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AIBU?

Inlaws visiting

141 replies

HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 22:39

(Apologies. I'm a long time poster but have forgotten my mumsnet password so reregistered. This may be long.)

DH's family live some distance away - around a 5 hour drive. To say visits are infrequent would be an understatement. We travel to them several times a year (there are loads of them so we try to see them all. It's harder now DC is in school.)

His parents were due to visit last Sept but cancelled to look after someone else's pet. They rearranged for Easter, then cancelled because another relative needed their help with something. (We later found out they didn't go to see the other relative but also didn't bother coming to us.) That was the last straw for me and I stopped encouraging DH to invite them down.

I'm a SAHM. DH's contract finishes at the end of August. We have no idea where we're going to find an income from then (I'm applying for things but not been successful yet). We've no holiday planned because we don't know whether DH will be able to take any time off. So August BH weekend will be the only decent chunk of time we'll have as a family.

He has today invited his parents down that weekend, so that he and his dad can go out drinking. His mother won't commit but says if they do come they'll be bringing DH's grandad who is not in good health and can't walk/do stairs. (We have no downstairs bedrooms and just one massive lounge. Granddad likes to be in bed by 9pm.)

He started arranging this with no consultation with me. I've just pointed out that he's basically asking me and DC to do very little with his mother and grandad while he goes out drinking with his father. I've said I'm not very happy about our only decent few days of family time being used in this way.

He thinks IABU because it's not often he gets chance to drink with his dad.

(We're in marriage therapy at the moment and this demonstrable lack of support is a common theme. I'm at my wits end with it.)

So where do I go from here?

(He also had a bit of a strop about us not having any plans to celebrate our wedding anniversary, which is one of the days he'd be out with his dad while I babysit his relatives.)

OP posts:

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Aeroflotgirl · 30/07/2016 22:43

He's a dick, I a would seriously consider a future with him.

HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 22:43

I also don't hold out much hope of this visit actually happening.

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Onthecouchagain · 30/07/2016 22:57

Let the man have a day with his dad. YABU.

Griphook · 30/07/2016 23:01

He obviously wants to see his parents, can't you just get on with your own thing rather than hanging around with your mil and grandad.

HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:05

It's 2 days out of a 3 day weekend that he wants to be out with his dad.

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LexieSinclair · 30/07/2016 23:05

I think YABU. He just wants to see his parents, just let him get on with it.

Aeroflot Girl wtf?

Heratnumber7 · 30/07/2016 23:05

YABU. You obviously don't see them very often. Let the man go out for a pint with his dad.

HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:06

He won't be seeing much of MIL will he?!

He can visit them whenever he likes. No problem for me. Neither MIL nor grandad drive and we're 2.5 miles from the nearest bus sto

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HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:07

p etc. They'd be housebound (in my house) for 3 days if DC and I do our own thing.

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LexieSinclair · 30/07/2016 23:10

But that is not for you to worry about surely? Just let DH and the PIL think about that while you do your own thing?

HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:11

Perhaps. I'm tempted to book somewhere and go away.

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HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:12

YABU. You obviously don't see them very often. Let the man go out for a pint with his dad.

It's a beer festival. So it's more like 15 pints, each, per day.

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Heratnumber7 · 30/07/2016 23:13

But it's not like it's every weekend. You said you hadn't seen them in ages. You sound very mean. These are your kids grandparents.

Heratnumber7 · 30/07/2016 23:14

kids'

HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:17

In name, perhaps. They show zero interest. We're very much out of sight, out of mind.

We see them at least every 6-8 weeks because we spend a fortune travel up to see them for the kids' sake. They've not been here for over 2.5 years but they can fly to other continents to visit other relatives.

OP posts:

HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:18

That weekend is our only family time during the school holidays. AI really BU to want to spend it as a family rather than his way?

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HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:19

DH may well have to work away from Sept if he has to go where the work is.

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ohfourfoxache · 30/07/2016 23:20

So DH has decided, unilaterally, that the only time he has available to spend with his wife and DC, he has invited his family to stay instead. With no thought as to how it will impact on op or his DC.

Oh! And to top it off, he will be going out on the piss with his dad, leaving op to look after his mother and grandfather.

Aeroflot is right. Fuck that, the guy is a self centred prick.

Heratnumber7 · 30/07/2016 23:21

They ARE family.

HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:22

As I say, in name only.

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HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:22

(After years and years of them clearly not giving a fuck I see them as DH and DC's family, not mine.)

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ohfourfoxache · 30/07/2016 23:23

OP I really, really think you should consider taking the DC away that weekend. Why the fuck should you be the one to "babysit"? If it's so important that he sees his family rather than spend time with his DC then why can't mil and grandad join him for a booze session?

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HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:23

That's pretty much it, fox. Apparently he's entitled to though.

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ohfourfoxache · 30/07/2016 23:24

HIS family Herat.

Fair enough, if he wants to see them he's more than entitled to. What he's not entitled to do it arrange all this behind op's back then expect her to entertain whilst he and fil go and get pissed.

HeCantBeSerious · 30/07/2016 23:25

Neither MIL nor grandad drink. They'd rather sit and drink endless cups of tea (brought to them, of course).

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