This house is NOT a shit hole!

[Furyfowler]

I'm getting fed up of my dh complaining that the house is a shit hole..... He goes on about he doesn't pay £££ a month to live like this.

WIBU to tell him to either shut up or put up!

The house is NOT a shit hole, we are a family of 4... me, dh, 5yr old and a toddler. The house has stuff in it, it is never spotless. But the dishes are mostly done (there's always something sitting on the sidelike a cup or a plate) the bathroom is clean, the carpets are hoovered, the tabletops are cleaned after every meal/use.

Yes there are toys out of toy boxes, dvds not neatly put back but kind of thrown back, there's usually some item of clothing hangiing about where it shouldn't be along with books and stuff. There's always laundry to be done.

We live with 2 small children, it will never ever be spotless!

It pisses me off when he gets all huffy, as I'm a sahm and do alot of housework during the day, it's an ongoing process, not something you can dedicate 2 hard hours to. But I feel like he's thinking (implying) that I'm not pulling my weight!

WI also BU to go on strike :)

[Ledkr]

If he wants it more tidy why doesn't he tidy it? Don't get why he has a pop at you. You are a parent not his bloody skivvy.

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

Yanbu. Tell him to either pitch in instead of moaning about it or stfu.

Toony people seem to believe that their home should look like a show home at all times. I.e my mil.

[paddlenorapaddle]

Sod that don't go on strike have a day off instead get up and go out very early and leave him to it come back after bath time

The only way he'll understand is to actually do it all himself

or next time he starts hand him the dust pan and brush and tell him to get on with it

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

Too many

[ImSoCoolNow]

YANBU. Ask him to take a week off work and you take yo your bed. He will soon realise how difficult it is.

[Furyfowler]

He is usually moaning about it whilst tidying up. He does do his fair share, but when he's doing it he's making sure I know about it Grrr!

[mojo17]

What does mean by paying ££££ ?
Is he paying you by the hour, or the week?
If so what's your contract, breaks time off holiday etc etc
Bloody cheek

[ImSoCoolNow]

Just want to add in also...

I'm a sahm too but I won't always be. When youngest DD goes to nursery I'll be going to work. So, as I keep telling OH, will he still expect me to do all the housework and chores then? Plus work and arrange the childcare and do bedtime etc? Bloody hope not. So he has to do his fair share now too

[Penfold007]

I second leaving him with the kids, housework, shopping and cooking for a day. Then he will know exactly what he is 'paying' for. Exactly what does he do in the way of chores and childcare?

[MrsNextDoor]

WHat do you mean he "doesn't pay £" ??? Does he PAY you?

[Finola1step]

Don't go on strike as that will only make things uncomfortable for you, not him. It will just give him more ammunition.

I would simply do the following. Give him a pen and piece of paper and tell him to write a list of all the things that he thinks is wrong and constitutes living "in a shithole". Then go through each point on the list and ask him what he plans to do about them. For each point ask yourselves this:

1. Can it be ignored?
2. Do we need to employ a cleaner/ gardener for this?
3. Is it his responsibility?
4. Is it your responsibility?

Make it very clear that you are working to your limit and are unable to do more. If he expects more done, time to employ others or find time to do it himself.

And I say this as being the tidy one in the relationship who likes the house to be ship shape. But I recognise that my ship shape is different to my dh's. Neither is right, just different.

[momtothree]

Question.. how much of the mess is yours? A book? Magazine? Shoes?

[Artandco]

Tbh those things mentioned would annoy me also

Laundry hanging about waiting to be done - why don't you just keep it in a laundry basket/ bag. Doesn't need to be done but on show dirty stuff would drive me apeshit as is rather gross

Plates - that's fine if odd one, but put in sink so not so obvious

DVDs and books thrown about - would annoy me. Won't the DVDs get scratched and lost? Books ruined. Surely you can only read or watch one thing at a time

Toys - I don't mind mess in the day, but make sure we help kids tidy before dinner so it's toy free

It seems very simply things that you could just adjust what you do. It's not like he's moaning about actually cleaning standards like hoovering or dust

[Furyfowler]

Sorry, by £££ I meant the mortgage. He doesn't pay me :)

He works away all week for 3 weeks, and then has a week off. In his week off and at weekends he helps out lots. But it's the complaining that goes with it. Why can't he just get of with it instead of huffing and puffing about the house with he hoover, or picking stuff up.

If he has the kids all day I will come home to a MASSIVE pile of clean clothes and he'll be really proud that he's done 3 loads of washing. But I'm like, did you do anything else? Play with kids maybe? He'll then expect me to put away the massive pile as he has done his part.... I explain to him over and over that he needs to pace himself and do it as you go rather than try and blast it all in 2 hours or so!

The clothes/books etc usually lying around are mainly the kids stuff

[Furyfowler]

Art.... It's a never ending cycle though. I an one room, then another. I go back in to the 1st room and ther's stuff out again.... it's life with children.

The dirty clothes aren't on show. They're in the utility cupboard out of view.
The dvds are in their cases.
The books are usually kids ones.
I HATE dishes in the sink!.... As people then use the tap and the sink slowly fills up with water and I have to then s pick all the dishes out of the water. Hate it!

I do a quick run around tidy of an evening, but then in the morning there is stuff about again :?

[Furyfowler]

I mean I clean one room, then the other

[Memphisbelly]

My dh pulls his weight around the house but if he told me the house was a shithole after I had been at home cleaning after the kids all week I would probably shit on his pillow

[momtothree]

Havent you noticed men like commentary i think its inbuilt ... they watch football with commentary cricket anything really its what they do .,, have you seen a sop with commentary..., would drive you nuts!

[Viviennemary]

You could try going on strike. I think it is cheeky of him to expect such standards when you've got two small children. If he's not happy he can pay for a cleaner to bring it up to scratch or better still do the extra himself. I'm not the tidiest of people but I do like the house better when it's tidy. My DH does the same with dishes puts them in the sink in water but it wouldn't enter his end to actually wash them.

[IronMaggie]

He's being rude, but it's likely that your home could do with a good de-clutter, most can. From where I'm sitting I can see at least 10 items cluttering up our living room that could easily be disposed of, I just don't care enough to move them. If I did, I would!
Why don't the two of you sit down together to write down a list of the most urgent jobs - then you can decide who needs to tackle them, or if you need outside help??

[meglet]

If he's away all week while you juggle everything else then he needs to pull his weight more.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

I'm a SAHM to a toddler and am 37 weeks pregnant... My DH wouldn't dare comment on the state of the house! If it wasn't up to his standards he would keep quiet and clean it.
It is an ongoing process. I am constantly tidying away/cleaning something but there is always something else to be done with a toddler around.
If he wants a show home tell him to employ a cleaner.