to find the kids annoying when I've had them all day?

(232 Posts)
BlackMaryJanes Sat 19-Jan-13 14:12:19

I'm a SAHM. DH leaves for work at 7am and arrives back home at 6pm. Up until recently DH would take the kids to the supermarket for an hour when he got home in every evening to give me a break. An absolute lifeline for me. Now, he doesn't want to do that anymore. During our argument I said to him that after having the kids all day, I find them annoying. To which he responded, "Do you hate motherhood that much?!"

So, AIBU to find them annoying after having them all day? Does this mean I 'hate motherhood'? By the end of the day I feel touched-out, exhausted, irritable and in need of some breathing space. The kids are 2.5 and 12 months. I'm still BFing the 12 month old.

AmberSocks Sat 19-Jan-13 14:40:07

yabu

supermarket for an hour every night?does your husband get an hours child and work free time every night too?

MsVestibule Sat 19-Jan-13 14:47:01

When mine were that age, I'd find them annoying 5 minutes after I'd got out of bed, never mind by 6pm! But why does he have to take them to the supermarket every night confused? Why can't they stay in the house while you escape to your bedroom/gym or go for a walk?

Yfronts Sat 19-Jan-13 14:50:08

Can't he just bath them and read them a story at home?

BlackMaryJanes Sat 19-Jan-13 14:50:53

To answer some questions:

There's a little cafe in the supermarket, and they generally just browse around.

As for 'just going upstairs' - we live in a tiny 2 bed flat. So apart from him taking them out, what can I do? Sit in the bedroom a few feet away from where they are?

Also, another of his arguments is that he never gets a beak, cause he takes the kids for an hour after work. Which is a point. So what now? sad I try to explain that changing from an office job to looking after kids is at least - a change. Whereas if I don't have an hour I am literally doing the same job for 24 hours, every day, and my mental health can't take it. Am I just a weak, pathetic woman?

"yanbu to find them annoying - that is fairly normal"

Why does he think that means I 'hate motherhood'? It's not like I never show pleasure in my kids.

Feminine Sat 19-Jan-13 14:50:59

The supermarket? confused

truly?

Feminine Sat 19-Jan-13 14:51:26

Ok, just saw your latest! smile

Feminine Sat 19-Jan-13 14:52:36

You just need a break.

Its normal, with that age group it must do your head in.

See if he will do the night routine instead maybe?

BlackMaryJanes Sat 19-Jan-13 14:55:06

What do I do in this tiny 2 bed flat?

Also, what about the fight re: he doesn't get a break so why should I?

''Its normal, with that age group it must do your head in''.

Mine are annoying at 5,7,9 and 13 after a whole day of them! Much nicer when it was nearly bedtime by 6pm!

WileyRoadRunner Sat 19-Jan-13 14:56:05

I'm sorry, i really wanted to be supportive but all i can think is hmm YABU. Not about finding them annoying, my children are very annoying BUT an hour every night - really? At a supermarket?

What time do they go to bed? Mine go to bed at 6pm if i am fed up 7 o'clock on the dot. This is the only thing i will NEVER budge on. After that i sit on my butt watching TV.

TBF i am quite hands off on Saturdays - but my husband enjoys this as he doesn't see the girls much in the week and does f-all round the house to help. Plus it serves as a good reminder to how bloody hard and draining it is being with them in the day.

It is difficult but i think expecting your husband to take them out after a day at work is a bit much. Especially to a supermarket!

Can he just help with bath and bed? And do more at the weekends?

TheWalkingDead Sat 19-Jan-13 14:58:04

YANBU about finding them annoying and I don't think that admitting that means you hate motherhood, just that being at the beck and call of two, completely dependent children for the whole day is annoying.

YABU to expect your DH to take them to the supermarket every evening. Surely you can just shut yourself away for a bit with a book or something?

My DH works nights so after helping get the children ready in the morning he goes to bed for 7 whole hours of undisturbed sleep envy. I know he would prefer to work days, but he likes his job and the people he works with, he gets an hour of scheduled breaks plus the time he has just chatting to workmates without another person (or two in my case) demanding his attention all the time, so after we've had dinner and tidied up, he deals with their bedtime routine and I come back to story time and putting to bed a less frazzled mess.

BlackMaryJanes Sat 19-Jan-13 14:58:07

They go to bed at 8.30.

By the way, the supermarket idea was his. He doesn't like it anymore now.

WileyRoadRunner Sat 19-Jan-13 14:59:31

Re: the argument with your hubby about "break" time - does he have a lunch hour everyday?

Bet he can go to the toilet on his own too!

(Meant to add above YANBU to want a break)

What's wrong with sitting in a room just a few feet away from your family? I've done this many times when I've needed a break even its just reading a book with head phones on, it has given me much needed headspace.

I think you both need to compromise and you both need to talk to each other. I don't think I'd like to lug my kids round a supermarket every night when I've been out the house working for eleven hours either!

manormuppet Sat 19-Jan-13 15:00:10

Why don't you go out for a walk/run/coffee for an hour every other evening? Surely that time of day is dc's bedtime?

WileyRoadRunner Sat 19-Jan-13 15:00:32

They go to bed at 8.30

I think that's very late. Could you pull it forward so you get a chance to sit down for a good stretch in the evenings?

Trazzletoes Sat 19-Jan-13 15:00:37

Holy mackerel! Get them to bed earlier then. Bedtime routine here (3 and 1) starts at 7. They're in bed by 7.30 and the wine is open 8.30 is pretty late for those ages, IMO.

manormuppet Sat 19-Jan-13 15:02:16

1.earlier bed time for d.c's.
2. Take up a hobby outside the home one or two evenings a week.

And it also sounds like you are both point scoring, not good.

I do sympathise with the feeling fed up with your kids thing. I'm now a single mum bringing up 4 dc and by bed time I'm climbing the walls sometimes

Dozer Sat 19-Jan-13 15:03:09

Yanbu to be in need of a break and feeling that way with DC that size, but yabu on the supermarket. Maybe you should go out for a walk, or stik headphones in or something! And maybe not every weeknight, as bedtime routine is much easier with two.

Your DH is bang out of order with his comments about you and motherhood, actually quite manupulative: rather than asking why it's hard/listening he's implying that you should feel guilty / are inadequate. Not nice. He needs to have a go doing what you do for long stretches of time.

As for him needing a break, unless he has a very, very stressful job, that's rubbish. He may well get a tea/lunch break and will probably also have some autonomy over how he spends his time. And he is not bf and (I bet) not up anywhere near as much in the night.

I work PT and find it tough, but would find it much harder being a sahm.

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 19-Jan-13 15:05:00

YANBU and you do need a break. We will take it in turns to have an hour at the gym or go for a walk on out own while the other looks after the DC. And yes bedtime for our 7yo and 3yo is 7pm

BlackMaryJanes Sat 19-Jan-13 15:05:49

does he have a lunch hour everyday?

He says he doesn't. Se says he works through it. I, of course, can't validate this either way.

And yes, he can go to the toilet on his own at work, but when I mention this, he doesn't think its a big deal sad it fucking is.

What's wrong with sitting in a room just a few feet away from your family?

I can hear them crying and screaming, and I know DH will be fuzzling with resentment.

I think that's very late.

It works for us. We're not a morning family.

NoSquirrels Sat 19-Jan-13 15:06:48

If he doesn't want to go out, and you need an hour to yourself (which you can't think how to fill in a 2-bed flat) then just go out yourself! Go for a walk, go for a run, go to the supermarket and have a coffee . . .

If you're in the flat, I suggest headphones and reading/listening to music/watching a TV programme on laptop so you can't hear 'em. Make sure DH knows the kids are not to disturb you for 1 hour. Job done.

On the 'hour to himself' issue, i agree with you that his commute, tea breaks and lunch break actually add up to his hour alone. Plus I imagine night-wakings are probably down to you? So all in, one hour to yourself not unreasonable, imo. However, you could use your 'hour to yourself' doing something he'd consider 'work' e.g. admin tasks for the family (online bill-paying with a little MN on the side, p'raps?) or whatever you might have to do when child-free and then you're having a 'break' but not 'free time luxuriously all to yourself'. It's all about how you sell it...

My 2 are similar gap to yours (just about a year or so older) and I too am exhausted, frazzled and touched-out often. Sympathy!

nickelbabe Sat 19-Jan-13 15:06:49

i don't think 8:30 is late.
it's only late when you start having to think about school/nursery.
if they're at home all day 8:30 is fine.

WileyRoadRunner Sat 19-Jan-13 15:07:56

Well TBH it sounds like you want some magical solution.

If you both want a rest at the end of the day then get them into bed earlier.

Or if you want an hour to yourself get up before them.

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