I'm probably being entitled/unreasonabl e, but should the teacher wait on my child?

(1000 Posts)
WhenIsBedtime Wed 06-Mar-13 09:59:01

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 08-Mar-13 13:19:44

You're not a poohead WhenIs!

You had every right to post here as Helen said, you dealt with the ignorant haranguing with grace, and eventually found some support. You listened to advice and acted on it.

Very un-poohead-ish behaviour grin

thornrose Fri 08-Mar-13 13:17:58

YOU are certainly not a poohead. You're fab.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 08-Mar-13 13:16:34

WhenIsBedtime

Ah, i see, thanks for clarifying.

I think i've really misunderstood what 'AIBU' section is about. I've always thought it was for any question re 'am i being unreasonable?' So it's a debate area of sorts?

Sorry MNHQ! blush

I've been on this site for a while (I namechange quite a bit as i'm terrified of being recognised in RL) and i've never really understood what this section is for.

Now i feel like a poohead.

grin

WhenIsBedtime Fri 08-Mar-13 13:13:51

Ah, i see, thanks for clarifying.

I think i've really misunderstood what 'AIBU' section is about. I've always thought it was for any question re 'am i being unreasonable?' So it's a debate area of sorts?

Sorry MNHQ! blush

I've been on this site for a while (I namechange quite a bit as i'm terrified of being recognised in RL) and i've never really understood what this section is for.

Now i feel like a poohead.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 08-Mar-13 13:12:58

WhenIsBedtime

blush

Sorry, i wasn't being rude. Didn't know i had a PM. Apologies for not replying.

I'll definitely be posting in SN more often about my daughter. IABU was my first choice just because i wanted a quick answer, and because i did have an 'AIBU' question. Is it not ok to post AIBU questions regarding disabilites/SEN?

Sometimes it's good to get opinions outwith the SN section as they'll be more varied. However, with this risk, i appreciate a lot of pooheadish replies will join them too. As happens with almost every AIB thread.

smile You had a mail, WhenIsBedtime; we don't PM folks.

And yes of course it's fine to post wherever you like. But you do have to bear in mind that the very nature of AIBU is inviting judgement for or against. So, if that's not what you're after, it might be best to post elsewhere.

WilsonFrickett Fri 08-Mar-13 13:11:44

To be fair to the OP though, she's handled the more robust side of AIBU with aplomb. I wouldn't, so I don't post about DS in AIBU. If she's prepared to take the flack, and as able to deal with it as well as she seems to be, she can and should post anywhere she likes.

TheChaoGoesMu Fri 08-Mar-13 13:11:22

Well done op. Thats absolutely brilliant.

thornrose Fri 08-Mar-13 13:07:05

I sometimes post about my dd with AS, away from the SN section because I specifically want input from a range of posters.
Never on AIBU though!

lottieandmia Fri 08-Mar-13 13:05:17

The thing about AIBU is that it is a section that invites criticism and heated debate and yours is an issue that deserves thought and insight from the outset, WhenIs. It is not just an issue with posts that involve special needs but lots of other issues too like relationships.

For a long time I have thought AIBU is not a section which promotes a helpful approach and causes many fights - and I'm ashamed to say that had apparently also rubbed off on me now as I did not read the thread to start with.

I wish you and your dd all the best.

WhenIsBedtime Fri 08-Mar-13 13:00:04

blush

Sorry, i wasn't being rude. Didn't know i had a PM. Apologies for not replying.

I'll definitely be posting in SN more often about my daughter. IABU was my first choice just because i wanted a quick answer, and because i did have an 'AIBU' question. Is it not ok to post AIBU questions regarding disabilites/SEN?

Sometimes it's good to get opinions outwith the SN section as they'll be more varied. However, with this risk, i appreciate a lot of pooheadish replies will join them too. As happens with almost every AIB thread.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 08-Mar-13 12:49:40

Also, just for a bit more clarifying...

It's fine for folks to be insensitive/stupid/pooheadish, even offensive (within our guidelines and certiain limits). It's annoying but it's not against the rules.

It is against the rules to attack people personally and tell them they're insensitive/stupid/pooheadish, though. Though we're sure you can all find ways to advise them of the error of their ways without making a personal attack...

Also, we have mailed the OP of this thread and suggested AIBU is probably not the most ideal place for a thread of this nature - - but we haven't had a reply.

We would tend to agree that, although it's by no means compulsory to post about your child with SN in MNSN, it's maybe not the best idea to post in AIBU - where folks are, after all, invited to pronounce a judgement on the opening post.

Thanks to all here who have offered the OP such brilliant advice.

All the best OP
I hope some twats have learnt something from this thread, even if only to read a bit more before you post. grin

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 08-Mar-13 12:35:18

HelpOneAnother

I am v.surprised at my deleted posts. Eejit is quite a gentle reproof where I live. And as for wondering if my teenager was posting, really?

Yet I still see posts from whogives which are very snarky to OPconfused. Kindness and sense of proportion not only missing from school I think.

Hello. All personal attacks break our Guidelines and so are deletable - however gentle or harsh.

Swearing is allowed, however. As long as it's not part of a personal attack.

Hope that makes things a bit clearer.

sis Fri 08-Mar-13 12:33:41

Only twelve or thirteen more posts to go after this!

sis Fri 08-Mar-13 12:32:47

Almost yhere

SarkyPants Fri 08-Mar-13 12:21:18

"dumb lazy narcissistic twatage"

I'll give a prize for the first person to use this phrase in RL smile

HelpOneAnother Fri 08-Mar-13 12:15:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quietlysuggests Fri 08-Mar-13 12:07:18

I haven't read the whole thread but..........

NO seriously, I actually think that this^^^^^^^^^ is the cause of the ahem trouble on this thread,
rather than people being ignorant poo heads about HFA in particular,
I think they are ignorant poo heads about threads in general.
I mean, you see a thread has ten thousand replies, you read the OP, you think to yourself "Mmm, no need to read anything else, I bet that in all those replies noone has said "Get up earlier", so without reading any further, without thinking about it, without actually joining the discussion, I think I will post the first thing that comes to mind, its bound to be really interesting to other people"

well its dumb lazy narcissistic twatage isn't it?

Sould we ask MNHQ to add it to talk guidelines, that "I haven't read the thread but...." may well mark you out as being a lazy ignorant poo head?

EskSmith Fri 08-Mar-13 11:51:43

Sorry, start of my post a bit garbled, phone doesn't like the long thread. Hope you still got the gist smile

EskSmith Fri 08-Mar-13 11:49:04

When is, we when is, I think you are doing a fab job, and we'll see for wading through the unbelievable amount of crazy posted on this thread to get to the helpful and insightful posts. Better people than I would have given up, truly.

Glad to hear that the changes are working for you and dd, I can "hear" from your posts that you sound happier.

Finally I really get how hard it is to challenge teachers whom you perceive to be the experts, easy remember (as others have sais) that when it comes to your daughter you are the ultimate expert. You are doing a great job for your dd, have confidence. smile

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 08-Mar-13 11:41:14

OH and they may be the professionals but that's limited to actually teaching so unless your intending to teach a class your not treading on any bodies toes.

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 08-Mar-13 11:35:57

WhenIsBedtime
You sound so positive. It's great you had some really constructive advice in among the poo heads less helpful posts. Well done to you for persevering with this thread when it was so relentlessly negative at times.

Best of luck to you and to DD. And to all other parents and children in difficult situations when empathy is thin on the ground.

SarkyPants Fri 08-Mar-13 11:29:55

Am I the only one to have a bit of a girl crush on the OP for being able to stay dignified and eloquent in the face of so much cuntish behaviour?

blush

unitarian Fri 08-Mar-13 11:22:15

You're doing brilliantly well and your posts are articulate and moving. I'm glad the morning routine is working better.

I was a secondary teacher when my DD began primary school. I resolved to 'leave it to the professionals' but she was with an inexperienced and disorganised reception teacher who caused long-term harm. I really should have 'interfered' earlier than I did.

Don't just trust them. They are not always right and are often completely and utterly wrong!

thornrose Fri 08-Mar-13 11:21:59

Yes, have a go, you can make it really specific if you write your own.

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