Mumsnet Discussions - Mid 30s TCC Gin Palace

trig I actually do drink loads.in fact I am mildly hungover once again (fun when stuck in with a manic toddler on a shitty rainy day grin

)

it ismild in comparison to the one I had after sat night on the tiles.that lasted 2 days.

Are you too pished to wish me a belated happy BOD then?no cake for you in that case.

VAG I liked the refiinements to my name but cannot be arsed to change it again.

Can someone bring me something to eat please?feel a bit funny in the brain area

Have just been informed I have Wine Flu

grin

<stabby key thing in front door of Palace>

Five mins later:
<falls over threshold>

<slumps onto chaise longue>

Bloody hell is a good job came back or youse would have moved to a new residence without even telling me and all I would have found would have been tumbleweed!

Jesus I am royally moollered. Who was it said earlier that although we say we drink loads we don't actually drink loads. I'd like to officially scotch that slanderous slur (which came out shlanderous shlur). I went to visit a friend at the Real Ale and Fine Wine Palace last night and didn't go to bed until 2AM. Yes, you heard right. I then had to drive back to Lanc from Manc at 9am. I am not advocating this as a course of action, just telling you the facts. I am sat here with my head spinning noting that everyone celebrated pud's birthday and didn't even save me some cake.

I. Am. Officially. Not. Sober.

Welcome longwee BTW. That's my spitoon you are using, if everyone had their own hmm

Tis good to be back.

You could be nolongerbarrenbutstillaGinhag*

*wildfig what a beautiful story. Sounds like a great night to me <listens for sound of DailyHeilsters sharpening their typewriters>

A 30-something Gin Palace Drinking Morality Tale (NB Daily Mail subs, cut and paste here)

I went out Friday night before last to a summer party, determined to enjoy my non TCC status to the limit, and promptly got very merry on pink champagne. I know, all class. Sadly, though, because I barely touch a drop for weeks on end, this had a similar medical effect as the Sauvignon Blanc treatment thoughtfully posted earlier, and I became convinced that I was the second coming of Arlene Phillips as DB's equally tipsy friend and I cavorted on the dancefloor to the Michael Jackson 'tribute' medley. The floor cleared (I thought in admiration, I now realise out of self-preservation). Some moments later, my gold platforms and I were skidding hilariously across the room in up to three different directions at once as I crashed to the floor like a giggling mighty oak in a maxi dress.

Cut to Sunday afternoon, A&E at an Anonymous London Teaching Hospital. Cold turkey-ing headcases, sheepish-posh-bloke cricketers, and me, in a makeshift sling constructed from silk scarf, convinced I've broken my blackened and swollen wrist - possibly the most stupid thing I could do, since I need it for work. Which is, incidentally, not what you're thinking, but something more along the lines of idealcamel's profession.

Cut again to the Fig bedchamber on Wednesday night, the beginning of the green zone I am technically ignoring. Close up on my face as DB confesses he can't bear the thought of doing it 'in my condition', ie, with a Tubigrip on and unable to put any weight on my right arm. Apparently it feels too much like taking advantage of a be-crippled woman. Can't help wondering if in fact his reluctance is due to flashbacks of my dancing.

"House"-style zoom inside my body as another egg squeezes itself out of my cobwebbed ovaries and waves goodbye to its friends clinging on as if to the Titanic debris, before vanishing from sight.

Lesson: Lushes, only get drunk and injured AFTER you've ovulated.

Lesson 2 Deciding to 'forget' about TCC is easier said than done, even after 18 depressing months.

Oh no it did am just a twat that can't read.

Keep it! Wasn't the same anyway (was actually better for which I secretly hate you)

maybe everyone needs a bit of ginhag in their name

How weird VAG the new name never showed up here,so I was v confused.

Further proof that we are actually the same person!

Can be ginhag1 and 2 if you want????

Am rather delighted with new name.except no one will know who the fuck I am.

ginhagpudding doesn't have the same ring to it really

I'll change back - you wanted a new name anyway and I think it rather suits you.

Great minds!...or fools...

Hee hee it is I the pudding

Which makes me ummm an ESH I guess.or I could just stick to ginhag.tho I haven't had a gin for a while,have been busy drinking everything else this fair world has to offer.

Barren Evil Selfish Hags!

pudding We have been trying since November and I fell in May, luckily for me that was 8 cycles - so I am lucky I have very short cycles. I think I was all messed up at the beginning as I took MAP last august which I suspect fucked me up and also truth be told I was aiming for OV at CD 14-15, wheras I actually OV CD12.

I am just fucking furious at ANYONE who "accidentally falls pregnant" even though they were using 16 forms of contraception, or who falls pregnant the first time they try, even though it was just phone sex because OH was away on business, or they fall and they only did it once, etc., etc.

camel I think we all do have a sniffle... but surely that won't compare to the panic & wailing at the top of the stairs when we do get that BFP.

What is "BESH" - how out of the loop am I?

I really liked Scorpette's description of her prey younger chap.

Naw, my Mum was (and is) a proper unforgiving man-made fibres 1970s size 8. She got married in 1970 and last year, just before she retired, she wore her wedding dress to work for charity. It was slightly too big. How is this fair? She is a midget, I hasten to add. My Dad is a 'fuller-figured' gentleman. I am naturally thin but put on weight at the drop of a hat. Has been raining hats here recently it seems sad

Going shopping with her is a joy when she's moaning about the size 8 she's trying on being far too big whilst I'm performing voodoo rituals in the cubicle next door to get the size 12 jeans to do up angry

pudding sounds like BOD was okay after all. GOOD grin

It really is just another day (pah, try telling me that when I'm 37 this October)

Am obsessed to point of hysteria with TTC now - fertile time starts Friday (I always seem to be a hornbeast and have the 'egg white' for about 5 days, so I will molest TYF relentlessly over this time. We go to Brighton next Monday, huzzah!). Is it wrong, just before we get down to bidniz, to bellow 'you better get me knocked up, and make it a girl if possible!' at him? Think that would put him off at all?

ski till you see the knicker proof of TOD, tell yourself the giant spot is pg-acne...

Lets just build a new wing on the castle.

sarah & ski RTOD is evil. Ski - what you said about holidays etc. I shamefully had a little bit of a cry on Friday night and have been sulkily storming around the place ever since.

Happy belated BOD, pudding.

Hello lovely new people.

Am going away to have a think about new thread names...

ps Scorpette, I used to be VeryAnnieMary but Trogface was being subversive and gave us much ruder names. Surprised you have remained unscathed for this long tbh.

I too have a toyboy! Though by a mere 20 months. Is that nearly a full house? We should have voting buttons so we don't have to make a neat little list.

Not selfish ski quite normal I think.

How long have you been trying?

Break sounds good,especially if the dates are right,you can have lots of recreational and possibly also procreational sex...

If we take the chandeliers and bar with us we could move into Castle BESH (though non-BESHs welcome). It would be easier to defend against the Daily Hate and we'd have a handy dungeon for the no-longer-D-Ps. And anyone who accidentally says "babydust".

Hi everyone. I seem to have missed a helluva lot - finding it dififcult to keep up at present since summer always gets a bit crazy. So sorry if I use some of the banned words!

Sarah sorry about RTOD - it does get a bit harder to keep spirits up doesn't it?

Pudding congrats on the birthday "V" to the Daily Hate (that's two fingers up not a Victory sign!)

Fingers crossed for you Ski. hate the last day or so in the run up to RTOD. Only good thing lately is that since mine arrives 1 day earlier each month I never get to that final stressed out stage hmm

I'm now 14 days without a GOF. DH (is that banned blush

?) agreed to a no sex rule for 2 weeks so I could try to see what the hell is going on. Have to admit, I've never felt so rested since he is not wakingup early (and expectantly) at the minute smile

Don't make me leave the Palace! Pleeeaseeeeee!

<clings to chandelier>

pudding actually we're away this saturday for a week and then we've got a week at home - the dates are actually very good to have these two weeks off (although I'm not allowed to think in terms of dates right?). Whilst it might sound selfish and demanding I want to know which way my life is going. If I am in fact a barren old hag then I'll be paying a visit to Longwee to peruse a selection of 10-15 "orphans".

laurie I meant to say yesterday that I very much enjoyed your tale of laughing at the therapist.

Oh, x-posts. Glad your BOD was OK pudding*

*sarah - is there such a thing as too bitter & sarcastic for us lot? I can't imagine so.

Just let me know where you go - don't want to return from GP's to find the palace empty.

ski you have now reached the point I was at when I got pg with small.

Gave up 'trying',thinking about fertile days n stuff.had a trip to NYC and my dad's 60th lined up as occasions where being pg would be a pain.decided,basically,that it was not about to happen.drank far too much and had some enjoyable drunken sex.went on a tequila bender.didn't even test til week after RTOD due as was convinced it wouldn't happen...

Could you actually have a break of sorts with oh?weekend away or something?not planned around 'The Dates' just whenever you can both get away?

Easier said than done to stop thinking about it tho.sorry you're feeling shite.

Morning all,

Happy non-BOD to pudding, hope today is better for you.

Well, I'm off to GP in an hour for my 21 day (except coz my cycle is bonkers its CD 26) blood test. I'll resist any "its only a small prick" references, pfnar.

<ponders, that may be the prob.....>

My boyf is also of the younger variety - by 16 months. But at this age I reckon we both just merge to the mid (bollocks I s'pose I'm now late) 30's......

Vomit when stressed - how lucky. That's the only way I'd be a size 8. I eat when stressed.....& when happy & sad - you get the picture. Vomiting is one side effect of PG I'm dreading - I do anything to avoid being sick. Sadly if I follow my mum I'll be puking for Wales. When mum was PG with 3rd kid she was throwing up before she even POAS. Dad met her outside the bathroom door with the congratulory "Oh Jesus, not again".

I'm now on the last day of my cycle and feeling much less hopeful and symptomatic than I was a week ago. Despite being up at 4am yesterday and 5am today (same as last month) I've got "the beast" making an appearance. This is a giant spot I get on my chin at RTOD which is due tomorrow. sigh

I just can't be bothered trying anymore, I want a holiday and a break and a fucking uterus which works!

pudding, glad your day came out okay.

Still feeling sorry for myself and the arrival of my RTOD. Will get over it. Must avoid Daily Hate and any other possible sources of (serious) references to BOD or teenage mothers.

For the next thread, how about a take on a traditional pub name... Not that I can think of anything, mind you (I am assuming "The Shrivelled Ovaries" is too bitter and sarcastic even for us....)

Heyyyyyy....

Wasn't that bad really am just a grumpy caaaah.

The Fella cooked a lovely dinner,I drank wine and had a birthday shag.all in all quite nice really.just not very exotic!

And ski small was actually quite well behaved (ish). Said happy birthday mummy and everything!and he only ate one of my cards.

Guess what?I have another hangover!which is preventing me from thinking of witty names for our new abode when we leave the palace...

PS We nearly need a new thread - any ideas for Part III of our jolly gin saga?

Scorpette I'm hoping for a size 8 shoe after giving birth.

I need new ski boots but there is no point investing until I find out how big my feet will be following 3 months of waddling around like a prize heiffer. Pfff... are we allowed to try and kid ourselves that your mum's size 8 was in fact a lycra size 8 from Asda or was it a proper size 8 complete with 22" waist? envy

pudding I'm sorry you had a crap day - birthdays frequenly are a let down, tell me - did your bundle of joy smear poo on you to add insult to injury? Birthdays and New Year's Eve are the two days you're supposed to have "the time of your life". Invariably your best friends will split up, drag you in to it, a boy will snog you and then punch you in the face, no taxi driver will let you in the car and when you do get home you fall asleep with a frozen pizz under the grill and set off the fire alarm. It's the law.

Pudding Crappy end to a crappy day, eh?

Hopefully you'll wake up tomorrow thinking "thank fuck that's over with", dust yourself off and that'll be that

<friendly arm punch> chin up chuck.

Happy BOD to me
happy BOD to me
now we're arguing bout the recycling
happy BOD to meeeeeeeeee

S'Ellen well I'll be damned if you can come in here any time you want and use me like some stud horse.

I heart Dallas. Its hilarious that my mother thought this was essential viewing for me while Dynasty was strictly off-bounds.

Well fuck me i seem to be sue ellen.

donttry twins - just a snide reference to Karen Matthew's belief that she had twins as they had the same father. I was also surprised that nobody had mentioned (until today) the Karen Matthews school of motherhood.

There have always been role models though - even as early as the 80s JR was yelling at Sue-Ellen "You're a drunk, a tramp and an unfit mother". An inspiration to us all.

My fella is a younger model too <preen>
Only by 10 days though <pecker deflates>

dttah Royser sounds just like my Ex hmm

I don't like sportsmen - I prefer my men a leeedle bit on the weedy side. Or, as I once said to a sad bitch asking me tactless questions in order to infer that I was weird to have such a young boyf, 'I like them timid, vulnerable, confused and easily-controllable, possibly on the verge of tears if I'm lucky'. grin

Scorpette am THE BOSS.

(Not Bruce Springsteen, I hasten to add)

Thanks ski, I was still going to eat cooked goat's cheese anyway. I can't live off broccoli and sawdust forever!

I also vomit when stressed (also when have period pains) and well, just vomit due to virtually anything. Have already resigned myself to hyperemesis wink

. Although my Mum never had a day's sickness during either pregnancy. And has only 2 stretchmarks (on her lower back). And was a size 8 again 4 weeks after giving birth. Why do I feel that my DNA is not going to stretch to being as kind as that to me? angry

Ooops, off topic, head is in clouds today. See, I don't need a drop of booze to set me off rambling in a self-pitying manner! hmm

Paleo, eh? Quite similar to my diet, I bet.

Scorpette are you sure you're not imagining it? <evil cackle>

I bet Royser keeps his socks on in bed, wears Y fronts, strictly missionary position, and insists on a hose down before and after. Phoar!

Whats that about the twins ski? <confused>

scorpette I can't remember which one of us it is, but there's one of us here is rather than expert on food safety (she used to be an inspector). Her official verdict was: bollocks, eat what you want - if you get Listeria (or whatevaaaaa) you'll be the 4th case in 40 years. Enjoy your goat's cheese.

That sounds a total pita btw. I try and follow a Paleo style of eating otherwise I just balloon... it's all bollocks really. I also vomit profusely when I'm stressed... at which point the only thing which will "go down" is ice-cream. And gin.

No, I am not the evil wizened hellbeast McKeith (though wouldn't mind her money). It's not that I don't eat choc, it's that I can't eat choc. I can't eat sugar, you see (or sweeteners, or even a lot of fruit). Or dairy. Or wheat. Or yeast. Or eat a lot of carbs. I have complicated yet boring problems with my Adrenal glands (has knock-on effect on digestion, blood-sugar and stuff). Is another reason why I don't drink, as it would make me iller. Am also allergic to all sorts of random shit, like any kind of spray, perfume, cleaning chemicals and have hayfever that would kill a horse. My life is supergood fun! sad

Bah, I'm used to it now. The only thing that pisses me off is people thinking it's all in my head or going on and on about it insensitively in front of others like I want to have to talk about my freakishness all the bloody time (I'm looking at YOU, Dp's Mum angry

). To add insult to injury, the fucking prob makes me put on weight ridiculously easy, so am not even stick thin like you might expect. Truly, there is no God.

On the plus side, it won't affect me or any future sprogs whilst pg and I won't really have anything to give up once I do get pg! Except goat's cheese - bloody love the stuff (Yes, yes, I'm a nutter).

Pudding Can we take turns with the Kings of Leon and the ghost of Jim Morrison? I used to go out with a guy who looked just like Kurt Cobain, during the 90s. Jealous much?

Too much boring allergy info? Soz.

Ps no booze,chocolate or junk food?are you gilliam mckeith scorpette????

Am actually a bit scared

For my BOD I would like

crush of shame - Roy Keene (bet he's dirty)
rrrrrrock starrrrrrrs - kings of leon (also dirty yum)
dead sexy - kurt cobain,bob marley,jim Morrison (am now fainting with lust)
a back in time clint Eastwood...

And a bottle of tequila.

You can keep yer fucking raisins

I do not have a sense of humour today just GIVE ME THE FUCKING PRESENTS

Aaaah, Scorpette, don't despair! If you can't drive, that's OK. Just as long as you are able to call taxis for everyone, thats just as good......

Brian Cox? You get to keep him, he's all yours, bit too pretty-boy for my tastes. I'll also take Bill Oddie please. Anyone else? Thought not.

P.S. Not a big lover of chocolate myself, but do love cheese

She. Doesn't. Eat. Chocolate. hmm

Aerie I can't drive! I really am crap, aren't I? sad

I also fancy Ben Goldacre, mmm. And that Dr Brian Cox bloke - nerdy but nice! Also love Charlie Brooker - he's ugly as sin but so evilly funny!

My Young Fella looks a bit like Shaggy out of Scooby-Doo, so I guess you could say that's also my weird crush!

My rubbishness at not boozing or driving has depressed me now (I also have food allergies, so don't eat chocolate or junk - just shoot me now). As if my 36 yr-old ladybits didn't make me inferior enough <sobs>!

How 'bout a loudly ticking clock? wink

Thank you for accepting me, you bunch of alky slatterns lovely ladies. I need no booze to encourage me to dance on tables, or make a fool of myself, etc., so I will fit in fine.

That woman in the article has had 4 dead children and 2 stones. That has to be the dictionary definition of both unlucky and freaky. Poor her (am still wondering how her womb created a stone - if it's true) hmm

'VAG' is a slightly unfortunate abbreviation, is it not? Unless there's something I don't know.

Whilst on the vag issue, Ski you will be glad to know there was no stinky-spunk aftermath at the gym... although I did hear a woman a few machines down complaining of a 'weird' smell', so perhaps I'm kidding myself blush

Yes, what other gift ideas are perfect for the BOD or indeed, for the over-35s (sobs)? Mixed bag of raisins, sultanas and currents? Chinese 100-yr old eggs? Giant painting of the Gobi desert? Lifelong subscription to The Daily Mail?

Would any of those cheer you up, pudding? grin

P.S. My guilty secret crush? Ben Goldacre blush

Happy BOD Pudding! Sorry you're having a crappy day. How 'bout another stiff drink? We can all get pished as we like as Scorpette will be driving.... wink

Welcome Longwee, the more the merrier! but Piers Morgan shock

VAG I was thinking the same, perhaps a cactus with a bow on it? Here you go pudding, more BOD card ideas for you!

donttry Wouldn't it be lovely if you were to have twins? (i.e., another child with the same bloke in a year's time)

A stone???? Is this what happens after BOD?

PMSL at that article! "wrapped in a black cloth" "husband will think about it before deciding on action" "2 babies and 2 stones" <mops wee from floor>

<wakes up from pub-lunch stupor. cheers cricket result. tries to gather herself...>

Longwee, that was just brilliant!

Scorpette want a snifter of my poppers instead? Don't worry about the booze - I'm off it anyway for the next month or so seeing as I'm up-diffed.

Longwee who is your role model Mom? Britney, Kerry K. or Karen Matthews?

Cosmo am very proud of your lack of hangover. Your resistance to liquor is coming along nicely since you joined the thread <gruff handshake>

ski I live in Malawi - Lilongwe - so yeah, a slight crap pun on the longwee - but that was mainly coz the first 7 usernames I tried had already been taken & I ran out of inspiration. However I did once win a bet with a friend that I could piss a pint.

So if I don't get me diffed I can always do a madonna an steal one.

& FYIs, this was the ^front page^ news over here last week.... www.dailytimes.bppmw.com/article.asp?ArticleID=13764

longwee Where abroad are you? Or am I painfully missing the Langwai pun?

Scorpette - This is the mid-30s Gin Palace, no judgement. <whispers "tee-totaller weirdo" to others> Truth be told, most of us admitted in the previous thread to not actually drinking that much. I am the proud owner of a bottle of vodka purchases in January 2007 which remains unopened! One glass of wine last night had me babbling shite all night. Anyway, as you're sober you're the only one who can be trusted with the fags & drugs.

Welcome Longwee ! I think Piers Morgan is probably sufficient for a crush of shame. There was something on Radio 4 last week about how cats' morning purrs contain the same pitch as a baby crying when hungry. Babies, cats, it's all the same....

<<<< thread goes strangely quiet >>>>

I must hastily add that that doesn't make me an upholder of all things daily heil through tabloid association.... They're a bunch of right wing tosspots and I know he is a complete arse... but y'know, for some reason, I would...

Thanks all! No shamefully young boyfriend (unless you count his mental age, or calculate it based on taste in music and computer games) he is also mid 30s which no doubt happily re-halves our chances of sprogging. Yup, definitely pass the mad cat lady test, had a delightful little incontinent one which died last year & I'm living abroad at the mo so can't get another yet... Will get five as soon as I get half a chance. I think I react to cats the same way most people react to babies (pineful yearning), whereas being in the vicinity of babies mostly makes me grit my teeth.

Walls..? Dunno - are you supposed to notice these things? Secret crush of shame? Apart from the male half of Lost (hmmm, Jack or Sawyer...?) which isn't very secret or shameful, I do have an odd fixation with piers morgan. Now that IS shameful...

Oops hello longwee

am a rude drunk.

Fuck I really wish I was actually in the pub with you lot.what japes would be had eh?

I hate my life today!is that a normal BOD feeling???

Scorpette - as long as you're dancing on the tables with us, we don't really mind. It's handy to have someone stable to grab onto near the edges.

Sorry guys the tequila hit me hard have been lying on a sofa in the corner dribbling scorpette don't worry as a sober person you can look out for all the ludhes and stop us walking under a truck or something...

<<<slurs>>> I love you guyshhhh

right,my round,tequila slammers for all and milk n cookies for scorpette

scorpette we're grudgingly allowing you a seat in the corner for you and your orange juice.

longwee - welcome, from another Newby. Tell us your bitter, biased opinions on The Daily Mail and teen mums grin

Ladies, I have admitted before now that I don't drink, haven't I? Not for any complex reasons, just don't like booze or being drunk and don't see point. Can you all still accept me? Or will I be cast from your company, like society shuns me for being a selfish over-35 TTC witch? sad

Am a twisted harpy in all other ways. Feel like I'm saddled with a secret shame every time I come here. Oh, the melodrama, and I'm not even pg yet!

longwee hello. I'll have a double G&T while you're at the bar please.

I forgot to say that at the 30th birthday do I went to at the weekend, I managed to leave the bar with my shoes on the wrong feet, and have an argument with DH about whether it was necessary to correct this matter or not. And I didn't even have that much of a hangover on Sunday. [is proud]. However, I'm not sure that bollywood dancing is quite my forte.

Welcome longwee, the more the merrier - bloody pudding said she was getting the drinks in but she's either pissed off or she's snogging the new barman in the loos as if she were 18 again. <cat's bum mouth>

When you say we're "unreal" - do you actually mean "in denial"?

Do you have a shamefully young boyfriend?

Welcome to the loonybin, longwee. Mine's a pint of mother's ruin (hold the tonic).

What's the sit re: cats and walls and secret crush of shame?

Hi ladies

I know there's been a lot of newbies recently & you probably don't want any more crashers hanging on your coattails trying to look cool, but can I play too?! Being less than 2 months away from the BOD (it's 35 right?) and so far (6 months) looking like a proper BESH, I'm just loving the sudden revelation from reading this thread (oops, that was 2 days at work well spent...) that you don't have to be an smug, nauseating or insufferable tosspot to be toying with the idea of kids. I hadn't realised I wasn't the only cynical, sarky, drunken hag to be contemplating what a shit mother I'd be... while not actually knowing if I even want them! But you guys are a breath of fresh (gin scented) air in what I otherwise assumed to be a world of tedium and smuggery. I definitely fit the obsessive credentials as well, being currently on my 3rd phantom pregnancy in 6 months. Imaginary symptoms? Yup, I'll be the first to spot anything that isn’t actually there – for example this month's 'implantation pain' which turned out to be a bad case of the squitters... I daren’t actually admit to anyone in real life that we're trying, so if I can get all my obsessing in with you unreal people, that would be just great! Cheers – I'll get the gins in!

Lunchtime birthday drinks - lovely. A large G&T & a packet of scmpi fries please.

lyra DP & I went to Relate a couple of years ago during a rocky patch. We were reunited by our joint amusement at the fella, who was quite, um, can't describe him. Sort of a bit too hippyish for our tastes. After each session we'd go out for a meal & drinks & laugh our heads off. So it worked in an arse backwards way.

Actually I suppose that fits in with your advice ski - just pick on other people.

Hope things aren't too seriously rocky though.

donttry My flowers grin

are due Weds assuming my cycle did go back to normal following the mc. I swear I've just felt that fluttering in my uterus that I had last month so clearly my body is just taking the piss now. Do think if I were to squeeze in to a pair of jeans 3 sizes too small it would just cut off all feeling below the waist and there would be less open to misinterpretation?

I was involved on and off with a Dublin man for about 12 years... hence the sex tourism. Although tbh the last time I went - the time of the infamous "busted in the lounge" - the ride was bloody awful and we had a massive row whereby I walked from fecking miles away on the metro back to Dublin in the pissing rain through that stinky kind of estuary sand.

Oh yeah chunky I'd love to go on a bender. Make mine 3 bottles of Buckfast and a straw and some poppers for that retro look.

ski tis bewildering. Maybe too soon - when's yer flowers due? Sorry about badgering you last night. In a clumsy way I was trying to help.

Also am shock

at thoughts of sex tourism in Dublin. When I lived there I could not get a ride for love nor money. The one And I'm not that much of a dawg....I swear that's why I moved to Blighty. I love Englishmen.

On a serious note Lyra I'd suggest counseliing. Me and the fella tried Relate, which was ok. But I realised that the problems were with me and not with the relationship so i needed counselling just for me. I think I'd have those problems in every relationship unless I sort myself out.

I don't know if it's too early or whether I'm turning in to some sort of Miss Havisham caricature... crouched over the loo pissing on a stick telling myself that one day it will say "Zwanger". I'm 12DPO and couldn't wait any longer to test.

stupidbloodybaby

Lyra I'm sorry, I can't offer anything constructive - we do actually do the "being nice is better than being right" - the one argument which nearly blew us apart has not been resurrected. We do not discuss Margaret Thatcher. Point. I find a great way to re-unite "us" is to bitch about others. Have you tried making snide comments about mutual friends? wink

I'm well up for a pub lunch, make mine a large G&T and a small packet of roasted nuts.

pudding--there in a second (just let me put on some lippy and brush my hair). I'll get the first round (erm, bottle). grin

Cheers ginhags!

Am at work staring at a fucking computer screen wondering where all the presents glamour and champagne have got to.got presented with a p & l spreadsheet just now.wow what a grrreat present.joy.

ski too early?that's possible?I was banned from testing for a whole week after TOD when I was pg with small.fuck knows how I managed to stick with that.have a massive chinese burn and a wee headbutt from me.sorry things are being shite.

Lyra my only advice re blokes is the same I got given for dealing with toddler tantrums (!) it's 'choose your battles'. Sometimes if you stand back and think 'is this actually worth arguing over??' you realise it's not.sadly I'm sometimes a bit late with that thought, the ol' fella n me have had some pointless spats lately.am currently trying to listen to my own advice...we've def been getting on better (fingers crossed)

he can still be an arse tho (I can't obviously as I am great)

anyone fancy meeting me in the pub in a mo?it sucks here.virtual pub if you can't make it to Bristol in time.

Just visiting the Palace to say HAPPY BOD to pudding.

'Tis also H's birthday today, one past the BOD but he is convinced his swimmers are super strength and that "age shall not wither them". We will see - or perhaps not, as things are little rocky in the Lyra household - hence H as opposed to DH

We do love each other but we're both so blimmin stubborn that it seems to be more important to win the argument - whatever that day's argument may be - than it is to be nice to each other. There's a marked lack of respect on both sides at the moment. Definitely not an environment in which to consider creating a small person

Any advice, lushes? Punches on arm and bellinis will both be gratefully received.

Happy Birthday Pudding! Have your ovaries fallen out of your nose yet? Try and have a good day grin

Happy Birthday of Doom To You!
Happy Birthday of Doom To You!
Happy Birthday of Doom Dear nolongerchunkybutstillapuddiiiiiing!!!!!!
Happy Birthday of Doom To Yooooouuuuuu!

And many mooooooore!!!!

Morning all! Happy BOD Pudding Have a great day. Can you feel the shrivelling yet???

Yay, welcome back wildfig, we missed you grin

ski can't believe it said niet zwanger, what's that all about?? I was convinced you were well zwangered.

ski pmsl @ sex tourism.

I was on hol with current fella too - Dear God, I'd have been labelled a right old slapper in the press, wouldn't I?

I did the only mature thing I could - turn my back so I wouldn't make eye contact. DP thought it was hilarious to lay claim to me put his arm around me & shout "Hiya mate".

Considering I've been with current DP for 13 years all a bit OTT. Ah, who cares!

To make up for the trauma I decided to treat DP to lunch - we ate the works, I opened my purse & I'd left my debit card at home! Genius!! Going to try that one again!!!

laurielou that's hilarious - and nobody would EVER believe it WASN'T an illicit trip would they? wink

Weirdest plane incident I've had is when I pulled a sickie at work and flew to Dublin for some sex tourism. Sat in departures on the friday evening I glanced across the lounge and made eye-contact with a colleague... blush

Some heavy-duty flirting and a lunch bought his silence.

OK, woke up at 4am, POAS: Niet Zwanger. Got the bus in this morning as I'd left the car in the carpark all weekend, nearly burst in to tears on the bus. This is fecking ridiculous, all I do is cry and my back hurts and I have a spot between my eyes the size of an egg... in fact it may be my long-lost twin growing out of the top of my nose! hmm

My uterus still feels heavy and twingey and I'm starting to think that maybe not everything fell out last month. Buggerations.

We're going camping next week on a little island in the north sea between holland and denmark. That sounds like a fucking ideal place to start heavy bleeding/panicking!

Happy birthday pudding - BOD reached! Ovaries dead! Ding-dong your womb is gone!

Sarah I never used to get the PMT symptoms, or at least I never stopped long enough to think about them.

Happy Birthday, pudding!!!!! Congrats on getting in your birthday bonks over the weekend. smile

Well, the RTOD has arrived this morning. It turns out that my symptom spotting (tired, emotional, sore boobs) was really an exercise in identifying all the phases of PMT. Which I sort of knew after I PedOAS and got a BFN yesterday morning...but I stayed in denial. Sigh. Onto TTC cycle #4. Realised I had succumbed to negative thinking when I thought, "Right--well, then. Halfway to being entitled to a doctor's appointment to discuss my shriveled ovaries." Possibly, I need to work on my attitude.... hmm

Ski, please go POAS. I need a positive! Please!

Cheers laurie!

Personally I am always emotional and moody.when pregnant I am actually officially a psycho grin

what a lucky man the ol' fella is eh?

Cheers don'ttry and nocoffee

woke up this morning thinking 'happy BOD to me..' and I'm still hungover.and it's pissing with rain and I have a 40 min walk to work.grumble grumble grrrr grr grr.however 35 doesn't seem that bad as since I had small I feel about ninety.

Thinking of you ski (in a strictly non-lezzer way) hope your piss brings you joy.

Happy Birthday pudding. Hope your ovaries & fango are all OK.

Personally, having just endured celebrated my 37th birthday I'd lurve to be 35 again. You kids!!!

ski - you POAS yet? What's the news?

One of my closest friend's was due her baby yesterday. Probably more to do with that than me being up-diffed but I've been an emotional, moody cow all weekend (don't tell the boyf I admitted that).

ideal thanks for the DP alternatives - what an exciting & varied past you've had. The only names I can conjure up from past experiences are TWAT-MAN, ARSECUNTFUCKFACE.... you get the picture.

Oh, talking of which, one of them was on the same flight as me last week!!! I spent the whole flight convinced the plane was going t crash & my name would be linked to his forever more on the death toll. Irrational? Moi?

Anyway, hope everyone has a good day (as good as a Monday allows), x

Happy BOD Pudding! One subsciption to the Daily Hate Mail winging its way to you.

Have you POAS yet Ski?? Reaaaaalllly wanna know if you're up diffed lady.

Just a half hour to go nolongerchunky before the white flag shoots out yer crack grin

Happy birthday. Personally I thought 35 was a fine age.

scorpette / ski yeah I wanted to experience pregnancy too...turns out I don't really like it much!(still trying to do it again tho)

ski nowt on BOD cards yet!have been working on mothers day for next year which is always weird...

Wine is definitely good for hangovers.both causing and also curing them.

The auto immune pant lurgy is still dormant at the mo so got some shagging in over what should be the fertile bit...and as mentioned earlier also drank Bristol dry over the weekend and that really did it last time.am idly spotting imaginary symptoms already.

scorpette I'm the sort of mum you describe.but a bit more crap.

And fig the thing yummy mummies don't say is not only do you experience love like no other but also some other emotions.such as rage,fear and general hysteria (or maybe that's just me grin

)

Oh ok so have some chocolate or something <guilty emoticon>

wildfig is back. Hooray! I was worried.
Don't anyone else feck off without telling us you're fecking off first - I imagine you all under a lorry.

wildfig that scummy mummy obviously hasn't learned kindness, empathy or humility from "the greatest love". Isn't it funny how people seem to think squeezing a sprog out entitles them to be the most selfish me me me "me and mine are alright jack" fuck anyone else assholes on the planet?! Especially the fecking middle class smuggies. Grrrr....

Now, ski my hormones are going mad too so I'm cross. Your life sounds fecking great girl for feck sake. And you're only 35 so its not like its too late to anything you bloody want.

Ski - rabbit, you say? That was something I was wondering about, re: pregnancy. Not info for me, you understand. For a friend. Yeah, that's it; a friend. hmm

AMT = Adaptive Motion Trainer. http://www.amtfitness.com/ The calorie-burner's best friend grin

I will be the most dreadful OCD, indulgent, over-lenient, soppy, pushy, right-on Mum who will be unable to cut the apron strings even when they're adults. So basically my own Mum, then. I've wanted to be a mum since I was about 6! I think 30 years is enough time to wait

AMT? Yeh, I'm just doing a weights session tomorrow and some intervals on the treadmill. Makes me happy and my vag should be clear! Rah. I figured the powerplate could be no worse then the er... rabbit on Duracell. blush

Oh yes, sarcasm is a given around here - it is a thin mask worn shielding our bitterness, barreness and BOD'ness. I totally get the wanting to experience pg thing. A few years ago, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a mother - but I did know that I didn't want to get through life without experiencing pregnancy... but of course it's not like you can go to the fairground and pay a fiver for a 20 minute "go"! wink

I want to raise happy children. I do realise that I've set the bar way too high here and I'll spend the next 18 years in a horrifying a-symmetric rending of cloth/pushy mummy scenario.

Ski - well, I can't wait for that. No yoga tomorrow, just weights, abs and ages on the AMT whilst I give the death glare to anyone else who wants to use it (there's only 2 at my gym). The aircon isn't working properly, so I think any vag-stench will be lost in the general vile fug of sweat (the men, I hasten to add, not me.. oh, who am I trying to kid? wink

). I also wear baggy gear, which might mask any unpleasantness, as I am all about the fitness and weightloss, not looking like an Eric Prydze video extra in lycra short-shorts and doing 10 mins on the treadmill whilst gossiping, grrr. Am giving up doing powerplate now am TTC, which is annoying, as it kicks ass.

I wouldn't want a surrogate (presume you were joking, obv) - I really want to experience pregnancy (am I being naive again?). My Mum had very easy pregnancies and always raves about how great it was (and she's otherwise very unsentimental), so I may have a giant pair of novelty rose-tinted specs on about the whole thing.

I am unable to have any balanced feelings towards teen mums - 99% of the ones I see make me do a crazywoman eye twitch as my mind screams 'YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT CHILD!' when I see them being so uninterested, disconnected, thoughtless, ignorant, neglectful or downright cruel. I have a feeling I am not alone on this one, huh?

PS Of course, it goes without saying that no-one I see with a baby could ever be as good a Mum as I will be wink

Scorpette No, it won't just flood out... it'll seep slowly and give off an odour - especially if you go before work, but it's really no big deal - unless obviously you're doing a yoga class and someone's face is in your minge? (n.b., if this is the case, what type of yoga are you doing?) It's just I notice if I'm on the bike or something that I can be a bit whiffy. Bloody men and their jokes about smelly women's fangos - hello boys! it's your stinky MANFAT!

My gym is lovely, especially at this time of year sans resolutionistas. Monday morning there are usually 5/6 of my regulars.

Are we all bitter? hellooooooo is there anyone on this thread who isn't bitter? If only this were the US, we could pay teenagers to carry our children for us! I was so proud of myself for not being a teenage mum... ha! fool! Tsk.

Ski - I am going to the gym tomorrow, as it happens! I'll get a bit of a downpour, will I? At least that creepy fat bloke in the shiny man-leggings hmm

won't want to use the machine next to me and letch like usual angry

I did have a bloody fantastic orgasm just before the sex (I have trained my nubile young loveslave very well), so I thought that must be it.

Try not to worry about carrying full-term; pretty certain that you will grin

. I say this, but will be just as paranoid myself, if not more so. Can't help thinking that all the teenagers dropping sprogs like it's going out of fashion is 80% nature (higher fertility) BUT 20% just not thinking or worrying about things and being useless, brainless dimwits without a clue how real life works, so less stress on body.

Bitter, moi?

By 'big producer', I don't mean I'm dating Cubby Broccoli.

Badum-tsssh! Eye-thang-yew!

Scorpette haha how funny, I'm upside-down. I am able to crack on at a job and have a good one now - youngest and only female designer at my company, BUT I hopelessly accidentally fell in to this line of work.

I don't want to work... but damning fuck, I keep forgetting to buy lottery tickets. OH will be SAHD as we want our children to have parental contact. I am jealous of that girl in the other thread... she already has a baby and the world at her feet... and amazing parents. She's probably gorgeous, volunteers for Help the Aged, was Prom Queen and is captain of the *hockey club too. Tsk wink

I'm also having the fear that even if I am pg, am I going to be able to continue to term? Or will they fall out? One by one.

Wine's going down nicely. hic*

Disclaimer: By the time I got to uni the hockey club were all clap ridden slags. Oh how the mighty had fallen!

scorpette he faked! shock

I think your uterus was just being greedy not having seen any of them swimmers for years 'n' years! Seriously you're supposed to suck it up if you've had an orgasm. It's all good... until you're at the gym tomorrow morning and realise you're not as fresh as you'd like to be! wink

pudding How're the BOD greetings cards coming along?

Poor Ski sad

Just remind yourself what a nightmare it must actually be to be a teenager with 2 kids studying like mad (I read that article too). And then remind yourself that a baby is better than a piece of paper (qualification). I know how you feel in an inverse way - have gone far in academia (MA, should be doing my PhD but can't get funding, grrr), but had severe ill health between 21 and 35 (misdiagnosed ME/CFS - actually have adrenal problems; lots of fun), AND I'm a lazy fucker and dippy creative type, so have never been able to sustain a good job and have a shit job now, with rubbish CV and hardly any experience, so feel depressed will never have a good job and now I want to have kids and then it'll be years before I can ... you get the picture (I intend to be SAHM, if feasible £-wise). On the bright side, keep telling yourself all the emotion is PG madness, like pudding says grin

And pudding don't worry too much about BOD - it's not like one day you are young and superfertile and then the next you are a wizened crone with wasted ovaries like dessicated currants, no matter what the Daily Heil would have you think. Just have a good birthday and plenty of hair of the dog wink

Here's a (TMI) question for you all: TOD has just ended, not in fertile phase yet, but this avo me and TYF got down to some sweet condom-free monkey lovin' anyway. Last time I shagged someone without a condom was 6000 yrs ago when I was about 21 so can't really remember much. Aaaanyway, afterwards hardly any sperm came back out of me - on the bright side, no wet patch. Okay, so I was laid on my side (we cuddled and dozed), but I was a bit hmm

. (He defo came, BTW) Is this a good sign? Have I got a Henry the Hoover (Henrietta?) for a cervix? He's normally a 'big producer' if you get my jist.

TMI? blush

I know my own cycle v well, but this is my first time TTC so am a bit naive.

We've opened the wine & OH is now hoovering the kitchen floor because our good wine glasses just connected with it...

Bah.

Today has been total pumpness, the people who had my horse on trial returned her this morning on the grounds that she "makes a funny noise when she's eating" shock

. Twats. They have six kids and have admitted she's brilliant with the kids and a fantastically trustworthy horse but they're worried about the noice. hmm

They emailed me this afternoon saying they knew someone who'd give me a few quid for her on the basis she's "sick". I told them to "do one". Thankfully I didn't go to the stables this morning else it would've upset me more - OH went and he's not as diplomatic as me! phew

I'm going to POAS tomorrow, I've got a couple of clearblue digitals and although I didn't understand all the instructions I checked the website and they say they're good to go 4 days early and I'll be 12DPO tomorrow.

ski mate.have a hearty punch on the arm from me.

You may well be pg it truly does make you feel quite mental and emotionally overwhelmed.at least that's what happened to me.

I would prescribe a nice g & t and some cake.

Hope you're on the up soon.fucking bollocksy hormones.

I still feel like I may die from
hungoveriness,will have to have a glass of wine soon to make it all go away.

BOD TOMORROW

I'm having a miserable afternoon, feeling crap & very emotional. Yesterday I bubbled the entire afternoon and today I'm feeling that I won't ever be pregnant but that it won't matter because my life's been a waste anyway. E.g., there's a thread in chat about a 19 year old who's got the chance to leave her daughter to go to cambridge to read medicine. I had the chance 2 years ago to go there to read vet science and now I know I'll never have that chance again. *bastard fucking fuckety fuck fuck* My life is a fucking waste, I played around with academia but nothing ever came of it - I switched courses, I dropped out, I messed around and now it's all too late.

Absolutely the right hole, don't know how we would have found it without MN though.

Let's hope it was just indigestion wink

PS - well done pudding, glad to see someone's doing us proud in the outside drinking world

nocoffee some months I feel it, some I don't. It's usually just a quick stab though - prolonged pain during sex is more linked to trapped wind. <parp>

Ps nocoffee I dunno,have very little idea of how it all works...hope it's not really painful though?should I ask the 'right hole' question just to clear that one up?

Hello wildfig think I pretty much sneaked into the palace while you were out,got drunk and refused to leave.

Just so's you know I have had one of them there children before,but am a scummy rather than yummy mummy and know that it can't make me superior in any way as I'm fairly crap at it.

trig STOP IT! That way madness lies.the little fucker angel will come along at a time that suits it which natch will be whenever is worst for you.also I am a July baby so nyyah.

I

am

soooooo

hungover

it hurts to move.on the plus side got steaming drunk,had tequila,basically did all the right things to ensure I find out I'm pg in a short while.was even in the same bar that I had the mahoosive bender in just before I found out I was With Child before...

Fuck can't type anymore.my head is full of exploding hedgehogs and something died on my tongue...

PS - by that I mean that it hurt whilst shagging.

Howdy wildfrig, we've missed your witty repartee - nice to have you back. Sorry to hear you had a run in outside the walls of the Palace but you're safe here. Have a G&T deary.

Now, I have a 'life experience' question to ask. I've been on the pill for donkey's years so have never really known how ovulation feels. This last 3 days I have had what I reckon are OV pains in the right hand side of my abdomen - about 3 fingers' width in from my hip bone. I've had these pains at the same time each month when off the pill but I had a GOF today and it bloody well hurt in about the same place. I think it hurt a bit last month too but I wasn't really thinking about it then.

Any thoughts amigos?

Lots of love, *Resident Ignoramus/Hypochondriac*

wildfig I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that - but I know where you're coming from. I had a little run in yesterday about mc - when someone patronised me by saying that "she knew her body was a finely tuned machine as it had already presented her with 2 lovely children and I was but a selfish barren BOD'd bitch" - I was about to go in with both barrels a-blazing... but I'd like to think we've been lucky enough to gain the life maturity and experiences which set us aside from those who are only able to breed. ^and breathe^

I've just wailed my way through Curly Sue. hmm

trigger That's some planning you've got going there lady - I did consider NOT trying this month as this totally deprives me of ski season... but I figure I don't have so many chances left anyway and I do actually want more than one child - so I'm not sure I can pick and choose my months. How does Nicole Richie have periods? The same way VB does - Clomid! wink

The people who REALLY amaze me though are yes, the Kerry Katonas and as I've previously mentioned - the smackhead prossie that Pete Doherty got knocked up in rehab. I mean sure... I've had a few late nights... smoked the odd herbal cigarette or two, but I've never mainlined street heroin or sold my back bottom for a fiver.

Not the same life experiences I was referring to in the post for wildfig

Apols for absence - have been weaning myself off Mumsnet after a run-in with a 'you can't know what love means until you have a child' Yummy Mummy which left me so breathless with fury and humiliation and guilt that I basically decided to throw in the towel, baby-wise, for a while. Stopped temping three weeks ago, feel weirdly liberated. No one tells you that TCC contains one of life's most basic ironies: the longer it takes you to get pregnant, the less you want to have sex. Ever again. It's like failing your driving test EVERY FECKING MONTH while the likes of Kerry Katona and Nicole Richie (How? How does she even have periods?) zoom past in Ferraris, ie, enraging and hardly conducive to passion.

On a more positive note, I got my results back from the doctor and my bits are absolutely fine, despite my being nearly 6 months beyond the BOD - I wish that filled me with smug joy, but all I can think is, oh bollocks, now I've got to persuade DB to spunk in a pot and drive to CARSHALTON to deliver it.

Struck by an unsavoury thought yesterday. Cos have to let this month go by without being pregnant for once, earliest TTC would be Sept. Can't do that as if booby born in June will share birthday month with EVERYONE I KNOW and family will not thank me for more birthday expense. If we leave conception till Oct, baby will be born in July which is end of the school year and thus places it statistically at a significant disadvantage not just at school but throughout life.

Thus I have to wait till December when mini-trig will be top of the class and a natural leader.

PS HCG levels dropping, albeit slowly. Got to go back next Thurs for a recheck but between Wed and Fri they dropped from 60 to 50 (whatever it is they are measured in - bananas, say) so hopefully back to zero after next AF which is due a week on Tues, mas o menos. Then I can accidentally get pregnant again like the Vicky Pollard that I am hmm

Scorpette It's been non-stop glamour this end with 4 days of diarrhea, potent wind, bloating, general fatness, weepinness, bitchiness, thirst, death breath etc. I've had a sore back, dizziness, spots of blood from bleeding gums when brushing teeth. The trouble is none of this is 100% guaranteed of course, I mean whose gums don't bleed once in a while? Who doesn't over-do it at the gym and ache? Who doesn't get thirsty when it's hot? Who doesn't get hard nips in an air-co office? Last month I had "fluttering" feelings in my uterus which were a definite sign for me as I'd never had anything like that in my life and you can't put that one down to gym/airco! My boobs weren't significantly different at all last month. It's a bloody minefield this symptom spotting.

These men are a funny business - I was with a 50 year old a few years ago who has more growing up to do than this one. angry

ski I know what you mean - my best friend has been calling me the 'Lady Paedo' for the last few years... until she recently hooked up with a 25 yr old (she's 36 too). My revenge has been virtually diabetic in its sweetness grin

As I've never been pg before, are massive tender knockers a preliminary sign? And what other things are there? Am wondering what to look out for to hysterically convince myself I'm pregnant first time round in the agonising fortnight wait between ovulation time and arrival (hopefully not) of TOD...

Scorpette I'm so glad you found us - now I have an ally in the barely-legal loveslave stakes. They used to make me feel like a pervert! wink

nocoffee Selfish git, and he didn't leave you a yoghurt pot?

We were examining my boobs last night and both think they're getting bigger, fuller, heavier and I gave myself quite a fright this morning when I woke up and looked down. shock

They were also hurting when we poked them - although I'm not sure what the time limit is with respect to "if you poke them for 2 minutes of course they're going to hurt".

Nocoffee Saw that show - it was both depressing and frustrating. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when the two girls went into brat meltdown at the injustice of having to buy a basket's worth of shopping (whilst wearing fake pregnancy bellies) and then having to COOK SOMETHING! It was unfair to make them do it, as that was clearly far more hard work than having an actual real, live baby would ever entail hmm

Of course, I'm just bitter because I am a selfish old hag who didn't get married to a good Christian man at 21 and start popping out the sprogs before 25.

ski I also met my barely-legal loveslave online. I always refer to him in RL as The Young Fella - so if I ever talk about TYF on here, that's who I'm on about.

[and following Ski's advice goes hunting for husband. Except that he's away with work ON A FUCKING WEEKEND]

Aha! [lightbulb emoticon] I just found the answer to my questions. FF just told me that a drop in temp can indicate ovulation, so I now need to wait for a sustained increase in temps for 3 days. I love all this stuff, it's weird and so fascinating [adjusts geeky specs, returns to FF for more field study facts]

oi oi trig punch I'm glad you're having fun and I'm glad the doctor wasn't too traumatic and I really do hope that you popped out an egg... although I've read in the Daily Mail that the feeling can be easily confused with the ovaries slamming the doors shut. wink

What initially attracted me to my teenage lover? Well, I'm one of the ones who met my OH online. He said one monday morning "I've had my teeth knocked out playing rugby on saturday", being the charmer I am I called him "Gummy, you'll never get a girlfriend now haha". Tsk. He got his teeth fixed, we met, fell in love, he moved in and about 2 weeks after he moved in I accidentally headbutted him and knocked his teeth out again. snigger

Seriously - I'd always thought that an older man would be more willing to commit and when he went away on a camping holiday "with the boys" I feared the worst. However, he climbed a mountain just to get reception to phone me and I melted.

coffee Just get shagging and ditch the thermometer. Oooh I might download that to upset myself a little more.

My weight is on a sharp upwards trajectory despite me doing so much exercise this week... I am officially miffed.

Evenin' all, my haven't you been chatty today?

Pudding I too am confusedicated, I am on Day 18 and have lots of *EGG WHITE MUCUS* (ha, no more EW) and very definite ov pain but still no upwards temp shift. I have been absolutely 100% disciplined with temping and it actualy went propery down yesterday. Is Day 18 a bit late to be oving? Should temp go down a lot before OV?

Did anyone watch that BBC3 prog last night, entited something like I Wanna be Pregnant cos I'm 14 and a Bit Bored? Indescribably depressing. Put me off a bit actually!

Greetings from the North ladies. I am watchng my mother de-stalk blueberries - note watching rather than *helping with* - it takes me no time at all to revert to type.

So... had all my bloods taken and have to phone tomorrow to find out what gives. Am convinced I ov'd today as I felt something pop whilst I was on the train. Or it might have been wind. I looked up in surprise when it happened which I think startled the elderly couple sat opposite, as if I'd heard the train derailing or something lol.

Anyway, been catching up on all your goss - laurie had to chortle, I do safety too and it's the type of scrape I would get into... fingers crossed for you ski, either on the job or booby front (mind it doesn't sound like you need much more in the way of booby fronts - tell me, what was it that first attracted your pre-pubescent OH?! fnar). Cosmo I think you should just stay at work if that's the kind of lifestyle it gives you. Who is going to complain if you just keep rocking up every day around breakfast and afternoon tea times???

I started the day with a bacon roll at my desk. Now I have a glass of wine at my desk. grin

I'm going to miss working here.

A selection of husband descriptions from my back cover copy for inspiration, laurie

<clears throat, peers over librarian-style reading glasses>

Sexy Billionaire
Gorgeous Playboy
Devilish Rake
Greek Tycoon
Latin Lover
Taciturn Rancher
Top Tycoon
Ruthless, Arrogant Groom
Barbarian King
Spy and Adventurer
Tall, Dark and Dangerous Protector
Small-Town Cop

All of Cath Kidson - ffs chichi expensive bollocks.

Ah, hormonal rage, how I enjoy it angry

<barffs @ sticky bean>

TMI? Nope, you've lost me - there's no such thing.

Babydance - eeewwwww reminds me of that creepy baby thing on Ali McBeal (not that I ever watched it properly).

Off to ponder what I can call DP instead of, um DP.......

After his crashing the H&S van shenanigans the name "KNOBBER" springs to mind.

"The Witch"
Cath Kidson Newborn Range

Although I do like writing d?????!!!! P when I'm pissed off with him,speaks volumes.

He wasn't to impressed by that info tho

Pudding OPKs sound like the little imps of satan to me - how do you know when to start using them? Unless you're temping as well, probably not worth it?

Your dp makes an interesting point re: dp and I'm kinda with him. Is it one that should go on the fobidden list? Which is, as any fule kno...

*The Veto List*
Babydust
Babydance
Sticky Beans
TMI
AF
EW
DP (and all the other D abbreviations?)

What else?

Ps anyone fancy having a wager on whether I've hit the Fertile Phase in me cycle?would be as much use as a fucking opk I don't understand them as am,as I mentioned earlier,a bit of a dumbass.

MIL (well the Living in Sin version) and her sister due in about 10 mins.that will def put a dent on my already struggling sex life (illness in temporary dormant phase tho which means am not sobbing in pain today.yay)

ski you are a double-hard bastard.

Was talking to dp about mn.he hates all the acronyms,being called dp winds him up (ha!more reason to do it)

filled him in on euphymisms such as babydancing (he got very upset and looked a bit sick)

he also wants to know if babydust is made from actual babies grin

Sad... but she was hardly your average mid-30s gins swigging harlot.

haha I much prefer Tankgirl to GI Jane. I daren't say whom it's for... but it's at the same level I suppose as NATO.

Today's symptoms - I've snapped at the bloke who sits opposite me, a bloke I go for ice-cream with and I've bitched about one of the girl's BO.

Who else has symptoms then?

Oh joy - surely this kind of tale will guarantee up-diffidness...

Blimey ski that sounds different.

Don't think I'll follow you on that "symptom" <slouches back into cosy office chair with a coffee>

quasi-military?? do you get a uniform and to shave your head a la GI Jane????? coooooooooool.

I've upped the stakes for potential-diffdness as I've just applied for an incredible quasi-military role which "positively discriminates" in favour of women. grin

It'll take blinkin' months for the application/security checks to go through and if I get called to interview I'll be a fucking hippo.

lol. An eventful week then!

Anyhow, I've had my meeting. It's all official and I finish work on 18th September. Now I just need to find people to lunch with when I'm a lady of leisure.....

Yeah, he's fine, which is why I've laughed too.

And someone else fell off their bike & broke their wrist.

Obviously not funny <wipes away tears of laughter>

DP has many skills. It would appear H&S isn't one......

pmsl, he crashed the H&S van?? brilliant!

(hope he's ok though?)

Of course, my bloatedness could be over-indulgence in Scotland last week, & tears over DP crashing Health & Safety van during charidee cycle ride. He's in the middle of Wales somewhere so it was a quick crap-signalled phone call.

I did laugh a bit too - not very good H&S, is it?

Ohh essence of G&T was my genius invention

Morning ladies. I upped our collective intake of alcohol again last night was was DH's boss's 40th yesterday so we had a wee champagne after work to celebrate.

My RTOD this month was more of a dribble of doom. shrugs.

Looks like we have some good chances of up-diffedness amongst us this month though, excellent work for ladies with shrivelled ovaries, well done. Aims friendly karate kick to all and sundry.

Ski Christening is not just vile, is proper mad. It's for the spawn of my uni mate - the man with whom I used to stay up all night drinking and smoking, who I once found on my doorstep covered in sections of the Saturday Guardian after a drunken night out when I'd come home earlier than him and passed out, and he couldn't wake me up to open the door - but he'd still had the presence of mind to scrawl "If I die, I saved the Review section for you" on the margin of the paper. As far as I know, the man has no faith, but he is the son of a preacher man, so the children have to be baptised into the URC community, if only to keep the family happy.

Ho hum. At least am going with best female friend, so we can drive too fast and listen to loud music on the way there.

Am very jealous of all your symptom spotting. I'm feeling bloated and weepy but this is in direct relation to the ex-packet of choc digestives and a huge sugar crash.

RToD is due the weekend I'm going to a spa with my best friend. 'Nads. Though who knows when it will start really. I, too, am bored of all this.

Discussing with DH last night - I think I'd be far more excited about having a baby if he could do the first 40 weeks. I don't mind taking over once it's out.

Hmmmm...feeling bloated/big and being really emotional. Constantly overheated. Boobs tender (possibly expanding, but I'm an E-cup so hard to tell). Ah. Right. Duh. That could explain it. It would be so nice to join Ski and LL this month. Or I could just be setting myself up for another huge disappointment this cycle. RTOD ( grin

--thanks ideal) due on Sunday--I've promised myself that if no PMT and no RTOD by Sunday, will POAS, but not before*!

*Pudding, I am with you on the 70-year-old mother thing, mostly because I worry about the child becoming a carer before she is even 18, which would be sad. But at the same time, I guess I struggle to justify where the line should be drawn. (There are plenty of people who would draw the line at, oh, say the BOD.)

<Heads off to look at virtual gin and wine supplies and wonders if she has to wait until RTOD.>

snigger pudding's asking about my boobs the big lezza! They're fine pudding... I think a little bigger than normal but tbh I can't tell. I'm a FF cup - unless they become a J overnight I'm not going to notice.

camel I am loving TOD (Tide Of Doom), AF is also too cutesey for us. grin

The christening sounds vile, can you not simply suggest to the parents that limbo might not be a bad compromise between dead and alive baby?

laurie that's the thing with me too... it's only 4lbs but my stomach is huge. It's v odd. Anyway, I was rather hoping for diffed, lardy and mental. In for a penny, in for a pound right?

Oldest mothers? I fully expect to see a room full of selfish career-driven 32 year olds.

pudding The David Mitchell thing? That was me & Cosmosis. But it is a weird crush, I know. It's the dryly English funny that does it for me.

Looks like I have once more failed to become updiffed this month. Spotting has started already, which will inexorably lead to full-on red tide of doom (is that allowed? I know we've banned AF and EW) by Monday.

And I have to go to a fucking christening on fucking Sunday. And it's a fucking URC fucking christening which means I have to sit through an entire church service, hoping that my head doesn't spontaneously spin round while I projectile-vomit over the priest.

Arsebuggeryfucktitswank. I'm so bored with this shit now, I really am.

Yay ski, fingers crossed.

Have to admit, I have the same symptoms! Zip on trousers wouldn't stay up & I felt like the Hulk bursting out of my blouse. I know my diet went to pot last week, but according to scales 4lb gain.....not fab but surely not a seem-breaker?

Also just finished having a little (OK, snotty, blubbering) cry. Don't really know why.....................

Either up-diffed or lardy & mental...

Ps know that links to some of yesterdays angst and debate... not really trying to start it all off again just slightly troubled by the trailer.

Btw who is it that has a crush on David Mitchell?am watching him right now and I Do Not Understand. funny tho.

World's Oldest Mothers!!!

I believe in a womans right to choose n all that but personally think a 70 year old having a baby is fucking selfish.and a 70 year old breastfeeding (as I just saw on the trailer) is,i have to say,not my favourite sight ever.

How are the boobs feeling ski?

pudding What's happening next week on c4?

Further bulletins as events warrant.

Channel 4 next Thursday = RAGE

Ps aerie... Nuff respect

Okay...here's an update on the state of my nethers!!

(I know it's all that you lot have been thinking about!)

currently the hideous plague has abated.and it is pretty much fertile time a go go so it's game on tonight!

Will prob be in screaming agony again as treatment hasn't started yet but fuck it.(literally)

ski not being massively arsed to drink much was def a sign both times I've been pg (as you all know I didn't stop completely and yet small is incredibly bright...doesn't fecking sleep tho)

oh please please let me stay awake til
dp comes to bed tonight...

Glad your appointment went well Cosmo*!

*Laurie I don't know anything about temping I'm afraid - I've been peeing on things to find out my 2 days.... unsuccessfully. Used 7 sticks with expensive testing kit, no joy and then ran out of sticks. I've bought a pack of cheaper testing things from Amazon, way cheaper than ClearBlue, and will be peeing on them when I get back from this festival.

Arie that is hilarious, well done. No one else's business when you TTC (apart from ours, tell us eeeeverything).

Scorpette I think we can make room for another foul-mouthed, misanthropic battleaxe. Especially one who bakes.

And skihorse: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Oh I've already had a REAL G&T Aerie... but I don't actually fancy another... hmm

POAS Tuesday, I'm not actually allowed to POAS because I fuck it up. I have to hand a cup of hot wee to OH.

Schwein flu eh? We're not having it over here - I'm not sure our government is as desperate to cover up their incompetence by getting over-excited about the flu.

Resist the urge to conceive eh? Bus-riding teenagers everywhere hear them roar.

Aaaah Scorpette, well it serves us all right for being such selfish old hags to not foresee such an eventuality. angry

Oooooooh, skihorse, sounds very very exciting <slap on the back> you are our beacon of hope.

How about an "essence" of G+T to celebrate (can't remember whose invention that was)???

When is it time to POAS?

Oh, this is magic - there's an AIBU thread about swine flu: apparently the government are warning women not to get pg whilst the pandemic is active! Well, that's great for us lot - why don't we all wait another year or 18 months till it's all over?! Because we've got all the time in the world to wait TTC, right? angry

(I said as much on the thread)

<pops head around door>
Now that reminds me of when we were visiting the in laws for a week (we live a loooooong way away from them) a couple of years ago.

They have, for what seems like an eternity, always been going on about grandchildren and making insinuations about how we must be career obsessed etc (actually my MIL is usually lovely, but that was the only time I've ever seen DH lose his rag with her shock

)

Anyway, <finally getting to the point here>, after a week of ignoring oh-so-subtle hints about their lack of grandchildren, my FIL asked over Sunday lunch "so when ARE you going to have children then?" to which I replied "when we find the right hole I guess" grin

They were very shock

but I think they got the message. It still makes me and DH laugh when we think about it <evil cackle>

evening ladies, well I think I'm diffed-up. Can't remember if I told you or not but last month I was so bloated I bust the zip on some jeans. Today I look about 6 months pg which is just making me feel like a fucking whale. OH has been lovely and sticking his belly out to compare.

I'm feeling "tired & emotional" - should I have another G&T?

donttrythisathome - I knew there'd be one... my Nutter Magnet never usually fails me wink

But rucking will have to wait, cos am in agony today. AF knows I want rid of her for 9 months and is being a real fucking bitch about it. Owwwww! sad

haha camel I was thinking the same myself. No wonder cosmo is un-diffed, ur doing it rong! lolz

No, no cosmo. In the right hole, remember.

Hmmm liftin the tent flap sounds a bit Brokeback Mountain to me wink

Newbies! Late night parties! Arguing! Excellent stuff, people.

We've just had a lovely "celebration" at work, so I am awash with cheap cava and chocolate cake. Real life is ok sometimes.

"Lifting the tent flap"? I've never heard it called that before, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, saynomoarsaynomoar...

boo - sorry Laurie, have an appalling memory and too lazy to scroll back to fact check. Prob best to disbelieve anythign I say (unless I'm supporting your argument/suggesting more gin)

Isn't she drinking cider in Wales?

Anyone seen wildfig?

Cosmo mmmm swabs - my fave. The scan sounds good - all I got when I went were bloods and a cute little wankpot for DP.

Laurie i'd say tis the drinking and fecking is turning your temps haywire. Naw, haven't a clue and have given my SIL my TCC "bible" - the docs will be able to tell from the bloods whether you're oving.

And oi scorpette - i see they didn't warn you i am the resident hysterical psycho. What d'ya fancy rucking about today? <helpful face>

Ah Cosmo glad it went ok.

I am back. I didn't get a single lecture in Doing It Right, I was most disappointed grin

Actually, she was a lovely doctor. I was kind of worried she would laugh at me for being silly and that 3 periods in 7 months was totally normal & bog off. But she didn't. Had an internal, with swabs done (lovely) and blood tests and am being sent an appointment for a scan.

I heart Spudulika - it's exotic.

DP is a Star Wars gimp fan & wants to name our son Chewbacca.

Wayne and Waynetta called their girls 'Frogmella' and 'Spudulikea' (spud-YOU-licker)

Two of my favourites.

Skihorse isn't it always the fucking Daily Mail? sad

I read the Grauniad but seem to stumble upon Daily Heil (as we call it) articles on the net about 35+ wimminz all the time. I'm starting to think they track us in some sinister right-wing black magic way hmm

Cats: none - I bloody love cats but am allergic to them sad

. I get my kicks by shamelessly lurking on lolcats (I know, I know) and cuteoverload.com
Walls: also magnolia, as rent flat and not allowed to paint (arse).
CoS: Marcus Brigstocke.
Vices: the internet, shoes, secretly being dead vain that everyone thinks I'm about 25 (is not just cos I am a shortarse. I hope), deliberately trying to embarrass young lads in shops by asking them in-depth questions about sanitary protection. Hopefully something I will soon have no need of grin

PS I don't drink in RL - am I still allowed in the Gin Palace? Am already foul-mouthed, misanthropic battleaxe without the booze (not saying any of you are the same wink

I hope Cosmo's doesn't do what I did and strip down to her bra, and only her bra for exams. Or has dog hair in her fango or any of the potential disasters.

Does anyone remember what Wayne and Waynette called their little girl? All I remember is Wayne saying "Rothmans? Rothmans is a boys name."

It's a the Community Gynaecology Clinic. How exciting.

off now, will report back later.

Good luck for 10.30 cosmo. Is it "just" your local GP or are you in full out hospital mode?

I had a lovely GP who just inquired as to frequency. I have blood tests next week. Bloody hard that is - have to have them 7 days before period due. If I knew when that was I'd be laughing.

Anyway, let us know how you get on, x

Morning Lushes. Well I had plenty of wine last night, which was vv nice. Also had a lovely cuddle with a friends 5 month old who was sooo well behaved in the restaurant he charmed everyone. I think I felt my ovaries unshrivel just a leeetle bit.

So I have my appointment at 10.30 and am preparing for my lecture on whether he is sticking it in the right hole or not.

Welcome new people, especially ones bringing booze and cake.

Weekend plans for me are getting lashed at acquaintances 30th birthday parting and being secretly pleased that even though she is 5 years away from BOD, I actually look younger than her. [evil bitch emoticon]

skater am loving your name choices.

Scorpette The article which made you wail - was it the Daily Mail one? If yes, don't worry - we snarled about it here, I posted a comment on their website which got lots of ticks of approval. The mid-30s gals don't stand for that sort of crap.

trig How are you feeling? I feel so bad for you and I'm torn between what is worse - the D&C or a Friday morning spent on British Rail in July?

yay! we've tricked new people here! grin

Scorpette You are a filthy pervert but I know where you're coming from, my OH is 23 and three quarters.

ALadyEven I thought you meant conception lasted 4.5 minutes... wink

Rules of BOD participants:
i) we don't have babydust, we have gin
ii) there is no such thing as tmi
iii) your name WILL be bastardised
iv) A friendly punch in the shoulder will tide you through

Sarah If you were 18 and off to uni next month you'd get pregnant simply by lifting the tent flap - so it's worth a shot right?

Ooooh, have I had too much gin & seeing double, or have I been a knob & posted twice?

Sadly, its the latter.

Apologies!!!

Morning ladies <slugs on the strong black coffee & inserts rocket into backside>

Welcome newbies - glad to have more nutters TTC's on board.

Pass us some cake - sounds lovely!

Well serious & boring question of the day - anyone have any clue how the fuck this temping mallarkey works? Granted, its only my first month & probably not the best month to start given out of routine due to holiday & lots of birthday drinks.

BUT.......

My temp has been getting lower & lower throughout the month. To have any kind of surge from my current temp to surpass my starting temp I'll have to spontaneously combust. Which may scupper my TTC plans.

No offence, I realise I'm probably directing this to the wrong crowd, but all the other threads look way to serious. And we're not seriously TTC here, are we?

<yawn> <stretch> Morning girls.

I see whilst I was passed out in the chaise longue (sp? that looks more like 'tongue' to be right) you lot had a sleepover with people who had brought suitcases and have had keys cut grin

Welcome one and all! I am the resident snarling gollum in the corner, I need gin to keep me pacified...

@nolongerchunkybutstillapudding - wait till you're actually over 35: a few weeks ago, after reading yet another article about how 'selfish women over 35 have left it too late' blah, blah, I found myself wailing in DP's arms, shrieking 'with every period that passes I have less and less of a chance of getting pregnant!!! Waaah!'... or some other hysterical nonsense like it blush

This surely can't be connected to the fact that he agreed that this is the month we start TTC*? hmm

<<keeps telling self Gran had Mum when she was nearly 41. Aaaaaand relax>>

*He's one of those men who would put everything off forever, so he needs a firm guiding hand (also handy when TTC, wahey wink

)

Skater its my BOD next mon.and I think the Daily Maul have actually put a spell on me.Very Bad Things are happening.

I am in that London, chunky.

New posters, please share with the group how many cats you have and what colour your living room walls are painted. Also any crushes of shame, and any vices?

I'll go first.

Cats: two
Walls: estate agent magnolia - don't judge me! They will be painted in due course.
CoS: David Badiel
Vices: Lie ins, the internet, dark rum.

Soooo...

I'm going for a vodka gin rose n cake cocktail...

yum

you have a point re squirrels scorp. they are devious.and quite hard I reckon.

SkaterGrrrrl - don't worry, am too obsessed with TTC to go on about other threads grin

"Fighting paranoia of evil media articles constantly telling me that now I'm past 35..."

HA! You'll fit right in here, there is much ruing of the Daily Hate and bemoaning of our shrivelled ovaries as we await/ pass the BOD*!

<Brandishes gin & tonic like a whip> Back, sobriety, back, back!

* aka Birthday of Doom aka 35.

skater you are not in bristol are you?keep thinking you are actually someone I know...

really like the names btw.dead classy.

No booze, sorry, but I made a blackberry and apple almond-y cake-y pudding thing for tomorrow - you can have some of that if you like wink

Squirrels Vs Polar bear, hey? Well, it only takes one to blind the big bugger...

Nolonger i have vodka, gin and rose wine...

I reckon 6 squirrels..

Oh hello Scorp, glad you found us - Welcome! Needless to say any differences on opinion from other threads are left at the door smile

Chunky I'm mostly a nocturnal poster as I work for a charity and my Catholic guilt means any time spent slacking online in the office is effectively stealing from little blind children!

Cheers Sarah, watch this space for a birth announcement for Angel Dust Grrrrl or Amphetamine Dub Pistol the 1st.

Hmmm.

What are you up to this weekend, gin drinkers?

Ummm...

Y'know,welcome new laydees n all that but

did you bring any booze?

and while we're at it,how many squirrels do you think it would take to beat a polar bear in a brawl???

Ps am glad skater is back.had noticed your absence.or have a wonky perception of time.

oh I have 2 little horrors darlings.

ds1 is almost 11yrs
ds2 is 21m

both pregnancies and deliveries were soooooo different.

ds2's being the quickest at 4 1/2 minutes....delivery that is not pregnancy lol.

Hello, am 36 - does that count?

(I am donttrythisathome's fellow arguer - am not stalking you, honest! I don't really care about the car thing either - how daft are we?! TTC madness? I'm putting the mental in menstrual* today: see below)

Am in middle of AF then after this it's TTC ahoy. Will (WILL) be DFB for me and DP. Fighting paranoia of evil media articles constantly telling me that now I'm past 35 I will now be infertile or only have ruined eggs, versus real-life, sensible facts of me having good cycle (obvious ovulation), healthy lifestyle, family history of mega-fertility and later pregnancies and yummy 27 yr-old DP also from mega-fertile family (+ he has young, lively sperm, hopefully).

Thanks to SkaterGrrrrl for pointing me this way

*This is the best I can currently do.

Portaloo! Or maybe arse wipes? Oooh me like you! Welcome - you can joining chunky in regaling us with the horrors joys of actual real live children.

Sarah like portaloo?

Welcome, TheLady*

*Skatergrrrrrl, let me tell you, it is very, erm, romantic PingOAS in a portaloo. I think the festival is a perfect place to conceive. It could give you a wealth of names to choose from too--you can use the name of the festival, the names of bands, the names of interesting substances used at the festival (isn't Mary Jane a pretty name? grin

) or names of the camping equipment.... Have a great time!

Hi am mid 30's (34) ttc but not first third...am i allowed in?

<taps wall of palace looking for the priest hidey hole>

Can we hotbox it? grin

<Pulls up a bar stool and waves at ski, sarah, VAG and the gang>

donttrythis, I would not say no to a Keeanu-Swazey sandwich!

<punches trig on the shoulder>

I'm packing for this weekend's festival, everyone cross fingers for me to get knocked up in a tent!

<raises head above the parapet of priest hole>

<climbs out sheepishly>

Phew, think I managed to deflect a kicking on THAT thread (laurie - tis the one VAG directed us to earlier). ,,,ahhhh...

chunky you certainly may NOT leave <firm kick up hole in friendly way to chunky>

Sending you a firm shin-kick. <boot>

I'm trying to conceive through the medium of gin. This promotes a torpor in which babies are not carried for 9 months before trying to rip you in half, they are simply born at the age of 18 months.

...and in other news, you are actually contractually bound to reside in the Palace now pudding. So ner.

Wow, there's some SERIOUS testosterone or summat knocking round this thread today.

I read THAT post and had a good chuckle at the following:

"At least she was rolling her own, you have to give her some kudos for thriftyness; I bet she would have much preferred a Berkley menthol but is saving up to have her baby's ears pierced." [nuff respec' to StayFrosty, whom I do not believe we have had the pleasure of in the Lounge]

My views on THAT post are fairly mundane and very judgemental. What a little toad that madam is [returns to knitting].

Nah trig don't apologise.okay so it wasn't Life's fault this time but only cos the cunty arse face was off fucking something else up...

Thank fuck my fucking swearing has bastard well come back.was proper worried for a while.

Thanks for all the slaps and punches,dead arms all round.

Have got the booze in and am contemplating getting a new tatoo.

Fuck shit wank!just realised it's BOD on Monday!it's that why my vag is trying to self-destruct???(on another thread I would add 'tmi' at that point but I'm not sure you lot actually have limits)

erm,can I still stay in the palace if I may not be able to shag for a while?am still in theory ttc,and if there was a miracle this week then could actually be pg...

There won't be a miracle tho.god hates me sad

it's fucking mutual I must say.

found it in the bottom of a carrier bag. Sorry, Life.

I have just come back from Waitrose and have left a pakcet of rump steak behind, which I HAD PAID FOR!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

<jumps up and down on hat> LIFE WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE DONE DICKING ABOUT WITH MY SANITY YOU COCKSUCKING FUCKFACE

<sigh> <puts extra mushrooms in casserole>

<whispers> I don't want us to fight! I love you all too much!

D'oh. Pudding, that was supposed to by "Sorry you are..." not "So you are".... Clearly the godchildren have taken their toll on me!

Hi ladies,

Cannot keep up with this, so let me just send some serious manly slugs and a few bottles of gin (some of the good stuff...we need it) this way. Trig, I am sorry you are having to deal with this, but glad the doctor has listened to you and hope things resolve healthily for you. Do enjoy getting some time away. Pudding, so you are having a rough time too. Will be thinking of you (and stop worrying about talking about these things...if you cannot share this stuff with complete strangers like us, who could you share it with!?!) grin

Have just had my regular dose of birth control twin three-year-old-twin godchildren. I need a nap.

Haven't had a chance to look at the threads you ladies are discussing yet, am intrigued, however....

VAG We've just cycled home discussing that thread and I asked OH (whom some of you might recall is not long out of school) whether AIDS and condoms are synonymous and he said that yes, still drummed in to kids age 10/11 and their sex education at school included "most of you will get AIDS and die before you're 20".

I'm allergic to tequila.

It makes me fall over.

Here's something else for us all to get cat's bum about. grin

Oooh, count me out! I'm still a jibbering wreck recovering from my "hey, lets do tequila slammers" of 2 weeks ago.

<shudders & gulps at gin to calm nerves>

ps feel quite woozy over "retention" stories.

I hear you all - no, really, I can here you from here! Raucus lot. Anyway - the teenage-preggo-on-the-bus has just as much of a right to treat her body any way she sees fit but somehow not caring about the STD risks seemed to me so sad and awful. Especially the bit where she couldn't risk not getting "a shag" off "some random" if she mentioned a condom. But then I guess we are the AIDS generation and got over our fear of condoms pdq. The paedo comments were so awful too, unnecessary and mindless. If I'm honest I don't really understand why someone like that wouldn't abort if she felt she was unable to curtail her lifestyle even to the extent of not having unprotected sex with strangers. But then maybe I am a bit Hate Mail after all. I don't know. I think there's a world of difference between judging when a pregnant lady has a coffee and judging when listening to that conversation. But then I probably would say that.

I am reliably informed that tequila

a. makes you happy
b. is your get-out-of-jail-free card when you've started an argument ("It wasn't me, it was the tequila")
c. is readily available in shops

Maybe this entire thread needs a few slammers before wandering round the rest of mumsnet causing havoc?

runs in, punches everyone and throws in some more booze cos it looks like everyone needs it.

lol @ donttry Where are you arguing? Fancy a laugh..........

Oh no, really got myself into a ruck over on the teenage mother thread blush

Am knee deep in an argument about fucking carfumes about which I don't give an absolute shite!!! Ha ha, someone hide me!!!

At this rate we are going to need a group punch-up to make us all feel better!!

So sorry pud that is a crock of steaming dung. Would you like some absinthe? <proffers bottle> - always save the tough stuff for days like this...

I think there are plenty of women out there who drink and smoke throughout pregnancy in the comfort of their own home - and I really do think if a woman wants a sit down, a fag and a V&T - knock yourself out.

I am however really offended by the general "thickness" associated with such women. OH's ex (19, just given birth) started using condoms with her bf AFTER she got pregnant - wtf? Was she scared of having twins? Her mother tore her a new arsehole over that one. I find the screaming PAEDO at a man on a bus utterly abhorrent and whilst her maternal instincts may well kick in, she'll be growing another (imo) feral monster who verbally abuses people in the street. That is my problem.

pudding I'm sorry, would you like a cocktail and a punch to the arm?

's alright, will live...

just if i actually have sex i will end up in screaming agony (again)

which was not entirely what i needed to happen right now.

blaaaaaaah!! can't even be arsed to swear so it must be fairly bad. have banned self from google until i've seen the specialist

anyway trig i meant what i said, if any help.i could at least tell you what to expect if you did decide on surgery.

ta you lot. you're alright you are.

Oh no nolongerchunky sad

For once I am speechless & out of witty one-liners.

trig what a bunch of arse. Sounds worse than horrid.

pudding I don't even know if a manly pat on the back would help.

Sorry......

very well put camel mate.

pudding

fucketyfuckbollocksarsefuck

trig... mate, I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, the whole lot was retained, i didn't know I had miscarried so had to have the surgery (actually had to have it twice but that's another story)

it isa shit thing to be doing, and you have my utter sympathy. don't wanna go on about myself here but if you want to ask any questions, if that would help at all, please do. if its any help the surgery isn't actually that bad. not that anything i say will make you feel great about it, tbh i wouldn't try...

looks like i'm out of the ttc race for the forseeable future meself - unless that one shag will have done it (unlikely). appear to have some hideous auto-immune disease and have to see a specialist. what a fucking joke this year has been sad

Just to clarify, I didn't side with the OP on the thread VAG told us about. Lots of difficult issues there though I know.

I'm working "from home" today. So far have just surfed for holidays. I don't have anything to do though, I swear I'm not usually a slacker.

I jumped straight in with my comments on that thread, but then I am a stroppy caaaaa, who is just itching for a ruck, I am!

Yeah totally agree on the public property point - if anyone tried to wrestle my rolos and giant buttons and cuppa teas from me, I'd scream blue murder.

Oh, thank God that picture's a fake.

Apparently that picture is a fake, I've seen it before.

I do know exactly what you mean about the public property thing, in fact I was pondering how rude I found those comments at lunchtime. yes she should not be behaving like that - but no way would I ever comment because it's just nothing to do with me. If I was her HV or MW or sister etc then maybe, but not as a member of the public.

Northern Fortitude surely ought to be some lovely ale made by the Black Sheep brewery in Masham or somesuch?

Sorry for numerous posts - am bored at work!

But this picture has somehow made me feel a little less convinced about pregnancy.

VAG You know, that whole story sucks - but I'm really concerned about adding my voice to the multitude of middle-class mumsnetters going tut about evil-drunken-teenage-ignorant-slut.

<open feminist rant>
Yes, it's horrible and from my pov excruciating that someone who doesn't want a baby and is that daft about taking care of themselves gets one. But the instinct to treat her body as if it's public property because she's pregnant is icky. It comes from the same place as all the bastards judging us for daring to wait until we're in our thirties. Or from American legislators discussing treating all women of child-bearing age as if they're pre-pregnant. And that way illegal abortion lies. On that basis, I'm walking away from the justified anger.
<close feminist rant>

And now, back to our normal programming

trig fucking hell, that's awful. Northern Fortitude sounds to me like an early nineties sub-Oasis band, possibly because I'm thinking of Northern Uproar.

Don't be ski I am blessed with Northern Fortitude. <thinks: what a great name for a new brand of gin>

I am - I am going to Lancaster on Friday and not coming back till Wednesday <smugmode>. Without DP as well, so just me and my mum doing girlie stuff and an opportunity to meet up with some woefully neglected girl friends for chats about make up and boys grin

trig that's shit - I'm so sorry.

LOL. Why don't take some time off work and just dream about your 160 foot garden (mad jealous BTW). You can have a shed each! <shedenvy emoticon>

they recommend surgery. I recommend them thinking again unless they want to feel the back of my ring hand.

retention. what a lovely way of phrasing it.

Manly slap on the back. Chin up chick.

Oh god trigger retention? These medics have such a comforting way with words. Which option do they recommend?

Uterus update status report: there is 'retention'. Had bloods done once, will have them done again on Friday morning when, as luck would have it, I have to be at Euston to catch my 10.30 train back to my mother's for a few days away FROM ALL THE FUCKING STRESS. What I was really hoping for was to have to run round like mentalist prior to catching my train so I can raise my blood pressure by a few more notches.

I am going to be that first blood test ticket of the day at 8am so help me god. But apprently I have a choice, if hormone levels dictate unpleasantness, of a D&C or waiting till I have my AF in a fortnight's time. hmmmmmmm <strokes beard speculatively> decisions decisions....

VAG that is so depressing

Makes me so mad to read things like that when her baby is so unwanted and yet friends of ours who've been trying for a long while have found out he produces no sperm and is having an op to find out if they can correct that

ski you go up-diffed again girl!! See ladies, all you need is a good talking to from a patronising doc about "doing it right" and then you're super fertile!!!

VAG I will read that now. I must admit I did throw all my toys out of the pram and wail uncontrollably ruining OH's day when Pete Doherty managed to get that smackhead prossie pregnant in fucking rehab standing up in the fucking toilets back in Feb or so!

camel that's awful.

I know the Daily Mail does a lot in the way of hateful articles - but they have run with a few about how difficult it is to adopt if you're white and "normal".

ps in a neat circle of conversation, isn't it grossly unfair that this girl is updiffed and not us lovely wavering lushes? Shouldn't her ovaries be shrivelled by STIs by now?

ski - wow, quick work, girly!
trig - manly nod of comfort
donttry - ew

The rest of the lushes - oi oi! It's a Wednesday morning, not much of the week left and I had a GOF last night. That is all. In other news I have totally lost count of my mythical egging status. Pass the gin.

Lyra A mate of mine and her girlfriend were looking seriously into adoption, and the two options they had were equally unpalatable - either you can adopt a baby, but only after you've fostered it for a year, and helped re-unite it with its birth parents if at all possible, or you get the fucked-up toddlers. There's a big part of me that quite fancies the idea, though - even with all the crap that goes with it.

Ski, I wish that too. Or alternatively, that the signs of PMT and updiffednes weren't identical. Am having some sort of meltdown. I told the lovely husband last night that if we weren't pregnant this month, we were having sex every day of the next. He looked scared and shifty and muttered something about harpies but it was a bit low to catch...

trig poor you, that all sounds remarkably nasty. Apart from the house, which sounds amazing!

SLOW DOWN! I don't know if I'm diffed yet - I'm only 9DPO - I've had a few "symptoms" but tbh not as many as last month. This time last month I was feeling my uterus fluttering - although of course it would have been the first time ever that it had to do those stretching things. I wish the 2ww was more of a 24 hour wait and if you'd done a babyfail you could simply move on and try again. You know how you can take the pill back-to-back if you don't want bleeding, you should have a pill which makes a little egg pop out every day until you have babypass*.

*trig I'm so sorry, you poor thing - what a bloody palava. <friendly dead arm> I'm glad though that you're being taken seriously and that they'll investigate.

Lyra Yes, it's utterly bloody obscene - I was thinking about this today when cycling in to work. It's my belief that social workers (in general) were a more mature been around the block type woman who could take the baby away and report it as "in my belief the mother is an irresponsible crackwhore and her boyfriend has shifty eyes". Then I suppose somebody fucked up - and so that it never happens again guidelines and procedures were introduced. Which leads to Baby P type scenarios.

Right, I'm going off to my happy place. Oooh it's Threshers!

Ahhhh, that was reviving.

Roight, I can now say congrats to ski and good luck to trig.

I got OPKs cheap on t'internet - were nice and cardboardy too as opposed to horrible and plasticy.

Patrick Swayze actually looks good too in Point Break.

Lawks trig, sounds a bit blimmin complex to me, still, thank god for piss sticks cos otherwise you may not have been sufficiently aware to see a doc type. Hope it all comes good lady.

Ski - updiffed again? You're a pro!

I balked at the outrageous cost of OPKs this evening, I think temping might well be as sophisticated as this slattern gets. I have been frantically checking my CERVICAL MUCUS and I think it could well be egg whitey. Shame DH is away at the moment, idiot. Still, he made sure my weak old passages were chockablock full of the good stuff before his departure grin

donntry you rake!

tis the poodles toodles. grin

got a 160 ft back garden which DP observed would benefit from a toddler running helter skelter up and down it and a vegetable patch where 'it' could learn about nature and that innit.

On a slightly more angry

note I am going to the EPU again tomorrow morning on the advice of the doc to find out why on earth my pee sticks (as of yesterday) still register that I am 1-2 weeks zwanger despite having miscarried fully a fortnight ago. She was slightly concerned - I am vexed. Helpfully, she suggested that I may have been carrying twins, one of which has miscarried, one of which has 'failed to thrive' and ended up like my previous one, stuck fast but not amounting to much. Grrrrr angry

fucking geriatric body and its hostile environment. Don't want a booby anyway and I never said I did. <huff emoticon>

trig you LUNATIC - you've given up snowsports for a house? shock

Your house had better have er... bells on it!

Oh, and yay ski indeed.

Sorry, x-post. Obv the rest sounded rude, I meant the <slides dvd into machine> bit!

How did you manage to make that sound rude? Are you transmitting hormones over t'internet?

La la la la la <clamps hands on ears at talk of fistulas and pelvis breakages>

In other news, Point Break has arrived into the video store (ordered it frantically over the weekend>

Brilliant if you are updiffed ski! And if you are then you definitely don't want to know what a fistula is.

Yep UK adoption system seems utterly perverse. Not only do you have to be precisely 27 to adopt, but the authorities try again and again to force birth mothers who don't want/can't cope with their babies to take them back, and then finally hand them over to the adoptive parents when they are 2 or 3 and f*cked up beyond all redemption. Crackers.

Yay ski!!

Well I think it's 'yay' but am less sure after the direction this has all been going in lately.

It's a pretty good way of getting duffed - spend a bit of time contemplating the myriad reasons why now it's perhaps not the ideal time after all (worked for me-well,that and tequila)

Btw - I think I'm duffed. I nearly passed out in my body pump class and had to sit on my step, this is nOT like me. I'm probably definitely duffed because a really great job has come up in Amsterdam but it's a contract and they'd fire my arse the minute I went on maternity.

<little scared voice> What's a fistula? I am sitting down and I have a G&T at my side.

RunLyraRun From what I understand of the UK adoption system you need to be in your 20s and perfect physical specimens, financially and emotionally sound. i.e., the sort of person who doesn't wake up on her BOD thinking "fuck, I need to try and have a baby before it's too late" - essentially; us.

Camel, I have given some serious thought to adopting, but having read up on the British system it seems at least as much of a nightmare as actually giving birth <rock/hard place emoticon>

Lyra You could always adopt? Thus all the fun of the kids without the nasty Alien unpleasantness?

If you really want to put yourself off (and have a lovely righteous rage) this is brilliant.

Camel that's not helping! I have one friend whose pelvis separated (so she was on crutches for last 5 months of preg) and another whose abdominals have not come back together - what were they doing apart in the first place?

Oh this is definitely not for me

Careful, trig - statements like that surely equate to immediate updiffedness because the timing's wrong?

Lyra Don't forget the weirdy things that no-one bothers to mention until they happen -like your RIB CAGE EXPANDS! Randomly, it just does. Without warning. That's not normal.

Am FURIOUS this afternoon - have been winding self up on a private education thread. I need a nice cup of tea and a sit down.

ski the only alteration to any plans I have for snowboarding will be the on-handness of a nanny service. Honestly, the whole business of snow sporting will tighten up that tum nicely.

Been absent for a while - DP and I appear to have bought a fuck-off house over the weekend <rash decision making emoticon>. So.... can't afford a baby!!! <decisive at last>

Oh my god oh my god I've been reading horror stories on the childbirth forum all afternoon <Lyra runs around in circles shrieking like a loon> I feel sick but I can't look away. VAG, definitely don't go over there, you would faint again and may not come round this time.

Even the supposedly "beautiful, natural, positive" experiences sound horrendous. Everyone is covered in poo, and blood, and goo. People are ripping and tearing all over the shop. The word fistula has been mentioned on more than one occasion.

It's been said before, but I am certain that if men had to do this it would all have been sorted out by now.

I am NOT going to TTC. My fandango may well be out of bounds entirely. Forever.

pudding, I don't know as I use a digital fertility predictor, but I think there is a website (something like www.peeonastick.com or similar) that has people trying to interpret these things. You might also check out the manufacturer's website...they can be quite good with information (at least Clear Blue is).

Stupid question re ov tests...

Decided to do one to work out what's going on with my body...

It says that it's neg if test line lighter than control one,is that still the case if just a weeny bit lighter?

Am such a dumbass

Skiing 3 days after a c-section!!! The woman is clearly insane.

Lets drink to her insanity <raises tankard of G&T>.

ideal yeah we shagged before the cycle ride blush

. Well, it was my birthday!!!

pudding one of them went in to labour the day she was skiing... she refused to get in the ambulance because she was having such a lovely day.

I do think sex helps, it's something the fertility clinic advised us to do...

The whole skiing thing IS normality - i.e., I hand over $62 dollars and a baby and come back 6 hours later. How brilliant is that?

VAG I was proud that I was managing <<walking>> the day after!

Still am actually.ski obviously hangs out with Amazonian superheroes

That's better. I assume yesterday's silence was because you were all sleeping off the effects of a weekend of binge drinking and flirting with inappropriate men.

Cheers for words of advice, Sarah. Am determined to hold out on the POAS front until the beginning of next week.

Laurie If you bonked before he left on his cycling trip, you're still in with a chance this month.

Pudding <manly punch on upper arm> There's always the floor? Not suggesting that such gymnastics are the greatest idea, and carpet burn is painful, but we must all make sacrifices...

Ps ski ideal and everyone else that's poss upduffed...

Fingers crossed!

I had sex last night (hoo fuckin rah!!) which I believe increases chances of getting pregnant?am not sure actually when due to ov as cycles weird,and BOD looming,but hey...

Sorry have to wrestle small

ski... Course I know everyone is different n you may segue into the while thing rather better than me n dp (that would not be hard)

I think my point is that both me and dp realised,after we had got thru the first 3 months or so,that if we had just been prepared to put our lives on 'hold' rather than trying to carry on as normal we would have found things so much easier. The thing was we were so scared of that whole 'life as you know it is over' thing and so used to our 'suit yerself' set up that we tried to live like we had before...and for us,with a very..ummm..<<spirited>> baby that didn't sleep a lot and that cluster fed for hours every evening, normal life was out of the question.

We are both pretty sure that if we could go back in time we'd gladly put everything on hold for the first few months rather than fighting it,with the knowledge that it really does get better/easier.

But then I would have said the first couple of months (at least) are basically about survival.am obviously not as hard as your mate!I had an (emergency) c section and it fucking hurt.I was up and about quickly but was really not feeling good.

I know fuck all tho,only how it was for me.

ski I'll have a tankard of G&T if you've got one going spare (as if!). We in the Cosmo household managed to RUN OUT OF GIN last night shock

I had to mainline the wine to get over the trauma, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyhow, good news from me is that my company have agreed to paying me off instead of me working my notice so at least I get some cash to live on incase I don't get another job. And the other kind of good news is that my finger is still firmly in the pie from the other week, so I may end up v ok indeed.

Happy Birthday laurie. Can I interest you in a tankard of G&T?

pudding As if you're going to ov this weekend given your impending BOD. I bet every time you bend over you hear a sort of crackling... like walking of dry leaves in autumn.

As for skiing... I want to be able to continue asap - but I wouldn't book anything until at least 2 weeks after. I ski with "bettys" and one of them was skiing 3 days after a c-section! faints I just don't know. I had major surgery 4 years ago and drove home from the hospital the next day... but you just don't know how you'll feel. I've never had a head come out of my fango before.

Laurielou have you considered a drunken lunch date with an ex? wink

Morning lushes.

Thanks for the birthday wishes - if I don't stop to think about it I don't feel a day over BOD!!!

Sorry to continue the grumpy thread but humpf. Boyf has now gone away on his charidee cycling thing until the end of the week, & I'm pretty sure I'm OV'ing (surely you don't need gussett details). Sod it. On the plus side I can watch cr*p girly TV & take over the bed by sleeping like a starfish for a few nights.

Off to peruse the AIBU thread - I like it that other people are also sulky at times.

Toodle-lou!!

Oh yeah ideal what a right pain in the hole. And Canada was just an idle dream trip - nothing booked or nuffin.

Just a quickie to say Happy birthday laurielush, and cosmo for a bit of drama (for me, not for you of COURSE) why don't ya POAS. Ya never know....a bleed without a ranty few days leading up to it may not be what you think.

ski have to say i agree with nolongerchunky but was afraid to say it. My sis (she of three kids and all knowledge) has mountaineering friends who are due a baby soon and really want to keep up the climbing trips. She said what they don't realise is that for the first while they just won't want to.
You will ski again though missus, so get that knitting needle out of yer fango.

And helloooo everyone else.

So grumpy now I posted something horribly snooty on a AIBU thread...somebody gag and bind me....!

pint of wine. brilliant smile

my bloke said he used to quite often have a pint of wine when he was living alone in batchelor pad.

saved him getting up to fill the glass grin

that boy make me so proud <roll eyes>

oh and happy 37th laurielou. glad you got to celebrate it in style. i'll be spending my 37th getting me follicles measured or counted or some such life.

first sober birthday for ... ooh not writing that number of years down shock

anyway - hope lack of posting isn't coz everyone is glum.

i'm working too hard at mo - but am with you all in spirit

x

Thanks Sarah. am just conscious that whinging about life n relationship after having a kid is a bit..ummm... Un-TTC-y if ya know worri mean. As is missed miscarriage.

I would go n pester another thread but have never felt so at home anywhere on mn. So you lovely lushes are stuck with me....

And sorry laurielou the me me me thing got in the way of saying happy birthday! I shall have a pint of wine in your honour.

And back to
me me me...BOD precisely 1 week today.and think I may be ov'ing at w'end...dunno tho as am still not back to normal...dp's mum here at weekend tho. And our bed is so noisy we may as well go and have sex at the foot of her bed in the spare room.so yeah,of fucking course I will be ov'ing at w'end.and not having sex.

<throws tonic and lemon wedges into the mix>

Happy Birthday LaurieLou! Scotland sounds lovely. <raises glass>

ideal, be strong and repeat after me: "I will not POAS. I will not POAS."

Cosmo, glad you are pleased about AF's arrival.

pudding, glad you are feeling a bit better. You never need to apologise for talking about this stuff....

Where is everybody today? (I know I tried to post earlier and had probs.) Hope everyone is having a good Monday morning!

Oh and nocoffee it's recycling day tomorrow so I have a lot of empty bottles to fling at yer babydusty head! evil grin

Ps umm cheers everyone for being nice about me being down <<pudding mumbles into her beer>>

Ok am going to try and return to the palace...am missing it. Still a grumpy bitch tho.

Umm ski hate to be the one that mentions this but never mind putting the baby on the plane,there is actually a reasonable chance that you <gulp> won't actually feel like skiing when the critter is that small...

By which I don't mean you never will again,but it's not a bad idea not to expect too much of yourself for a bit-it was still a bit of a triumph when small was that age if we were both actually dressed by the end of the day (am serious mate)

on the plus side I have taken a 14 mo long haul,it was fairly horrible but fucking worth it!

And in sept we are taking small sailing for a week in Greece.which is properly insane.I also went sailing when about 6 months pg so he's been before...

Nocoffee Duck! <throws enormous bottle of Tesco Value gin, not wasting the good stuff on babydust>

Happy birthday Laurie. Mmmm. Whisky. Hope it was the good stuff. In Inverness once, my posh bird best friend claimed, totally seriously, that the good single malt was cheaper north of the border. As if Scotland was a duty-free country. Honestly.

Cosmosis Hassle-free period sounds good. Well done you.

All of my "symptoms" seem to have disappeared, which suggests that I had some kind of flu, rather than some kind of pregnancy. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate the two-week wait. <goes bang with rage and slinks off>

ski you just feed the baby to make sure it's swallowing. Sorted.

Well I was totally suprised to find that I started my period yesterday. My temps were all over the place this month, so not sure I ov'd and had no indication that period was imminent, no spots, no bloating, no insane winges about how little housework he does. Just bleeding. Weird. 36 day cycle, so less than last time too.

Pleased.

Cheers Laurie, happy birthday you big lush! I love Scotland, v jealous.

Sounding hopeful on the updiffedness you lot; I have a bit of catching up to do as I haven't yet ovd yet - shiny new temping chart tells me not, and I'm disturbingly aware of my mucus <shrivels away grimacing, but is quite proud of new found scientific 'knowledge'>. Bonking like mad though AND have been shoving pillow 'neath my buns on a daily basis AND knocking back the grapefruit juice AND making sure I get some satisfaction wink

so I'm --setting myself up for another babyfail-- getting hopeful.

Ski I too have the same skiing dilemma but have decided to book a last minute long weekend in Jan so I'm not ruling out the possibility.

Babydust everyone! <dodges flying crystal tumblers and empty bottles>

Evening lushes! Well, I've returned from my week in Scotland "celebrating" my 37th birthday. Ovaries are not shrivelling though, they are pickled in their current state due to large intake of whiskey.

So back to reality of work & TTC tomorrow - boo, hiss. This week could possibly be ovulation week - whilst DP cycles from North to South Wales on some charidee bike ride mallarkey. Nice timing.

Been temping the last month - no surge yet. But possible chosen the worst month as lots of drinking for various birthdays.

Have to book in for blood tests next week to see if I've OV'd, & DP is surprisingly up for booking in for his "downstairs MOT" as he's called it.

Anyway, think that's my catch up in a nutshell. Before the healthy eating & detox begins think I'll just have a wee dram.......

Thanks, people! Sarah - I'm due to start bleeding on the Monday, so maybe we can stop one another from reaching for the early test kits? Have felt like I might be updiffed every cycle for the last six months, so think that the symptoms could be psychosomatic. Or possibly just psycho.

Ski Out of interest, I googled the babies-on-a-plane question (like snakes on a plane, with more screaming) and looks like you can take them flying from birth. You just need to ensure they're swallowing at take-off.

don'ttry Think I missed the Canada thing - what were you supposed to be doing?

donttry LOL@Beachyhead - and that is a real pita about Canada.

Sarah I hadn't realised that about the flying, I thought the problem was in that the baby's ears would get blocked and of course you can explain to a toddler that they need to swallow. I will have to look in to this - but you may have given me a wee glimpse of hope! wink

Auckland could be broken up of course with a night or two in the far East. Argentina's skiing isn't so great, I'd prefer Chile. But the flights to Chile are pretty ghastly and I'm actually ahem shit scared of the drive from Santiago to the resorts. blush

It's all possible though.

I've also been invited skiing with my girls in Vermont in december and I will be 5.5 months.

gently weeps#

We've decided to have a long weekend in NYC in the autumn if I am now pg.

Symptom wise - I'm sat here in my knickers and a vest top because the sweat is pissing off me (it's overcast and rainy). I've been having weird dreams.

idealcamel I lost my breakfast and lunch on about 7/8DPO...

Sarah its not for nothing they call Oasis and their ilk yob-rock <donttry purses lips snootily>

PS I love R4 too and download podcasts including Women's hour.

Hate the Archers though.

Also love Stuart and Maconie though on R2 so does that bring my mental age down from 70s to 40s? <probably not>

ideal - have you been hitting the tequila again? Coz if not, it sounds like you is up-diffed sistah.

nolongerchunky moan away, I don't mind <affectionate jumping head butt>
I am psycho with this pregnancy and drove DP out of the house yesterday with my hysterical rantings. He ended up on Beachy Head (suicide spot) and a wandering chaplain asked him if he was going to jump shock

(he was only out for a fecking walk, albeit in the dark and rain!).

ski YANBU. I feel VERY resentful as I came to the slow realisation that I probably need to give Canada a miss as I don't really want to be out in the wilds and pregnant in case of complications. Also may be too wrecked to hike/canoe (slept for 4 hours on the sofa yesterday). Grrrrrr.
Any more symptoms you? How fab if you were up-diff!

Pudding, I hope you are feeling better. I totally sympathise and say, if you need a me day, take it. (Reference earlier discussion about flopping on the floor and throwing a tantrum: maybe you need to try it!!!!) grin

Idealcamel, I am 7dpo too and having similar symptoms (or at least spotting them).... I think it is totally normal to be a bit obsessive about this stuff. I have promised myself that I will not POAS until next Sunday (AF due), unless of course AF arrives.... We can support each other in the ignore all "symptoms" test....

skihorse, it is completely acceptable to take an 8-week-old on a long flight. Apparently, it is the best time to do it! (Think about people who adopt babies abroad or the expats who are living here and fly home to the antipodes to show off their poop factories bundles of joy to their families....) If you think Auckland is too far away, have you considered Argentina? Is that a shorter flight? Pregnancy/childbirth will change our lives (hopefully for the better), but it is reasonable to preserve the things that are really important to you!

So I went to see Oasis last night and decided I am definitely middle aged. The clincher was when the louts at the back started throwing full cups of beer/water/urine from the tops of the seats and I started getting hit. My thoughts were not "Ah, isn't it nice to see exuberant youth." Instead I thought, "I am going to write a letter to Wembley Stadium about this. And I am going to copy the newspapers." If that ain't middle aged, I don't know what is.... (In my defense, I was told by a health and safety steward "It's to be expected. I can't watch everything, you know." Why, I ask, can't they then hire more staff...!) Sorry. Done with my little rant. angry

Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday!

pudding Although we're clearly a bunch of sarcastic & cynical BESHs, that surely means we're just more entitled to memememememe moments?

ski The thought of careering at 3 gazillion miles an hour down something very, very high terrifies the bejaysus out of me. Having said that, feel free to be miserable about the constraints that pregnancy will place on life - they clearly suck. I'm pretty sure you could put an 8 week old baby on a plane; they're still mostly sleeping at that point. Sleeping and howling. It won't make the baby that unhappy. It might make your fellow passengers want to kill you, though.

Um...can I just ask people? Am going crazy with might-be-virus, might-be-pregnancy symptoms. Woken up night before last with crazy nausea (it can't be in my head if it actually woke me up, right?). Nausea through yesterday which went away when I ate. Nausea and retching this morning which went away when I ate. My head aches, I'm spotty and I have uncomfortable lower back pain. But I'm about 7dpo, probably. It's just in my head, no?

pudding awww, don't worry - we all have me, me, me days and feel sorry for ourselves. <gives pudding a dead arm>

I had a MAJOR wobbly/me-me-me moment yesterday afternoon. I will now explain why as you all start slagging me off and saying "that woman doesn't deserve to be a mother". I spent most of the afternoon counting on my fingers whether it would be possible to ski this season if I am pg this month. I could "possibly" get a few days in November in Norway... but I don't have much holiday left for this year (I mean ANY - I'd have to pull a sickie).

Baby would be due end of march so that rules pretty much everything out. By the time I'm back on my feet it would be end of April and I HATE spring conditions - anyway, wtf is left at the end of April?

In June/July it starts up in the southern hemisphere - but what sort of a monster puts an 8 week old baby on a flight to Auckland?

So basically I spent the whole afternoon feeling really fucking miserable because I won't get to go skiing this winter. blush

Sorry for 'all about me'-ness of that post.

Manly backslaps all round.

Just dropping in to the palace to report that I'm still alive,just fucking miserable.

Having a bit of a bad patch with (d???hmm)p and small is cutting his molars so I'm not getting any sleep.

Don't really feel this is the place to post my woes as it's all a bunch of missed and missed again miscarriage,exhausting parenthood,distant partners type stuff which is entirely inappropriate for a ttc soirée.

So am going to sit n watch scrubs reruns and sink a bottle of wine.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

I feel much better about my middle-aged-ness now. smile

In my defense (I hope), I am going to see Oasis tonight. On the other hand, perhaps that is also a sign of middle age. <Slinks off to listen to R4.>

Oh ski I hope so!!! Yippee!

This is my radio schedule:

Today programme on alarm clock
R6 for breakfast
Would love to listen to womens' hour but at work... same for afternoon play
R6 and XFM (Adam and Joe) on Sat
Archers omnibus on Sun am

Old fogey, moi?

I hate comfy shoes, and I am a crap knitter, but i do have a proliferation of home grown produce in the garden. I grow a mean lavender bed. I also sew me own curtains.

Party on

How about chucking blastocysts at you? Medical without the cutesy? O just utterly gross?

These two weeks make us all crazy...

Ha! Who are we trying to kid with our young lifestyles? We're all fucking fogies. I love a bit of R4 and download podcasts all the time.

Even OH at his tender age of 23 (go ahead girls, giggle) has started complaining that the "words make no sense" when he hears pop songs. That's the start of a slippery slope right? He was also very offended by the jaunty angle a teenager was wearing his hat at.

I've gone crackers, I think I'm pg again. I'm 4DPO and I've got all the symptoms I had last month at this stage... hmm

I realise the BD word is banned, so maybe someone can throw some child metorites at me?

Hey Lyra. I loves me a bit of Radio 4 for the news, Women's Hour and for the evening comedy - but have you ever spent the day (like, a weekday) listening to it? You and Yours? The Archers? It's like being trapped in middle-class hell.

Feel like I drank all the gin last night. Which is weird, because I had NO BOOZE. Is it possible to have a reverse hangover? Or do I have pig flu? (hmm, hypochondriac much...?)

Hello Aerie, not sure that we've met, I've only been here for <counts bottles of gin on fingers> a couple of weeks. I'm not even TTC yet (because of the ANGST), so am a bit of an interloper. Sorry to hear about the job mate

.

Camel, what's wrong with Radio 4?!? I graduated straight from R1 to R4 when I turned 30, and it's bloody brilliant <starts petition to tune the Gin Palace stereo to R4 - permanently>

lol at womens institute grin

apparently the new version is really 'hip'. hmm

really girls. what happened in here? shock

<surveys carnage of comfy shoes, baked fancies and knitting needles>

idealcamel i'm with you all the way with killing plants, tv and internet.

how does anyone find the time to do anything else?

i do have grey hairs to deal with though and have started spending a tenner on shampoo rather than 2 quid 50.

does that make me a grown up?

[hopeful]

Good God, people. I joined a gin palace, not Radio Four. And I have no sneaky hobbies to 'fess up; I kill plants, I haven't knitted since I was twelve...I do spend a lot of time on the internet and I watch an awful lot of tv and I read. And now I see why I never fill in the 'hobbies' section of my CV, dagnabbit.

ski Yucky day you had, lady. I hope the weekend is filled with gin and A game to make up for it.

Oh you should've said you were going on holiday - for me, nothing brings on my period quicker than the prospect of a long flight and airport/plane toilets!

The nurse midwife only works on Mondays and Tuesdays (helpfully) so I'm going to phone her on Monday for some advice. Not bleeding anymore and no pain so I'd be surprised if there was anything still there. I'll do another test over the weekend, as there might be the faintest trace being picked up. Will seethe if I need to have a D&C - can't even clear myself out properly angry

. Still, at least the chances of being updiffed this month are slim and, as luck would have it, AF will pay me a visit whilst I'm taking a well earned holiday in Cyprus at the beginning of August. bitchbollocks.

trig Fine really, it's just that today was a big day because I'm letting the horse go. I'd turned the phone off because I was snigger "working from home" so picked it up on voicemail. I suppose I didn't realise how interconnected it all was... she just wanted to know whether I wanted to use the hospital maternity unit/outside midwives/another hospital. Tbf she was just checking up on me - you know, me being a foreigner and not knowing the rules, what to do and when type thing. But yes, it was another reminder of my WD40 uterus.

How are you doing anyway? Have you spoken to the doc again about your still positive test? I'm wondering if you'll need a D&C? It doesn't seem to be clearing out of your system.

I knitted them! smug face

oh ski they're an insensitive bunch of bitches ain't they. You ok?

Hang on - you bought them?? you didn't grow them?? hmm

PS It just never ends. My fertility clinic gynae phoned today to congratulate me on my pregnancy as she'd received the letter from the dietician saying I wasn't a fat munter beyond pregnancy and YES, I've managed to find a boy to fuck me. She asked me if it was single, twins or triplets! shock

Now, we've discussed twins at home... but we've never even thought about triplets - I mean, have you?

One good thing came to light, when I'm pregnant again, first scan will be at 7 weeks as standard which I think is nice and early.

Oh and I've just bought 3 lemons so who'll join me?

jesus - I went out for a few hours and I've stumbled across the WI! shock

I don't knit - I don't get it. I grow fruit & veg though and I really like hanging out with my bloke & walking the dogs. I like a good sit - although wasn't it better when we were young and it was "a fag and a nice sit down". sigh

Took my horse to her new home this evening - she's on a 2 week trial so touch wood it all works out. Particularly in view of the fact the person who drove the horsebox said it was such a horrible route she won't be going back... so if something goes wrong I'll be riding her home hmm

I think the geekiest thing I do is wax my own skis, nobody waxes like mama. <wax on, wax off>

That's a great help thanks DTTAH hmm

Luckily DP is away on a slag stag weekend in Bournemouth so I can raid the stash grin

Good luck chegger <hearty manly slap on back>

<sneaks off to stalk vag and shaz on wool porn site.

Trig were you thinking of Hard Mechanics 3

Or perchance Mechanics on Booty <helpful face>

Fuck me I go shopping for Doc Martens (so ashamed was I of owning a pair of Footgloves - although they came in v handy for trailing round Westfield)for FIVE MINUTES and when I come back everyone has taken up knitting and dug in some raised beds.

I'm ashamed of you all VAG it cannot be 10 years since you've put your crocheting down and had a bloody good night on the champagne and charlie? Skater? Sez? Are you going to spontaneously dessicate and smell of wee too?? Oh woe! I thought I was bad by managing to keep 2 hanging baskets alive this year...

On the plus side one of my threads is featuring in Discussions of the Day!! Bow down tramps grin

Long time, no see everyone. Been keeping a low profile as I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself - sodding new job ended up falling through at the last minuted, so onto month 19 (gulp) of unemployment :-(

I've been stalking you all keeping up to date in the meantime and you've made me grin

plenty!

As for fogey-ish behavior - I built my own raised beds, 4 of 'em, no less and they are brimming with an assortment of fresh fruit and veg as we speak <polishes halo> I take my inspiration from Percy Thrower, although I do like to dig sans bra a la Charlie Dimmock <checks boobs aren't looking saggy as a result>

I have also gotten into sewing and cross-stitch shock

of all things. These hobbies are good as you can have nice sit down with your feet up in front of the telly with a G+T, and feel that you're still doing something productive wink

Have a great weekend everyone, I think I'm off hiking and camping if I can get my arse in gear and get things sorted and packed

It's too late for me - I have always been a fan of comfortable shoes and nights in with a good book. Had a bit of a wild year between boyfriends about 10 years ago though.... <reminisces>

Pah! to your simple gardening, you lushes, I have built (well, forced DH to build, causing row as per usual) a RAISED BED for the growing of fruit and veggies. I have proudly eaten 6 home-grown strawberries and 2 whole radishes this very week!

trig, I bought a pair of M&S Footgloves yesterday. They are soo comfy but I'm thinking of taking them back because of their ovary-dessicating properties.

Ooh! I have a hypothesis! Which comes first, the shrivelling or the old-lady hobbies/clothing?

If we stick to dancin/drinking/shaggin and STEP AWAY FROM THE FOOTGLOVES, maybe our eggs will extend their sell by date?

Ah, am a book club attendee as well. I once made all my cycling club mates rofl because I passed up a night mtb ride for a book club meeting grin

Cosmosis, I looked at some trousers the other day in Monsoon and I was like "£40! But they're not even lined!". Just like a mum.

I am wearing Accessorize flipflops and jeans to work today - but I do work for a charidee.

My "elderly" activities of choice are gardening and book club. Going to Hampton Court Flower show this w/end and am far too excited about it!

In the interests of balance, I am going to a dance music festival the following weekend and intend to get very messy indeed.

Kudos to your knitting-book listing, Sarah! - very impressive! I have 3 books to date. I also had a nosey on your library page - think we have quite similar book tastes too. You're an internet queen for pages!

I joined Twitter yesterday - leaping into the 21st century! Not really sure what I'm going to use it for other than reading what Stephen Fry had for breakfast.

Cosmo, knitting is disturbingly addictive and very calming (at least for me). It does bring out my most clucky instincts, though! I highly recommend it.
VAG--have added you as a friend right back. (I'm new too...8 months or so knitting.)

Oh yes, knitting is very good for sitting.

Hmm, I think I like the idea of knitting. Am open to anything than can extend my sitting time tbh.

Sarah - ooh you are, like, a real person on ravelry! - I am still in denial disguise all over the interweb. I have boldly added you as a friend but feel free to distance yourself if you wish.... As you will see am very new to this knitting lark and not averse to flinging needles across the room in disgust.

Knitting does dovetail nicely into my other hobby of....sitting.

Knitting is uber cool, you're ok there Sarah.

Yes, VAG--I'm on ravelry, same user name (feel free to look me up there). (I have no shame....) I am so glad I am not the only one....

Right now, I am doing my first sock. Have just finished a hoodie and booties for the soon-to-arrive first nephew. <clucks broodily> And am working on a blanket for same nephew and a cardigan for my MiL's b-day (in October)....

Since I have not a whit of street cred.... Sarah what are you knitting? Are you on ravelry.com?

I also knit. Oh god there is no hope.

VAG, Cosmo, Trig, if it makes you feel any better, I've been knitting all day.... Does that make me young and hip and crafty in modern make-do Britain, or just a granny before I am a mum...?! blush

Monty Don? Pah! It's not been the same since Geoff Hamilton died. I heart Geoff Hamilton.

We will be watching Gardeners World tonight. DH was gutted that he missed it last week cos his Mum was visiting.... It's not the same since Monty Don left, though.

Oh I do like a nice sit down. Perhaps with a little sigh.

DH and I were having a conversation the other day about "things we like"

My list was;
cooking
digging my garden & growing stuff
pottering round my house
washing on the line
sitting

His response?

Are you actually 70???? grin

I'm wearing Ecco shoes blush

. I have bunions. Some may think I am overenthusiastically embracing middle age....

<Tries to think of offsetting cool thing done this week/month/year. Fails. Faints again.>

I have a pair of M&S Footglove shoes blush

I seem to be quickly sliding down the not so gentle slope in to middle age. I have just been for lunch and two incidents have disturbed me.

1) A young couple were having lunch in the park, and as they got up to leave I noticed she was wearing hareem mchammer type trousers. My first thought was a shocked "I hope she's not wearing those to work, how unproffessional"

2) I went in to M&S to see what the dine in for a tenner meal was this week. Now clothing wise, for work I am a pencil skirt, lewins shirt, high heel wearing kind of gal. Outside work I'm more your jeans, fitted t-shirt, Roxy, Animal, White Stuff wearer. I found myself distracted by the clothing in M&S and thinking some of it was Quite Nice. Until I looked at my fellow shoppers and realised I was a good 20 years under their age range.

When I start wearning Sensible Shoes and extoling the virtues of viscose and elasticated waistbands, please shoot me.

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Mid 30s TCC Gin Palace