to want to cancel going to this wedding

(326 Posts)
nennypops Tue 15-Jan-13 21:16:09

DH is supposed to be best man at the wedding of an old friend of his in a few weeks' time. He was asked when I was expecting DS2 and I was invited too. DSs is breastfed and would have to come with us. DS1 has SN and wouldn't cope, so we are making other arrangements for him. A couple of weeks ago we had friend and fiancee round for a meal and, when we were talking about the wedding, I said that I was planning on sitting at the back with the baby so that I can take him out if he starts crying; also we would get a room in the hotel where the reception is happening so that, again, I could disappear and feed him if necessary.

They seemed happy with that, but a few days later DH got an embarrassed call from his friend saying that they weren't sure about having the baby there, couldn't we leave him behind. DH said no, explained why not, and said we realised that they wouldn't want any disturbance which was why we were planning on making arrangements so that wouldn't happen. Shortly afterwards, he had a call from the fiancee's mother of all people, coming up with all sorts of reasons why we shouldn't have the baby there - e.g. it would be cold in church (we'd wrap DS up warm, I'm sure the church won't be that cold), and the same sort of stuff re what if he needs feeding or changing etc. DH again patiently explained that we'd thought of all that. Then she started saying how it would be her daughter's day, she shouldn't have the attention taken off her, etc etc. So DH said that if she was basically saying that DS couldn't come, that was fine, and since she knew I couldn't leave him behind we would have to take it that my invitation is withdrawn and he would have to consider his own position. And we are both now thinking that he should cancel being best man.

It seems to us that they're perfectly entitled to have a no children rule, it's their wedding after all. However, they asked DH to be best man knowing the baby would be born before the wedding and never suggesting that children in general weren't welcome, let alone that our baby wouldn't be. DH doesn't want to spoil the wedding or embarrass his friend, but he feels it would be unfair to leave me behind, and that effectively withdrawing my invitation is a bit of a slap in the face. AWBU?

blondefriend Mon 22-Apr-13 21:52:43

I went into work and managed an Ofsted inspection of my department when DD was 6 weeks old. It's easy when they're tiny and they're not in the way at all.

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