The last of the GFJ members - no one gets left behind all will get a BFP

[C1NDY]

Hi All,

New thread, a new beginning...

[daisydotandgertie]

I like the sound of a new beginning!

I've had my investigation - and guess what? The mass they thought was there, wasn't. All she has taken photos of is a large dent in my uterus . I am now waiting for an MRI appointment so they can find out exactly where the mass is.

And my AF is late. I am not, not, not testing. I can't bear it.

[yellowflowers]

Good luck daisydot.

Thanks for starting thread cindy.

I am mid cycle with very sore boobs.

x

[C1NDY]

Hi Daisy oh my fingers are crossed for you! After the MRI finally you can relax and continue TTC, I can't imagine what you are going through. We are all here for you, let us know how it all goes (big hugs)

Yellow As my thread says new beginnings so it would be wonderful if we can have our first BFP on this thread soon.

I am on week 17 and still have a long way to go... my scan is at the end of November and I am to put it mildly... bricking it!! I have so many horriable thoughts ... I am scared this time around but hopefully if all is well then I can relax a little during this pg. I am having a csec and EDD is 2 April at 10:30 (gulp!)

You guys are the only ones that keep me going without your support I would be a total mess!

Love to you all
Cindy
x

[C1NDY]

Jools if you are reading this, please don't give up on your dreams as they will happen ... you were having test etc., did the doctors pinpoint what was causing the MCs? You must sit your DP down and explain to him that "No pain, no gain". You are both a team and have to work together. You still have plenty of time. Why not just bd once a month... choose the best fertile day... use preseed so the sperm lives longer and then leave it in Gods hands. Its not fair for DP to give up altogether. I am thinking of you and know in my heart you will get that BFP, it will happen.

[yellowflowers]

Yes thinking of all three of you Jools, Cindy and Daisydot, at your various stages. And of me too.

My mum just came round for a cuppa and for the first time in front of her I just cried about ttc. She was very nice to me (of course - she's my mum) which makes me feel good and bad in equal measure. (I do work by the way, but often from home). In other news I have lost a stone.

[C1NDY]

Yellow well done on losing the stone, it help you when you are pregnant.... I wish I lost all my weight as at 17 weeks I am already feeling the extra weight and back pain! You know something Yellow its great to have a good cry... when I am down, that is what I do... and it clears everything up for me and helps me to focus on all the good things that are part of my life, that sometime I don't appreciate. Its good you spoke to your mum about the ttc, hopefully it is all out of your system and your ready to go... but I have a feeling about you Yellow, so am going to watch your posts with interest.

Love
Cindy
x

[Pinkyblue123]

Me too Yellow i am sure it will be your turn soon. Well done on loosing a stone!

Jools my thoughts are with you, it must be putting so much pressure on you and your partner, don't give up hope, you know what men are like they can be prone to awkwardness and they often come round. Fingers crossed for you.

[daisydotandgertie]

I am deeply pissed off today.

I haven't got a date for an MRI scan yet despite being a bloody nuisance at the hospital. I am seriously considering self funding - we've self funded the hysteroscopy and consultant appointment because the initial NHS appointment wasn't until late October. And I really don't have all the time in the world.

And despite knowing that there isn't a cats chance in hell of me being pg with the information the consultant has given me, I am so upset that my period seems to be starting again today. Underneath all the reality of advice and pictures I was hoping it was wrong and I'd just manage to get pg by myself.

And to make my day even worse, after lots of chatting and thinking, we've done what might be barking mad.

We live in the arse end of nowhere and really need a solid off road buggy - to get to our garage we need a landie. The only one that fits the bill is a Mountain Buggy and the model we are after has been discontinued. So we've bought one of the last in the country and it arrived yesterday.

We now have a beautiful buggy and no baby. Nor even a hint of a baby. and mad.

Yellow you have done so well to lose a stone! We're on a serious weight loss here too; the gynae emphasised A LOT how much less weight would help. Because of my insulin problem, we're on a low GI diet and it's really, really helping. We've both got the best motivation, that's for sure. TTC is a bit shit at the moment.

C1NDY - you're doing well to keep it together. I am quite sure you will end up with a beautiful baby in April. Keep talking to us; it'll help all of us to keep things in proportion.

JOOLS I am so hoping you're OK - if you're out there, remember we're thinking of you.

[yellowflowers]

Hello Daisy, Cindy, Jools and anyone else on the thread.

Cindy - do please stay in touch and on the thread. Determined to see this baby through with you.

Jools - I left some thoughts on other thread. I feel your pain completely. But I do think having a baby for me anyway trumps any relationship and I would choose the having a family. Maybe if his heart not in it you need to consider doing it alone without him? That sounds awful - but what if you split up in ten years time and end up with neither?

Daisy - oh poor you - just sounds horrid. Good call on buggy definitely. Getting the medical care you need can be so frustrating at times.

Thank you all for weight loss support - more on that in a moment...

[yellowflowers]

I started 3 new threads this am after my hospital visit yesterday as want to get thoughts from as many MNetters as possible.

Actually appt was okay - got all the tests needed ordered including HSG finally. But I didn;t like the doctor at all - her manner was very off putting and she kept interrupting my questions and thinking I was asking different things to that which I was asking - so I felt quite weepy afterwards.

Three main problems though - will cut andpaste from other threads.

First is weight:

So three months ago the hospital doctor told me I need to lose weight to be considered for iui or ivf and needed bmi below 35 (it's currently 41) Seemed just about do able and I have started exercising and have lost a stone in a month.

Yesterday I had another appt and it was a different doctor. This doctor told me it has to be bmi under 30 - this does not seem achievable to me - not for a very long time anyway.

(Clomid can be given alone at bmi 35 apparently but not iui so in Jan providing bmi is under 35 then we will start clomid).

I just want to rant really. The doctor didn't acknowledge I had lost a stone in three months (which I think is good progress) and seemed so disapproving.

I'm also annoyed because her scales showed I am heavier than my scales at home - so when I weighed myself yesterday morning I thoughts I only had about 10 lbs to go to 35 bmi. Her scales showed two stone to go - both showed same amount of weight loss but her scales said I was heavier when I started than my scales at home do.

So very very annoyed and not quite sure what to do.

[yellowflowers]

Second is bleeding:

Cycle day 17 yesterday and had hospital appt. Doctor wanted to swab for chlamydia etc before going ahead with HSG appt in due course. She roughly showed the metal thing up me (what's it called - the thing the put in you when you have smear test) and I felt her move the swab around. Swab came out covered in blood and she said you;re bleeding, your period is starting.

I said it's def not my period - unheard of for me to have 17 day cycle. She said in that case it's unexplained bleeding but nothing to be worried about.

Bleeding was little - completely gone a few hours later.

Well, I think she caused the bleeding by roughly shoving metal thing up me. She says not. So some options:

• beginning of period - def is not and bleedinghas stopped.

• she caused it - fine, wish she had just said so though

• implantation bleed - ooh, I so wish. But that would be one helluva coincidence that it happened at the very moment a doctor had metal thing up my nethers

• unexplained bleeding - in which case surely I should be worried though she said not to be.

Any thoughts?

[yellowflowers]

and third is HSG:

Finally have the details for my HSG - I have to call hospital on first day of next period to arrange it. I also have to have antibiotic suppositories in advance (eeek - not happy about the up the bum thing!). Is that normal? In all the descriptions of HSG I've read on MN they never mention suppositories etc.

[Joolsiam]

Hi

Just checking in - I hadn't realised there had been activity on this thread

I've given up TTC for the rest of this year, and will see what next year brings. It was taking over my life and I thought my obsession was hidden, but it was obviously getting to DP and proving to be a bit of a turn-off. I do need to decide what to do, and am kind of putting things off, but think I need some distance from TTC and a clearer head first.

I'm devastated that I haven't lost the weight I promised myself I would lose before my 40th - this is all down to the TTC / MC rollercoaster. So, between Sept and Xmas with a brief break for my birthday, I have been and will be following a strict weightwatchers diet. I'm also back in the gym every day - the result of that has been a significant loss of inches, but not much weight as I develop more muscle.

Lovely to hear from everyone I've been trying to "self-wean" from Mumsnet as it often drags me down into depression, but Wed is my day to log on, so a big hello to everyone

[yellowflowers]

Completely understand what you mean about weaning yourself off mumsnet. I now post significantly less than I used to which I find much better. x

[C1NDY]

Yellow I really cannot provide any advice in the area, really sorry. I can't understand why you were bleeding. I know the contraption your talking about when I had my smear test... they are not very nice instruments and it did hurt a little. I would wait for the tests, if she was concerned surely she would have said something to you then?? Have you spoken to your GP about the incident?

I found something on a website and have copied it for you - below:-

Bleeding after a smear test!!?
I recently had a smear test and have noticed a small amount of bleeding, this has never happened b4, any idea whats going on?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Yep, normal- not always but most of the time bleeding does occur, just as cramps, almost like you are having a period coming on. But it stops- keep in mind they scrape the walls inside with a brush- or now q-tip type thing and scraping causes bleeding inside where most women will not bleed externally, only cramp some, while others may see spotting after having it done.

I hope that eases your mind, most of the posts came up with women that had bled after a smear test.

I have no idea on the HSG and nothing is coming up on the web.

My fingers are crossed lets hope it was implantation bleeding

[C1NDY]

Jools I totally understand, its best to take a break and then re-group. But listen to me, its not too late to start a family... your wish will come true I am so certain of it.

Mumsnet does get to you and I just stick to three sites now... This one, the other GFJ site - which is also very quite and I am on the April site just so that i get to talk to other people that are going through what I am... not active on it but pop in now and again.

You all take care and just keep me posted on how you are all doing.

Cindy
x

[daisydotandgertie]

Yellow do you have my consultant?!

I think weight loss is a common theme amongst us? I'm following a low GI diet which has been really easy so far - nothing like the pain of WeightWatchers, Slimming World, Cabbage Soup, low calorie, low fat .... and on and on I could go.

And I have seen a couple of bones emerge from my layers of fat - so exciting!

The insulin resistance is apparently part of the PCO, and as I understand it, every time I eat carbs, I produce too much insulin which ensures the energy consumed is laid down as lard. Attilla steered me towards a low GI diet - and having read up around it, it seems a very good way of managing it. And achieving a sustained weightloss.

JOOLS Don't let us drag you down into depression! We're about the same age (I've been 40 for a while though) and despite everything that's happened during the ttc journey, my scary consultant and my lovely GP are both sure that a pg is a certainty for us. Age is not as panicky as it once felt. I hope it can be that way for you too.

[yellowflowers]

Maybe daisy - are you at UCH? I have a endocrinologist (lovely) and this was a gynacologist (not lovely)

[yellowflowers]

i have v tender boobs today and yesterday - yesterday I thought maybe it was my bra digging in to me. Today I am at home so not wearing bra to see if it makes difference - it doesn't. However have been here before and it's never been a baby so guess it's not this time.

[Joolsiam]

Yellow - I've been chuckling to myself for a couple of days now - I KNOW I'm not PG - DP hasn't been near me for over 8 weeks

However, I'm sure I am 3DPO and have low level nausea, an increased sense of smell, bigger boobs and was ridiculously tired at my normal gym classes on Tues and Wed.

In other circumstances, I'd have been quietly hopeful, but am learning that this is just my normal status post ovulation !

[yellowflowers]

lol jools know what you mean.

Can I ask you question? It's v personal so ignore if you want. Does your dh want children do you think? And are you prepared to choose children over him and do it alone or with someone else?

x

[Joolsiam]

That is the 20 million dollar question I am wrestling with all day, every day No answers yet - am giving it till after Christmas to decide.

[yellowflowers]

Hi Jools - whatever you decide we're here for you. xx

[daisydotandgertie]

yellow - I can't believe it's not the same gynae - they sound so the same. I'm in Somerset though, so it's clearly not a shared scary woman. Perhaps it's a vital part of their training. How are your boobs?!

jools - Are you OK? It sounds as though you are putting yourself under huge pressure and are struggling with having your foundations rocked. I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. I don't know about you, but I am finding it very hard not being able to control what happens to me and my body - actually, it's beyond control now. It's not even having any influence.

C1NDY - How are you and your bump doing? Are you feeling OK?

I finally have a date for an MRI scan (Thursday this week) which should identify what is wrong with my insides.

I've just finished another awful period and have had to resort to putting those absorbent sheets designed for toddlers on the bed because I just can't manage the volume. Despite changing tampons and towels every hour, I have still been flooding through them.

We've spent the weekend with my PIL on Anglesey and the journey was hard, hard, hard. The service stations were just too far apart. I very, very nearly bought some nappies because I couldn't think of what else to do.

It can't go on like this. Not only do I want a baby, I don't want to be house bound every month!

[yellowflowers]

Hi daisydot,

Boob soreness comes and goes but no other symptoms so am assuming af will be here on Fri or Sat. [miserable]

That sounds awful re period - there must be a reason and good you are getting it checked out. Keep us informed and I'll be thinking of you on Thurs.

x