edit before posting: Grab a cuppa, its a bit lengthy sorry!
DF phoned this evening to tell me he's getting married.
He's obviously not thought it through as it was a spur of the moment proposal - no ring, question popped in the kitchen and certainly no word to my DS or I beforehand (he does usually talk to us about what he's thinking of doing).
Bit of background : DM passed away 10 years ago after a 12 month battle with cancer. They had been married for 28 years.
8 months later, DF met his GF through an online date site, and after 12 months of dating (travelling 2hours drive each way every weekend and him doing all the leg work) moved her and her late teen Dd in with him.
Non of our family have ever been that sure of her genuineness and have never thought they were a "match".
We are a pretty typical hardworking British family, she is from a completely different country and culture, deeply religious (DF always opposed religion saying believers were brainwashed) and still to this day have nothing much in common.
Her work life was pretty sporadic for the first few years and any wage earned, minus what she needed to get by, was sent back to her family in her home country. Df supported her financially when she didn't work, took her on holidays abroad, bought her a car and other things (DF was well known for being tight with the cash before all this. It was 25 years before he ever paid to take DM on holiday)
She has been continuously employed for the last few years but the work she has always chosen has been a live in 2week on - 2week off type so she spends about 6 month of the year with DF.
Now, don't get me wrong, she seems a lovely person when I go round to visit. There is just something not quite right. She doesn't make any effort with our family nor with DF for that matter. He treats her like the queen and I don't see or hear of anything that she does for him. Not even cooking. Go on her fb and there's nothing, not 1 picture or mention of DF. I've even tagged her in family photos and she doesn't allow them to show. There's something definitely dodgy about it all.
So, just from that little bit of background, I'm sure you can see why I think my DF is being very foolish. What makes me angry about it (and I know this sounds greedy of me) Is my parents worked long and hard all their life to get the life they wanted. DM always said that if anything happened to them, then the house was to be shared between me and DS. The mortgage on the house was paid up 5 years before DM died, and all I can think is that if they marry, and when DF's time is up, she will get it along with everything else regardless of the fact that she hasn't brought anything into the relationship in all this time.
I don't think ibu, wwyd?
Sorry its been a long one but I think the background was needed for a better picture.
AIBU?
to not want them to marry
nothingisnothing · 25/07/2016 02:29
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