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To think that my dh should have married a bloody lap dancer if he loves them that much......

(188 Posts)
plim Mon 12-Nov-12 23:33:33

So, dh took his best mate on a 'belated stag do' this weekend - they didn't go last year when he actually got married as his fiancé was preggers.

we have just bought house, are skint, have just taken out a loan, I'm on maternity leave with our 3rd child so money is tight. Dh booked a 4star hotel for the two of em, made a weekend of it, I eeeked it out of him that they went to a lap dancing club and had 'lots of dances' in a VIP room.....

Not so much disgruntled about the fact that they went to a lap dancing club although I think they are degrading and vile but hey if thats what floats their boat, but more annoyed that we are brassic until I go back to work in new year and they have just blown a small fortune on boobs n ass being waggled in their faces.........asked dh how could we afford 4 dances each etc and he stated that 'he did not have to explain himself to me'. To top it off he was so pissed on Sunday that I told him to go straight to his weekly abode ( he works down south 3 days a week) and he will now not be home till Friday.

Just all feels a bit selfish when we have 3 lil ones and things are tight but at the same time I do think everyone has the right to let their hair down etc....

queenofthepirates Mon 12-Nov-12 23:38:31

Can I suggest you turn it around, book a spa weekend and leave the kids with him? You sound like you could do with it!

Darkesteyes Mon 12-Nov-12 23:39:15

Your DH is an arsehole and has no respect for women. And if you and the DCs now have to go without and "he doesnt have to explain himself to you" that is financial abuse.
4 dances EACH??? Feckin hell he would be out the door if he was my H (sorry cant bring myself to put D)

Darkesteyes Mon 12-Nov-12 23:41:00

Oh God not another one who thinks a spa weekend can make up for this? Where is the OP gonna get the money for that now anyway being as hes pissed it all away on lap dancers.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 12-Nov-12 23:47:01

He could have let his hair down without the lap dances, y'know.

Whoknowswhocares Mon 12-Nov-12 23:47:38

I wouldn't find it bloody acceptable even if he had plenty of money.
The fact that he chose to do this and leave his family short of money is unspeakable!
Are you really prepared to allow yourself and your children to be lower down the financial list of priorities than a lap dancer?

plim Mon 12-Nov-12 23:48:08

Yes agree doctrine

defineme Mon 12-Nov-12 23:51:51

My dh lets his hair down, but it's never involved buying naked women's time.
When we were short of money we were making budget plans together...
I'm so far away from a world where this is acceptable behaviour that I don't know what to say.

CuriousMama Mon 12-Nov-12 23:53:43

What defineme said.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 12-Nov-12 23:54:40

In my opinion going to a strip/lap dancing club is not a big deal. However,you can almost certainly turn this to your advantage. Arrange some time to yourself,y'know,spa,hairdressers,massage or indeed a night out with your friends...and remind him,everyone needs to let their hair down sometimes.

Use your power OP!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 12-Nov-12 23:56:56

Alis, they have no money.

Even if you aren't against lapdances, surely you are against spending money you don't have on them when things are tight with mortgage and three DCs.

How much did he spend, op?

plim Tue 13-Nov-12 00:01:56

I don't know, he says he 'saved up some cash for it' but didn't use his card, withdrew cash. he payed for hotel for both of them which was 220, I reckon he spent about 400. Only guessing though. I suppose we have different priorities, I'm saving to get the kids Xmas pressies and he is saving for boobs. Lol.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 13-Nov-12 00:03:29

Shit!

Sorry OP, I misunderstood. Thanks for putting me straight TheDoctrineOfSnatch.

In that case OP,if he has spent money that you don't really have,that should have been spent either just on your children or you as a family unit.regardless of what he spent it on,you have every right to be angry with him.

I don't think that him spending the money where he did is the biggest issue, it's that he spent money,that you don't really have to spend,purely on his own personal enjoyment with no regard to you or your children.

You should speak to him,and regardless of whether you have an issue with lap dancing and so on,don't make it the issue and don't let him make it the issue. The money he spent is the issue.

plim Tue 13-Nov-12 00:04:36

Do you know what, it must have been more than that thinking about it, they went out for dinner, boozed it up and paid strip club prices, maybe 500... Gawd knoes

plim Tue 13-Nov-12 00:05:14

Sorry gawd knows, not knoes

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 13-Nov-12 00:11:03

Fucking hell that is a lot of money. I mean fuck. I am now stunned that he could spend that kind of money knowing his family needed it.

I honestly don't know what to say OP,I am so shocked. That isn't helpful I know,sorry.

What do you want to do,going forward?

McChristmasPants2012 Tue 13-Nov-12 00:13:46

the lap dancer wouldn't be an issue, spending money that you as a family unit hasn't got that would make me livid

WorraLiberty Tue 13-Nov-12 00:15:20

You say that you're "Not so much disgruntled about the fact that they went to a lap dancing club"...but you are otherwise your thread title and other comments would be completely different.

The fact is, money is tight and you're saving for Christmas so you have every right to be angry.

Were you ok with him going away at all considering money is tight?

plim Tue 13-Nov-12 00:17:44

Well I'm going out with the girls on Friday night to slobber over Daniel Craig so that's a good retributional start I guess. grin

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 13-Nov-12 00:19:15

But only a start Plim! ;)

plim Tue 13-Nov-12 00:20:49

Sorry worra cross posted. He did have it planned for quite a while, I guess I thought they might have been a bit more mature about it and reigned it in a bit.

plim Tue 13-Nov-12 00:21:47

Yes, he's on dodgy ground full stop alis

SomersetONeil Tue 13-Nov-12 00:22:35

"...and he stated that 'he did not have to explain himself to me'."

The lapdancing and going out and spending money you don't have isn't even the nub of the problem here. Sorting those things out will only be putting a plaster on an amputated leg.

The above statement says everything you need to know. I can't imagine ever hoping to reason with a person who thinks like this in a marriage/committed and equal partnerhip with children.

StuntGirl Tue 13-Nov-12 00:23:38

Do you really view this all as a joke? Or is humour your way of coping with a really shitty situation?

plim Tue 13-Nov-12 00:23:51

Yes, I know, I did retort that I am his wife and I have every right to an explanation

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