Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

(348 Posts)
Beatrixpotty Sat 29-Jun-13 13:30:04

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

He over reacted! Children are not going to learn through critism.

I think he was a bit rude but you totally over reacted.

He did touch his food, some people really can't stand that. You should have ignored him after being in the queue, going over to him was over the top.

Sirzy Sat 29-Jun-13 13:34:32

You both over reacted.

BringOn2014 Sat 29-Jun-13 13:34:40

YABU I would be furious if a random 3 yr old came up and touched my food, and I say that as someone who has a 3yr old DD. Im afraid I agree with the man, learn to control your children. My DD would not go and touch someone else food.

saintmerryweather Sat 29-Jun-13 13:34:41

i think if it had ended with your ds touching his croissant and you not doing anything about it you would have been unreasonable. as it is, yadnbu he was rude to you and your child

I wouldn't have wanted to eat food that someone else's child had been touching. He didn't need to be so abrupt about it, but you didn't need to go and say anything afterwards either. Your DS is 3, sometimes they do things they shouldn't, and it can be awkward and embarassing. Apologise, shrug it off, and move on.

saintmerryweather Sat 29-Jun-13 13:36:05

the man got a new croissant the child and mother both apologised and the man should have accepted the apology like an adult

OwlinaTree Sat 29-Jun-13 13:36:52

You did the right things up to going over to him, i think you should have left it there tbh. You and your son apologised, man didn't accept, end of.

He sounds like he doesn't know much about 3 year olds!

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 29-Jun-13 13:38:48

He didn't need to respond like that, but you didn't need to make a big deal about it. At the point you went up to him and raised the issue again you WBU

Eyesunderarock Sat 29-Jun-13 13:39:01

Some people dislike children.
Even more so when their breakfast has just been prodded by a child. He has no reason to tolerate it, why should he?
Yes he was rude. I was rude to the owner of the crotch sniffing dog that made me spill my coffee.
It would have been nicer and kinder for him to have said 'Never mind, children will be children' but he didn't. You continued the disagreement when you told him off, he could have told you to fuck off then and there but he didn't.
You were both rude.

raisah Sat 29-Jun-13 13:39:41

I am sorry that he upset you and I hope he's not affected you too much. People like that man. It wind me up because they become so disproportionately rude while trying to teach everybody manners. They are so hypocritical, an old woman at my drs surgery was talking loudly and decided to tell my dd off for talking loudly to her doll. My dd was not as loud as that old bat.

OTTMummA Sat 29-Jun-13 13:40:05

I would of eaten the croissant your 3 yr old touched tbh you can't die from 3yr old cooties can you? :S
He was unreasonably grumpy and rude, I would have just ignored him and told DS well done for apologising.

LastTangoInDevonshire Sat 29-Jun-13 13:40:14

You shouldn't have gone up to him. It was all sorted at the till - no need for further confrontation. YWBU.

eurozammo Sat 29-Jun-13 13:41:54

I agree with the man.

ihearsounds Sat 29-Jun-13 13:45:04

When your child wandered off, did you call him back then, or was it after he had touched another persons food?

He should have accepted your apology but he didn't.

Having said that, the poor man just went out for breakfast and had a child poke at his food and then a mother who harangued him. I think you were lucky he didn't tell you to fuck off, I would have (although I probably would have accepted your apology).

Sounds like you were both in the wrong to me.

mayorquimby Sat 29-Jun-13 13:47:54

why in the name of god would you have gone back over to him a second time.
You found him rude and he clearly didn't want to interact with you.
Just leave him be.

notanyanymore Sat 29-Jun-13 13:49:12

I think you were perfectly reasonable. Your dc did something he shouldn't, you dealt with it and your child tried to appologise. I think you did the right thing, you weren't rude but you did demonstrate to your dc both how you expect him to behave and also that you will stick up for him in front of oversized idiots/bullies and not be intimidated. I say, well done you you should be proud!

So all the interaction was from your side, your son touched his food, then went up and spoke to him again, (apologising) then you harassing him at his table for not responding in the way that you wanted him to. Leave the poor guy alone. He's allowed to be unsociable and not like children and from your OP he didn't swear at you, didn't raise his voice, just objected that some one had messed about with his food, and didn't want to interact with you and your child. UABU

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 29-Jun-13 13:50:23

Ywbvu to confront him and continue the argument.

You thought he was rude but you behaved worse actually.

Gruntfuttock Sat 29-Jun-13 13:50:34

I also think you should have left the man in peace.

RevoltingPeasant Sat 29-Jun-13 13:51:00

OP I don't know if this helps, but my dad has what we think is undiagnosed Asperger's. (A doctor has suggested this and he fits many of the characteristics, but wouldn't pursue the matter - he is from a generation where they didn't test at school.)

My dad would have reacted very badly to that, but it's part of the way he is. He cannot bear children's voices and he has a real obsession about children touching things and 'making them sticky'.

Since joining MN, I often wonder if a child who is seemingly acting up may have SN. Maybe it would help you to think the same about this man. Perhaps he couldn't control his reaction very well. You made your point, now get over it.

ZillionChocolate Sat 29-Jun-13 13:51:05

You started this by failing to control your child. He was not unreasonable in being grumpy. He could have graciously accepted your apology but he wasn't obliged to. You were unreasonable in prolonging the incident.

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