TTC for 10+ months, part 10

(1000 Posts)
princesschick Mon 17-Sep-12 12:21:10

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

joycep Tue 18-Sep-12 15:52:51

I got back from spain yesterday so am a bit behind with everything. Just had my pre-op assessment which was fine although I was very teary during the meeting. Tiredness and AF not good combo.

sarlat - wishing you the very best of luck today. Everything is crossed for you!!

lemon - i am sorry to hear you got a pregnancy announcement at this time. sad I had exactly the same during my miscarriage and it was deeply depressing. I also hated it when people said at least you can get pregnant. give yourself times to grieve , i found it came in horrible waves. Massive hug.

rabbit - i am very sorry to hear AF came after toying with you like that. Have you always had a long luteal phase?

missmed - all is sounding positive for you. woohoo.

buzzy - how are you feeling a the moment? I'm so sorry that mrB was crying the other night. That would break me and I'm sure my husband does behind my back.

mrsden - i have found ttc such a big strain that I find it difficult to cope with other problems. I feel like a huge failure in this part of my life and i hate social situations as the question inevitably comes up.

pout - you are obviously very creative and i second what others have said about maybe starting something small. If you start mapping out a plan, it may give you a boost and get you excited about something. this journey is so miserable i find it difficult to get excited about many things.

critter - sorry to hear that you haven't responded to the first lot of drugs. You probably just need an uppage. Will return to Neal's Yard to re-purchase the rose oil.

princess - i have heard all that about decaf coffee/tea. I heard decaf was worse. Do you think 2 or 3 cups of tea are alright? It's literally my one final pleasure!! I knew someone who drunk 3 red bulls a day and drank it through her pregnancy. [stamps feet at unfairness]

artemis - that's good you are feeling less panicked about ivf after the open evening. I would also like to squeeze a cycle in before xmas but not sure i will be able to. Mr J is also infuriating about staying healthy. I am furious with him at the moment as I smelt cigarettes on him last week. [my nose sniffs out ciggy smoking as convincingly as it sniffs out pregnancies]. The trouble is he is so stressed at work and he smokes to get him through it. I hate being the wicked witch but smoking is such a no no especially now. He likes to drink to unwind as well and I'm not sure he can keep up the healthiness.

doll - i can't believe you could do a round of ivc next month. When do you think you will decide?

Well another cycle has started for me. This must be in the mid 30s by now. Sigh.
So my mother called me last night. And it went something like this, "so by chance we have heard of other people who have your problem. There seems to be something going around. A couple of Jenny's cousins had your problem and the answer was very simple apparently. So you shouldn't get this operation before speaking to Jenny."

WTF? I was like "are you trying to tell me that there is a bug going round that is causing infertility?". I just despair! Firstly, Jenny is a friend of my father who none of us like. My mother would never talk to her so that means my father has been discussing "my problems" with her and then getting my mother to call me. She has never wanted children and so has not been through it so I expect has heard along the grapevines about her cousin. Plus I am shock that he would choose to discuss our ttc issue with this woman.

Secondly , I cannot believe that they honestly think that there is something going around for me to catch infertility. They are intelligent parents so how could they think this?! And not only that but telling me there is a simple cure to "my problem". There could be a million reasons why i can't get pregnant and so to wrap my issues up with other people is simply ridiculous. I saw angry and am shock at how many people they have been discussing this with and then to start saying I shouldn't be having my op. RANT RANT RANT

Anyway, I think I am pretty stressed about everything. I have not been sleeping properly for weeks now. Every night I am having horrible dreams and I keep meeting friends in my dreams with their babies. Weirdly during the day I think I have been coping ok but it seems to seep out at night.

Waves to everyone else. I'm a bit conscious I have missed people off but now am back after my reallly long 3 day holiday, I'm back on bored threat numero 10. I know we shouldn't have deadlines but by thread 20 I want to be pregnant please!!

buzzybee123 Tue 18-Sep-12 16:34:53

joyce welcome back smile sorry for the tears with the pre op, when is it going to happen or have they not given you a date?? I'm shock angry shock angry at your parents, although I did also laugh at had ludicrous it sounded, sorry blush I think they mean well but they just don't think and I suppose its natural for parents to want to help their children even though they have grown up, although tactless to discuss it without your permission. If only it was catching and curable, I'd call Jenny myself.
I too worry about how many people know our situation MIL invited me out to dinner with some of her friends, nice ladies but I did think how many know and how many will ask me baby things so said no, can't face it really
My sleep gets affected too and I sometimes feel it is having a major affect on my health

Poutintrout Tue 18-Sep-12 17:27:46

Welcome back joycep I am glad that your pre-op is over with. I found that bit the most annoying since it involved loads of waiting around and not very much happened!
I must admit I am horrified by what your mother said. While it is funny that apparently infertility is now a bug grin I can understand why you would be annoyed at being told to put your op on hold.
Like you and buzzy I am very concerned at how many people my mother has told. It is really bugging me actually and making me very angry at my mother that she dared spill my personal business when I specifically asked her not to.

critter I hope that they get your drug dosage right soon.

Sarlat how are you doing?

princess wow, you never cease to amaze me with your knowledge about stuff. Thank God you mentioned the decaff thing I was toying with switching. Thank you!

doll grin at Little Doll - what a cutie.

artemis I did chuckle at your thoughts of buying sperm grin

Like you joycep I am in the thirties of cycles (I think it's 32 failed ones, maybe 33. It is kind of bad that there are so many I forget) and I'm now utterly despondent. I have AF rumblings which is about right for the bitch to show up anytime tonight. So ladies I have decided that enough is enough. I finally get the hint that my body is absolutely refusing to get pregnant naturally so I give up. I am embarrassed that all you lovely ladies are still trooping on but I officially throw in the towel. I will still have the IVF next year but as far as timed shagging and OPKs, worrying about ovulation days, using preseed, having sex when I don't want it and Clomid go, I quit. You ladies have been so amazing and I love you all loads but while I will still check in sometimes (if that's okay) I think I need to step back a bit from MN and feeling like I am TTC & go cold turkey to avoid being sucked back into the futile cycle of hitting my head against a brick wall grin I wish you loads of luck and I am sure that this will be a lucky thread. Luffs and tail plumping, and chimp feeding XXX

buzzybee123 Tue 18-Sep-12 18:07:20

oh pout I am so sorry you feel that way, this really is the shittiest of places to be, I understand that you want to step back but we are always here for you and we'll miss you loads too, big hugs x

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Tue 18-Sep-12 18:15:48

So sorry you feel like this pout and I wouldn't want to tempt you back, if you really do need to step back, but I'll miss you lots sad

Not much else to report, except that I cried at the new job today. Thankfully at an email, and I dried my tears before my new boss arrived, who I apparently had an appointment with, although her secretary failed to tell me...

Keeping everything crossed for a sticky frostie sar!

Details. Life still sucks at this end, and I'll use that as an excuse to fail comprehensively to name check! And I'll just echo pout's sentiment that you're all lovely.

Oh and re: creative industry plots and plans: I am in AWE, whether or not anything happens. I jsut do WORK and lots of it. I am counting down til the weekend, is that bad on Tuesday evening?

princesschick Tue 18-Sep-12 18:28:10

We will miss you pout sad All the best and we're here if you need us. Xxx

buzzybee123 Tue 18-Sep-12 18:28:45

lemon I feel like that on that Tuesday every week, I cried like a baby at work and didn't care, its totally natural under the circumstances, I can understand that you don't want them to know, but maybe a long weekend would give you some time

CocoAndNuts Tue 18-Sep-12 19:09:49

joycep I'm shock at your mum. Parents mean well but can come out with the craziest stuff. I have been shocked by the number of people that have been told by my mum, my boss, even my OH about my mc. I'd be angry about it but Ginger seems to be focusing her rage inwards.

lemon sorry about the tears. I had to tell people at work because my boss is a bitch and would have thought I was skiving and treated me like shit. I found myself in tears on several occasions and was fortunate to be able to hide in HR until they dried. You need to give yourself a break because struggling through will not make it easier.
Big hugs to you xx

Victoria Sponge, flapjacks and chips n dips can be found in the purple tent for those that need them.

Please feel free to take a goody bag with you pout and come back to say 'Hi'. We're going to miss you.

buzzybee123 Tue 18-Sep-12 19:21:12

coco my boss was a bitch too, still is but on maternity leave right now angry she actually called me at the hospital after my ERPC angry Charlie would like to keep Ginger company in the purple tent smile

CocoAndNuts Tue 18-Sep-12 19:26:16

Two chimps in a purple tent with cake ... sounds messy... and fun grin

buzzybee123 Tue 18-Sep-12 19:29:46

Charlie promises to behave wink

CritterPants Tue 18-Sep-12 19:30:26

Hello lovelies,

doll I can't believe that you could be IVFing next month. That is unbelievably quick. I absolutely loved the story about little doll barking to let you know he's awake, he sounds so precious. Well done on the weekend shagging. I agree that weekdays are always a bit tricky!

pout I am sad sad sad that you're going, but totally understand. You have been so generous and such a wonderful support on this board and it's an understatement to say that we'll all really, really massively miss you. I wish you peace, and hope you'll be back some time to let us know how you are (but no worries if not!) As others have said, you know where to find us if you need us!

ten I loved your story about the calendar request (and yours too princess!) grin

princess Dairy is totally the hardest thing for me to give up. I can live without booze and caffeine, but a life without my beloved full-fat Total yogurt and cheese fills me with grief. I'm going to have a final late night yogurt binge tonight and then sadly say goodbye to it for a while.

artemis I have the frankincense facial oil. I bloody love it - not quite as much as the rose oil, but it's nice to have a change. Love the chimps waving their tail feathers - sounds like a crazed version of the Rio carnival!

gin I'm really excited for your next cycle - October is right around the corner!

joyce your story about your mum was hilarious and infuriating in equal amounts. Poor you. Love the idea of it being a virus.

I have missed people but got to go - will be back in a bit.

sarlat Tue 18-Sep-12 19:45:48

Quick post ladies. Sorry this is breif and I am not name checking with everyone.

Medusa - hooray and fingers crossed for the next sca.
Lemon - To begin with shock can mask the emotions. But m/c is very painful. Thinking of you.
Joyce - I am sorry about the pre-op and your mum and dads 'helpful' hmm suggstions not.
Pout - I think you are sensible, you are taking time for you. We are so much more than TTC beings and we need to remember this. Have a well deserved rest from the mentalling but do come back here the minute you need some chat / support. Big big hugs.

Wow- at all the IVF cycles coming up. Remember IVF is another route to try and can be exciting. It doesn't mean last chance saloon.

Thank you for all the good luck wishes for this morning. I could feel the vibes. Well I went in to hospital this morning with butterflies in my tummy, and came our with a little embryo in my tummy. grin I am still quite calm and optomistic. The first embryo they thawed didn't make it. The second did really well and after thaw contiued to divide so this was transfered back. The transfer didn't go smoothly. The first cathater didn't go in as they found a kink in my cervix and so had to use a different type of tube. Therefore it took longer and was more uncomfortable but I was happy to do it of course.

Now trying to be happy and positive. No drugs is great so far. I'm off back to the sofa now to find me chocolate and mags.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Tue 18-Sep-12 20:02:08

Keeping stuff crossed for your little embie. Yay for dividing but hiss boo to the failed other thaw

Don't worry, the shock did not hide my emotions, I wailed constantly for the first 4 days after getting the bad news. It is just that the physical side of things took over for a while and now I am no longer just coping with getting through the day with not too much pain, I think things changed again...

CritterPants Tue 18-Sep-12 20:26:42

lemon I'm so sorry that you're feeling so sad. It's a horrible thing to have to go through. And so sorry about the work tears, that sucks.

sar yay for the little embie dividing. I am willing it to keep growing and to snuggle down and get settled for the next 9 months. Sorry that it was uncomfortable to transfer, that doesn't sound fun at all.

coco and buzzy I love the thought of Charlie and Ginger hanging out together in the tent!

mellow a long shag month sounds knackering. I'm in awe that you've got the stamina to keep going!

Feeling a bit better here - I go back in for another scan on Thursday morning and am just keeping at it with the injections. I watched Keeping up with the Kardashians last night (my guilty reality TV pleasure, or as MrC calls it, 'your secret shame') and one of the girls, Khloe (my favourite one), had to start fertility treatment as it turned out she wasn't ovulating - from what I could make out, they had her starting clomid with an hcg injection. I felt so bad for her having to go through it on television, especially when she was talking about the old dildocam while on period. At least I'm spared that particular experience.

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 18-Sep-12 22:50:05

Hi ladies. Just wanted to check in. Things are so busy (work, weddings and woo grin) and why is it when you are snowed everything else gets busier too? But I'm reading and wishing I could say more. Am feeling for you so much lemon. And pout I totally understand where you are coming from. But we will miss you here very much. sad. Don't be a stranger, if you feel up to saying hello once in a while.

Hooray for embie onboard sar, any chat on your tubes? Huge fingers crossed. Can't believe so many of us will maybe be doing IVF at the same time. Wow. And doll yours is indeed fast.

Right better go its CD9 here and we've not bothered shagging yet blush. Frankly I'm looking forward to having a month off during IVF. Don't tell MrN. wink

CocoAndNuts Wed 19-Sep-12 08:38:15

sar so exciting that your little dividing frosty is in place. I have my fingers and toes crossed that it snuggles in safe and sound.

CD33 here and spotting has started again (tmi sorry) it's disgusting. Not bloody but like brown snot. Feck knows what's going on in there.
The Dr said we'd do blood tests every week in an attempt to hit the "21 day" point and check various things including if I'm ovulating. I'm not sure what the point of the last bit is because we already know that I am but just not if it's happening every cycle. But we'll see what the results say. I felt positive about the fact that something was being done and also as a side effect I get to go in to work late once a week. Bonus!

I've decided that I will no longer test until at least CD42. But the Dr said the aching boobs is probably the best thing to look out for before wasting money. There is no boob acheage so far so hopefully that means the blood tests will be useful.

It's a beautiful morning. I wish I was out walking in the hills rather than sat on a train in to London..... Love and hugs to you all. x

GinSoaked Wed 19-Sep-12 09:00:48

Ooo nelly not long til the wedding now! That's v exciting. And when are you starting the ivf cycle?

pout I totally understand your rationale. I tried to give up the swi, piss sticks etc over the summer, but it just made me think about ttc even more! I'm in a different position though, in that I'm between cycles. I really hope you manage to find some peace and I'm going to miss your lovely, witty posts sooooo much.

Yay for the embie on board sar. Sounds like it's a strong un. I have everything crossed for you.

critter pleased to hear you're feeling a bit better. I can't believe you haven't cried until now. Jeeze I've weeped and wailed my way through 2 years of ttc! I've never seen the kardashins, but suspect I'd love it. I wish more people were open in tv about fertility treatment. May help people like joy's parents, about which I am still shock.

Hope you had a nice break joy and I'm sure your parents mean well, even if they haven't grasped it. Not what you need though.

Sorry to hear about parents gossiping about well, your bits, coco and buzzy. My mum has been forbidden from telling anyone. I'm still angry mr g announced it all to a group if boys in the pub, as all our friends now know. I hate to think that we're a subject of gossip and also i'm terrified that the girls are going to ask me about it at inappropriate times. I'd picked the people I've told really carefully, as I know they'll react in a certain way. Men/parents eh?

Well I need to get off this train so waves to everyone else. At least it's a lovely autumnal day here!

GinSoaked Wed 19-Sep-12 09:04:30

X post coco. In fact probably x trains into London! The red bitch often starts with brown snot for me too. Just a little, before it properly starts. Lovely. Hope they pick up your day 21 sooner rather than later, but I'm not a fan of blood tests! At least your gp is doing something.

princesschick Wed 19-Sep-12 10:01:44

Morning all, I'm having a bit of a reflective day today. I woke up to find an old friend who admittedly I haven't seen for many years on the front of The Times - one of the police women murdered up in Manchester. I'm a bit taken a back because you really don't expect that to happen to anyone. I knew her really well and worked alongside her for over a year. Whilst my problems are crappy it certainly puts things in perspective. Love, hugs and kindness to you all xxx

princesschick Wed 19-Sep-12 10:05:42

*anyone you know.

ArtemisTheHunter Wed 19-Sep-12 10:33:39

Morning all

Lemon I'm sorry about the tears at work. It is so hard. Coco is right, struggling on won't make it easier. Looking back I can't believe how I got through my mc - nobody knew; the doctor came out with the infamous 'think of it like a late period' line so I didn't know how I was supposed to react and just carried on as normal. Time off would have helped. Be kind to yourself.

Pout I understand how you feel. I want to encourage you to stay with us but that wouldn't be fair. I'll miss your warmth and your wit. I still snigger at Dave le Pout grin. I hope you'll check in from time to time but the main thing is to do what you need to do to cope with all this. Big hugs and thanks

Sar glad you got through the transfer OK, I am willing your little frostie on smile

Princess I agree, Little Doll is indeed the dude smile. Thanks for the info on decaf, I had no idea it was so evil. I'm not doing too bad with caffeine actually, have weaned myself onto alternatives (gallons of mint tea) though I am missing my earl grey. Mr A seems to be doing OK off coffee as well (so far). I think it's booze that will be the killer for him. Mr A has never been able to resist peer pressure and he does like his posh German beers.

Joy cigs are definitely a no. I feel like the wicked witch too. Fear of turning into a nag is one more stress we don't need. Mr A quit smoking a year ago but since then has been hooked on nicotine patches which worries me. Properly shock at your mum. That kind of thing is the main reason I still haven't told mine and I am undecided about whether I actually will. Gin I've been careful about telling people as well. Mr A has told people at work but i don't think he's told his family and I don't want him to. They are a ludicrously fertile bunch and would be full of unwanted interference and advice.

Coco the spotting is rubbish. I get the brown snot too. Currently on CD32 with no sign of spotting or AF which is not unusual but bloody annoying since I know there's no chance of being pg this cycle thanks to the badly timed UTI. Just want AF to arrive so I can try to get the HSG sorted yet again. Have they said what the next step is likely to be depending on the results of the blood test?

Akuaba something else the consultant said at our IVF info evening was about twins with reference to multiple embryo transfer. Here it's illegal to implant more than two embryos for a woman under 40 and 3 is the limit if you are over 40 but the preference is for one. He said it's not 'buy one get one free' (not that any of us think of it that way grin) but that twins are a complication of pregnancy and had some fairly eye-watering stats about the risks to both mother and babies of multiple pregnancies. There's more on www.oneatatime.org.uk - certainly made me think.

I'm loving the chimps' tea party that seems to be taking place in the tent. I feel like flinging some buns around. I might go and join in. I think we need a custard-pie-in-the-face smiley grin

princesschick Wed 19-Sep-12 10:47:12

Artemis Twinings or Clipper Decaf Earl Grey are fine as they don't decaf the tea leaves with chemicals smile

ArtemisTheHunter Wed 19-Sep-12 10:47:41

x-post Princess. I saw that news story last night, feel so sorry for the families of those two women. The fact that you knew one of them definitely does put things into perspective. I guess none of us know what's round the corner, whether good or bad.

ArtemisTheHunter Wed 19-Sep-12 10:48:21

what? I can have decaf earl grey?! Hurrah, you've just made my day grin grin

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