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Porn porn pissing porn!

(295 Posts)
Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 15:33:18

Found porn for the 10th time on my partners phone
I have previously broken up with him over it I really can't describe my hate for it
He knows my reaction when I find it he always promises it will stop etc and this time I really don't think I can take him back
I have a 11 mo and I'm 10 weeks pregnant he knew that carrying on would mean him being kicked out and me having baby on my own yet still done it and played the its old trick then admits it hours later

So confused what to do and upset at his disrespect sad

Everythingwillbeok Mon 07-Jan-13 15:37:48

Oh it's a tricky one with you having a young child and being pregnant,would you be able to cope alone? Do you feel that strongly that you would end it?

Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 15:45:29

I have ended it he's at his parents but wants to come back I love him but can't take his com

Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 15:46:16

Complete disrespect for the fact I really hate it :/

MadamFolly Mon 07-Jan-13 15:48:53

Is it particularly horrid porn that you object to the content or is it porn in general you object to? Even soft porn or erotic fiction?

He may not know precisely what it is you are getting upset about e.g. he may think you are jealous of him looking at other women rather than being morally offended for example.

If it is really and truly a deal breaker for you then I think you will have to leave since he has lied about stopping and I think is unlikely to stop altogether.

Would you be more comfortable with him reading erotic literature or watching soft porn? Maybe you could find something you like together.

I guess you have to weigh up how important this issue is to you compared to how much you love him and want to keep your family together. Is this the only issue you have with him or does he lie about other things?

Everythingwillbeok Mon 07-Jan-13 15:50:11

It's a tough one I also feel like you that's is degrading and I couldn't live with a man who was obsessed with it either.

He doesn't give a shit how you feel then does he? If you have given him so many chances and still he can't stop.

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 07-Jan-13 15:54:50

I don't have a problem with porn tbh, think its an over reaction to end a relationship over it unless it was an addiction. I know there's the exploit argument against it which I agree with but I wouldn't expect anyone to have the same views as me.

You would seriously 'kick him out' because you went mooching through his phone and found something you didn't like?

Can you even kick him out, whos name is the house under?

Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 15:56:43

The whole idea of it, I personally think that unless its a couple thing and both are comfortable with it then when in a relationship it shouldn't cross your mind let alone lie about it to such extremes
I think its only this... I think/hope!

He's killed the trust and I would understand more if we didn't have sex but we do! Anything from 4-10 a week!
If anything I should be tryin to find a release he only lasts 2 minutes at the most but I have never mentioned it to him so never made it a big deal as dont want to embarrass him yet he makes me feel like this?

Wanker... Literally!

Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 15:58:05

And house is mine

HollyTheHedgehog Mon 07-Jan-13 15:58:12

So long as it was not illegal or 'weird' porn Id seriously consider my priorities.

I dont think I could have my children endure a break up and be the product of a spilt family just because I didnt like porn.

But thats just me.

MadamFolly Mon 07-Jan-13 15:58:31

Does he have a very high sex drive?

Could he have a hormone problem?

Well to be honest, you are being unreasonable if you think that just because you don't like it, it shouldn't cross his mind. He lies about it because he knows you make a big deal about it.

madame talks a lot of sense.....is there any sort of compromise you could make? Could you not look at soft porn together?

Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 15:59:14

I think it is otherwise it would be easy to stop.. He wouldn't risk his family life etc for it unless he was surely?

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 07-Jan-13 15:59:49

He's lying because of your attitude of you must do what I say or your leaving.

ChaoticintheNewYear Mon 07-Jan-13 16:00:27

The porn is a red herring really. The OP has made her feeling clear in the past including having ended the relationship previously due to his refusal to stop and yet still he continues to do something that he knows upsets her. It doesn't really matter what it is the fact remains he puts the porn, in this case, ahead of her.

WorraLiberty Mon 07-Jan-13 16:01:33

You're being unrealistic to think it shouldn't cross someone's mind.

You obviously feel very strongly about it and therefore you think you should be able to tell your DH what to do. He clearly feels differently.

I suppose that's something you two will have to give and take about unless you want to stay permanently split.

But as an aside, not everyone watches porn because the're not getting enough sex...and not everyone wanks every time they watch it.

Some people just like watching porn films, the same way others like watching something that they enjoy.

Can you legally kick him out?

ILoveTIFFANY Mon 07-Jan-13 16:01:53

Hold on... How will you support 2 children and continue to pay for your house?

allthegoodnamesweretaken Mon 07-Jan-13 16:02:39

I'd kick DH out for watching porn too and he knows it. Luckily he agrees with me and thinks it's vile.

We watched an awful, sad documentary called hardcore once, which was about a young woman who was taken to LA to be a porn star, she was sold a very glamorous lifestyle where she would be in control and make lots of money. However as the doc went on she was horribly exploited, bullied and controlled. Towards the end she is actually raped on camera by an 'agent', who then proceeds to suffocate her with his penis during filming without her prior knowledge or consent. When she says she no longer wants to film she is shouted at and bullied by porn boss until she agrees. Thankfully at this point the camera crew finally wise up and rescue her.

Maybe if he watched something like that, which shows the reality of porn he might come across to your way of thinking?

If dh told me to stop me doing something based on the fact he didn't like it I would tell him to shove it, I would never dream of telling dh what to do either.

I think if you finish with him over this then you probably don't really think that much of the relationship anyway so its maybe no bad thing to end it.

WorraLiberty Mon 07-Jan-13 16:05:09

And I would say that him watching it privately on his own phone is a compromise he has made.

He's not forcing you to sit and watch it with him on the family TV and he's not rubbing your face in it.

What compromise have you made?

Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 16:05:58

Moneys not the issue and he wouldn't stay here as I have the baby 24.7 and its his home.

MiniTheMinx Mon 07-Jan-13 16:07:45

Oh, all these "liberal Minded" people who defend porn will tell you OP that you are being unreasonable.

You are not, you have stated your terms 10 times, he chose to break the terms.

Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 16:08:18

And when we first met years ago i was a party girl like mad and did dabble in drugs he hates drugs as soon as he said that I never touched another one.

And I really don't think he will stop and I can't change my mind set on it

Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 16:09:11

Guess it is the deal breaker sad

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