Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

Checking in.

Oh! They got back to me :) They said that I'm on a waiting list and should get an appointment some time in January and if I haven't heard from them by mid-December, I should contact them. I've only communicated with them over email but the language doesn't seem to be a problem at all, which is good. I'm a bit nervous when I think about it too much but mostly feeling glad that it's moving forwards.

Yay, a shiny new thread in a shiny new topic :)

Oh no. I've got no chance in German, then :o

Oh, or did you mean emotionally hard? Completely missed the mark there

Oo, new thread. Just marking my place for now :)

I found the report the same Polter.
It highlighted things that I didn't know I did, so it was a bit like reading about someone else until I saw that it was me, rather like she met me and knew me better than I know myself, which is quite weird!

Do you have areas in work that you think this will help with? (You don't have to answer that if it's too personal!)

Ds1 is seeing her in November, hopefully it'll help get some recognition in school that he's not just lazy!

In the last thread I think it was mentioned that ASD symptoms can get worse?
I am a wreck at the moment (still). I'm absolutely fine during the day when I'm alone, so I don't think I'm depressed.
I's mostly ok when I pick up the dc (although every single one of them is having issues of some sort at the moment), then as soon as dh comes home, I go into hermit mode and feel like I can't talk to anyone, and when I do it comes out angry when I'm not meaning it too (if that makes sense?).
This is something I've done before, but never as often as I do now.
Does anyone have any tips to help me stop doing this?

Sorry, I feel like I come on mn and moan, which must be very irritating.

LeChien you might find this link helpful, it was posted on one of the previous threads but you might have missed it: archive.autistics.org/library/more-autistic.html#learningautistic

Crohn, thank you. I've had a quick scan of that, will read it properly later.

I think that there are things that I've always found difficult but I've covered it up, and all of a sudden I can't.
So this morning, dh announces we need new tyres (eek, panic!) but instead of being clear "go and get 2 winter tyres”, he gets into a convoluted monologue about it being too soon for winter tyres which increased the panicky feeling, so I interrupted him and said "ok, not winter tyres" and he was cross because he was working out what to do, but it was all too much and brain did the hermit thing again.
Is it unreasonable to ask him to be a bit more concise and clear when it comes to something he's asking me to do?

Me Chien anything to do with garages, tyres, MOT, service etc makes me anxious with worry.

Driving in to the garage (will I be able to park?) Having to communicate with "the blokes" (who are always really nice) I just get so worked up about it all.

I can just imagine the miscommunication between you two.

Marking my spot so I can come back and read through.

That's it flumble, but I've always managed to hide it. Following any conversation about so etching like that, I've always listened whilst not taking much in, then ask for a summary at the end so I know what's expected. I do this with the dc as well.
But now, all the details that I've managed to zone out are bamboozling me!

Place marking, hello.

Is he thinking out loud to process it? I think you could ask him to do the processing/detail part in another room, perhaps, and then present you not with a summary, but instructions as to what he wants. If he needs to tell you details, ask him to write them down so you can just hand it to the mechanic.

I can feel the panic rising at the moment, as I have to do a report on a case for work on Friday, but I'm not sure what they want me to do and I don't know how to ask exactely what they want me to do in a way that won't make me sound stupid and so that the answer is actually helpful. I'm not sure I know what information I'm lacking to get started.

I've had a few smaller things to look up, but the brief was always very specific: 'this patient has this skin condition which isn't clearing up as expected, could you please look into all the options and recommendations so we have a plan to work with'. For that I came back with a table with names, doses, length of treatment etc. That I could do.
But just a case discussion? Aaah. I'm not sure if that's just me though.

What do you do/ what happens when you go into hermit mode Lechien, I'm interested.

Yes I think that's what he's doing Bertie. He's usually really good at writing stuff down.

Rivier, basically I just want everyone to go away and shut up! I go through the motions and do everything I have to do, but I go quiet.

I have the same 'hermit mode', my DH calls it going into my shell. I find it hard to initiate anything but can usually respond with the absolute minimum needed.

Ah, thanks Lechien and Crohn, a friend of mine once said I'd obviously used up my alotted number of words for the day. (She had a theory that everyone has a number of words they can use in a day and that when you run out, you can get annoyed by conversations initiated by those with words left).

I like "allotted number of words" that really makes sense.

It's quite weird to find out that all these things are things that others do. Very reassuring.

Now I just need to find a way to manage it all better!

Maybe those nights when I can't sleep and keep DH awake by talking about completely random things are because I haven't used up enough words in the day?

Maybe Crohn :D
I did like the theory at the time and she said it very kindly trying to make things less awkward when I was visiting her and hardly saying a word.