AIBU to be absolutely mortified that I am still a virgin?

(212 Posts)
WantsToBeFree Sun 20-Jan-13 19:21:31

I will soon be 24 and I am still a virgin. There, I've said it blush

Do I want to have sex? YES. Do I want to be in a serious relationship? YES.

Unfortunately, life has been very complicated for me so far, and you could say I haven't had the time or opportunity. I have been in a relationship and there was a physical side to it, but we never went all the way.I am not a prude, but I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust.

I am feeling very hopeless and quite embarrassed about my situation. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I a complete freak?

ethelb Wed 23-Jan-13 22:52:48

MY DP said that he was a virgin at 22 and had only had one 1 night stand at 24. He told me to write "I was pretty much a virgin at 24 so it doesn't matter'.

(BTW he is a 9.4 on hot or not and is adored by everyone who meets him, I had to fight off a few to get to him tbh!)

One relationship with someone who was celibate later he met me. A woman who had spent the past five years enjoying sex with whoever was willing and attractive enough for me.

And when we met our previous experience just didin't matter. We just had very very different sexual morals. But that just didn't matter as us having sex was different to all of that.

People are veyr against committing, marrying, having children before you personally are ready and in a good position to do so, so why should having sex be any different. To deny this is desparate hypocrisy to people who claim to be liberal about sex and relationships.

However, I owuld question why you were in a relationship with someone you didn't like and trust?

ethelb Wed 23-Jan-13 22:53:13

plus, not wanting PIV sex is a completely ligitimate option.

BegoniaBampot Wed 23-Jan-13 22:53:49

No Boomewang, I'd say many folk who are still virgins into their twenties and thirties can feel quite desperate and abnormal and inadequate.

WantsToBeFree Wed 23-Jan-13 23:55:42

"You're still young though! I was 23 before I met my first bf, just busy uni life/travelling/lack of tolerance for bawbags/a kick ass vibrator meant I never wanted to fuck anyone until I met someone I liked and trusted. He was a friend that I had had a crush on and we just started spending more time together and then we had sex and it was really great. Ended up marrying and procreating with him. And the intercourse remains filthy and satisfying."

grin Made my day.

vienna1981 Tue 23-Sep-14 17:44:23

I am male. Age 43. Single. Full-time employed. Homeowner. Virgin.

Also, never kissed, dated or even held hands.

This is not a wind-up, I promise.

I suspect I have just been very unlucky.

Latara Tue 23-Sep-14 18:48:54

vienna1981 as this is a Zombie thread (old thread) maybe you should start a thread of your own. But maybe in Chat as AIBU can be a bit harsh at times..

Bulbasaur Tue 23-Sep-14 18:52:20

Naw. If you really wanted it, you'd hook up with a guy in a bar.

It's worth it to wait for the right person.

There's a world of a difference between fucking and making love.

My partner was a virgin when we got together when he was 24 and I think it's sweet that he waited for the right person. I wish I had waited. I think it's a good thing that you're a virgin, it will make it all the more special when you meet the right person. I think people are far too blasé about sex these days, it should be an act of love smile

MrsBoldon Tue 23-Sep-14 20:13:38

In no way should you be mortified. I lost my virginity too early really but have gone for loooooong periods in my 20s and 30s without sex (longest just over two years) because I got to the point of recognising I only wanted to have sex with people I really connected with.

Have been seriously emotionally burned by a twunt recently so might not bother again for a long time. I'm comfortable with that. Stand by your approach to sex, you've never done it because it has never seemed 'right'. Don't change that. It will be 'right' at some point and will be great!.

vienna1981 Tue 23-Sep-14 20:14:02

Just getting it off my chest ladies and gents. I really don't expect my situation to change but I'm grateful for your replies and I enjoy reading them.

whataloadofoldshit Tue 23-Sep-14 20:14:52

I think you should be rather proud of yourself actually!

vienna1981 Tue 23-Sep-14 20:15:41

Plus when I first came across this site I didn't have a clue what AIBU meant. Or any of the other acronyms. confused

whataloadofoldshit Tue 23-Sep-14 20:15:51

Ah shit it's a zombie thread angry

Bambambini Tue 23-Sep-14 20:16:18

I get you. I didn't properly lose it till I was 21. It blows up to be the big elephant in the room in your mind. It's ok for folk saying it's ok etc but I wonder when they lost theirs and I doubt if they understand if they lost theirs in their teens. The longer you leave it, it seems to get worse. I was just glad to get rid of mine in the end. And after all the waiting, wanting it to be special etc - it really was no big deal.

vienna1981 Tue 23-Sep-14 20:48:45

No worse, no better. Not ashamed, not proud. But there isn't a day goes by when I don't think about what is a very routine rite of passage for so many people. And how this side of life has passed me by thus far.

MrsPiggie Tue 23-Sep-14 20:58:43

As the others said, nothing to be ashamed of. I lost my virginity at 22 and the only downside was that I fell head over heels for the jerk like a teenager smile
Anyway, what's the deal with "sexual experience" - unless one plans to make a career out of it how do you think it helps you in life?

goldopals Wed 24-Sep-14 09:13:43

I am 27 and a virgin. No big deal

slurpling Wed 24-Sep-14 14:07:36

You know what? Fuck it I'm posting. I'm a virgin and 27. Just came out of a 4 year relationship - he had issues from a previous incident and never wanted to dtd. solidarity fist bump

slurpling Wed 24-Sep-14 14:08:21

Oh fuck zombie thread. blush

BsshBosh Sat 27-Sep-14 12:23:58

Don't be mortified. I was a virgin until 22; my best friend was a virgin until 28. We were both just very fussy about our men! We both went on to have good sex lives, both married, both had kids, both still enjoy sex with our DHs smile

BsshBosh Sat 27-Sep-14 12:25:17

blush didn't realise this was a zombie thread!

ByeByeButterfly Sat 27-Sep-14 13:23:34

I lost my virginity at 17 and wish it was later.

My partner lost his virginity at 21 and I am proud of him for that.

Sex isn't everything .

It will come to you when you aren't thinking about relationships.

PiperRose Sat 27-Sep-14 15:04:38

Ok. OP, you are not unreasonable. If it's not for you, then it's not for you. Just don't let it become a barrier to finding someone, if someone's what you want.

HOWEVER, all of you lot casting aspersions on women who have had lots of sex and have enjoyed it. Seriously? You feel that it's appropriate to judge? How can we move past the 'women who have lot's of sex are sluts' idea we get from men when it's women perpetrating it?

HouseBaelish Sat 27-Sep-14 15:19:06

If it helps I'm mortified that I slept with someone who sang MN8's "I've got a little something for you" whilst waggling his willy at me.

Think yourself lucky.

It doesn't matter when/how/with whom you do it. Be happy. It will happen.

You will enjoy it. Don't worry.

Smilesandpiles Sat 27-Sep-14 16:07:50

OP, you're not missing out on anything, I promise!

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