To think that good manners in children are overrated?

(274 Posts)
mrsruffallo Tue 19-May-09 11:01:20

Manners seem so important to some parents. Personally, I don't believe in forcing them to say sorry, please, thank you, hello, goodbye etc.
If it is a genuine emotion they say it naturally anyway
AIBU?

Boys2mam Tue 19-May-09 11:02:49

Ha Ha

Good luck with this one wink

ProstetnicVogonJeltz Tue 19-May-09 11:03:28

Yes. You are. Manners are important. There is no excuse for rude behaviour. Children also don't do much 'naturally' and need to be taught when it is appropriate to say sorry or thankyou. They also learn by example.

onepieceofcremeegg Tue 19-May-09 11:03:43

I am fairly strict re good manners.

It's not so much the actual word thank you (for example) sometimes it is the attitude of a child as well. (not small toddlers, older children I mean)

Say for example I give a child a biscuit. If the child is shy and smiles at me, I wouldn't start harrassing him/her for a thankyou as well. However if he she grabbed it/snatched it and ran off that wouldn't be so good imo.

Tortington Tue 19-May-09 11:04:34

yes you are being very unreasonable. we as parents are supposed to socialise our children.

just as one would teach them to read and write, one should teach them good manners - please thank you, sorry.

i think its remiss of parents not to do so.

mrsruffallo Tue 19-May-09 11:04:35

I don't mind learning by example, it's these parents who say go on, go on, say thank you, say bye, say sorry - it just seems wrong

mrsjammi Tue 19-May-09 11:04:45

are you for real, we are reaping the destruction caused by DSS and DSD not being taught manners when they were growing up.

DSS had to be taught to use a knife and fork properly when he moved in with me at 14, is that what you want for your children?

Cies Tue 19-May-09 11:04:47

I wholeheartedly disagree with you. Good manners will stand a child in stead his whole life. We're doing the child a favour in instilling these manners in them.

Aranea Tue 19-May-09 11:05:36

You don't really mean this, do you?

But just in case you do.... of course YABU! Manners are not about expressing your genuine emotions. They are about making other people feel good. And it is important to teach your children to care about how other people feel.

OrmIrian Tue 19-May-09 11:05:47

Yes you are.

I personally don't care too much if my DC are scruffy and dirty when people meet them, but I am horrified if they are rude. Their passage through life will be eased if they can behave and express themselves politely.

Tortington Tue 19-May-09 11:06:09

also tells one a lot about the parent. its lovely to see a parent teaching a child good manners - repeating 'ta' or 'thank you' to a small child when it is given something.

OrmIrian Tue 19-May-09 11:06:56

mrsjammi - I don't think that using cutlery is 'manners' TBH.

mrsruffallo Tue 19-May-09 11:08:01

I do mean it actually!
But then I get annoyed by overly polite people saying sorry sorry for example when they have done nothing wrong.
It seems weak

LadyMuck Tue 19-May-09 11:08:19

OK, how old are your children?

mrsruffallo Tue 19-May-09 11:08:23

Didn't mean using cutlery

daftpunk Tue 19-May-09 11:08:26

no point teaching them until they get to about 4/5.....but i wouldn't stress over it.

PenelopePitstops Tue 19-May-09 11:08:38

YABU

manners are worth everything and cost nothing, hacving them instilled at an early age means they stay for life

Tell my cousins who went to school without being able to use a knife and fork and were laughed at that manners aren't important!

mrsruffallo Tue 19-May-09 11:09:06

DIDN'T MEAN USING CUTLERY

diedandgonetodevon Tue 19-May-09 11:09:17

Manners are certainly very important. After all we'd fare pretty badly socially if we didn't learn good manners.

Children need to learn to say please, thank you etc whether it's a genuine emotion or not IMO.

littlelamb Tue 19-May-09 11:10:25

YABU
I have seen this opinion expressed here before and it's just shock to me. Custy has it to a tee- it's your job to socialise your dc, and a big part of that is instilling manners. It doesn't 'just happen' hmm

PenelopePitstops Tue 19-May-09 11:10:43

x post re cutlery

please, thank you etc are important

not overrated in children or adults

onepieceofcremeegg Tue 19-May-09 11:11:02

mrsruffallo I think you should say sorry for shouting at us. grin wink

mrsjammi Tue 19-May-09 11:11:40

Ah but we are talking using cultery properly, not just using it, not licking plates, saying please and thank you, not dropping rubbish on the floor, they are all related.

Manners are simply about showing respect for other people, they cost nothing and make good impressions.

Cies Tue 19-May-09 11:12:10

As an aunt I am always a little shocked and dismayed when my dnephew (aged 8) grabs his birthday present without even looking at us and with neither a smile nor a thank you. I'm always glad when his mother prompts him "what do you say."

Aranea Tue 19-May-09 11:12:24

There's a big difference between the kind of self-effacing social awkwardness of saying 'sorry' and laughing nervously for no reason, and managing the good manners of greetings and thanks etc.

There is nothing weak about thanking someone for a gift properly, or greeting them nicely when they arrive to make them feel welcome. It's important. If you don't learn to do that stuff, and learn why you are doing it, you will inadvertently offend people.

I don't want my children to unwittingly irritate people or upset them. I want people to respond positively to my children.

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