to be pissed off that the town hall will no longer let me run my club, due to us not accepting girls?

(343 Posts)
Waterlipe Tue 27-Sep-16 01:26:25

Basically, my 2 sons wanted to join Beavers, there were no places (we have DS2 down on the waiting list, we have since birth, he's now 4, so we'll see if he gets in, but it's unlikely. DS2 is 9, so would be in Cubs, but still haven't got a place yet, has been on the lists for a few years. There are places in Brownies, etc. sad which is frustrating, as the boys would enjoy that too, but oh well, so I set up a crafts club for boys. It used to run at the village hall (it was all official, don't worry) and it was quite popular, the village school isn't great and doesn't offer many extra-curricular activities, so the club that walks the children home (can't think of the company!) often brought the children to me (obviously this was all sorted out with parents) and they did crafts! (btw there was an other after school club in the church rooms (which is just opposite, so there was places for girls to go after school if their parents needed). We had around 3 boys on the first week, but it got up to 25, which we were very happy with! It was just so nice to see them so eager to learn how to do these activities. Anyone, of course, one mum moans that she wants her son and daughter to be in the same place, to which we said that she should put her son in the after school club at the church, oh no, she preferred our activities (it was me and a couple of my friends who ran it)... She threatened to go to the police for sexism, etc.

In the end she came one day and told us how she has written to the council, etc.

We have received a letter (I'll actually attach it to this thread in the morning, I'm just too lazy to get out of bed) about how we can no longer use it unless our rules are changed, but yet this was fine when we first opened it. Maybe no one can help until I attach the letter, which is fair enough. I'll do it when I wake up

RedBullBlood Tue 27-Sep-16 01:42:29

Why is it a boys only club? I assume there was a good reason you decided on that? I'm not sure what activities you can be doing that girls couldn't join in?

IminaPickle Tue 27-Sep-16 01:43:05

Grrrrr
Do you have the energy to fight this? It's utterly reasonable to run a single sex club- I guess that if it was coed it'd end up all girls.

intheknickersoftime Tue 27-Sep-16 01:43:57

Whilst I applaud what you're doing I just don't understand why have a problem in accepting girls into your club. I can see that you're trying to give boys opportunities because of the fact that Beavers is so oversubscribed which is fantastic. But the no to girls thing I don't understand. But will read with interest the letter from the council. I would just have a think about how you want this club to evolve. I can see it puts the council in an impossible situation if you won't change your stance. The Brownies and cubs issues arent relevant because your club is neither of those things.

Waterlipe Tue 27-Sep-16 01:45:56

Red, so boys can experience these types of activities without feeling like they're being 'girly' and feeling like they are unable to do these types of activities. Like Imina said, it would be mostly girls.

It's no different to Brownies, etc. where they have it for girls to feel able to try new things, away from boys, as it's stereo typically for boys. Which I think is absolutely fair enough. However, that's why we decided on it.

RedBullBlood Tue 27-Sep-16 01:53:52

I hope I didn't sound interrogative - I was genuinely interested!

Waterlipe Tue 27-Sep-16 01:57:03

Not at all! smile

It's just nice to see them getting involved in baking (well, mixing!) sewing, even knitting!

intheknickersoftime Tue 27-Sep-16 01:58:43

Could you draw up a constitution for the group setting out its aims and objectives. It would probably stop the council being so heavy handed and shut up the entitled mother. Incidentally why do Beavers and Cubs accept girls and not Brownies and Guides for boys?

CaoNiMao Tue 27-Sep-16 02:05:50

Surely it would be better to educate boys that there's no such thing as "girly" activities, and even if there are, they are not inferior to "boy" activities. Boys' fear of seeming "girly" is the root here.

kali110 Tue 27-Sep-16 02:09:36

I don't think yabu at all!
How sad. Thete's always one isn't there!
You should fight it op.

VioletBam Tue 27-Sep-16 02:10:50

I think the issue is more that girls have traditionally had Brownies as the ONLY girls only activity/club whereas boys have held sway over many activities.

Football, rugby, cricket, science clubs, computer clubs and so forth.

Starting a craft club for boys alone in the hope that you will educate them not to think that crafts are "girly" is approaching from the negative.

If you advertised "Craft club for boys and girls" then you'd be inclusive of BOTH sexes and the mention of boys in the advert would remove stigma immediately.

I'd be pissed off too if there was a boys only craft club in my town.

I have girls. I would be very annoyed and yes...it's excluding them. I can't craft to save my life so couldn't set up my own club and nor' would I want to unless it could be girls and boys together.

Waterlipe Tue 27-Sep-16 02:11:52

CaoNiMao, the thing is, I can't change the whole of society, boys will naturally feel more uncomfortable in a sewing club if it's all girls, etc.

We know it works well and I'm very happy with the feedback.

It's the fact that I can't run my club in a village hall, but Brownies is allowed to be? Yet Brownies is also single sex (which I don't have an issue with, as long as I get to keep my club for the boys...)

VioletBam Tue 27-Sep-16 02:12:00

Oh and the letter you've received is right and proper.

I can't believe you think this is ok to be frank and the people supporting you on here are also rather blind.

Waterlipe Tue 27-Sep-16 02:14:40

Violet, do you have a son?

Waterlipe Tue 27-Sep-16 02:16:11

Also, I don't turn around and say to them "guess what, you're here to learn all about why these activities aren't girly" it's so they have a space to feel comfortable doing the activities, without being the only boy in the room, therefore, feeling like they are the odd one out.

Trulymadlymotherly Tue 27-Sep-16 02:16:56

I came here to say YABU but actually given how you've framed your argument YANBU. It sounds as though there are plenty of after school activities for girls already. Afaik boys can't join brownies and no one bats an eyelid. Girls can now join scouts. Why shouldn't there be a boys only option?

thehugemanatee Tue 27-Sep-16 02:19:14

I don't think YABU at all.

There's nothing wrong with having a club just for boys. There's nothing wrong with having a club just for girls.

There are men's only and women's only clubs everywhere.

As long as it's not a 'we hate girls' club, your boys club is fine!

CozyAutumn Tue 27-Sep-16 02:22:15

YANBU and I think it's a great idea what you've done smile The idea behind it is great.
There's always one who has to try and ruin it unfortunately. If you had a group just for girls then you wouldn't get anyone trying to ruin it.

Waterlipe Tue 27-Sep-16 02:26:05

Thanks all!

OwlinaTree Tue 27-Sep-16 02:33:05

You need to research all the single sex clubs being run in your town and send a list to the council. If you are having to close they will have to close all single sex clubs then to ensure equality.

I admire anyone who is prepared to give up their own time to volunteer, the council should be encouraging more individuals like yourself, not threatening people.

In an ideal world all opportunities should be open to all. As yet we don't live in that world, and I can see why you want your club as it is for now.

VioletBam Tue 27-Sep-16 02:34:11

I think it's a load of bollocks personally. Boys don't need "a space" in which they can be artistic!

I have never once seen a girl take the piss out of a boy for enjoying art.

If there were other boys present, then they too would be doing crafts so hardly likely they'd be taking the piss is it?

In what circumstances are boys attending a craft club going to get the mickey taken?

When other boys see girls present? Because any boy attending a club with girls is a wimp?

You're feeding society's view that girls are less and that's not ok.

VioletBam Tue 27-Sep-16 02:36:24

so boys can experience these types of activities without feeling like they're being 'girly'

Because being "girly" is terrible isn't it? hmm

I resent that implication. It suggests that there's something about girls which no sensible boy would EVER want to be associated with.

Asssline Tue 27-Sep-16 02:36:47

Violet, how is the OP feeding the views that girls are less!? hmm my son has been laughed at (by girls, shock horror shock) for attending the cooking club at school, he no longer goes. I wish there was a club like this where we live sad well done OP

Asssline Tue 27-Sep-16 02:38:12

VioletBam, what's wrong with being around boys though? Why can't girls do camping/fishing/building around boys?

It's no different.

wayway13 Tue 27-Sep-16 02:38:26

YANBU.

Brownies only accept girls and this is considered fair by the council/society.

Beavers/cubs/scouts accept both even though there are waiting lists which mean some boys cannot get a place. Council/society are fine with this.

You try to make provisions for boys to have an activity that they 1) are allowed to attend and 2) has spaces but the council/society is not happy?? What a joke.

Why is it ok to have "girls only" but not "boys only"?

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