Gather up your fertility spells and sign in for the lentil-weaving BESH woo hippy thread!

[FrankelSaysRelax]

Greetings sisters [puts flowers in hair]

Bring your very best woo & let's see if we can magick up a few baybees (insta-differs not allowed).

New recruits are required to locate the BESH spell aka the BESHtionnaire and submit for further scrutiny.

[dances round bare foot]

And if anyone has a moment of pure love, for God's sake keep it to yourself.

Now, where's my special crystal?

Morning Norf, how are you feeling?

[throws petals on floor & lights a joss stick]

Yes how are you norf?

Nice in here, ain't it? I like the effnic wall hangings very much.

Day 5 of the stupid spotting here. Still only cd 26. And about 6 cheapy pee sticks are bfn - I know, I know. I'm just so disappointed - first half of my cycle was so promising, with ewcm and everything, and now the second half is just shit. Am planning a massive whinge at the needles lady when she comes back from hols.

norf I sympathise with the spending priorities. We had to have some work done on the house recently and I wobbled about takin it from the future ivf fund. But maybe it's the path to an ironi-diff for you?

Watch out with that ash on my new kaftan, shreddies!

Good point about the ironidiff. That's actually quite a helpful way to think of it. Ok then. We can have blasted wedding.

As for spotting, I'm still hopeful of implantation for you. How long are your cycles normally? ie when can I legitimately punch you in the kidneys?

Am fine, fanks, faify and frankie. Stupidly tried to do a nice walk along the river to the pub yesterday. The walk is five miles each way and I must say that this is just the sort of occasion where I wish AMNH would think for himself, tell me I'm being ridiculous and make me stay at home. I managed two miles, went all fuzzy headed and couldn't feel my legs any more, fell asleep on a bench for half an hour and stumbled woozily home again. Today I am staying in bed with a book...

We spent all our hard-saved baybee money on a forren holibobs last year. Didn't make me diffed at the time but definitely made us happier! Would you be wanting a church wedding? There's no reason why you can't do it but keep it low key. If you don't need lots for the house (I assume you probably don't) you could ask for money towards a honeymoon and any you don't spend but in an IVF fund?!

Yes to church wedding. It's important to AMNH, though I haven't actually been able to be in a church without imploding with rage and grief since the first ectopic last year. Which could make for an interesting wedding ceremony if I haven't got over it by then...

Crikey, norf, a long walk def not a good idea. Much better to stay in bed today and recuperate.

Cycle length varies but mostly is around 29 or 30 days. Pretty darn sure I ov'd on day 14 or 15 this time (annoyingly haven't been temping this month).

Talking of kidney punching, do you have any droidal symptoms, today, fsr...?

Yes, walk was definitely stupid. I think that's the problem with being someone who runs or walks or swims a lot normally. You sort of don't realise what a strain it is on a recuperating body, as normally your body copes with it so easily.

Only a few more days until you really can test then, shred. Hang in there.

Bugger! I was hoping you'd all forgotten.

No sign of droid yet, 15dpo today and it's always here by now. I'm assuming nothing. I don't feel particularly pre-droidal, or anything much to be honest. Possibly a teeny but crampy, but not sure if I'm imagining it.

Guess I'll test tomorrow if there is still no sign, in the unlikely event I am diffed I'd like to give the clinic enough time to reoffer my appointment on Thursday to someone.

[sticks fingers in ears and dances round singing "la la la"]

Fuck, frank! Do you have any sticks?

I have a Superdrug and a CB digital buried in a drawer. My last 7 cycles have all, bar one, had a Luteal Phase of 15 days. The odd one was 13 days.

I refuse to get my hopes up, I am not that lucky.

[eats a Twirl, swigs some gin and resumes the "fingers in the ears dance"]

It's not luck, frank! God knows you've put the hours in...

By luck I mean the fact we only did the sechs once this cycle (combo of HWHNN being overseas and mega-stressed) and it ended in a fail - though there's always the chance a few escapees managed to make a break for it. I mean, you hear about that sort of thing on Jeremy Kyle all the time.

Plus, 2 days before my appointment? The height of an ironi-diff.

I hate the waiting & hoping Frank

I would say those are perfect conditions for the ironidiff of all time, frank. You can be our ironidiff goddess and we can do special woo ceremonies to you!

Ooh yes nekkid dancing with bells and such-like! It could happen Frank. Aside from lack of cramps/usual pre-droidness, how do you feel?

Lazy day is an excellent plan norf. We are still in bed ourselves!

Morning. I'll just put the (home brewed, organic sloe) gin down on this bean bag shall I?

I'm putting myself forward to do the next fred. I have been v lazy and never done one. Was toying with a double entendre laden one in honour of the carry on genre, but work went mental and am sitting down down for the first time in 14 hours.

But back to current feem. Do you like my maxi skirt woven from cabbage leaves? Accessoried with the peacock feathers that have featured in the past 3 feem outfits. Theyre getting a little mangy, but don't mind that.

Silly Norf. If AMNH isn't going to be the boss, we will. All decisions Now need to be signed off by the BESH.

And Frankle... Exciting? Surely not another possible cluster diff?

How's everyone else? I'm enjoying the return of the BESHes of old v much.

I'm still moseying along. Must be around cd50 or so now. Stopped counting. Have to say, it's quite nice to have the sechs just for fun rather than analysing the chance of winning a baybee. Wish I wasn't getting so many bloody spots though. Pre menstural I can deal with, but this is taking the mick.

Sorry. Lentils are very gassy aren't they?

There's a very wholesome scent to your delightful skirt as well, if you don't mind me saying so.

Why thanks you. I must say it feels wonderfully organic next to the skin.

Think I'm starting to spot. Bloody body.

Off to MILs for lunch now. Back later.