To be annoyed that someone is selling clothes that I gifted to them

(191 Posts)
lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 10:32:18

So my DPs cousin had a baby

I mentioned that have tons of clothes from DD that she is welcome to have if she likes which she accepted

When I went round to give her the clothes there were 4 bin bags full. I said for her to go through them in her own time and whatever she doesn't want to just give me back as a few of my friends are also pregnant at the mo and they could be passed on

Anyway il get to the point that she has been selling ALL these clothes on a local selling site in bundles, even clothes that wouldn't even for her DD just yet!

Oh along with her DS1 birthday present that we bought him less than 2 weeks ago!

DisneyAddict88 Wed 22-Jan-14 11:39:46

she is being very unreasonable with the clothes u made it clear that you had other friends who could make use of them.

however in regards to the present - I have been guilty of exchanging or regifting duplicate or things dd's wouldn't play with. but I make sure they say thank u.

starlight1234 Wed 22-Jan-14 11:41:39

I would like the post on selling site..that way she knows you have seen them..Make her feel uncomfortable...

Silly woman as she will never get given anything by you again...

YABU to be furious

sebsmummy1 Wed 22-Jan-14 11:42:48

The OP stated that she offered her child's clothes to her partners cousin, she said yes please. She then took round all the clothes and asked her to have a rummage and give her back the things she didn't want or like so she could pass them onto other friends.

Now surely good manners dictates that you have a look through. Keep back the things you would like then bag up the things you don't and give them back to generous friend. Then once you have used the items you text generous friend and ask if she would like her baby clothes back. If generous friend says no thank you, they are yours to do as you wish, at that point you either keep for baby number two, pass on to pregnant friends or sell.

What just makes me go WTAF?!! Is saying yes please. Having a rummage, then selling everything you don't fancy including clothes your child hasn't even grown into yet. Surely that is just incredibly rude!!?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 22-Jan-14 11:44:51

So she just saw it as a money making opportunity, I'd be furious. I hope you're going to say something to her.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 22-Jan-14 12:07:49

I'd be furious

MrsSteptoe Wed 22-Jan-14 12:15:37

Common politeness dictates that if you are given second-hand clothes, you pass them on without charge to someone who can use them if you can't. You don't profit from them. You continue the friendly spirit in which they were given initially.

The only exception I'd make here is if they're really up against it financially, but then I'd hope that a family member might say "we are desperate for stuff to sell on eBay because we are so short of money, would you have anything you'd be prepared to part with to help?", not do as your relative did.

Having said all of which - now you know that your sense of appropriate behaviour is in sync with most of MN, which is always comforting, you can let it go!

Mellowandfruitful Wed 22-Jan-14 12:16:07

YANBU. It is not on to do this. However, if she is selling her DS's birthday presents that does make me wonder if they are in big financial trouble - that's what it would take to get me selling my DC's stuff. But even if she was, she should have approached you and said that she was in desperate need of money and so, as you were going to give the clothes away anyway, would you mind her selling them to make a bit of money? If someone asked me this I would agree. But I don't think it was acceptable to just start flogging them on.

I would not give her any more stuff even to look through - depending on how close you are, you might want to ask her if money is a big problem, but even if it is, they need to think of solutions to that - you can't solve it.

newyearhere Wed 22-Jan-14 12:22:14

YANBU

alma123 Wed 22-Jan-14 12:23:58

YANBU. Even if you hadn't asked for them back, it's still downright rude!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 22-Jan-14 12:24:33

I would post under her sale ad too!

diddl Wed 22-Jan-14 12:30:55

That's very cheeky, isn't it?

Go round to fetch what she doesn't want.

You obviously made it clear that you wanted stuff back, but on the reverse, it can be annoying to be given bags of stuff that you either then have to take the majority of to the charity shop or return yourself to the giver iyswim.

CSIJanner Wed 22-Jan-14 12:31:40

Contact the admin and get them to suspend her adverts until sorted

Mwah har har har!

lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 13:11:00

Thanks all, feel slightly better that its not just me that feels like this.

I wouldn't mind but our sons are also of similar age and when they were babies she "sold" me some of her sons outgrown clothes.
I didn't ask for any money for any of the clothes I gave to her for DD and neither was any offered, not that I would have accepted it.

I'm honestly not bothered about the bday present, he could have got duplicates ect

They are not hard up, her DH works full time and she is on mat leave, where as me and DP are both self employed and struggling

Lesson learnt, I'm going to make the phone call ..... When I've calmed down grin

THERhubarb Wed 22-Jan-14 13:19:22

Oh dear.

She sounds like she just sees money making opportunities in everything. I guess just because you are happy to give things away for free, it doesn't mean that she is. She made a bit of money from you in charging you for her cast-off clothes and she thinks she can also make some money from this.

I have sold unwanted gifts before so that's neither here nor there, although I usually sell on ebay where no-one knows my username so I don't offend the giver.

Are you sure she heard you correctly when you told her the conditions under which you gave her the clothes? She may not have heard you or may have been distracted by the bags so your words just didn't sink in and all she heard was "you can have these clothes".

I would stay polite for the sake of friendship (and not starting a family war) and ask her if she had a chance to look through the clothes and if there were any she didn't want, could you pick them up as you had friends who could use them.

Leave the ball in her court. Don't let on that you've seen them for sale.

Next time, be aware that this woman will see profit in anything you gift her so use vouchers instead of buying gifts and if you have spare clothes, tell her that you were thinking of selling them but would accept x amount of money for them from her.

WitchWay Wed 22-Jan-14 13:40:00

Very rude & greedy of her.

Do post later after you've rung her...

ENormaSnob Wed 22-Jan-14 13:43:49

Grabby greedy bitch.

Alifelivedforwards Wed 22-Jan-14 13:44:41

Do you think it's possible she's having money troubles but too embarassed or private to admit this? Maybe she didn't intend to sell them but saw an opportunity to make money quickly and easily?

I'd be bloody annoyed too but sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that we don't know about.

zipzap Wed 22-Jan-14 14:15:44

I'd definitely pretend not to have seen the clothes for sale and ask her for the ones that she can't use for her dd (maybe with a 'did you keep the [insert something you know she has sold in here] - I'm looking forward to seeing your dd in it, I bet she will look really good) back as you have other friends that you have said can have some too. I'd also then mention something about when she's finished with the ones she's had, you've got another friend with a baby who will be just about right to have them after she is done with them...

And then see what she says.

If she admits that she has sold them all - what are you going to do? Ask for the money back? for it to be donated to charity (that you can see her do, not into the charity of her purse!) or ignore it?

I think you need to have a plan of action before the phone call so depending on whether she tries to bluff you about not yet having decided or she thinks that everything looks great so she's keeping everything or she admits what she is done because (she's broke, wants pin money, thoughts that what you wanted her to do, whatever) - then you need to have rehearsed what to say to her in your head so you don't end up all flustered and just go Oh OK then and then put the phone down and fret because you think of the perfect thing to say a few minutes later, when what you really wanted to do was to let rip and say how dare she abuse your generous spirit and deny your friends of any of the clothes or effectively steal money from you as if you knew she was going to flog them then you would not have given them to her - you would have given them to friends or flogged them yourself.

I would imagine that if they are for a young dc then it is easy to be quite attached to some of the cute things they have - and you want friends to benefit from that, rather than somebody else to flog it off to all and sundry as well as profit from it - it's a bit of a double hit. sad

hope it all works out ok and you don't end up with a family argument about it (but remember - she may well use attack as her best form of defence, doesn't mean that she isn't in the wrong for doing this!)

LaGuardia Wed 22-Jan-14 14:22:12

OP, I think you need to take a minute to wonder exactly why she is selling all this stuff. Clearly she is in need of the cash. So, instead of everyone judging her, perhaps a bit of empathy could ebb her way instead?

squoosh Wed 22-Jan-14 14:23:28

Yes, if you suspect she may be hard up I say give her a break.

Crowler Wed 22-Jan-14 14:24:15

I don't agree with the cloak and dagger. I would just say:

I understand that you've sold the baby clothes that I gave you, and I'm not happy about it. They're not yours to sell. Why would you do that without even discussing it with me?

lollipoppi Wed 22-Jan-14 14:39:05

Laguardia yes I agree, but if it was me in that situation I would make a call to ask did you want any of the unwanted clothes back, of not am I ok to give to charity/regift/or sell, buy then I guess everyone is different

Crowler, I don't think I could be that blunt, and the last thing I want to do is cause any arguments within the family, especially as it's not my side of the family

Argghhhh it may be best all round to pretend I've not seen any of the adverts and forget about it, like zip zap said what on earth am I going to say of she admits she has sold them, it's going to be a very awkward situation

expatinscotland Wed 22-Jan-14 14:44:28

I'd message her then. 'Hey, why are you selling the clothes? I asked you to return what you didn't want.'

THERhubarb Wed 22-Jan-14 14:45:53

Well it's your call lollipoppi although it would be interesting to hear what she does say if you ask for them back.

Most of the time when I've been given clothes the giver has said to me to take what I want and give the rest to charity and yes, if the clothes that I don't want are of good quality I have sold them on ebay. But then it was made clear to me that the giver didn't want them back and I'd never sell them so obviously where they could see them.

It's difficult because, in asking you for money for her own unwanted clothes she was kinda making it clear that this is what she does, she sells unwanted items to make a bit of money.

On the other hand, if you made it clear that you wanted some of the clothes back, then she is being very cheeky and presumptious. No doubt she thinks that you won't ask for them back.

I'd be tempted to do so and if she says that she's sold them, tell her how disappointed you are, that you'd have preferred to have been asked. You don't have to turn it into an argument or make it into a big deal, but I think she does need to know that she's overstepped the mark a bit and you are not the kind of person that she can just try it on with.

Crowler Wed 22-Jan-14 14:46:47

Honestly OP there's no way to go about this except being blunt. You haven't caused the problem, she has.

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