to be disconcerted by 12 year old ds's..............er ....maleness...?

(170 Posts)
curlew Thu 02-Jan-14 18:06:45

We are a family that's pretty relaxed about nudity, and ds just wandered out of the shower- and his willy and balls have suddenly turned, practically overnight, into grown up ones.

All perfectly natural and I love that he's growing up, but......waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

DD1 is 12 and delights in showing me every new hair under her arm and let's me know every time she has her period.

Her BFF also waltz around naked from bathroom to bedroom and they both feel relaxed and at home.

Great for when I'm having a all hang low very early wee

Nothing wrong with being naked in your safe environment.

nikkihollis Sat 04-Jan-14 05:49:48

I just think at some level we always think of our offspring as 'kids'. I really find it hard to believe that dd and her friends (most of whom I've known since they were primary age or younger) have careers now. It's not right! That some of them are married and that some have kids of their own just seems ridiculous In my head they're too young for all this even though that's not the case at all what with them being in their late 20's.

I think it can take some getting your head around your kids growing up or actually being grown up. To see sudden physical evidence that your ds is becoming a man, I could well imagine being a bit of shock. Of course we know they're not going to be little uns for ever but that doesn't mean it doesn't take us by surprise when these changes are very apparent.

DottyDot Sat 04-Jan-14 08:20:03

I agree - it's the shock. For 11-12 years ds just got gradually bigger but suddenly to be sprouting lots of dark hair everywhere is freaking me out! And he's suddenly broader and thicker set and his voice is getting deeper - all in the space of the last couple of months. This seems to be happening earlier than his friends and all our mum friends have commented to us about it as well so we're not the only ones in shock..!

Ds2 doesn't like it at all - he's 2 years younger but had always been as tall as he's built like a shed hmm but now has to literally look up to his big brother who's about a he's taller!

I know everything changes but they didn't tell us about this bit in the baby books...!

DottyDot Sat 04-Jan-14 08:20:59

I agree - it's the shock. For 11-12 years ds just got gradually bigger but suddenly to be sprouting lots of dark hair everywhere is freaking me out! And he's suddenly broader and thicker set and his voice is getting deeper - all in the space of the last couple of months. This seems to be happening earlier than his friends and all our mum friends have commented to us about it as well so we're not the only ones in shock..!

Ds2 doesn't like it at all - he's 2 years younger but had always been as tall as he's built like a shed hmm but now has to literally look up to his big brother who's about a he's taller!

I know everything changes but they didn't tell us about this bit in the baby books...!

DottyDot Sat 04-Jan-14 08:21:27

Oops. Silly phone...

dementedma Sat 04-Jan-14 08:57:38

Ds is nearly 12 and I haven't seen him naked in years.he's always been shy and private. But goodness he's getting tall and broad shouldered!
Can anyone recommend a good puberty book that keeps things fairly light?

Oh, I have an 11.5 yr old, and he is not really body shy (yet?) and saunters naked to the shower. He suddenly got " men balls", smelly pits and wide shoulders. It happened overnight and coincides with him starting to mockingly call me "Mother", or "Ma" or even address me by my first name.

It WAS an overnight change, I swear.

Still recovering from the surprise.

My baby boy. He is in Primary school so not allowed to start puberty yet!

I totally get OP!

SomethingkindaOod Sat 04-Jan-14 09:07:33

Why do they start to call us different things when they get older? DS has started to call me 'Muv' or 'Little Muv' for some reason, God knows where he got that one from. MIL almost dropped her cup when she heard him say it grin

I think it is to rub in that the power is shifting?

Thankfully I am over 6 ft, as that confers a psychological advantage

SomethingkindaOod Sat 04-Jan-14 09:17:03

That's probably it, he never says it in a serious way. it does make me laugh though, it sounds very Enid Blyton..
Little bugger's an inch taller than me now and he's the shortest one of his mates! When they all inevitably end up at ours mooching for food I feel rather tiny.

Oh yes, the food! It has gone mad.

Before bed time a few nutella sandwiches, a muller corner and a banana have become a standard "snack". And maybe a pint of milk with it. And half a packet of crackers.

misdee Sat 04-Jan-14 09:20:31

Shush.

My 3 year old ds is cuddling me on my lap.

He will not become all hairy. He is my squishy boy forever
<in denial>

It is a funny feeling , your children hitting puberty.

A mix of barely concealed pride, worry, delight and a sweet kind of sadness mixed with nostalgia.

Or something

misdee Sat 04-Jan-14 09:27:12

So as we get rid of stinky nappies with the small ones, my bigger ones will become stinky?

eurochick Sat 04-Jan-14 09:39:36

deaky supply her with latex free condoms when the time comes - they are quite expensive and not as available as the latex kind.

Faverolles Sat 04-Jan-14 10:11:52

"Actually- on a serious note- is it really that unusual to see your children naked?"

Loads of dd's friends have never seen their parents naked, one of her friends has never seen her brothers naked - even when newborn, and from when she could dress herself (about 4-5) has had complete privacy - her parents haven't seen her naked since that age.

Ds1 has commented that none of his friend's parents wander round naked (from bedroom to bathroom, so hardly wandering around!), or allow their dc in the bathroom when they are in there having a bath.

In all seriousness, I do believe it's healthy for children to grow up seeing normal bodies. In general, naked (or near naked) bodies on tv, in magazines and on the internet, will tend to be perfect, slim, toned, enhanced boobs etc, which is not normal for most people.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Sat 04-Jan-14 10:30:47

While its great to be open about nudity - I am a nekkid mother type - its also fine to be private too. Ds is v shy about his body - wears trunks in the showers at school! - its just the way some people are, i think.

Mignonette Sat 04-Jan-14 10:37:59

I let my children see me naked until they reached the age where they became private about their own bodies. I took their lead. That doesn't mean I hide away in a room and scream hysterically if they come in forgetting to knock. It just means that none of us wander around naked although middle of the night loo trips might involve that.

It needs to be emphasised that being private about nakedness does NOT mean-
1) you are a prude
2) you are ashamed/see nakedness as 'wrong'
3) you are not open.

All too often people conflate them.

I asked them about it when this thread first arrived and none of their friends so far have parents that wander about naked (a couple said their Mothers would be seen in underwear and Father in pants). All of them said they didn't wander about naked either. One of them said that aggressive nakedness could be as problematic as being very inhibited in that 'I'm naked, deal with it' although he said his parents didn't do that.

I see 'wandering about naked' as something different to going to the loo/going from bed to dressing room etc. I'd not particularly want to see genitalia near the stove for example grin

dementedma Sat 04-Jan-14 12:51:45

I like your post mignonette, especially the 3 points.
we dont do wandering about naked in this house and the dcs have never seen me or dh naked. I dont see them naked either. the youngest is nearly 12, the dds in their 20s. We just arent comfortable with it and like our privacy.

BellaVita Sat 04-Jan-14 16:32:09

My two boys (nearly 17 and 14) still come into our bedroom when I have no clothes on and talk to me although when they get out of the shower they go into their rooms and shut the doors until they are dried and dressed. I always knock before I go into their rooms, they never knock before they come in to ours.

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