What should I do and am I being overly sensitive?

[JennyLee]

my ds is 7 has changed schools as we are homeless accomodation. He thought school was great untill today. He has problems writing and had a white board and pen at previous school and about a year ago had feelings of being dumb as he could see what the other kids did but his old school helped him so much he started to know he is clever and stopped feeling like that. He is also 2 years ahead in verbal comphrehension and understanding and has a wide vocabularly was assessed, so isn't stupid. Basically cannot write very well because of coordination in hands but was progressing.WE told the head teacher this when he started and his teachers do not talk to parents so have never had the chance to discuss it with her.
today ds was asked write a story about a cat and a dog.He tried to write and got as far as 'one day cat' but he felt it looked wrong so knew it wasn't done correctly.Techer said'get a move on' ds puts his head in his hands trying not to cry and feeling angry. Teacher says 'hurry up lewis' he asked 3 kids sitting at his table to help him of course they could not. he asked the teacher for help but she said no as she was dealing with another child, that is fair enough. 'Goldentime' where they get to play and do fun things began and the other kids who has finished it (not all the other kids) went to do that.Lewis had his head in his hands for some of this time. When 'goldentime' finished and lewis had not got any further she said 'lewis, you're lazy, you know' Teh it was home time. At home time I waited for ds he was the last one out had a face like thinder and he ran home all the way home across 2 roads, with me limping behind(have bad ankle)when i caught up with him at the fron door, he said I'm stupid I'm going to clean the streets everything went wrong at school I hate school and then burst out crying and sobbing.I called the school to ask to see the teacher next week and was told by the office girl that parents are not allowed to talk to the teachers and I would have to go through the head teacher....sorry for long post

[ssd]

so sorry to read this!

definately talk to the head then and tell him/her how upset your child is over this. then ask for a follow up meeting with the actual teacher, but not with your son as it would intimidate him.

good luck with this!

[JennyLee]

The head teacher said that they did not hav ehis info from the last school yet but had spoken to his old special teacher from previous school. She said 'I was not led to bleive he could not write' I said I just wanted to make sure the teacher knew about his problem as my little boy is distraught and thinks he is stupid now, she said is tha tnot a problem he has anyway? I said not not for a long time. she sadi my reacting like this was not helpful and perhaps i should work on it for his sake as well as my own. I have even well modulated voice and did not yap.I said well my little boy is very upset as he was told he was lazy and i realise he may had misunderstood the teacher. She said she would talk ot hte teacher to acertain what happened and that was that, I mean i did say I did not call to yap at the school but to talk about lewis's needs.
Teachers input welcome. am I being overprotective? should I work on my overreaction? oh aslo she said the way i am reacting (calling the school) is not really helpful to Lewis and I should be helping him and talking to him about how to deal with his work that reacting like this is not helpful. Opinions please I feel a bit patronised but am I being silly or do I have the right to be upset and want to discuss his needs. also why cant they get him a whiteboard.

[JennyLee]

ssd thanks for replying so quick I am still all shaky and upset I do get a bit nervy and I think she saw that when I met her on his first day, was a bit patronising then.

[Twiglett]

I am stunned you are not allowed to meet with the teacher .. will she not let you have a quick word with her after class

I don't really know what you can do about it .. as it the head's decision I suppose

But I would not be happy with the kind of environment where I cannot talk directly to the teacher involved ... I really wouldn't

I'm sorry you're going through this

poor Lewis

[JennyLee]

thanx twiglett is nice to know poele agree, I don't like it either old school was not like that teachers were warm and caring

[JennyLee]

people

[Twiglett]

sorry I think I meant .. NO you're not over-reacting

[Saturn74]

JennyLee, I'm not surprised that you are upset. I feel sad for you and your DS. I think it very odd that a school won't let you talk directly to the class teacher - surely you need to in order to discuss your son's need? It is also unimpressive (to say the least!) that the headteacher was dismissive of how upset your DS was by all this. I fully understand that moving school can be difficult, but as you said, he thought school was great until today. Was it his first day at the new school? Are there any more schools worth a visit near your new accomodation?

[Saturn74]

Sorry - had upload problems, and my post says pretty much the same as Twiglett's!

[morocco]

what a shame the school are not being more helpful and supportive and even more so that you can't speak direct to the teacher or write a letter with your concerns that you know she would get to see.
I guess it is only the first day so hopefully if you can keep his spirits high, things might settle down in the next week or so once the teacher has chilled a bit.
I hope things improve for him

[JennyLee]

Sorry to be confusing it was his first day on the 23rd of August and that was when I first met the head teacher, she just took him to his new class and that was going to be it, untill I asked her if I could speak to her about his educational needs, so I told her about his writing on that first day, he has been liking the school until today so hopefully it will settle down. I think they had health week untill wednesday so the real work has only just began, they had P.E every day and activites for health week and that did not involve major writing, just words on their own and colouring in.But today is when this thing happened. The head teacher was even quite dismissive on his first day, and wanted to know why we did not pick this area for our permanent house as she thought it is quite near the city and changing schools is bad for kids (I knew this already), which was just her opinion as inreality we don't drive and have to be near a city from uni and this town is in the sticks. Also we cannot foresee where we will get a house as we have to pick 15 areas and hope it works in our favour, so could not even pick this town if we wanted to , she made me feel irresponsible for changing shchool even at that first meeting. I will take him next week and hope this negative language stops or his confidence will nose dive. I don't know why they have not done a leaning plan like th eold school and seen about getting him a whiteboard, I also know he cannot write his own stories independantly yet , that was a thing at the old school the teacher would help him do them, I know the teacher has lots of other kids to lookk after and teach but I don't want mone getting turned of learning by this, I hope the negative language stops or he won't even try. also he does not lie very well I am sure he is telling the truth and he never ever had a disipline problem before or acted lazy, the teacher befroe alway commented on how he wanted to try, and he never was cheeky or anything. thanks for all your replies we are feeling better now, and have the weekend to get over it.

[JennyLee]

It would be much simpler if I could have just chatted to his actual teacher, all this complication is easily avoidable.

[JennyLee]

Thanks for all your replies

[joelallie]

Poor lad. Of course you should be able to speak to his teacher. If he is used to a greater level of assistance from the staff It is bound to be difficult. What the hell did the head expect you to do when your son comes home in tears thinking he is stupid! My eldest is a very slow writer and we had a nightmare at the beginning of last year when he started with his new teacher - she seems to think that all yr 4 kids should be ready for secondary! But I got her on side in then end and he did OK in his SATS (much to the teacher's surprise) It sounds very much as if the new teacher knows NOTHING about your son at all and it's down to the head to contact the old teacher and make damn sure she is 100% sure of the situation.

Hope that things improve for you both.

[KBear]

If I couldn't speak to the teacher (at a pre-agreed appointment time) I would change schools. I agree you can't have parents queueing up outside the classroom but you should be able to discuss his needs with the teacher at any stage.

Poor Lewis, he's had a rough day. I don't think you're over reacting at all but talk it over again in the morning when you're both calmer and write a calm letter to the head then, asking for a meeting to discuss the issue further.

[fairyjay]

JL
Poor you and poor ds! Not exactly the most helpful of schools.
I would make sure I had a written list of the facts that concerned me - as dh always tells me - keep the emotion out of it (very hard, I know).
I would go thru' them item by item, and either agree a solution, or get the ht to come back to you.
I would also state very clearly that you felt her attitude was unhelpful and patronising, and whilst she may not have intended this, you would expect her to treat you and your concerns with both professionalism and courtesy.

[JennyLee]

These last 3 posts have been great also, I will have to do something further as he can't turn up on Monday for a day of normal lessons and be told to start writing stuff all over again and then sit there wanting to cry all day.

I hope they get his old school information soon It is with the council at the moment before it goes to the new school. The head teacher did say they talked to his old special teacher on the phone, but I'm not sure which one and I told the head myself he uses a white board so I don't understand what is not getting through.

My MIL thinks I should keep him off Monday morning and call his old teacher who was wonderful the best most motivated and amazing teacher I have ever met and see if she could advise me how to proceed and if she could call the school however I'm not sure about this as it is really not her job or her thing anymore.

I did ask for an appointment with his new teacher when I phoned the school for this, that was my intention in the first place and the office lady said 'you don't really talk to the teachers it has to go through the head' and then I was put through to the head, so I doubt that will happen, (a meeting with his teacher) the head was not helpful she only said she would ask the teacher to acertain what actually happened, so it sounds like nothing for lewis's benefit, no talk of getting him help or a whiteboard or taking it slower for him.

I am really stumped on this one and thank goodness for mumsnet, may nothing ever close this site down. maybe I'm being drmatic but my ds's self esteem took a year to improve at school and now thats all down the drain and I don't know if it will get any better I got no reassurance from the head. i will do something though and your posts have given me good plans to consider

[JennyLee]

joelallie I am glad your son is doing better and getting encouraged, my ds also passed his level a for maths for his age, but the old teacher wrote the answers in as he gave them orally, and she did that quite often if needed apart from obviously in writing lessons or when she was busy, as she knew he knew the stuff, can read and understand it is simply and only the writing, because of is hand coordination, and it was improving, I mean he can write, words very slowly and with encouragment, he can tell you a story he just would take about a week to write it out and then some of the letter would be back to front and squiggly, but it was improving, he will write in the end aargh think I need to take a break from thinking about his am becoming obsessive lol

[PanicPants]

I'm a teacher and a firstly can't believe you are unable to see the teacher face to face to discuss your child.
And secondly I can't believe any teacher would call a child lazy, I really hope your ds misunderstood what the teacher actually said.

I would take ds into school on Monday as usual, otherwise you are only delaying the inevitable and prolonging the agony for your ds. BUT I would insist on a appoitment with the head and the teacher concerned.

Is this a normal primary school? In UK?

[PanicPants]

Have any assessments been carried out on your ds? Or has anyone given you a 'label' or explained reasons for his lack of writing skills?

If you're in the UK he should have an IEP, which needs to be passed on to his new school, as well as end of year reports, assessments and records which would tell the new teacher what level your child is working at, and where to go from there.

However, from experience, I know this sort of information can take a couple of weeks to get to new schools.

[edam]

I don't think you are ove-rreacting at all, I'd be furious. Sounds very odd that you can't speak to the teacher. Why not write a note and hand it over in person on Monday? That way you KNOW his teacher knows about your concerns and Lewis's needs. Even if the head is a control freak.

[olivia35]

I'm a teacher too, & I can't believe you weren't allowed to speak to Lewis's teacher - our secretary will always arrange for us to ring an unhappy parent back asap. Unless you came across as very upset/over-wrought & she was filtering you via the Head for that reason?

I'm afraid I can believe a teacher might tell a child he was being lazy ('you are being lazy' not 'you are lazy') - but if ds was visibly struggling not to cry it's hardly as if he'd spent all lesson mucking about instead of getting on with work he was quite capable of.

Definitely send ds to school on Monday (as PanicPants said it'll all hang over him otherwise) but then arrange an appt. to talk to the Head & ideally the teacher.

If it's any consolation, she has almost certainly received an almighty rollocking from the Head behind closed doors!

[JennyLee]

He does have an education action plan thing at his old school and it is a motor coordination disorder he has he has been assessed by occipation therapy and ed psych, it is a school is west lothina scotland. I did not act overwrought, I always try to speak as even toned and as respectfully to teachers as possible and have an english accent and posh voice so im told. I have a degree and will be doing a postgraduate tertiary education degree next year to become a college lecturer, so I would not be over the top and that is why I said to the head teacher I did not phone to get at the school but that I wanted to get an appointment with the teacher, that was my intention.at home time the teachers stand just inside the door and chat to themselves they do not talk to other parents and one has only said hi to me or told me my son was still in there when he takes ages to come out, I will send him in on monday with a letter to his actual teacher just asking that his needs be taken into account and that I would be willing to dicuss his needs and bring in his work from the last few months at school adn his old eip to demonstrate what I am trying to explain, and also mention that negatvie langauage should notbe used too much as lewis needs a lot of encouragement. Actually the school is in whitburn west lothian and I have never encountered this filtering before either, and I am the last person that would go yapping at teachers saying 'wahts did you do to my kid' so that is why i was so angry at being treated like a silly woman. I did not even say your teacher called my son lazy even though that is what happened, I instead worded it as lewis belived that the teacher said he lazy and he problabyl misunderstood, to be less confrontational.I thought that the teacher must not know anything aobut him to act like that and all i wanted was the opportunity to talk to her. he has had all the assessments you mentioned and has a personal learning plan at old school, needs no other special help and is very good at maths and is in a high percentile for verbal comprehension and vocabularly and understanding of reading. thanks for all your input. I will take him in on Monday with a small letter just trying to explain his needs, and why he took so long.

[JennyLee]

the label was dyspraxia and he has IEP which he was improving on each time we had meetings wit the staff also the old school teacher would alwats talk to me if he had had a really good day and acheived particularly well, so i don't rea;;y understand this school at all. I chose this new school as it had a really good inspectors report, is the best one in this town , (apparently) so was not a haphazard choice either

[JennyLee]

sorry about spelling am typing too fast