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Upset by friends facebook status - I know I probably am but find it genuienely distressing!

(257 Posts)
RoseGarden123 Sun 03-Mar-13 20:49:30

Saw friends facebook status about leaving her 6 week old DS to CIO to get him onto a healthy routine. this baby was born 4 weeks early. I text her to see if everything was ok. When she said she couldn't deal with doing the CIO but thought it was the best thing to establish a routine early ,I sent her a link to some info which I said had found really helpful in the early days. I'll admit the link was to some unconditional/ AP type parenting approach, her response was she didn't go in for the 'hippy' stuff and she wanted to make sure that her DS knew who was boss from day one and wasn't going to 'win' and after 3 hours he had gone to sleep.
I am not upset at all about her rejecting the info link, I sent it very tactfully and everyone chooses their own path in parenting but seriously CIO with a prem 6 week old, am I completely off the mark when I think this is very upsetting and worrying?!

crashdoll Mon 04-Mar-13 21:15:03

The hysteria in this thread would be laughable if it wasn't so pathetic.

Goldenbear Mon 04-Mar-13 21:22:55

What does that even mean?

LaQueen Mon 04-Mar-13 21:40:20

I was prepared to let our DDs CIO for, I dunno, 15 minutes or so...once they got to be about 5-6 months old.

By then, I knew them well enough to be able to tell the difference between when they were genuinely distressed, and when they were in that I'm grizzling because I'm really tired, and grumpy, and can't quite just drop off yet mode.

A friend was happy to do CIO with her new baby - and, hard as nails though I generally am, I found it very hard to bear. We stayed with them, when her baby was about 10 weeks old, and the baby was basically put in the cot at 6pm, and always allowed to cry themselves to sleep. Sometimes it took nearly an hour sad

It's the only time we've ever come close to arguing, because I couldn't bear to hear them crying for so long, and found it genuinely upsetting. I offered a few times to go and try to settle the baby - but this then really annoyed my friend.

Imaginethat Mon 04-Mar-13 22:11:37

dunnitnow - What do you think now ? 45 mins and 30 mins twice did no harm I'm sure, but I am staggered that there are still people around that think it is ok to routinely do this.

Thanks for asking. Now I realise how disconnected I was from my newborn. I was frantic to do everything right and had no confidence in my instinct.

With my second child I could not bear to let him cry, however he cried and cried all the same. One night he cried pretty much for 5hrs straight although I rocked etc. I had to admit defeat, close doors, turn on music and get in the bath as I could no longer cope with his crying. Which leaves me wondering whether it might have been better to do the CIO with him early on. A lot less crying all up. But different children & temperaments. I think on the whole we do our best with what we know at the time.

OutsideOverThere Tue 05-Mar-13 07:32:44

Imaginethat - no. You did right. I have a crier too - my third baby - and it's been a shock after a very placid ds2.

They cry for a reason, and you did your absolute best and it just got too much. There have been times I've sat there with ds3, in despair at him ever stopping but being with him and doing my best was important I think, even if I couldn't physically help him to stop.

It tailed off after he was about 4 or 5 weeks and got much easier. I have my doubts that CIL actually stops babies crying at all - it just teaches them that no one comes and that's got to be a bad thing I think at a very young age. It's not like the baby never cries again after it's been left to cry it out one time.

OutsideOverThere Tue 05-Mar-13 07:33:30

sorry cio

flatmum Tue 05-Mar-13 11:43:46

Imagine - you did your best in a very difficult situation (we've all been there) and tried everything you could, taking into account your child's personality, age, temperment etc. That is very different from blindly deciding to teach a newborn who's boss (if that is indeed what OPs friend was/is doing) imo.

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