Family birthday party

[MammaTo2boys]

I am the youngest of 5 siblings. It is our Mum's birthday very soon, she will be 80.
My hubby, my children and I all live in the south of England. Most of my family live in the north of England.
Two of my siblings (they have older/adult children) have organised the surprise family party for my Mum. I am grateful for that with living so far away, However, the party is a 7pm start with buffet about 9pm.
There is a social media private message that has been keeping the whole extended family updated. I as a sibling was not asked for any preferences before anything was booked. This week I put a message on the private message as follows:
I've only just noticed the time on the invite. Not quite sure if my boys will come as a 7pm start is not inclusive for families with young children. Is there any chance it can start earlier as I am loathe to drive my boys on a 520 mile round trip in 24 hours for a function that's not starting til their bedtime and my eldest has to go to school on the Monday. I know I'm a pain but that late a start just isn't family orientated enough for me.

My childen are 3 and 5. I have been told quite forthrightly to put up and shut up. My husband is not happy and has said that he will not allow me to take the children. It is also worthy of note, that when I knew they were organising the event, I asked if 2 things could be taken into consideration. Firstly could the party be delayed by 2 weeks, as my whole family are moving back 'up north' that weekend or failing that, could it be an afternoon event so that it would be more child friendly. I got neither.
Am I being precious? It is a one off event and children are resillient or should I stick with my gut feeling and not take the children?
Would really like some helpful advice on which decision to make?

Many thanks

[TaintedAngel]

What day is the party?

I am assuming the party is on the Saturday, in which case its a non-issue and yabvu. The children will have all day sunday to travel home and be rested for school on Monday. Although I can appreciate its a pain doing such a big trip in a short space of time. The kids will sleep in the car.

If the party is Sunday evening then yanbu.
Having said that I would weigh up the pros and cons. Your DM is 80. Its a big birthday and a one off. And like you say children are resiliant and will be fine.

[MammaTo2boys]

Hello Angel,
yes the party is on a Saturday and thank you for your advice.

[ctjoy103]

Wow it's a one off and a huge milestone for your mum, can't you just for one night out up ? I think your suggestions are just a bit ridiculous , based on you being so inflexible. Just Feed the children earlier.i think you and your Dh are being so utterly precious.

[gpignname]

They sound inconsiderate not to have at least discussed it with you as to the timing etc but probably there isnt a time that is perfect for everyone. Also I guess it is probably too late for them to change it now assuming they are inviting other people etc so you need to bear this in mind.
I would probably leave the boys at home - you can have a fun family time catching up with everyone and enjoying the event and being with your mum and by the sounds of it she will see your boys a few weeks later and wont mind if they are not at the "surprise" event. It is tiring on you to have to look after them so late after a long journey especially if it is an adult orientated event so I would suggest you just make the best of it and go without them.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

It's not ideal for you. But it's a one off. Your mum is 80. It's a Saturday night, the late night won't hurt in the long run. I think you should go.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Take some snacks or mkre substantial food for the DSes so they don't have to wait until 9 to eat.

[Rhumba]

It's a shame it's not earlier but they have organised it so try and work round it. See if you can get them to have a wee nap in the afternoon and maybe speak to your eldest's teacher about taking the am off school if you feel they are really too tired on the Monday.

[Xmasbaby11]

Hmm my dc are 2 and 4 and I can't imagine taking them to a party starting at 7. Even though they are still awake at 7, they are in wind down mode. Tbh even taking them out for dinner at 6 is no fun because they get overtired and whingey. So I do understand why you wouldn't be keen to take them.

But what can you do? I think I'd feed them before and just go for an hour or so. Is it possible for you to stay later and Dh put them to bed?

I've had this kind of weekend before where we've driven a day to spend a few hours at a party that was too late for the dc. It really wasn't fun and we were stressed and tired by the end.

[AnnieOnnieMouse]

Suck it up.
Book an hotel somewhere for the night, let your kids nap in the afternoon and have fun in the evening. It would really upset your mum if you chose not to bother going.
This is about your mum, not you.
But I'm that dh won't 'allow' you take the kids; plus, you should all be there, including him.

[TheBoysMamma]

Tbh that would be too late for my youngest he would be tired and grumpy and would cry if he was kept up that late. Where will you be sleeping that evening? Would it be possible to put your children to bed and enjoy the party?

[lovefairylights]

Yes I think you are precious - it's a one off and there is sunday to have a lie in, travel back home and get to bed early.
Kids will surely love a party, see other cousins, eat too many sweets and run around like loons. As a one off why not let them do that and build some fun family memories rather than another regular Saturday night.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

I'm also shocked that your Dh has said he won't allow you to take the kids. Isn't he going?

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Crikey OP could you have been any more arsey in your message?!

The party isn't about you, it's for the teletype. It reeeeeeally won't kill your kids to have a late night on a saturday! If the journey is as long as you say it is they can catch up on sleep in the car on the Sunday.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

teletype hahaha! relative even!

[MammaTo2boys]

Thank you everyone for your advice.
I was initially surprised by the timing as there are other young children in the family, my other 2 siblings have young childen too, so there will be about 10 kids under the age of 5. However, they all live local to the party and don't have the awful drive.
I think I will try and work on DH and we will all go for a few hours.
Many thanks.

[TheBoysMamma]

sorry posted too soon. Basically would taking your children spoil the party for everyone else if they are tired and grumpy or would they cope? Can you put them to bed and enjoy the part?
As it is your mums 80th you really need to attend and i think taking the children depends on how they will manage and how they will affect the party for other guests.

[ctjoy103]

Try booking a room for the night nearby. Then your Dh can leave early to see to them and you stay and enjoy.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

@ teletype!

Yes work on him OP. It's not ideal, but it's for your mum. And although late, it'll be nice for your DSes to see their cousins as they can't see a lot of them being so far away. They can catch up on sleep on journey home on Sunday.

[dolkapots]

Unless there is some type of SN that require the children to rigidly stick to routine then YABU. I really don't see that 7pm is that late (although none of mine were early sleepers so 7pm was like late afternoon for me) and they can sleep in the car on the Sunday.

However if you feel that they would rather be tucked up at that time then leave them with your DH (who wants to forbid you from taking them anyway?)

[Joolsy]

I think if there are only a few families with young children they have probably done as much as they can to accommodate as many as possible. I think 9pm buffet is quite late to eat though, even for me! If you can book somewhere to stay overnight that would be much easier for you all

[MammaTo2boys]

BoysMamma - I think my boys would probably love it and it's just me being a stick in the mud. So I think I've answered my own question.
Sometimes it's good just to get a second opinion, so thank you everyone, I think one night out of the ordinary won't harm them, thanks for putting things into perspective for me. x