...to give up on driving after only 5 lessons?

[SunsetBeetch]

It's taken me ages to get around to learning to drive (I'm in my 30s!) because I've always felt scared of it and have felt that I just wouldn't be able to do it.

However, I am being made redundant at the end of the year, and the jobs market in my immediate area (i.e. where I can get to on the bus) is so poor, I finally resolved to start driving.

I have had five lessons so far, although not consecutively, because of holidays and illness on both sides, so three lessons > two weeks' break > one lesson > week break > one lesson.

I have been very nervous throughout, and really all my instructor has said is things like 'I wish you would relax' and 'I wish you weren't so tense' - yeah, well me too!

I don't think I'm completely awful - my clutch control has been fine from the start, but I struggle a little with co-ordination and my steering needs improvement. My lessons have been variable - sometimes I do things well, then I mess up.

After lesson three, my instructor said I may need to consider an automatic, due to poor coordination with gears, but lesson four went well, gears no problem, and he didn't mention it again.

Lesson 5 was not so great, I felt quite shakey and I don't think it was solely due to nerves as I have had an upset stomach and felt shakey today too so I think I've come down with something. Lesson 5 concentrated on steering and junctions and at one point I hit the kerb and my instructor said 'I've got to be honest, I don't think this is for you'. This was quite early on and things did improve after this, although I panicked a bit when we happened upon a horse in a country lane, and again when I thought a motorbike was attempting to pass me when I was about to go around a car that was sticking out of a side land into a field. I was half expecting him to say I should quit at the end of the lesson, but he didn't and I've got another booked for next week.

My instructor is never unpleasant and doesn't shout, and I have been given some praise too, but he clearly gets exasperated with me too. I know I'm a bag of nerves and therefore it stands to reason that I'm going to be a bit slower than normal people at learning. And I was a bit offended at the automatic comment after only 3 lessons, as I thought he was expecting too much of me too soon and perhaps didn't have much experience of nervous drivers with no lessons behind them. But now I'm thinking he must know what he's talking about, it's his profession after all and perhaps I should just give up and not waste everyone's time and money. But I feel really disappointed in myself at the same time - I'm not usually slow at all in learning new things, and am reasonably intelligent but I feel like such an idiot when it comes to driving!

[Arsenic]

Change your instructor!

[AnthonyPandy]

all my instructor has said is things like 'I wish you would relax' and 'I wish you weren't so tense'

Good grief get yourself a different instructor!

[lostscot]

Get rid off him! Sounds like your doing just fine and I'll bet you will be much happier and relaxed without his comments!

[lostscot]

Of even!

[Arsenic]

But I feel really disappointed in myself at the same time - I'm not usually slow at all in learning new things, and am reasonably intelligent but I feel like such an idiot when it comes to driving!

Don't feel like that. It's not a theoretical learning exercise. It's a completely different part of your brain.

[Sunsoo]

I was like you when I first started.

I think you need to change instructors and get someone who you gel better with.

[PotatoQueen]

I'd suggest changing instructors, yours doesn't sound very encouraging. I changed while learning and it made a huge difference to my learning and confidence.

[BlinkAndMiss]

Your instructor sounds bloody awful, change him immediately. Driving relies on a sense of confidence and this instructor sounds like he's beating that out of you.

Don't quit!

[AutumnAttic]

Don't give up! I'm in your situation and now have the most atheist instructions in the world. Makes all the difference.

[AutumnAttic]

^patent. ^instructor.

[fastdaytears]

I have never heard of an instructor saying that. Find a new one immediately. Can you get a personal recommendation from anyone? Would you "gel" better with a female instructor?
You clearly aren't rubbish at this. It sounds like you did really well in 5 lessons. God knows what I was doing after 5 lessons, probably panicking in a car park.
You will get this and then forget you ever didn't know how to do it. You've already learnt to do much, much harder stuff.

[Floralnomad]

I'd change instructor , my DS was on his 3rd instructor before he finally found one that he 'clicked' with , he got on really well then and passed quite quickly .

[AutumnAttic]

PATIENT

[Homemadeapplepie]

It doesn't sound as if your instructor is exactly encouraging your confidence-can you get any recommendations for an different instructor? I don't know if you have heard the saying about your age in years being the number of driving lessons you will need...? Whether it's true or not, 5 lessons is certainly too few to decide that driving is not for you. I am one of the least confident people you could ever meet but I am a competent and confident driver, don't give up trying!

[annandale]

Yup new instructor. Also do you have any drivers who can take you out for practice drives? Even just very short ones on quiet easy routes?

[SlaggyIsland]

Change! Good god some people haven't got off the local industrial estate after 5 lessons. He's expecting way too much, especially if you're nervous - the nerves really are the biggest part of the battle, aren't they? I promise they will subside over time as you start to feel more proficient but it's a very gradual process.

[CharCharGabor]

I agree with others, change your instructor! How can it possibly be helpful to tell someone who is tense to be less tense? There isn't an off switch!

I am currently learning to drive with a very patient and sensitive driving instructor who has experience with anxious learners. I had a horrible experience on my first attempt over 10 years ago and was therefore really nervous. But she explained everything clearly and I am doing really well.

[thenightsky]

I got on much better when I got myself a female instructor. She made me feel much calmer and explained things far more clearly.

[Paintpot22]

Change instructor. I wasted £100s on a crap one

[ilovesooty]

I wasted a lot of money on an instructor like that too. Please try someone else.

[annandale]

Yes the instructor I clicked with was female too but in general you need one that is themselves confident and experienced with people who approach driving with caution.

[whattodohatethis]

Get a new instructor!! Yours sounds terrible

[ButEmilylovedhim]

No instructor should expect you to have mastered the gears by lesson five so that's ridiculous him saying to change to an automatic. And it's amazing if you've got your clutch control sorted out already. Driving is definitely for you! The steering will come with more practise, you just need your brain to calibrate the steering wheel with what then happens with the car!

Instructors vary so much. You just need a different one and you'll fly! (Not literally obvs!)

[DoJo]

Change instructor, try and have your lessons more frequently and don't give up - I think it was about lesson 7 or 8 when things started to fall into place a bit and I felt as though I could see myself 'getting it'. Good luck!