To have thought this was racist

(206 Posts)
turnip2012 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:30:45

Ex was dropping off my ds earlier, at which point ex and dp were talking and it became a little heated. Dp kept getting cut off by ex interrupting him, at which point dp said "you're not even listening to me, maybe if you get your bloody afro out your ears you'll hear me better" (ex is part african). Dp is saying he felt ex wasn't listening as was responding with unrelated points. I felt the reference to his afro was racist, AIBU?

mrskeithrichards Sun 18-Nov-12 20:32:13

Sorry that made me laugh! It's not racist, it was a dig at his hair.

piglettsmummy Sun 18-Nov-12 20:33:51

Yes yabu!!! It actually made me laugh a little!! I'm sure no one else thought it was racist! smile

MolotovBomb Sun 18-Nov-12 20:33:58

YANBU

Totally unnecessary, out of order and playing on a racial characteristic. Not nice. If I were you, I'd tell him how unhappy I was about his racist slur. I would want an apology, and I'd want him to apologise to my ex.

mrskeithrichards Sun 18-Nov-12 20:36:36

Saying that the fact it came from your new partner to your ex partner doesn't quite sit right.

LastMangoInParis Sun 18-Nov-12 20:40:25

I guess you'd have to know that full context to know if 'it' (meaning DP, rather than what DP said about afro in ears <stifles snort of laughter>) was or is racist. You're a better judge of that than a bunch of strangers with only your OP to go on, surely, turnip?

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 20:40:28

Racist? No. Rude. Yes.

NoraGainesborough Sun 18-Nov-12 20:40:58

Yabu. Dh (white British) has an afro if he lets it grow.
His mother also has thick wirey hair as does dd. Its not a trait only 'black' people have.

Did your ex find it racist?

mrskeithrichards Sun 18-Nov-12 20:43:17

Was his hair in his ears?

Everlong has called it correctly.

MrsDeVere Sun 18-Nov-12 20:43:33

It was childish.
It sounds like your ex was being a prat and was digging around in his brain for something to piss DP off.

If that is the best he could come up with.. no wonder he is your ex..

It might have been racist. If your ex has an issue with your DP being mixed race, it probably was. If he is the sort to come out with 'if your ears weren't so big...' or 'if you had a smaller arse' etc... he is probably just a twat.

Devere - i read that it was the ex being insulted.

turnip2012 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:46:30

Thanks everyone, me and dp are sat here reading responses together, he currently has a smug grin on his face. Because it was said in a heated discussion, I guess I found it racist. Ex didn't really get the chance to say one way or another before I ushered him out!

MrsDeVere Sun 18-Nov-12 20:47:14

Ooops
You are right there. blush

So OP, your DP is a bit of a twat then?

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain Sun 18-Nov-12 20:51:42

FFS there is ALWAYS someone who will turn ANYTHING into 'was this racist'.

No, it wasn't racist. Funny, yes - racist, NO.

squeakytoy Sun 18-Nov-12 20:54:23

Racist? Not if he has an afro, no. Rude and immature? definately.

AmberLeaf Sun 18-Nov-12 21:00:29

Id say it was racist.

Its not something he'd say to a white man is it?

Im surprised you are even questioning it TBH.

AmberLeaf Sun 18-Nov-12 21:03:29

I bet it was heated, peoples prejudices usually come out in the heat of an argument IME.

AmberLeaf Sun 18-Nov-12 21:06:55

My 16 year old mixed race son, has just asked me to point out, that if your DS is mixed race, hearing stuff like that or even having a step father who holds those views won't be good for his self esteem.

MolotovBomb Sun 18-Nov-12 21:08:48

I thought that, too, Amber

turnip2012 Sun 18-Nov-12 21:15:31

Thank you for your reposes, quite a mixed bag. We are still arguing amongst ourselves over it and I'm unsure what to think. I agree that because it was in the heat of discussion to me it came across as racist.

AmberLeaf Sun 18-Nov-12 21:18:15

It came across as racist because it was racist!

MolotovBomb Sun 18-Nov-12 21:21:55

I think that even if it wasn't intended as racist, I find it impossible not to infer any racially pejorative comment based upon the fact that your ex partner is part African.

Its a bit of a rude thing to say but not really racist. People are always saying "wont miss them in a crowd" about my children because they have red hair (so do i) I dont get upset its just a jokey comment.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 18-Nov-12 21:27:26

YABU

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