To think that it is normal to love your children more than your partner?

(195 Posts)
honeytea Sat 16-Mar-13 20:05:03

I was talking to DS today more like talking at DS he is only 3 months old I said to him "Having you as my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me" Dp overheard and said "what about me! Am I not the best thing that ever happened to you?"

I said to Dp that it is normal to love your kids more than each other, Dp thinks it is not normal.

I think parental love and romantic love is very different, I am still breastfeeding DS so maybe it is the breastfeeding hormones that are making me feel so in love with DS.

How does it work in your family?

BumpingFuglies Sat 16-Mar-13 20:06:30

No. I love them equally but differently.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 16-Mar-13 20:07:44

I don't love my children more than my DH, I love them differently.

queenebay Sat 16-Mar-13 20:08:08

I love my dd more than my dh. My mum can't understand this. Not to say I don't love my dh but I would do anything for my dd and I wouldn't for my dh.

catgirl1976 Sat 16-Mar-13 20:08:18

It's a different love but if I could only save one of them in some horrible accident type scenario, it would be DS. I haven't asked DH but I am sure he feel do the same

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sat 16-Mar-13 20:08:33

You are comparing apples and oranges. A love for a child is quite different from a love for a partner.

However, I understand what you mean and DH would agree with you.

catgirl1976 Sat 16-Mar-13 20:08:50

Sorry for the atrocious typing!

yaimee Sat 16-Mar-13 20:09:54

I love my son more than anyone. 'fraid that's just the way it is. if I had seconds to save ds or dp it'd be ds every time!

apostropheuse Sat 16-Mar-13 20:10:34

I think sometimes mothers feel that way when their children are very little, but that it settles down as the children get older.

As children become adults and you and your partner of many years are doing everything together and know one another more intimately than any other human being, then I believe that the feeling of love you have at that stage in your life will be more for your partner than anyone else.

However, I do agree that romantic love and love of a child is a different thing.

DH and I have spoken about the horrible accident thing. We would both save DD. However, that can be because we feel responsible for DD in a way that we aren't for each other. She is a child that we chose to create, we owe her a life. I think I love DH more since having DD and DD is, you know, DD so I love her as much as is possible.

ithaka Sat 16-Mar-13 20:13:09

My love for my husband is not the same as my love for my children. I certainly don't love him less than my children - the fact he is the father of my children has deepened our love. I know he will be the person I will end my life with when the children have left home and started their own families.

I would hope in an emergency both DH & I would put the children first, because protecting your child is a parental instinct. It doesn't mean I love them more that DH.

It is equal, but different, I would say.

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 16-Mar-13 20:15:15

I would kill for my children, they are my world and I definitely love them more than my husband..who I don't actually like let alone love dont think I ever have tbh

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sat 16-Mar-13 20:15:17

I agree it's a different kind of love, but no I don't love my dc more than my dh

catgirl1976 Sat 16-Mar-13 20:15:25

I agree the saving a child in horrible accident thing doesn't mean you love your DC more, just that a) you are responsible for them b) they are more vulnerable and less likely to be able to save themselves and c) you both (as parents) know that is what the other would want

I love DH and DS the same but differently

Weissdorn Sat 16-Mar-13 20:16:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 16-Mar-13 20:18:01

I think everyone feels that they would save their children in the case of accident or disaster. If my DH were in a position to save me or the dc I would want him to save the dc. It doesn't mean we love each other less than we love our children, but that we are programmed to look after our children.

ThreeWheelsGood Sat 16-Mar-13 20:18:08

Yabu, it's not normal to love your children MORE than DP, but it's a different love.

I'd save my cat.

Dd would climb over me to get out grin

Dh would be bumbling about looking for his coat grin

SirChenjin Sat 16-Mar-13 20:20:15

It's a different type of love. I don't let myself think about the "what ifs" of anything hideous, so I can't tell you what I would do, but I know that I would be utterly destroyed if anything happened to any of my children.

hippoherostandinghere Sat 16-Mar-13 20:20:16

I love my DCs more than anything in the world. I love them more than DH. I could never stop loving my DCs I could stop loving DH though.

noisytoys Sat 16-Mar-13 20:20:35

I love my husband the same as my children, but different. I do make an effort to treat my husband well, respect him, love him in front of the children and he does the same. This is the example of a relationship that they will see. I want it to be a good example

Domjolly Sat 16-Mar-13 20:20:51

There is nothing my ds could do that could end my love for him i might choose not to see him or dislike his life style but i love him

On the other hand i think there is plenty dh could could which would loose my love which would result in divorce and me moving on

nevertoolate26 Sat 16-Mar-13 20:21:07

I definately love my kids more than my OH. I'd do anything for them. And it's an unconditional love. With your OH, perhaps I'm cynical, but I wouldn't invest so much in a relationship when I don't know where it would be in 5, 10, 15 years time. I wish I was in a loved up relationship though, then it may be what other posters have said - same love but differently.

<shrugs> Do you love your parents more than your siblings? Your friends more than your relatives? It varies from person to person, really - my DS father is an old drinking mate and we are co-parents rather than a couple, but I do regard him as 'family' and take an interest in his wellbeing even when he is cacking on about his bloody job again but the person I love most in the world is DS.

highlandbird Sat 16-Mar-13 20:22:48

It's an unconditional love for your dc's though isn't it? So not necessarily love them more but no matter what they did you would always love them that much...whereas I love dh in a different way, just as deeply but if he were to really hurt me, which he hopefully never will, I would LTB.....I would never leave my children. Maybe that's just me?

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