AIBU to be absolutely mortified that I am still a virgin?

(212 Posts)
WantsToBeFree Sun 20-Jan-13 19:21:31

I will soon be 24 and I am still a virgin. There, I've said it blush

Do I want to have sex? YES. Do I want to be in a serious relationship? YES.

Unfortunately, life has been very complicated for me so far, and you could say I haven't had the time or opportunity. I have been in a relationship and there was a physical side to it, but we never went all the way.I am not a prude, but I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust.

I am feeling very hopeless and quite embarrassed about my situation. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I a complete freak?

PiperIsOrange Mon 29-Sep-14 17:23:30


HappyAgainOneDay Mon 29-Sep-14 16:28:28

Mortified. Don't be daft, Woman! You should be proud!

DayLillie Mon 29-Sep-14 16:13:49

Yep - revived by a 43yr old man grin (see upthread Tues 23rd Sep)

ninetynineonehundred Mon 29-Sep-14 16:10:14

Oops just seen this is a zombie thread. The second one today.

ninetynineonehundred Mon 29-Sep-14 16:09:03

Op I knew someone who was 33 and had been married several years before dtd (psychosexual issues)

Sex is just one part of life or relationships.
The right guy isn't going to care about your experience.

CarrotAndStick Mon 29-Sep-14 15:54:03

The reason why you are mortified is that you are still thinking along the same lines than when you were 17~18yo and 'in' thing was to not be a virgin anymore, so you could be a 'grown up'.

What you hearing here is what more mature women are saying.

I suspect that men would probably say something different.

In reality, what is important is YOU and what you are comfortable with. I think point 5 is big one (It was for me).
It's funny how, once you've done it once, it suddenly looks normal and easy and you don't have any hang ups about it anymore.

scatteroflight Mon 29-Sep-14 15:51:37

OP I was 28 when I had my first kiss. I DTD a few weeks after that so didn't waste any time once I got going.

I know that I'm unusual but perhaps not as unusual as you'd think given that no-one would ever admit this in public wink

DayLillie Mon 29-Sep-14 15:41:20

One of my childhood contemporaries fell madly in love and 'deflowered'* in his early 50s. Got married (much to his nongenerian father's disapproval confused) and very happy grin.

*according to his big mouth best friend

TheIronGnome Mon 29-Sep-14 15:36:58

I felt massively old when I lost mine at 21 but now that feels quite young! I ended up wih someone I wasn't that fussed about just to 'get it out of the way' and I wouldn't do it any differently! But that is not my advice to you, my advice to you is to save it for someone special smile

19lottie82 Mon 29-Sep-14 15:33:56

gosh I don't think UABU OP. I remember being 16 and feeling like the oldest V ever. I lost it shortly after that, I saw it as something I wanted to get rid of, mainly due to peer pressure.

Waiting to lost it to someone I loved, would have been great, but I didn't fall in love until I was 28 (4 years ago). I did have a lot of fun until then though! well not a LOT, but you know what I mean.

Waiting until you fall in love isn't always a practical solution if you want to get rid of your V plates, but I would advise to make sure it's someone you trust and respect and vice versa.

Sazzle41 Mon 29-Sep-14 14:37:46

So was i at 23! To be frank it was social phobia plus i built it up into something scary and made too much of it. I really wouldnt worry if you just havent found the right personl.

Smilesandpiles Sat 27-Sep-14 16:08:27

Arse, bitten by the Zombie.

Smilesandpiles Sat 27-Sep-14 16:07:50

OP, you're not missing out on anything, I promise!

HouseBaelish Sat 27-Sep-14 15:19:06

If it helps I'm mortified that I slept with someone who sang MN8's "I've got a little something for you" whilst waggling his willy at me.

Think yourself lucky.

It doesn't matter when/how/with whom you do it. Be happy. It will happen.

You will enjoy it. Don't worry.

PiperRose Sat 27-Sep-14 15:04:38

Ok. OP, you are not unreasonable. If it's not for you, then it's not for you. Just don't let it become a barrier to finding someone, if someone's what you want.

HOWEVER, all of you lot casting aspersions on women who have had lots of sex and have enjoyed it. Seriously? You feel that it's appropriate to judge? How can we move past the 'women who have lot's of sex are sluts' idea we get from men when it's women perpetrating it?

ByeByeButterfly Sat 27-Sep-14 13:23:34

I lost my virginity at 17 and wish it was later.

My partner lost his virginity at 21 and I am proud of him for that.

Sex isn't everything .

It will come to you when you aren't thinking about relationships.

BsshBosh Sat 27-Sep-14 12:25:17

blush didn't realise this was a zombie thread!

BsshBosh Sat 27-Sep-14 12:23:58

Don't be mortified. I was a virgin until 22; my best friend was a virgin until 28. We were both just very fussy about our men! We both went on to have good sex lives, both married, both had kids, both still enjoy sex with our DHs smile

slurpling Wed 24-Sep-14 14:08:21

Oh fuck zombie thread. blush

slurpling Wed 24-Sep-14 14:07:36

You know what? Fuck it I'm posting. I'm a virgin and 27. Just came out of a 4 year relationship - he had issues from a previous incident and never wanted to dtd. solidarity fist bump

goldopals Wed 24-Sep-14 09:13:43

I am 27 and a virgin. No big deal

MrsPiggie Tue 23-Sep-14 20:58:43

As the others said, nothing to be ashamed of. I lost my virginity at 22 and the only downside was that I fell head over heels for the jerk like a teenager smile
Anyway, what's the deal with "sexual experience" - unless one plans to make a career out of it how do you think it helps you in life?

vienna1981 Tue 23-Sep-14 20:48:45

No worse, no better. Not ashamed, not proud. But there isn't a day goes by when I don't think about what is a very routine rite of passage for so many people. And how this side of life has passed me by thus far.

Bambambini Tue 23-Sep-14 20:16:18

I get you. I didn't properly lose it till I was 21. It blows up to be the big elephant in the room in your mind. It's ok for folk saying it's ok etc but I wonder when they lost theirs and I doubt if they understand if they lost theirs in their teens. The longer you leave it, it seems to get worse. I was just glad to get rid of mine in the end. And after all the waiting, wanting it to be special etc - it really was no big deal.

whataloadofoldshit Tue 23-Sep-14 20:15:51

Ah shit it's a zombie thread angry

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