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Sigh. I have to stick a wooden spoon up dh's arse, don't I?

(326 Posts)
HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 21:40:34

For 11 years of marriage I have put up with his pathological need to stir what ever is bubbling in a pan. I can live with it.

But he waited till I was out with the dog, and BUTCHERED my chicken into a shredded stringy globby mess!

He had clearly chopped it with the spoon then bashed and shredded it and stirred it into fuckery oblivion. Rendering a dish where you should have had a choice of leg or breast into Chicken and Paprika porridge. Because "It's better that way". The lid did not need lifting, the pan did not need stirring. The dc's were presented with a favourite meal and instead both gave me WTAF is this confused faces.

AIBU to think he you shouldn't fuck with another persons poultry like an obsessive spoonyfucker?

WorraLiberty England Sat 17-Nov-12 21:42:20

If I came home to find my DH fucking our poultry I'd be so angry angry

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 21:43:34

grin What about your budgies?

Nagoo Sat 17-Nov-12 21:44:32

force him to make you a meringue.

It's the only way he'll learn.

WorraLiberty England Sat 17-Nov-12 21:45:20

I couldn't fit a wooden spoon up the budgie's arse

Not for lack of trying

Bluestocking Sat 17-Nov-12 21:45:31

Aaaargh!
<collapses in disgusted heap>
Reminds me of the time someone put a pinch of herbes de Provence in my dad's lovingly-prepared-from-scratch-oh-so-authentic ragù. That was a bad, bad scene.

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 21:45:58

Meringue at Spoon Point?

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 21:46:56

Try a pencil sharpener first, Worra.

Ooh I'm married to a stirrer too. Drives me bananas.

I can lend you a sharpened spoon if you think it will help? <hopeful>

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Sat 17-Nov-12 21:48:30

Can you not stuff the chicken porridge up his arse instead?
Cut out the middle man so to speak.

Bluestocking Sat 17-Nov-12 21:48:45

Is it at all related to obsessive fire-poking? You know, just as you get a lovely embery blaze going, some arse comes in and gives it a right old poking and reduces it to crumbs.

WorraLiberty England Sat 17-Nov-12 21:49:21

What if you stick the spoon up his arse and he stirs the pot with it?

nocake Sat 17-Nov-12 21:50:21

Have you seen "The cook, the thief, his wife and her lover"? Tell him that the next time he interferes with your cooking you'll recreate a scene from it. Not the one where the wife shags her lover in the toilets. The one where the thief stabs someone through the cheek with a fork.

Then make sure you show him that you have a fork handy each time you cook...

SecretNutellaFix Sat 17-Nov-12 21:52:23

I once inadvertently threatened DH with a knife for "interfering"

As a result he won't stir anything, even when expressly asked.

That said, YWBU at all.

crashdoll Sat 17-Nov-12 21:52:35

If I came home to find my DH fucking our poultry I'd be so angry

You know when people say they're really giggling, wellI am really giggling!

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 21:53:44

Oooooh didn't think of a fork.

Worra, that wont work - I had intended to stick it side ways.

Bluestocking YES! He is an obsessive fire poker too. We have occasionally had fire places on holiday and we will not leave a fire to burn.

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 21:55:28

I was poaching an egg once for lunch and he came along and fucking stirred it!

He is a man obsessed.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sat 17-Nov-12 21:56:10

Stirred it into fuckery oblivion, i am going to tell dh that.

That's what i do whenever he makes stew chicken, except i call it helping!

Bluestocking Sat 17-Nov-12 21:57:14

He stirred an egg in mid-poach! shock That is genuinely deranged.

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 21:59:12

Bluestocking. When I asked the spoonyfucker what he was actually doing he said he thought it was just boiling water. hmm

Because boiling water, of course, needs a good stir hmm hmm

nocake Sat 17-Nov-12 21:59:30

I think he has a compulsive disorder... and a spoon wedged up his arse would probably cure it. You'd be doing him a favour.

apostropheuse Sat 17-Nov-12 22:02:05

Well he didn't want your boiling water to burn. Obviously.

NamingOfParts Sat 17-Nov-12 22:02:28

If it could be dissected with a spoon are you sure it wasnt over cooked?

<wanders of whistling then ducks and runs for cover>

NamingOfParts Sat 17-Nov-12 22:05:20

DH has said why did you leave the poached egg unattended? That is neglect.

DH reckons that you have a history of abandoning food to its fate.

My husband does this too and has had many a kitchen knife wielded in his face.

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