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To get cheesed off with people telling me I should 'get a little job'?

(265 Posts)
LukewarmBath Fri 26-Jul-13 15:40:11

My youngest child is due to start school in September. I am getting very fed up with people telling me (totally unasked for advice btw) that I need to 'get a little job'. One of the mums at school, who is a total busybody and doesn't know me very well at all, even printed off details about a lunchtime supervisor job that is going at the DC's school because she 'thought I'd like to get a little job as mini Lukewarm is going to school soon'. People constantly ask me if I'm going to get a job. Even family do it.

The fact is, I don't really need to work financially. DH has his own company and I do a lot of his admin work for him as well as lots of cold calling and dealing with invoices. But because it's from home, no one seems to think it's a proper job. I go to the gym, meet up with friends regularly and go on lots of nights out, so it's not like I need the 'adult interaction' from a job either.

I just wish people would mind their own business!

nkf Mon 29-Jul-13 14:08:54

I don't think it would bother.me tbh. They are making assumptions based in their understanding of a recognised pattern. Really though, it's Just chatter to fill in space.

I'd love to know what Vix does that demands those hours - care work of some sort I assume?

KellyElly Mon 29-Jul-13 13:49:53

I never understand why people get so heated about other peoples life choices. People do what's right for them and their family/marriage etc. All I know is if I won the lottery I'd give up work like a shot and fill my days doing all the things I enjoy but never get time to do grin

SixPackWellies Mon 29-Jul-13 11:48:50

Love the 'hit' one Talking. I would LOVE to say that!

Talkinpeace Sun 28-Jul-13 20:46:42

"I have a 'little job' : I make dolls houses at home"

"I have a little job - dealing with small minded people"

"I'd love to get a normal job but when I'm called to do a hit, everything has to fit around it. Nice pen. "

"Oh, now the kids are full time at school I'm going back on the game, would you like to play with me? Golf of course"

ErrorError Sun 28-Jul-13 20:05:24

Ooh my ex-p used to comment on my 'little job' (part-time) which was incredibly irritating and made me feel de-valued. I'm okay with what I do at the moment and enjoy the freedom to work from home (and browse MN!) alongside helping to care for my DM in a wheelchair. It's absolutely none of anyone's business how you spend your time or your money. If I was you and had the courage I'd be so tempted to give some over the top theatrical response to the suggestion of getting a 'little job', e.g. "I'm actually running an escort service", or "how little is little? am I too big for one?"

I don't know if said people are lazy or not koala, I don't know their circumstances. I was responding to your generalisation that it's impossible to work if you have more than one DC, no family help and no tax credits, because that simply isn't true.

There may be other reasons why one parent doesn't work, but the list you gave need not be a barrier to work.

It's been a good long while since I've seen a good SAHM v WOHM thread. grin Well done OP.

I just say I'm a landlord which I am but the management company does everything for me but they don't know that

Wbdn28 Sun 28-Jul-13 19:23:58

Tell people you work as a business administrator. You don't need to tell them that the location is your home.

AdoraBell Sun 28-Jul-13 19:19:36

For all the 'how will you fill your time' questions give a bright smile and say something like "you don't need to worry about me, I can fill my time, thanks" but don't tell them how you plan to fill your time.

I don't watch TV during the day despite being an SAHM and working full time never stopped me eating chocolate, so that messes up that stereotype.

ReindeerBollocks Sun 28-Jul-13 18:51:46

I'm getting this at the moment - but my situation is similar to the one MrsDeVere describes: a child with a complicated medical condition which requires a lot of appointments and time in hospital.

The child in question attends school, and now my youngest will be in full time school I keep getting the 'no excuses for not working now' line. However I know any employer would be sick of our constant absences - the child who is ill may attend school full time, but the fact is that his attendance record is below 85% so it would be a lot of time off.

I am trying my hand at freelancing work, as it gives me more freedom to wriggle appointments in, amongst clients so fingers crossed it will work.

Essentially it's no-one else's business, and that's what I tell the nosy people who want to know how I will fill my time with both DC in school.

MrsKoala Sun 28-Jul-13 18:43:07

3Birthdaybunnies - i'm also getting comments like this too and DS is 10 fecking months! Along with people commenting on him breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Seriously, mind your own business people!

Talkinpeace Sun 28-Jul-13 18:40:15

what, as replies to stupid questions .... grin
I've not even warmed up .....

MrsKoala Sun 28-Jul-13 18:39:49

However I would say that your statement about work being impossible if you have more than one DC, no family help and no tax credits is incorrect koala. I am that person, and I know plenty like me, who do work under those circumstances. Most of us are self-employed but not all.

The problem i have with these statements Starfish is they are usually touted by pulled themselves up by the bootstraps, yorkshiremen sketch in monty python, katie hopkins type people who know someone who managed to get up an hour before they went to bed, work licking the road clean for 28 hours a day, look after the dc AND study for a fantastic career in the evenings. Then this is applied to everyone else regardless of circumstance. There may always be a possible alternative, but sometimes the cost (not necessarily in money) may be too high. If it was so easy everyone would be doing it. Or is everyone who doesn't lazy?

Don't tell me your serious about anything but the last on your list talk

Talkinpeace Sun 28-Jul-13 18:24:15

"I do not have time to work, I'm too busy managing my investment portfolio"

"with what DH pays me through our business, any little job would be taxed at 50% so I don't"

"I give my time to charity, its better than minimum wage for a tax avoiding multinational"

"I'm training as a yoga teacher so am busy every lunchtime"

take your pick

I'm getting comments already and ds doesn't start school until 2014. Their faces are classic though when I tell them that I already have a job (which pays nearly 3x national average - don't actually say that), is totally flexible during the week and I don't need to work in holidays, so I can have it all and work and go to school plays, days out etc. Just because I don't come to school in work stuff and spend far too much time on MN doesn't mean I don't have a job. OP make sure your dh employs you so you get NI and you use your tax allowance then sit back and look smuggly at them.

When there is a position going at the school or preschool in the village here it is quite common for the parents in the playground to all be given a piece of paper with details about it. Is that not what happened in the OP? I just don't see that the 'busy body' was doing anything other than helping the school out and trying to open conversations with other parents about the vacancy, albeit a little awkwardly.

That is entirely different to someone approaching another parent and making very personal remarks about their current job situation with no relation to the school, for which all parents have a shared interest in its success.

FWIW if another parent told me I should cut back on my work hours because I was looking tired I would thank them for their concern and try to get an early night or two!

PurpleGirly Sun 28-Jul-13 17:23:58

Surely the idea of feminism was to give women the opportunity to chose their own path in life, with the ability to become whatever they want?

Not a stealth boast but DH earns a great salary and I work because I want to work - I love my job. The fact that DH travels, works long hours etc. also means that he has some flexibility if DS is ever ill. He allows his team time off for emergencies and could do the same himself if needed. The idea that a working man can never be called on to help is one that I find a bit odd.

Most people on here do not have a problem with the OP who works for the family business and she just needs the confidence to say this to people. I think most people have taken offence at the poster who feels that a HV who took a decision to improve is something to be belittled. Someone who seems to like to boast about the fact she has never worked and has no intention of ever doing so. The fact that she is totally reliant on her DP and quite is quite sarcastic to others who chose a different life. Most SAHMs that I know have worked prior to child are and for many it is the most economically viable reason with childcare costs etc. Very few in the real world are rich enough to think they will never ever have to work (especially at 31).

So to this poster, think about how you have portrayed yourself ... I am not jealous of you, I love my job and have a great life, a career and a lot of self worth. I don't feel the need to put anyone down for their choices and in this post I have not done so - good on you for being in a comfortable position but don't write your life off as one big long retirement, I hope everything works out for you, I really do, but none of us know what the future holds.

expatinscotland Sun 28-Jul-13 17:09:38

Working is over-rated for the vast majority. If you don't have to and don't want to, don't.

Completely agree MrsKoala. The 'example' thing is also completely irrelevant to most children because they haven't the faintest idea what their parents do all day anyway, except they go out every day. The children couldn't care less if mummy is chairperson of a bank or a high flying lawyer or whatever.

Tell me, would all those who think the woman who offered the job description to the OP didn't mean any harm and was just trying to help, how would you feel if the woman suggested you cut back on your working hours because you were looking a bit tired or you should get a little job to fit in with school hours so your children see you more?

The fact the woman doesn't know the OP and her situation is less reason to butt in with her little job suggestion, not more. How would you feel if a relative stranger had an opinion on how you spend your time? I don't blame the OP for being irritated.

I'm not sure the 'example' stick is a relevant one either. It is possible to set a good example to your children in lots of ways, it doesn't require a 9 to 5.

However I would say that your statement about work being impossible if you have more than one DC, no family help and no tax credits is incorrect koala. I am that person, and I know plenty like me, who do work under those circumstances. Most of us are self-employed but not all.

I know for some families the figures don't always stack up when it comes to returning to work, but this problem usually disappears once childcare is no longer a year-round cost.

MrsKoala Sun 28-Jul-13 16:34:34

I think the 'example' stick is a particularly nasty one to beat sahm with. It's usually pulled out as a guilt tactic for the arguer to 'win' in a kind 'for the love of god wont someone think of the kiddies' type way. It is also completely erroneous. Otherwise we would only ever do what our mothers did. How many people who work mums were sah? I know loads. My mum woh but it did not affect my decision in any way.

And who are these people encouraging dds to marry well instead of do well? Certainly not in my socio-economical bracket. Most people work, marry, have dc and then make their decisions based on what is best for their family. You would be surprised when you put down on paper the pros and cons that one usually is glaring as the 'right choice' (never without some sacrifice tho - but nothing is). Whether that be sah or woh. A lot of people i know actually cannot afford to go to work, but would love to, not the other way round. If you don't have any family who help and more than one DC and are not eligible for any credits or anything then it becomes impossible. Also no one i know is making this choice on taxpayers money.

Vix those hours are illegal surely? What on earth do you do?

I agree firefly, there is SO much to do when you have a disabled child. The admin alone can be overwhelming. I use my work as a way of not getting bogged down in it all, but I do wish there more hours in the day (and night!).

I think, reading back this thread, that there are a number of SAHM's that don't know they're born. Be gracious about it, is all I'd say to them. No need to stick nose in the air and 'clutch at pearls' as quoted above, when a part-time job at their child's school is mooted.

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