To think we have lost sight of what "thin" looks like as much as what "fat" looks like

[marmitenot]

Hi
My daughter is recovering (well) from anorexia. At her worst she was on the 3rd centile for weight for her height and age. The terrifying thing is that she did not look any different to many girls in her year at school and certainly nowhere near as skinny as many women/teens in the public eye. As parents we had no idea that she was dangerously underweight as she didn't look different to many of her peers.

There has been a lot of publicity of how society's perception of what is overweight has changed. Aibu to think that the same has happened with the perception of what is underweight is.

My daughter is now in the healthy weight range with a bit more to go, but out of danger and heading in the right direction.

[26Point2Miles]

Didn't you pick up on her not eating anything? Or did she hide it well?

I think in the winter months bodies are hidden away so you have no idea how underweight someone may or may not be

[Sirzy]

Sorry to hear about your daughter and glad she is recovering well.

However in general I don't think I agree with you, I think often people who are a healthy weight are seen by the wider public as being underweight because we are so used to seeing overweight people.

[OhMjh]

As a weight restored anorexic, I agree with everything you are saying, especially with a newborn daughter of my own whom I nearly didn't have the ability to have due to my illness. I am scared that we live in a society which has so much issue with weight, be it extremely fat or extremely thin, and seemingly no concept whatsoever of what is normal and healthy.

[OhMjh]

Oh, and congratulations to your daughter - it's no easy job x

[ThatBloodyWoman]

Agreed.

[ApocalypseThen]

I do agree with you. I think we've gotten accustomed to seeing a little overweight as normal but some girls do seem extremely skinny these days in a way that might have raised eyebrows when I was their age (before the wheel was invented) but passes unremarked on now.

[sPJPPp]

Sorry your dd has such a serious problem. But yabvu, I think its quite the opposite, people think a size 14 is normal size, I'm regularly called too skinny by (fat) people when I'm a 8 and a perfectly healthy size.

[SaucyJack]

I'm very sorry to hear your daughter has been struggling, but AFAIA- in medical terms anyway- anything between 1-100 th percentiles would be considered amongst a healthy weight range.

[Madamecastafiore]

I agree entirely.

I am happy to see the spotlight focusing on exercise for girls and women at last.

[QueenBean]

I totally agree. Just have to look at many celebrities to see seriously underweight women who are being put in the spotlight

Same with teenage / university age girls - some very skinny girls who are just seen, particularly among their peer groups, as normal, and a size 10 or above as being a bit overweight

[ToadsJustFellFromTheSky]

How do you know all those other girls are underweight?

[WorraLiberty]

So glad to hear your DD is recovering well

I don't really agree though that we've lost sight of what thin looks like.

I do think it would help though if people stopped referring to slim children/teenagers as 'extremely skinny' or 'extremely thin', when they're a healthy weight...but being compared to their overweight peers.

[Sirzy]

I thought that saucy, ds has been 3rd centile which is still healthy weight

[however]

I've often thought the opposite. My kids and I are often referred to as skinny. We're not. I'm a size 8. I'm 170cm. My kids have the bodies that every kid had back in the 70s. You can see their ribs. They're not underweight though.

Still, I get you've had a different experience than I.

I'm glad your daughter is recovering.

[Mistigri]

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter - well done for accessing help for her in time.

Anorexics often wear clothes that conceal their thinness - I find it hard to believe that a teenager on the 3rd percentile for BMI did not look noticeably thinner than her peers unless she has a naturally very slight build.

Age plays a big role in what is an appropriate BMI - my 13 year old daughter, who is physically a young woman, has a healthy BMI for a 13 year old but she'd be at the lower limit of a healthy BMI for an adult woman. She has a slight build though and is plainly not underweight.

I think the issue around thinness is that we have grown used to adult women who have the BMI of a young teenager. It's not abnormal for young teenagers who have recently had their puberty growth spurt to be stick thin, but it is unusual and generally unhealthy for adult women to look like this.

[Branleuse]

It is normal for teens to be thin. Anorexia isnt always about being emaciated looking.
Congratulations to your daughter for doing so well with her recovery. Its a hard road. I hope it continues

[HoppityVoosh]

I think I disagree too. We've lost sight of what overweight is so the teenage girls you see could well be a totally healthy weight. Those thin size 4/6 teenagers could be heathly and toned, I know I was, whereas your daughter could be the same size and not. That obviously doesn't take away from your daughter's anorexia and I'm so glad she's healthy now OP

[ConferencePear]

I wonder if you have a stash of old family photos ? I've recently been looking at some pictures from the 60s,70s and 80s and found it really noticeable how slim people are. It might help give you some sort of benchmark.

[marmitenot]

Hi saucyjack. When my daughter was measured as being on 3rd centile she was 1 week away from being hospitalised and being force fed. The consultant paediatrician said she was severely underweight and at immediate risk of servere complications. Until she started eating she had daily heart tests in case she suffered heart failure. She was not a healthy weight.

In terms of comparison I was looking at my severely underweight daughter and seeing that she looked no different to many of hers peers. Slightly different to confusing normal with thin.

I recognise that being thin does not always equate to anorexia but being at the same weight centile as my daughter is dangerous whatever the reason.

[HoppityVoosh]

Surely the centile chart is a range of 'people' not just 'healthy people'? someone needs to be in the lower percentages and sadly sometimes those people will be ill.

[HollyBdenum]

I think that you are right - certain body shapes are seen as obviously too thin or two fat, but there isn't much actually showing the range of what is healthy or unhealthy - for some women, having a model-shaped body means that they are in the absolute peak of physical health, but for others it means that they are causing serious long term damage to their bodies, and others are naturally un-curvy and won't fill out a dress without being overweight.

[claraschu]

I think people can be heading towards a serious eating disorder but still not be very underweight. Eating problems have to do with control and anxiety; a teenager might be obsessive about their eating, have lost weight in an unhealthy way, but not look unusual to an observer. I keep an eye on my children's attitudes towards food and habits around food: it's not enough to just keep an eye on their weight / BMI.

[ToadsJustFellFromTheSky]

Again, you don't actually know that those girls are the same weight as your daughter. You're just assuming they are because they look the same.

[SaucyJack]

Maybe it was dangerously healthy for your daughter as it wasn't her natural size, but I can't agree that being in the lower percentiles is indicative of a problem. Plenty of kids are naturally slight.

Both of my younger two DDs are around the 5th for weight, and the 50th for height. That's just the way they're built.

[formerbabe]

I agree with you op...I'm also fed up of stick thin celebrities saying how they hate exercise and eat whatever they want and stay a size zero. Funny how their bodies defy the rules of science and mine doesn't! When I eat what I want and never exercise I get fatter and fatter, yet they keep getting skinnier....weird huh?!