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my world has fallen apart

(261 Posts)
Emz8369 Wed 08-May-13 19:15:56

I had to call the police last night and report my dad as my daughter told her aunty that he has been abusing her, i just feel so lost right now and don't know what to do, think, feel or say.

LemonBreeland Thu 09-May-13 13:40:43

What a truly awful situation for you and your DD. I hope you get plenty of support with counselling etc. to help you through this.

harryhausen Thu 09-May-13 13:45:55

Bloody hell Emz. I have no experience of anything like this, but my stomach lurched for you reading your OP as I have a dd too.

It's not much, but I just wanted to offer my love and support to you both, and your sister who sounds amazing too.

You absolutely done all the rights things. Your dd will forever feel safe with you. Xxx

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 13:46:54

cjel my sister is still with me, we have been to see a friend out in town but got a taxi straight home as he text my sister saying he was in town if anyone wanted to see him and that he would understand if we didnt and then taxt again saying he hadnt denied it

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 13:49:36

Thanks LemonBreeland

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 13:51:36

Thanks harryhausen

THERhubarb Thu 09-May-13 13:58:41

Emz8369 can I suggest that your sister blocks his messages? By reading them out to you she is inadvertently prolonging your torment. What good is it doing by reading his texts? If she won't block him then maybe ask her not to show you anymore of his texts. It's a way of controlling the situation, by reminding you all that he's still around and still there. In order to move on you need to sever that control.

Has your dd received any counselling yet? I would push for that and I think you probably need some too. You need to be able to move forward from this and in that way counselling for both you and your dd will help lots.

Your dd is being really brave and really strong; ringing you to make sure you are ok is just an incredibly sensitive and mature thing for her to do! You and her obviously have a strong bond and she felt safe in the knowledge that she could tell you anything and rely on your support 100%. You are obviously a brilliant mum.

Maybe the school will let you take your dd out of school so that the pair of you can have a long weekend away as a special treat? Just you and her so that you can both start to heal and support each other.

You have a long journey ahead of you but with some counselling and some support there is no reason why you and your dd can't come out of this stronger people, with a stronger bond between you both.

Wishing you lots of strength and comfort x

cjel Thu 09-May-13 14:03:39

hes staggering isn't he. is that supposed to be a good thing that he didn't call your dd a liar as well. Glad you've got your sisters support. I know what its like to be forced to not go out for fear of bumping into someone.
I know its early days but try not to let him stop you going where you want. He should be hiding not you.xx

AdoraBell Thu 09-May-13 14:32:22

That is unbelievable, being out and about in case anyone wants to meet up. And does he want a brownie point for not denying his actions? agree you might need to ask your sister not to tell you what he's texting if she doesn't block him.

<hugs for you and DD>

AdoraBell Thu 09-May-13 14:32:59

That is unbelievable, being out and about in case anyone wants to meet up. And does he want a brownie point for not denying his actions? agree you might need to ask your sister not to tell you what he's texting if she doesn't block him.

<hugs for you and DD>

AdoraBell Thu 09-May-13 14:33:47

Sorry, not sure how that ^^ happened.

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 14:46:21

Hi THERhubarb we have told the police and they have rang him and told him we want no contact with him, him sending the messages just prove to us the sort of person he really is, my daughter hasnt received any counselling yet but i am going to chase that up.

My daughter is really mature for her age and i am so proud of how well she is coping with this however i am aware this may be the calm before the storm so to speak, unfortunately i wont be able to afford a weekend away and have to stay home this weeekend as we are expecting a visit from the community nurse for a check up as she had an operation last week.

Thankyou x

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 14:48:54

Yeah cjel he is i really dont know what he expects tbh im trying but my sister was with me at the time and was really upset by it so we just got a taxi home

nilbyname Thu 09-May-13 14:57:31

Have you been allocated a SWorker yet? Please push for this. As resources are really stretched it is probably a csse you of pushing and asking for things.

More hugs.

THERhubarb Thu 09-May-13 14:59:26

Show the messages to the police as they could be seen as intimidation on his part.

Have a look at Travelodge deals for cheap hotel breaks, it doesn't have to be this weekend but any weekend. Just to give yourselves something to look forward to.

Do chase up the counselling, it's really important.

cjel Thu 09-May-13 15:27:39

I wasn't critisicing you for going home - just saying that you are the innocent party and I find it hard going out incase I bump into someone and I'd hate your world to close down because of him.xxx

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 15:56:10

Yeah i know cjel im sorry if my reply came across the wrong way

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 16:03:16

THERhubarb i have shown the messages to the police and they have said they cant be classed as intimidation but did call mydad and tell him that we do not want any more contact with him and that if he continues to do so he can be done for harrassment

THERhubarb Thu 09-May-13 16:07:23

Well done Emz! Glad to see that you are being so proactive on this. Your daughter will benefit enormously from having such a strong mother on her side and your dad will hopefully realise that you are all acting as one in condemning his actions and refusing to allow him a way back in.

I don't know if it's any help but if you and your dd do need a break at any time, just PM me as we are often away visiting family at the weekend and appreciate house sitters to look after dd's hamster and our 2 clucky hens. If we're not too far away, you are welcome to stay at ours for a short break?

EldritchCleavage Thu 09-May-13 16:22:47

You've already done a great thing for your daughter by believing her and reporting the abuser to keep her safe. That is going to stand her in such good stead in the months and years to come, believe me.

It is utterly horrible, but please have faith that your daughter will be ok, will flourish and have a good life. I have, even though unlike her I never found the words to tell anyone so didn't get help until adulthood.

Xenia Thu 09-May-13 16:32:16

How dreadful.
Has your daughter said what he did to her and over what period and what age?
Did he abuse you or your siblings when you were younger?

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 16:34:58

Aw thanks THERhubarb we are in county durham

THERhubarb Thu 09-May-13 16:35:47

Ah, not quite near us in the South West then but the offer is still there nevertheless.

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 16:38:04

Hi xenia, yeah my daughter has disclosedwhat he has done to her and she said it started when she was 6, yes they did i know he did me and one of my younger sisters but dont know know about the other one

Emz8369 Thu 09-May-13 16:38:36

Aw thanks THERhubarb

cjel Thu 09-May-13 16:39:41

Xenia . why is that relevant?
Emz - It didn't come across that way, just wanted to clarify what I meant to make sure I didn't add to your stress!!smilexx

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