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she was on womans hour this morning saying that she'd been on a webchat yesterday and someone had poiinted out that bringing out a book to say stop reading books was like Princess Di having a press conference to announce no longer doing press conferences.
was that here or has TB been <gasps> playing around with other women?
I've just seen this on the BBC website and the 6 o'clock news. 'TV psychologist Tanya Byron is to head a government inquiry into protecting children from violent computer games and internet pornography' Hopefully Tanya will still have time for mumsnet in her busy schedule
nope no telly, though I think I have heard of the house of tiny tearwaways from a friend who is obsessed with child development stuff... I wonder if she was on here asking q's
lol LovelyMyGirls - if Dr T comes back and takes a peek bet it won't be for a while - she must get mugged at the school gates by mums wanting advice ...
Roffle at DrT joining and posting advice on the sly. She'd be outed in seconds. <throws down gauntlet >
Anyhoo, that was great, even if she didn't get to my wee question. I still think I've (at the risk of sounding like a ponce) 'taken away something valuable'.
Thanks DrT & MumsnetHQ.
PS. I was nothing to do with that chant nonsense. No siree.
will also cut and paste your advice from this thread and pin it above my bed (whilst remembering to rely on my own instincts and be more confident too of course
Dr T just join Mn on the quiet then you can talk to us all everyday (behind another name obviously!) Would be interesting for you to see how many of us took your advice without knowing who you are, thats the beauty of MN!
I'm sure MNHQ put subliminal messages on here to get us hooked! Bet you, you come back later to check the messages that were posted after you had gone! (you can't resist just another quick glimse! That's how the addiction starts!! he he!)
She was good. Hour not long enough though...obviously.
Like the stuff about how often a problem is only a problem because we label it as such (like a weed being a plant in the wrong place) and that actually children are 'supposed' to act up and it is our job to parent them through the phases, that the fact they are being awkward little thingummybobs is not down to our crap parenting nor is it automatically 'problem behaviour'.
<<applauds Dr Tanya>>
By OliviaMumsnet on Thu 06-Sep-07 14:09:04
(from MNHQ)
Shinyhappy, I've already added Dr T's suggestion to the list of things to discuss at our next meeting.
AnyoneMumsnet
here's the thing I have to go as have a meeting before picking my DD and DS from school! I am sorry and feel guilty that you all prob very frustrated by my lack of being specific and probably too genral advice. I hope some was useful and it's been fun altho I have severe hand cramps! Do mumsnet do speaker events Q & A sessions where we can do this face to face and raise money for charity at the same time? I do these things sometimes so let me know and if we can set something up let's have more time together. Anyway goodbye lovely mums and dads (and all other carers out there). Thanks for this slot and please remember that a problem only becomes one when we label it as one and most of what we are describing as problems are in fact behaviours that are normal for the developmental stage of your child. XXXX tanya xxxx
By OliviaMumsnet on Thu 06-Sep-07 14:03:04
(from MNHQ)
We're coming to the end of our scheduled chat, so I just want thank Dr Tanya Byron very much indeed for joining us not to mention apologise for terrifying her!
Thanks also for wading through the chanting and Mumsnet in-jokes as well as decoding all our abbreviations.
And of course, thanks to everyone who took part today.
MNHQ
Right - that's it - we're doing the distraction techinique for DS until it stops working! I've found if I'm calm when DS kicks off, he calms dowm quicker. SOmetimes he just wants a cuddle.
(Might 'naughty step' DH if he walks off and leaves Ds again!)
Oh feck my question wasn't at all broad. Bugger. But I nearly fell off my chair onto the mountainous/ignored ironing pile when I saw she was live online.. I had to try even though it's a SN question.
DH and I have often speculated on how we could entice Dr Tanya round to tea (with one of his cakes perhaps?) so we could say to her, "Look! Look! See!" as DS does his beastly things that he does..!
You are all terrifying me... Time out for over 2's only but please can we be less hooked up and techniques and think this - why do I have x prob with my child? what does it say about me? why when our children are behaving like...children...do we lose our nerve, fall apart and wonder whether they will be banged up by 9? Why when our child has a tantrum do we have one back (they are the CHILD we're not). I promise you all if you could try and be less hooked into - oh dr t you're the expert, tell me what to do - and calmed a bit, looked at the behaviour, analysed when and how it happens and how you may inadvertently be reinforcing it. Think about whether your child is getting mixed messages from other adults that care for them. Think perhaps whether your child's behaviour is less about them being 'naughty' and more about them refelcting some bigger emtotional issues in their life/ the family etc. Get back to a sense that you are instinctively the right expert of your child. Pick a management solution and stick to it clamly and consistently ... and BTW for SN parents |I advise same behavioural messages and boundaries for your child and lots of support for you. Finally in this post remember the notion of the self fulfiling prophecy - you and other think and label your kid a problem, you and others will behave in a manner that will signal that to your and child and bingo...they will be.
oh dear, only 2 mins left. Well will someone else tell me what to do with my 5 year old who is scared of pooing? She was potty trained fine and no anxiety at all for over a year before it started - seems to be related to change or stress.
yes mrsmarvel but their main problem was being treated like babies (all still in nappies at night, bottles of milk, 3yos in high chairs 1set age 5 1 set age 3)
Growingbagpuss - some men just don't like advice. I let it go when it's the kind of asking for directions type, but when it comes to the kids it's too important. But please Dr T - tell us how to get them to listen.
If you get time DrT - you touched on food problems - ds1 (6)'s problems seem to stem from anxiety about food - how would you approach a child who gets terrified about new food, shakes, can't eat even food he likes because of the 'smell' of the new food on the table? To the extent that he would go hungry rather than sit at the same table. And will get to the point of vomiting through hunger (after 2 or 3 days) rather than eat.
We want this weekly, and Marsy is desperate for twin advice. I'd quite like it too because my two get up to similar united destruction despite the age gap
Selective Mutism is a rare condition but a real one and not attention seeking in a child. Often these kids will talk to those they are safe with (mum dad gran) but no one else and often they will only speak in safe space eg. the home. For the SM parent I agree your earlier comment that there is little info and your support seems all that I know there is but I would recommend thinking psychologically and look at using a technique called sliding in - this is similar to the desensitisation toilet one earlier - get your child used to talking in front of others in a gradual and systematically pre planned way by starting with them whispering to you when someone else (maybe classroom assist) in room looking away and build form there in stages (the reverse of the gradual withdrawal night tech I mentioned before) until other person sitting near you and child whispers to them through you (ie. they ask you to ask the child a question) and build. In general for any anxious child the process should be a slow, calm steady exposure to what they afraid of - so lick a small bit of friut will build to bite cew and swallow over time etc. To plan this with your kids draw a ladder on a piece of paper and at the top put where you want your child be be in terms of their behaviour and then at each rung plot your small steps to getting their. Telling kids to blow out imaginary birthday cake candles or have a red ornage green system of pointing to a colour to indicate when they Ok, a bit anxious or very helps as well. And do you know what? My DH (took me AGES to work out yoour codes!) has just brought me cup of tea!! Bless him!!
hurrah for DR T she agrees with moi (and Tigana)!
I will now use that fact to any smartarse mum who thinks always a right way/wrong way to do things...
Please don't stop doing tv it's wonderful to get advice and be able to see it and watch the children's behaviour improve, HOTT was the best by far because you get the whole family picture and they are there constantly until the problem is solved, the fact you work with the parents and help their relationships as well is just amazing!
I think it's true what they say about 3 days to make good habits and 3 days to break them. Recently my mindee's mum insisted he drop his daytime nap as he had started waking at 5am all this did was make him grumpy, violent towards other children and his food issues worse, after 6 weeks his behaviour was so bad she gave him his nap back and he is now almost back to the delightful boy he was when i first took him on.
What is your take on naps affecting night time sleep? Is it up to the child to choose when to drop it.
Hunker would like to know what do you do with a 3.5yo boy who can wee in the potty at bathtime but, if he tries to wear pants, wets them almost instantly, then says "No, those pants are too wet for me. I think I'd like to wear a nappy, please" even when shown the fresh pants are utterly dry? He's got me baffled. And he's so POLITE about it!
Flame...was thinking that too...pfft weak fingers!!
Just answered a parenting support survey on YouGov and it asked who/what apart form family and friends I had got advice from....That'll be mumsnet then .
lol, will we just all rush Jezza Vine's tomorrow with our spooky chanting? (am slightly creeping myself our with the toadying but she is good, isn't she?)
and Mumsnet in-jokes as well as decoding all our abbreviations.
