Had my first child Aug 1st. Up until around 3 days before giving birth I didn't even know I was pregnant. (don't bother with comments on this. It's a long story but trust me - I was not ignoring the possibility, I was not ignoring signs. They were there but all had other explanations and several negative tests were done and Dr even assured me it was something else and medicated for it).....I then had very little time to wrap my head around everything and had what I would call a traumatic birth (considering the circumstances)...
....me and my dp had always agreed on not having children for at least another 10years best case scenario but neither of us had our hearts set at the moment on even doing it at that time. I have recently opened my own business and we just bought a dog - so safe to say all things considered this is a massive shock for us!!!! I'm finding it hard still to understand and will sit and stare at my daughter for hours alternating between being flabbergasted that she is mine and guilty because I smoked/drank heavily, wasn't taking vitamins etc. And feel like her low birth weight (5lb 11oz) is the result of my actions. I've never been around babies, nor has my partner. I've never fed a baby, changed a baby etc. I've only even held one a few times in the past and suddenly I'm being shown how to care for a little girl of my own and expected to know what to do with her?! I'm formula feeding because I couldn't get the latch right and lost patience with the woman trying to help me learn.......everyone who has been to see us, including our parents, are constantly commenting on how awkward we seem with her and telling us were doing these wrong when we are following advice we were given and I am sick of people telling me how magical a mothers bond is and how maternal I should be feeling and how it's strange that I seem so detached and unsure. Am I being unreasonable to expect people to understand that we have no effing clue what to do, we werent expecting this and that we need support and helping hands not judgements and catty comments?!??!?! If one more person gives me a funny look for admitting she doesn't have a name yet I am going to scream.
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to expect people to understand why I haven't bonded
124 replies
ExpectTheVeryUnexpected · 24/08/2014 21:53
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