HELP! 5yr old is sexually abusing my Ds?!

(110 Posts)
notnownoonoo Wed 20-May-15 21:05:30

I really need some help as I'm so upset and confused right now!

This started near the beginning of the yr around end of jan/feb when my son told me that one of his friends in reception kept pulling his pants and trousers down to look at his bum and willy, this then escalated to he keeps watching me in the toilets to look at me and won't stop.

Teachers told me they couldn't speak to other child's mum unless they witnessed the behaviour. I started keeping a record and about a month ago i thought it had pretty much stopped, ds wasn't informing me of any more incidents.

Then today we went with our ds to have a medical circumcision (this was a factor in our concerns regarding behaviour) all went well until on the way home ds told us he had bad news, then he told us "x child keeps tickling my willy and i don't like it" he further told us it had been happening all the time and he had told the teacher who told the boy to stop but he won't.

That is a brief overview but I am completely confused. Is this sexual abuse? it makes my son feel upset and concerned.. but the perpetrator is 5?! also no-one has seen this behaviour will he be believed? should i question him further about it?

I'm planning to speak to the headteacher tomorrow to report it and have rang nspcc for advice, they asked me to call back to speak to a supervisor/practitioner and said it is serious and needs to be explored and reported to children's services as a concern for both children!

But i will be basically reporting another parent (who im friendly with but havn't told her what's happened) for investigation on just my son's word.. i wish someone had seen this behaviour as he has been lying recently but why would he lie about this?

What action should i expect the head to take and should this be addressed as sexual abuse? could my son be negatively affected by it? so many questions sad

championnibbler Wed 20-May-15 21:11:10

contact the police.

ChuffinAda Wed 20-May-15 21:11:23

For a 5 year old to be displaying those behaviours makes me think he's being abused by an adult and the school should be concerned. Your poor ds is just a further victim of this abuse.

notnownoonoo Wed 20-May-15 21:11:37

against a 5 yr old?! confused

notnownoonoo Wed 20-May-15 21:13:03

so far his teacher's response has been that it's innappropiate behaviour but could be just inquisitive 5yr olds curious about other's bodies.. they've been monitoring toilets and done circle times but stressed that if they don't see it it's just basically my son's word..

PHANTOMnamechanger Wed 20-May-15 21:13:54

I remember you posting before. How awful for you that things seem to have got worse.

How difficult can it be for the school to ensure your son and this boy are never alone together ffs? when is this happening, I assume in the loos not in the classroom/playground? - have any other children witnessed it?
I would raise merry hell about this, and I never go in all guns blazing to school !

PerspicaciaTick Wed 20-May-15 21:14:44

Call the NSPCC and ask their advice. The school should (and may have already) escalated this following safeguarding procedures. You need them to tell you how they are protecting your DS.

ChuffinAda Wed 20-May-15 21:14:48

Take it further. You're not happy with the resolution so keep pushing the school. The other child could be being abused by an adult which is why he's displaying these sexualised behaviours

AtomicDog Wed 20-May-15 21:14:48

to protect the child, yes.
Your DS will in all likelihood not be scarred by this. Though he could well be hurt and upset by the feeling that no-one is listening to him to put a stop to it.
School should not be letting this boy go to the loos at the same time as your DS at all. I would be demanding to know why school was not taking my child's concerns seriously.

NaiceNickname Wed 20-May-15 21:15:56

You need to take this very seriously and report it ASAP. Not only for your son's safety, but for the other child too. He might be seen to be doing wrong in this situation but you have to ask yourself why is he acting this way and who taught him to sad

AtomicDog Wed 20-May-15 21:16:08

'It's just your son's word'? shock

How do they think children speak out about being abused? hmm

They haven't followed CP procedures here at all. I would be absolutely livid, and calling SS in the morning.

notnownoonoo Wed 20-May-15 21:16:15

yes i've posted before a bit back, i followed advice, talked to my son about PANTS, did roleplay etc but frustratingly he still doesn't seem to have the confidence to talk to the teacher or one of us about it straight away.

I really hoped it had stopped but now this along with the fact that the area is very sore and sensitive both physically and emotionally makes it even more difficult!

AngelWings74 Wed 20-May-15 21:16:55

You must contact social services. I am speaking as a social worker. You have tried speaking to social and it's not working. Goggle childrens social services in your area and you will get a number for contact number where you can call.

DottyStripes Wed 20-May-15 21:17:04

I just don't think most children who aren't being abused themselves would consider tickling another child's penis during school hours

Iv heard a story where kids have experimented with each other during sleepovers (but a bit older) and I put that down to being inquisitive but this seems more than that... Especially as your son doesn't want it to happen and has expressed that to the other child

I think this definitely needs to be raised, and reported for investigation

notnownoonoo Wed 20-May-15 21:17:32

when is this happening, I assume in the loos not in the classroom/playground?

the trousers has been at parties and in the playground corners, in the loos and in my sons words about the tickling "everywhere" but i only asked him questions breifly because the poor soul was just out of hospital i'm going to have to ask him about it further tomorrow sad

ChuffinAda Wed 20-May-15 21:18:09

Perhaps go via the school nurse see If there is some emotional support he could receive? He's had a lot of people prodding and poking at his privates so he's possibly feeling extremely vulnerable and traumatised right now.

PHANTOMnamechanger Wed 20-May-15 21:18:48

I also agree that there is something terribly wrong in the other child's life for them to be doing this.

This is not just boys comparing willies, wiggling them about for a laugh and having peeing competitions. This is unwanted contact of a sexual nature. I'd expect them to treat it more seriously than they have if DS was 'only' complaining about persistently being pushed and shoved and pinched by this boy.

Go direct to whoever is in charge of safeguarding and if they do not listen, write to the governors copied to the LEA.

LilRedWG Wed 20-May-15 21:19:45

This sounds like learnt behaviour and beyond normal exploration. I would push school much harder, for both boys sake.

notnownoonoo Wed 20-May-15 21:21:11

oh god.. i just want him to be happy at school, so worried about ss i did think before today that if only someone saw it so they spoke to his mum and she had a word with him it would stop, but with this as well it's extremely concerning.

I don't see why my ds would be lying but i have to admit he has been lying about a lot of things lately for attention since the birth of his brother. but i know he wouldn't make this up.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 20-May-15 21:21:13

It is worring, as the other little boy is only 5, and could be abused himself, and acting out what he sees. I would contact NSPCC or Social sevice.

DottyStripes Wed 20-May-15 21:23:47

I think a 5 year old might lie that another kid kicked/hit/took a toy from them etc but I'd be suprised if at 5 one has the imagination to elaborate on a story of that nature, and tbh pretty concerned if they did lie about it. I think that's unlikely though.

NormaStits Wed 20-May-15 21:23:51

The school are failing in their child protection role towards both your child and the other little boy. You won't be reporting the mum, there might be stuff going on with her child she's unaware of.

Can you find out which member of staff is responsible for child protection and speak to them directly?

It might be natural child curiosity but sexual behaviours in a small child can be a sign of abuse. Even if it's not, it's important that your son knows that when he tells people stuff like this they make it stop, otherwise if someone was to abuse him in the future he might not feel confident reporting it.

I would speak to the head asap or the CP staff and make these points. If they do not take it seriously the nspcc should be able to tell you who to go higher up to. If at a loss, call your local police station or the 101 number.

Ledkr Wed 20-May-15 21:23:52

Sw here too.
Ring it through to the children's help desk as a cause for concern.

The school are failing in their duty of care to both children.

CrystalCove Wed 20-May-15 21:24:07

I would phone Social Services, what an awful situation for you and your little boy.

madamedesevigne Wed 20-May-15 21:24:35

I would recommend finding a professional for your son to speak to about this, especially if he is in pain/discomfort physically and also experiencing dodginess from the other little boy, to ascertain what, if any, effect this has had on him emotionally and hopefully resolve it.
This might sound very dramatic, and I don't wish to project my own experiences, but when I was 8, I was repeatedly sexually abused by a boy in my class. Teachers found out but nothing was done, no help was offered to me, and 25 years later I'm still trying to come to terms with it, it's had a devastating impact on me. I guess don't underestimate the potential effect on your son, is what I'm trying to say. It absolutely is sexual abuse and should be treated as such.

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