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AIBU?

to be less than thrilled that dh has just given ds his first solid food while i wasnt there

102 replies

gringottsgoblin · 17/08/2007 19:55

came home from picking something up for mil, ds3 is pointing at bowl on floor. dh has shovelled a jar of apple puree into ds because he was hungry and i wasnt here to breastfeed. i have been gone an hour and fed him 5 minutes before i left so i doubt he was hungry, dh just couldnt be arsed to hold him and walk about. i know there are more important things in life but this is a bit of a milestone and i would never do something like that when he wasnt there. i am upset

he is 6 months next week so thats not the issue, apple puree was a bounty freebie, thats why it was in cupboard.

dh has just come in and asked if im annoyed, i said yes and he did a big huffy sigh and said he gives in. am now angry aswell. thoughtless git.

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babyblue2 · 17/08/2007 19:57

So why are you angry, cos he gave him the food instead of pacifying him till you got back or the fact you missed the milestone?

Gobbledigook · 17/08/2007 19:58

Ummm, not getting why you are angry tbh. It's no big deal imo.

MerlinsBeard · 17/08/2007 20:00

couldn't be arsed to hold him...maybe. but he was arsed enough to sit there and feed him

pooka · 17/08/2007 20:00

TBH I think that I would have been rather pleased if dh had made a decision (any decision) about our children's lives. As it is, it's always me being asked, me almost feeling like I'm giving dh "permission" to do stuff. And sometimes I wish that I could devolve such responsibilities.

So on balance, I think that you probably are being a bit unreasonable. No harm done and good lateral thinking from your dh.

babyblue2 · 17/08/2007 20:01

Yeah i'm thinking the same really. Fair enough you say you wouldn't feed him without DH being there but doesn't mean to say he had to feel the same. He did what he thought was right at the time, unfortunately you weren't happy with what he did. You are both the parents.

NAB3 · 17/08/2007 20:01

I understand how you feel. I would have been upset too, BUT your child wasn't screaming when you got in. He wouldn't have eaten it if he didn't want too and if you aren't careful your husband won't want to feed the baby again.

meandmy · 17/08/2007 20:01

oh dear dont hold a grudge your lo will do it again, i know you missed the first but with an older child you know more would have came out then gone in!
deep breaths 10,9,8,7,6...............

gringottsgoblin · 17/08/2007 20:01

cos i missed the milestone. he can be arsed to sit there most of the time, getting off his arse and holding ds rather than leaving him in car seat is the problem

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whiskeyandbeer · 17/08/2007 20:04

emmmm wtf. you were out so your husband fed the kid some apple puree and now your pissed off. i can hardly blame him for being of the opinion that he can't win. you say it's a milestone but so what.you can't make your baby hold off milestones just cause one of the parents isn't there or because you don't have the disposable camera ready. he thought your kid was hungry so he fed it in the only way he could. what happens if your kid gets up to walk or says their first word when one of you aren't around? these things happen and there is no way both parents can be present for all of them

Fireflyfairy2 · 17/08/2007 20:05

My dh wasn't there when I give dd & ds their very first solid foods.

Did he huff? No!

There will be lots of other milestones. And he is ds's daddy..surely he can make some decisions too?

lulu25 · 17/08/2007 20:06

YANBU, but you've probably had loads and loads of firsts with him when DH wasn't there so be gracious and let DH have this one

Pruners · 17/08/2007 20:07

Message withdrawn

FunkyGlassSlipper · 17/08/2007 20:09

I think your DH has done really well. I can understand why you are a bit peeved but actually I think you should be pleased your DH is bright enough to think of ways to make your baby happy and not leave him screaming.

aloha · 17/08/2007 20:11

How would you feel if your dh got furious with you if you gave your ds a bit of banana while he was at work? Frankly I'm amazed you are that bothered with dc3! I honestly don't think it is a big deal.

choosyfloosy · 17/08/2007 20:12

OK, bluntly, I see why you are upset but it sounds like you are punishing him a bit for his other behaviour. I would have been a bit sensitive about this too, but try to praise the positive in this - he made a decision about her care and fed her appropriately. If you can say, however stupid it sounds, that he wins Top Dad for today, he's that much more likely to do more for her in the future. However truly rubbish he has been in the past 6 months, nothing can now change that, and a clean slate now could really help in the future.

Hope this doesn't sound rubbish. I do sympathise.

gringottsgoblin · 17/08/2007 20:16

the first food milestone was a biggie with ds3. dh still talks about it and it was 2 and a half years ago. it wasnt the only way he could feed him, there is a carton of milk in the cupboard. i dont think he was hungry anyway, i think he just couldnt be arsed to get him out of his car seat and hold him (bit of a sore point this) and i think feeding him his first food is more interesting than walking round the room with him which is what i have to do because i cant feed him every time he grizzles a bit. this is the second time he has looked after him since he was born so yes i get most of the firsts but i feel i earn them a lot more than him because he only looks after him if i feel strongly enough about it to have a full on row. its not about making decisions, its about having a bit of thought for me. the fact is i can get as mad as i like with him cos chances are he wont feed him again anyway, it wont be as interesting next time

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mm22bys · 17/08/2007 20:16

Is this your first child? When our DS1 started to eat yes it was a big deal, everything was!

Come no. 2, and it's all been done before...

I can understand why your DH did what he did, but can understand why you are a peeved too!

YABslightlyU

3andnomore · 17/08/2007 20:17

I think you are over reacting big time.

Would you have begrudged your dh it, if your dc had taking it's first steps whilest you are out?

Must say, to me giving solids was never really a matter of importance...but I suppose everyone is different.

TBH, ime trying to spoonfeed a little one is more work then holding them...

gringottsgoblin · 17/08/2007 20:17

this one is ds4 btw, and it is every bit as special as it was with the others. its the fun bits, why shouldnt i want to be around for this stuff? i dont only want to be there for the mundane bits

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LadyTophamHatt · 17/08/2007 20:18

Ok, I doubt some of you will be surprised to read this from me but I understand completely why you're annoyed GG.

I do all the baby stuff in this house. It's my job. I want to be part of all the milestones, regardless of how minor they are.
If Dh had taken it apon himself to feed DS4 his first soild food while I was out I would ahve been as mad as hell.

He wouldn't have done it though because he knows how much it would have annoyed me. Plus he wouldn't have the fainted idea what to feed him or hwere to fine said food!

mm22bys · 17/08/2007 20:18

Gosh I am sorry, I didn't read!

This is your 3rd child.

Sorry yes you are being unreasonable!

gringottsgoblin · 17/08/2007 20:18

first steps/words are different, they are done when the baby is ready. i am fairly sure ds4 didnt ask for the puree, it was dhs decision

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mm22bys · 17/08/2007 20:19

X-post, 4th child...

I might leave this one alone now!

3andnomore · 17/08/2007 20:19

he obviously took it quite hppily though....

gringottsgoblin · 17/08/2007 20:20

thats just how i feel lth. and your post about finding it just made me realise he went through the tin cupboard last night so i bet he has been thinking about it since then. its not like i would have said he couldnt do it, i just wanted to be there too

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