DH's awful family part 2...

(208 Posts)
curiousgeorgie Tue 19-Mar-13 21:14:54

So I've started a second thread as requested...

Who would have guessed that they would be so bad as to require more than 1000 posts wink

curiousgeorgie Tue 19-Mar-13 21:32:06

Glakit - This sounds so much like a lie but I swear it's true! I even think I started a thread about it way back when... We were asked to have a break in TTC so we could go to the wedding. And this was after lots of miscarriages and I was luckily just starting to be treated by Mr Shehata, an amazing consultant and so taking a break would have been heartbreaking and ridiculous after I'd waited to see this doctor.

Yes, it's Ireland. I wouldn't have been driving, my DH would but it still would've been awful for DD and the baby.

Sod the farking top table I'm still bitter about SIL insisting of sitting at it at our wedding if you dd isn't important enough as flower girl to be up there, then sod them. Don't go.

I seriously find it hard to believe that your SIL to be doesn't see how difficult this is going to be for you. Especially as a mother herself. I am truly shocked.

God I am so angry for you!

Arithmeticulous Tue 19-Mar-13 21:32:34

Another cracking suggestion from DontMind there

curiousgeorgie Tue 19-Mar-13 21:33:07

Fierce, I didn't know if we did but SIL said the airport we had to fly into meant we did?

Did you have another thread about that Georgie? Someone did, I remember it!

AIBU not to shag this month as SIL has asked us not to so we can make the wedding of the year where she will be the grand poohbah?

FierceBadIggi has valid points about the baby being exposed to illnesses before getting even the first jabs at 2 months.

curiousgeorgie Tue 19-Mar-13 21:36:40

Yep, I had a thread about that! They asked us to stop trying to make sure I wouldn't be too pregnant to fly... But we didn't listen obviously as I'm sitting here with a big bump grin

SlowLooseChippings Tue 19-Mar-13 21:36:58

You don't need a passport to bring a newborn to Ireland on the ferry, a birth cert will do. You can get those very quickly.

You do need a passport for planes though. (You don't, legally speaking, but the airlines can stipulate it as a condition of travel, and they usually do.)

15 hours sounds like a lot though - DH and I live in east London and it takes 11 hours door to door to reach his family in west Cork. It's not all driving either, there's 4 hours sitting on the ferry plus some waiting around (free wifi in the lounges = MNing on the go!). We did it with 8 week old DS at Christmas.

Having said that, we wouldn't do it for any amount of time less than a week as it is an onerous journey regardless.

TheSeniorWrangler Tue 19-Mar-13 21:37:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FierceBadIggi Tue 19-Mar-13 21:37:35

(As an aside - where you on the pred thread? Congratulations! I have a Shehata miracle baby too! grin )

All this smacks of SIL being pissed off you didn't bow to her whim and pause TTC in order to make the wedding.

RevoltingPeasant Tue 19-Mar-13 21:38:22

Curious I have been frozen in horror lurking on this thread for days now...

Don't you send them any bullshit excuses about why you're not going to the wedding!!!!

Email:
'SIL & BIL,

I am currently waiting for my hospital test results after you knowingly exposed my unborn baby and me to CMV, a virus which, as you will have been told at the hospital, can cause very serious disabilities to unborn children.

You have shown a total disregard for my baby's welfare. In these circumstances, I will not be attending your wedding. As I will not be there to look after DD, she will also not be attending as I am not confident that you will look after her appropriately.

I do not wish to hear from you, MIL, or FIL until after the baby's birth, when we will consider whether we can build bridges again.

OP'

Seriously, don't fuck about with these people!! angry angry angry

RevoltingPeasant Tue 19-Mar-13 21:39:45

They asked you to stop TTC for their wedding.

They. Asked You. To stop TTC. For their frickin' wedding????!!!

It is rare that I am rendered speechless - !!!!

curiousgeorgie Tue 19-Mar-13 21:40:07

Fierce, I didn't join but was a lurker smile Mr Shehata is amazing!

CookieLady Tue 19-Mar-13 21:40:09

Don't go. They clearly don't give a damn about you so why on earth should you put yourself out for them. I've had two c-sections and believe me the second time round the revovery process is a lot slower. Whilst in theory the recommended recovery period is six to eight weeks in reality it was more like ten to twelve weeks for me.

<shakes head in disbelief!> wow and I seriously thought my SIL was bad

<hand worst SIL gold medal to Georgie> kudos to you for not smacking her in the chops!

Hell's teeth, I think I remember that thread georgie shock.

These people just have no redeeming features at all, do they?

curiousgeorgie Tue 19-Mar-13 21:42:17

Slowloosechippings - I'm in Surrey but that's what SIL estimated for us as driving time. I have no idea how it's broken down though as I dismissed it without really researching it too much.

AllOverIt Tue 19-Mar-13 21:42:22

DON'T GO!!!!

bootsycollins Tue 19-Mar-13 21:43:47

Cheeky fucking bastards! Please don't put yourself out for those inconsiderate, spiteful arseholes. You really need to put the needs of you, your newborn and dd first, those bastard il's have caused you enough grief already.

Do you stare at your dh and wonder how the hell he came from that family and is the lovely man you know and love? I do that with my DH all the time. grin

ShhHesAsleep Tue 19-Mar-13 21:45:43

If your DH is willing to pull out of the wedding, best to do it now.

Which I think is the sensible decision. Even if you and your new baby have the fastest possible recovery from childbirth, the idea of him being unavailable to support his wife and children while you're away from home is frankly ridiculous. He must be well-trained by his bonkers family to not see this. I'm sure your midwife or consultant would make their feelings clear.

It must be awful for him to accept how little his family value the 3 (4 ) of you. The technical term for his discomfort and unwillingness to see what's happening is "cognitive dissonance". Basically it's uncomfortable to have two conflicting thoughts simultaneously. My family are nice people who care for us vs look at their bonkers behaviour. Like suggesting you all, including a newborn, go on a 15 hour drive and are then exposed to the viruses that will be present in a hotel full of strangers who want to touch the baby's hands and face and last washed their own hands who knows when...

curiousgeorgie Tue 19-Mar-13 21:45:52

Glakit - I do that all the time! And look at my little DD sleeping and think please please don't be like them! Lol...

GoingGoingGoth Tue 19-Mar-13 21:46:29

Blatantly marking my place, as I've been lurking for days.

Don't go!

ithaka Tue 19-Mar-13 21:47:30

Don't go. I didn't go to my SIL's wedding (because I had a new baby and she was a thoughtless madam about the earlier death of our son). My DH didn't go either (his sister).

Oh, it was drama on the high seas at the time. I cared not a jot. Which meant in the end they all had to calm down and try and build bridges. Which I let them do. And it is all brushed under carpet now.

Do not put yourself through it. Stand your ground, let it wash over you, and PIL will come crawling back when they realise they have to be nice to have a relationship with their son/grandchild. At which time, you may choose to be the bigger person - I am so high up on the moral high ground, the view is stunning.

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