it
DS - Oh its okay, I wiped it on your towel
Me - well can you go and get my towel please
DS - Its dried, it happened yesterday morning

'I think Tombliboo un might be a boy?'

WhoDidThat Sat 20-Jun-09 21:59:22

Yes, Captain Jack does love eating vegetables, especially peas

If you don't go to sleep then Father Christmas won't leave your presents

No, there is not a baby in my tummy, just my lunch

If you break that window we will have to pay to fix it and then there will be no money left over for any food or toys blush

DH : where are my keys?
me : in the bottom drawer of the fridge
DH : ok thanks

Babies are made from special magic (this makes me cringe, but they are too young for the truth, trust me)

don't point it's rude ...... (whispered) yes I know she has a funny face but don't point ...... because it is not nice ....... oooh shall we share some chocolate

NorbertDentressangle Sat 20-Jun-09 21:55:22

The one phrase that sticks in my head more than any other is:

"Put everything that belongs in your pants back into your pants please"

DS had discovered his willy so was partially removing his undies to have a fiddle and at the same time was putting random small toys into his pants.

I never thought I would be questioned about everyone in my (whole) school photo. By the time I named everyone there were a lot of "Smiths"

moaningminnie2020 Sat 20-Jun-09 21:35:50

No don't run (the dog)over (with wheelybug)
Yes that's his eye DON'T POKE it
Bye Bye Poo
Take that toast out of Daddy's shoe
No you can't have cake, you can have weetabix, it's breakfast
yes darling, it is an incy wincy spider

dinkystinky Sat 20-Jun-09 21:32:10

No idea - its the Mr that is important according to DS1...

lucyellensmumisgreat Sat 20-Jun-09 21:09:28

Is that a horse poo or an elephant poo?

dinkystinky Sat 20-Jun-09 20:59:39

Just to add to the poo related ones - "Mr Poo, down the loo, yahoo" - after EVERY poo DS1 does in the toilet while we flush it!

HollyKate Sat 20-Jun-09 20:15:58

Did the toilet seat hit you on the head before or after you did a wee?

While feeling guilty that I was trying not to laugh.

Wonderstuff Sat 20-Jun-09 20:11:34

Why do I feel so proud to have made round-up?
Love the friendly ladybirds grin

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