to dump my BF for going with a prostitute...

(489 Posts)
snailfiddler Wed 28-Nov-12 20:39:28

... 24 years ago.

On a lads holiday to Amsterdam.

marriedinwhite Wed 28-Nov-12 21:18:23

Was he your bf 24 years ago? If so, are you still with him?

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Wed 28-Nov-12 21:20:05

It seems entirely a matter for you. If knowing this makes him repulsive to you then no amount of people telling you you're being unfair or unreasonable is going to alter that. you can't rationalise your way out of visceral disgust.

meditrina Wed 28-Nov-12 21:21:17

How did you find out?

Mu1berries Wed 28-Nov-12 21:21:27

I'll be murdered here but I just deducted 24 from my age. i WAS shagging a married man 24 years ago. I would never, EVER do that now and I am ashamed of it.

Mu1berries Wed 28-Nov-12 21:22:31

actually my maths! it was 14 years ago but it still feels a lifetime ago.

snailfiddler Wed 28-Nov-12 21:25:18

AnyFuckingDude he told me. We were chatting about our sexual pasts.

LineRunner Wed 28-Nov-12 21:26:31

I don't really understand why and how he told you, but ...

It bothers you. A lot.

You have only been going out with him for 8 months.

I'd call it a day tbh, because you are pretty unlikely to move on from this. You won't change what happened. And you seem dissatisfied with his stance on it now. It will likely always be an issue for you.

snailfiddler Wed 28-Nov-12 21:30:06

He told me because he wanted to be honest and we were discussing our sexual pasts.

BOFingTheDude Wed 28-Nov-12 21:30:30

Ohhhh, I was getting the wrong end of the stick.

I thought he'd been your boyfriend for 24 years.

Hmm. I'm not sure that I'd be invested enough then to overlook it, not unless he was extremely clear that it is something he now feels is wrong. If he just 'seems' ashamed, ie he wants you to shut up about it, then that wouldn't make me feel confident enough in his character.

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 28-Nov-12 21:32:27

I would dump.

I was a different person as a youngster but I still had lines that I wouldn't cross.

LineRunner Wed 28-Nov-12 21:33:07

OP, being honest is a way of testing the waters with someone new.

This one's not for you.

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 21:33:27

I am all for honesty in a relationship but some things just can't be unlearned, can they ?

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 28-Nov-12 21:34:48

What AF just said ^

suburbophobe Wed 28-Nov-12 21:36:06

I live in Amsterdam.

So I have to get to work, <at 9 a.m.>

I <can> go through the red light district.

I wouldn't want any man who goes to prostitutes basically.

<shows a lack of respect for women>

<and their own sexual health>

snailfiddler Wed 28-Nov-12 21:36:07

True AFD, true

I would end the relationship. Which probably seems harsh but it would change the way I looked at him. I wouldn't want a relationship with the type of man that though paying to abuse a woman's body was an ok thing to do. And I'm sure he could have changed etc, but I couldn't unknow what I now knew so it would be over for me.

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 21:37:16

Put it this way, OP. If I learned my husband of 19 years and father of my two dc had slept with a prostitute before I met him, I would leave him.

There is a range of answers you are going to get here. Some women wouldn't dump a bloke if he slept with a prostitute yesterday.

It's what you can live with, not us.

YerMaw1989 Wed 28-Nov-12 21:37:26

Might he have been lonely and was desperate for some companionship?.

snailfiddler Wed 28-Nov-12 21:38:57

The thing is, if I dump him because of this, it could make him conceal this fact from future partners. I know I'm over thinking but maybe I should find a different reason...for the sake of sisterhood...

Cozy9 Wed 28-Nov-12 21:39:47

Breaking up a family over something that happened before you even met is a ridiculous thing. How do you justify that to your kids?

snailfiddler Wed 28-Nov-12 21:40:11

AFD, would you be upset that he had concealed that fact for 19yrs?

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 28-Nov-12 21:40:28

If you're lonely and desperate for companionship, you can do any number of things. Get a hobby, search lonely hearts for a likeminded being, get a hamster, pick up a random in a bar for a quick 1-2 if you must.

Shagging a prostitute is the action of a man who wants sex with someone who will be completely under their control because they're getting paid for it and someone who wants sex but doesn't want any emotion to come into it. This speaks volumes about a person's character, IMO.

snailfiddler Wed 28-Nov-12 21:40:57

YerMaw - I doubt he was desperate for company, he was on a holiday with his mates

LineRunner Wed 28-Nov-12 21:41:17

Even having to think, Is he HIV-negative? Can I ever have a baby with this man? will wear you down.

OTOH You might part with him whilst offering the very useful sound advice that he needs to guarantee his sexual health and that of potential future partners, and then learn to understand that this is not like mentioning a quick shag when young at a party.

bradywasmyfavouriteking Wed 28-Nov-12 21:41:38

God I don't know.

the logical part of my mind says it was 24 years ago and he sounds ashamed of what he did. I am 30 and am ashamed of mistakes i have made in the last few years and would hate to be judged on who I used to be.

Then I think its a line that shouldn't be crossed.

then I think that 24 years ago it was more 'acceptable'. well not acceptable but there is a distinct change in opinion towards sex worker in the last 20 years.

Then if he was really young did he give into peer pressure.

I really don't know.

What I would say is that its a bit unfair to ask for total honesty then dump hm because you don't like it. How would you felt if you told him you deepest, darkest secret and he dumped you? would you understand and accept it?

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