best bit of advice for a very soon to be first time mum!

[Nursee007]

Hello lovely ladies...
I'm due in 2 weeks and am a first time mum, though have a lot of experience with babies and children in a professional manner as am a paediatric nurse. Whilst the actual 'looking after' bit of the baby doesn;t worry me, as I can bathe, swaddle, change nappies etc with my eyes closed, the idea of being responsible for this tiny life and how to cope with the first few hours/days/weeks is slowly but surely beginning to terrify me. I've had severe SPD since week 21 and am on crutches, so mobility post birth is also a worry but thats by the by.
Anyhoo, was wondering if those of you who are already mummies would be kind enough to share the best snippets of wisdom you were given when you became mums for the first time.....any support, serious or otherwise, much appreciated :) thankyou :)

[TimothyClaypoleLover]

Minded to say ignore most of the advice you are given and just concentrate on getting to know your baby through lots of cuddles and spending time together. Its scary as a first time mum because its so life changing but I think a lot of the fear is the unknown and once you and your baby get used to one another the rest is easy.

[TimothyClaypoleLover]

Oh and good luck Nursee007. I still have 12 weeks to go until birth of DC2 and cannot wait!

[runningmonkey]

Anyone Offers to cook/clean/iron for you say yes!

Don't be scared to hibernate if you feel like it and turn visitors away (DH and I have been known to turn ringers off our phones)

A good sling is your friend

Good luck, you will be fine and after a few days/weeks/months you will wonder what you were scared off

[Cathycat]

Something that I always needed to remind myself about (even having had 4) is that you can feel high after the birth but then 2, 3 or 4 days in it feels as if the world collapses and everyone and everything is a pain in the bum. It is actually when your milk comes in. It only lasts a day or so but can time badly with visitors coming so I would personally avoid visitors that day, lol!

Oh, also I would avoid any baby advice books, magasines can be ok every now and then, but I don't think absorbing one person's belief system is healthy.

As the previous poster said, the best way to learn about your baby is to watch them, listen to them, talk to them and play with them.

[Nevercan]

It is all consuming for the first few weeks so prepare to disappear from your normal life and activities and just do what you need to do for baby and yourself until you feel 100 per cent again and ready to join in again

[LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite]

From now until the baby arrives, whenever a meal is cooked, do it for four people rather than two and freeze the extras.

Get yourself a nice little basket arranged in your lounge with nappy stuff that means you don't have to hunt around for stuff or take baby to whereever the change mat is in the house

Stay in your PJs until you feel ready. Once you are clothed, people can forget how tired and physically worn out you can be.

Sky+ every movie on TV that you may fancy watching as feeds can involve
sitting still for a long time, so they will be your saviour.

[justwantcheese]

ignore mothers with their old wives tales!,accept any offer of help, turn your phone off and don't run around guests wanting cups of tea making.

[MosEisley]

Chances are, there will come a point in a year or two when you feel it is appropriate to give your toddler cake. This is a mistake. Toddlers don't eat cake, they lick off the icing and crumble the cake over themselves and the floor.

One day I will learn this lesson myself.

[bigredtractor]

Trust your instincts - I know that sounds vague now, but try to cut through the information overload and trust that what you (or sometimes, shock horror, the baby's dad!!) think might actually be correct.

[DharmaCeutical]

Whatever Works.

Be it dummies, ff, bf, co-sleeping, slings, routine, gin , or banning visitors for a few days.

What. Ever. Works.

have fun

[kiteflying]

Ignore advice books.
So saying, here is some advice from a fellow SPD sufferer. If you are suffering SPD now be aware it could last a while after birth and set your nursery up accordingly - i.e. a nice height change table is invaluable (I really had to buy one after my DD arrived. Changing her on the bed was too painful) and have someone with you for bathtime. It is scary feeling wobbly on your pins when you are responsible for a tiny baby in arms, and baby baths inevitably involve bending over and holding at the same time. Leave the sling wearing until you are able to stand and bend without pain. You are better off with a pram that you can lean on a bit while walking. I found short walks after giving birth helped my recovery from spd, but again have someone with you in the early days as there were days I needed an arm to get home again.

Advice I would ignore if I had my time again - all the stuff about not getting dressed, not buying too much for baby etc. It makes a world of difference to your morale if you do shower, dress and brush your hair, with your baby nearby of course, and if you are feeling low, dressing up your little princess or prince in clothes you like rahter than yet another gro-suit, is also really uplifting. Show off your baby - they are beautiful things.

Your baby is for you to enjoy however you choose, just make sure that through all the foggy brain you enjoy their time as a tiny baby. Cuddles and smiles are your priority now .

[GinSlinger]

ignore anyone who says 'rod for your own back'
you cannot cuddle a baby too much
nothing lasts for ever

[cerys74]

People will tell you 'try so and so, it worked for my baby'. You will try it. It will not work. You will curse them for being liars. You will remember the advice several months later, try it and lo, it will work like a dream.

The baby's nappy doesn't need changing very frequently through the night - certainly not every 2 hours like we did (unless poo has happened obv).

Even if you've told yourself you will not have a breakdown if breastfeeding doesn't work, you probably will. For a few days anyway, and then it gets better!

Good luck with your LO, I was terrified with my first but 8 months later we're still standing :)

[flamingtoaster]

Follow your baby's cues - you cannot "spoil" a tiny baby. My DS cried inconsolably if put down during the day for his first six weeks. So I held him, carried him, and did exactly what he obviously needed. Suddenly at six weeks he was happy to be put in a lying back bouncy chair and turned into the happiest, most contented baby that I could wish for.

Enjoy your baby - they grow up so quickly!

[Murtette]

There is no such thing as the "perfect" buggy/sling/bouncy chair/baby bath/any other item of equipment; nor is there a "wrong" one so don't spend hours agonising over and comparing such items as all of them do an adequate job and some will work for you & not others & vice versa. Nor is there a failsafe or wrong way to get your child to sleep/settle/feed etc so just do whatever works for you.
If it is cold or pouring with rain, just put on a DVD, open a box of chocolates & settle down for a cosy day, feeding your DC when necessary & occasionally dangling a toy in front of it. It is really not worth bundling the two of you up in loads of layers & going for a walk. Your DC will not appreciate it or remember it or be any more intelligent/less likely to tantrum in 18 months time/likely to eat his/her greens in 3 years time as a result of you going for the walk in the pouring rain. Having said that, if you're having a a blue day, get out & go to the local shop or post office or somewhere (preferably where old ladies congregate) as someone will be bound to tell you how gorgeous your DC is and you will feel a rush of love & that all is well with the world again.
On the first couple of days you're at home by yourself after your DP/DH goes back to work, arrange for a friend (ideally a child free one) to pop over even if just for half an hour as they can make you a cuppa/give you a chance to have a shower if DC is being velcroy/tell you how well you're doing.
Have lots of cuddles. They grow so quickly.
Even if your latch is perfect, breastfeeding may be excruciatingly painful for a day or so & your nipples may crack & bleed. Apply tubes & tubes of lansinoh, feed through it & they will heel & you will be OK.
Do a load of washing each day.

[HappyJoyful]

Destroy or hide any parenting books... and any preconceived ideas you have about what you will and wont be like. Try to really, really relax and hibernate as much as possible, just cuddle babe, sit and feed whenever and really try and get in tune with what works for you and your baby. Don't worry about routines and you must do this and you mustn't do that..

Go easy on yourself - have a glass of wine if you fancy it, relax and eat well - drink plenty of water and don't be afraid to say no to guests

Basically as bigredtractor says.. trust yourself, and yes also your partner.. give them lots of support and encouragement too.

Don't be afraid to ask for help either !

[NeedlesCuties]

Good advice from community midwife: babies are like all other newborn mammals and will need to be bf frequently, oh so very frequently in the early weeks/months of their lives as their tummies are small.

Good advice from a mother of 5 I know: your baby is a little human, not a doll. Don't expect him/her to sleep when you want them to, they will cry and there will be times you won't know how to stop them. In time you will learn and so will they.

If your mother/gran/great-auntie tell you something worked then that's great. Doesn't mean it will work now, or that it is sensible advice.

Go easy on yourself and ignore all the media shite about how celebrities get their bodies back into bikinis quickly, and about how you should look. If you want to get dressed every morning, great, if you want a lazy day, also fine. Don't rush yourself and follow the cues your baby and your own body are telling you.


Congratulations to you :) I'm pregnant with DC2 and remember well how I felt with impending motherhood first time round as it was only 2 years ago!

[LydiaWickham]

look after yourself too! You can forget, leading to you getting starving hungry and scoffing lots of cake/chocolate/crap to get a sugar hit (which you will have in the house as kind people will bring it round) and you will never get your figure back, and your hair will look shit as you've had virtually no vitimins for days. Try to schedule in time for proper food for yourself, and follow the frozen meals advise above.

Re shower and dressed, I found that important to me, as DS wouldn't be put down for weeks, I quickly learned it was easier to get up when DH did (even though it was 6:30am) and have a shower and get dressed quickly. Hair and makeup could come later, but at least if someone called round I was already washed and dressed and presentable.

Set up Ocado/Tescos/Sainsburys online food ordering. Ocado delivery pass means you can pick a delivery at the same time every week and have a suggested order - you can put in your basics so if you forget to amend it, at least you've got enough in to cope for a week.

[crystalglasses]

If anybody offers to pass on their outgrown baby clothes, accept them all, even if you think you would never need/use them. You can always pass them on yourself. In my experience you can never have enough babygros as small babies seem to need changing several times a day.

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Don't be surprised if your baby doesn't want to be put down at all - even to sleep at night. This is very common and it's worth having some sleeping strategies worked out in case the lovely moses basket you got is initially spurned.

Tiredness and "OMG what the hell am I doing...?!" often hits after the initial novelty/honeymoon period has worn off a few weeks down the line. This is normal and you'll get through it okay, but don't be afraid to get some extra support as well.

If sleep's an issue, try not to get too hung up about it, there are numerous ways of dealing with the tiredness and you WILL survive it. The advice on the sleep board here on MN Talk is often very helpful if you do hit problems that seem insurmountable.

YYY to a good sling (although not all babies go for them). You can try them out at a local sling meet before taking the plunge.

Learn Dr Harvey Karp's 5S technique. It can be a godsend (you'll find various demos on Youtube)
I wish I'd know about it earlier for calming DD.

Definitely read this if you haven't already. It's NOT a parenting book - it's about the mental adjustments you make when you become a mother and it is incredibly helpful. Get your OH to read it too. My DH thinks it should be given out on the NHS.

If you're intending to breastfeed, get as clued up as possible about it first. The kellymom website is excellent. (I know you're a paediatric nurse, but even so..!!)

These are the things I know I would have found very useful (and in some cases, did find useful) as a new mum.

Best of luck with the birth and enjoy getting to know your baby!

[Sorelip]

Be kind to yourself.

If after a couple of weeks, you are still feeling down/angry/trapped, call your GP. Do not wait. I've made the mistake of letting it fester, and I've just felt worse and worse. I'm going to see my GP today, having suffered for around 6 weeks.

If for any reason you do end up bottle feeding, plastic back bibs are extremely useful, but remember to always remove them straight after feeding. My poor DS ended up with a neck rash because I didn't remove the bibs straight away.

[treesprite]

Take baby out once a day - in pram for a walk or to the supermarket, just to keep you sane (not IMMEDIATELY after birth, just when you are ready).

Try to establish links with other new mums - company for you and baby for the next few months/years.

Have an hour's sleep during day during those early days.

With my experience of BF two babies, aim to achieve NOTHING in the evenings. Mine both fed frantically for hours. WIth no. 1 I stressed and tried to get her in to a routine. With no. 2 I spent every evening sat up in bed watching tv just letting her feed- so much more relaxiing!!!

The most important piece of advice: Enjoy!!!!!!!!

[papworth]

I had a cd that played womb sounds that got the baby off to sleep. Didn't work with DS2 though.
The only way to get anything done around the house is to put the baby in a baby sling and carry them round with you.
Get out and join a toddler group as soon as possible.. The noise will seem horrendous at first but you'll feel more human and someone will make you a cup of tea.
Totally agree with 'what ever works' comment above

[Nursee007]

Wow...
thankyou so much everyone. Am a little overwhelmed and feeling the love :)

Will look into that book Immaculada, thankyou.