To think this baby shower invitation is grabby as fuck?

(222 Posts)
ENormaSnob Wed 13-Feb-13 20:26:03

Friend is having dc4.

Invited to baby shower, nice cafe type place, £10pp payable on the day.

Friend doesn't want presents and instead has asked everyone to contribute towards one big item.

The only saving grace is she hasn't done it in poem format.

Am not going.

Aibu to think this is just cheeky and grabby?

Friend has no connection to any culture or country where this is the norm.

quoteunquote Tue 30-Apr-13 11:04:52

Anyone who gives out a demand list with an invitation, should only ever be given a book on manners.

Viviennemary Tue 30-Apr-13 10:58:13

I hate the whole specifying what you want before you are asked. Wait to be asked. What's difficult about that. A small child knows the wait to be asked rule.

ChewingOnLifesGristle Tue 30-Apr-13 10:17:56

You have to pay to go, then you have to pay for a present, then you have to pay for another present when it's born??

Blimey charlieshock Do you think she'll charge you to visit her to even see the new baby?

Gah! Baby showers, proms, playdates, Halloween..where's all this coming from?? The world's gorn madhmm

Showers are for Americans and dirty people grin

ENormaSnob Tue 30-Apr-13 10:06:59

Oh and no, I didn't attend the shower. I worked extra shifts instead, y'know to pay for my own baby stuff.

This is a zombie thread btw.

ENormaSnob Tue 30-Apr-13 10:04:52

Did you actually read the full thread Michelle?

I though I had made it clear that friend and I had initially agreed on no gifts so was surprised to receive this invitation for me to pay a tenner for a few butties and a brew and also make a cash donation in lieu of a present.

And no it wasn't an unplanned pregnancy, she has everything from her last 3dc inc the item she wanted money for and her dh's salary is more than mine and my dh's put together.

Oh and fwiw, I think a post delivery shower is just as grabby. Unless its more a meet the baby gathering with no gift list or cash request.

CSIJanner Tue 30-Apr-13 09:22:07

I've never had one - am I missing out?

The only one I've been too was for a dear friend as a surprise. We all have the little things we had bought her as part of the shower - nothing after bar cards. And the boob cup cakes were delish.

TwoForTuesday Tue 30-Apr-13 09:15:50

I refuse to attend baby showers on principle. I think they are ridiculous

I don't really need answers, I was just making a point to those who think baby showers are generally just "grabby" (I'd never heard this word before this thread!). People obviously have a baby shower for their own reasons.

At first I thought the OP made her friend's baby shower sound grabby but then I thought it made sense. Saying you need £10 for food is reasonable because then you can go prepared, and it really isn't a lot for food and drinks for the afternoon if that is all it'll be. Like other people have said, it makes sense to ask for contributions towards one big thing rather than bringing small bits of things.

As it happens, I don't need anything despite the fact that this may be my first baby to bring home as I bought everything after my 12 week scan, often cheaper from friends who didn't need their stuff any more or family bought me things. The OP's friend might've sold or give her stuff to other people who were having babies thinking she might not have another child. Maybe it's an accidental pregnancy and she can't afford everything all over again but doesn't want to end the pregnancy.

If she was a good friend you'd probably know her reasons anyway. She obviously isn't that good of a friend otherwise you would both know that you have your own babies to pay for so there isn't any point in expecting something from each other, it'd just be like exchanging £10 notes or whatever and ending up with the same amount anyway. It wouldn't be weird to agree this with each other and just enjoy eating with her at her baby shower. Therefore, you might think she is grabby but it makes you sound far more unreasonable for making a fuss about it on here when a good friend would've just agreed with her that there isn't any point in giving each other things. Nobody is forcing you to go if you don't even want to celebrate with her, which you clearly don't want to do!

Agnesmum Mon 29-Apr-13 20:21:22

Michellephant, I think that's a lovely idea. Good luck with everything. You don't sound grabby at all. I would enjoy your celebration.

HighJinx Mon 29-Apr-13 20:11:09

I think the idea of a baby shower is ok if you're dealing with a young couple, just starting out or a young mum who needs a leg up.

Yes, I agree. And this is where the 'showers' started in the USA after WW2. Many 'war brides' had arrived in the States with nothing more than a suitcase of clothes and their neighbours would arrange a party to welcome them and give them a tea towel or a cup or something to get them started.

What started as a genuine act of neighbourly kindness towards those with nothing has morphed into a ridiculous gift grab.

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Mon 29-Apr-13 19:45:31

Why don't you start a new thread Michellelphant? I think you will get lots more answers.

I think that sounds like a lovely idea.

Agnesmum Mon 29-Apr-13 18:51:45

I was invited to the baby shower of a work colleague (gift list included with invitation). She's now had the baby and I have been invited to a "wetting the baby's head" party (no gift list this time) and then in two months' time I have been invited to the naming ceremony (gift list included with the invitation) . It is her second child!

Oh and it'll be in my house and I'll be providing the food unless people want to bring a plate of something to make a sort of buffet!

I'm thinking of having a baby shower organised by myself. My first pregnancy was ended because of health problems at 22 weeks and I want to celebrate if this baby is healthy. Apparently lots of people have baby showers post-labour now though so maybe I'll wait until my baby is actually proven to be healthy and alive outside of my womb before I celebrate. Is that "grabby"?

Also, we wont be having a christening or naming party or whatever so it would be the only party my baby would get before its first birthday.

salome2001 Mon 18-Feb-13 20:15:47

Sorry, I disagree with the negativity. So, she books a " nice cafe style place" at £10 a head. would you complain if it was a birthday or work leaving do?
She requests no presents as she probably already has all the bitty things but may have one large purchase she could use help with - new car seat, maybe? With three kids, I imagine money is stretched.
I don't really see what is "grabby as fuck"

Illustrationaddict Mon 18-Feb-13 10:07:20

My rule of thumb with the whole 'shower' then 'newborn' gift is that I work out my budget for little ones gift, then if they are doing shower and welcome party spend half on shower, and half on newborn gift. This leaves me feeling less awkward when you do the welcome visit because you inevitably feel awkward if you go empty handed (even though you did give them a shower gift - daft isn't it!). Mind you I do buy the Mums who don't throw showers bigger gifts in the end.

EllieCook Mon 18-Feb-13 08:35:16

I think the idea of a baby shower is ok if you're dealing with a young couple, just starting out or a young mum who needs a leg up. Other than that, I think it's tacky to invite your friends to buy you things you could buy for yourself or already have because you've got kids already.

bemybebe Mon 18-Feb-13 08:31:06

"In a lot of cultures it is considered bad luck to buy anything for unborn children."

In a lot of cultures young parents are surrounded by their extended family who can go out and get things as and when needed. In Western culture living together as extended family is not happening any more.

Illustrationaddict Mon 18-Feb-13 03:10:29

I didn't have one for DC as thought it was a bit 'grabby' then my sis went and had one with a gift list and got all the items she actually wanted. Almost seems sensible! Sis is now having a christening, so in space of 4 months DN will have had shower gift, newborn gift, Christmas gift and christening gift. Thinking I should make up an excuse for a celebration myself ;)

girliefriend Sun 17-Feb-13 21:28:32

When I was pregnant with my dd my colleagues threw me a surprise baby shower. It was quite overwhelming as everyone was so generous and basically I was then set for pretty much all my baby stuff!

However I think the fact that I was pregnant and single probably meant that people felt a bit sorry for me and were extra kind grin

I however would be totally shocked if anyone invited me to the type of baby shower op describes. Some people are just shameless shock

PeaceAndHope Sun 17-Feb-13 19:53:43

In a lot of cultures it is considered bad luck to buy anything for unborn children. I tend to agree with it.

beginnings Sun 17-Feb-13 19:23:31

I'm with you milk. I've been to a few and I've never bought anything for the baby. Only for the Mum - nice products for her hospital bag or something - which I appreciate probably never get used. I can't bear buying things for a baby before they're born. I'm far too nervous that something would go wrong. When I was pregnant with DD, her pram was next door until we came home from the hospital!

Over here they are grabby as people buy things once the baby is born too. In the US, since you're not expected to buy something once the baby arrives, I think they're probably ok. As for the registry list, it's no different from a wedding list IMHO. I used to hate them too but they are convenient and I was stunned by how many people contacted me when I was getting married looking for ours!

bran Sun 17-Feb-13 19:14:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bran Sun 17-Feb-13 19:13:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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