to expect that my husband would prioritise his wife and children over his mother

(205 Posts)
angelicstar Thu 07-Mar-13 16:01:00

Maybe I am - would be interested in opinion.

DH's mother is in hospital and they live about 2 hours away from us on the south coast. Although she has been quite ill she is recovering and will be out in about a week so it's not a life and death situation. DH drove down to see her on Monday and she has FIL and also DH's sister who lives near by so she is not languishing on her own.

Meanwhile I have been poorly and DD who is 2 has quite a bad viral infection with rash and high temperature. I also have a DD who is 4 and it's been hard work with them both today and poor DD2 had to be dragged out in the rain for school pick up.

DH was meant to see his mother tonight and stay over at his dad's but I have asked that he come home instead as I know DD will be up in the night and also if he is home tomorrow morning she won't have to drag out on the school run.

Just called him and he said he won't come home and his mother is his priority and he has to "split his time fairly" between us. Now surely it is not unreasonable to expect him to prioritise me and his poorly child. Just come off the phone to him in tears. Surely I should not have to beg my husband to help me with the kids? He left it saying he would see what he could sort out as if he was doing me some kind of favour.

Jamdoughnutfiend Sat 09-Mar-13 12:58:39

YABU - My brother has been seriously ill and I am running round after him at the moment helping him and his girlfriend. My DH has been really understanding and if he has responded as you had I would have been so disappointed in him and that is 'just' my brother never mind my Mum.

crashdoll Sat 09-Mar-13 14:38:47

JamieandtheMagicTorch

Fair point. When people often post very emotive topics in here and get upset when they get a grilling, I do wonder why they posted in here in the first place. The again, I suppose you can never tell the responses and I have seen OPs getting picked on and picked apart. I only said "crying in the corner" as a response to another poster's comments. I'd hate to think I purposely hurt another person by being a bitch but I don't think anyone needs to apologise for being honest. The truth hurts. I've posted topics in here before and wished I hadn't. You live and learn.

LaQueen Sat 09-Mar-13 15:06:21

*Raspberry^ I agree with you. I very much see DH and I, as a kinda tag-team...sometimes one of us takes priority, sometimes the other. Sometimes one of us can be selfish, sometimes the other.

But, essentially we do try and help each other, and recognise when the other needs to perhaps take a bit more, so we need to give a bit more. And vice versa...

And, yes, I also agree that the OP is determined to brush off her MIL's illness - which is serious enough to warrant a stay in hospital FFS, with a casual 'She's on the mend'.

But, in contrast the OP is layering on the guilt/drama with her 'Poor DD, is having to be dragged out into the cold, to do the school run'

What? A whole 15 minutes, doing the school run? Presumably, wearing a nice, warm coat, or travelling in a car? Not like her DD is being sent down the pit, is it?

bassetfeet Sat 09-Mar-13 16:41:10

One day hopefully, all here will be mothers in law to sons or daughters. Getting older and needing some assistance as years advance .

It is hard to empathise with something we have not experienced . My aged mum is 90 and I try to understand when she gets bickery about my lack of "visiting "
I go every week and often call in midweek also.Get narked at her whinging .
But I dont know how it feels to be that old do I ? But I muddle along and do what I know is right for her in her old age .

One day YOU are going to be the elderly lady in hospital and so wanting to see her son/daughter .
Please just project how you may feel one day . And dont make your partner feel bad about it if you can .

I do remember being young mother and this happening to us . I wish I could revisit my younger self .

Osmiornica Sat 09-Mar-13 16:49:05

It depends on how ill you are. If you would have had to ask your husband to take a day off work then fair enough, he should be looking after you. if, however, you're not that bad and can cope then yabu and should accept that he'd like to visit his mother instead.

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