Have name-changed.
I have/had a friend; I will call her Lois. Lois and I work in the same field, but it is a sort of freelance/work from home set-up (so rarely actually see one another in a workplace). We met about four years ago, and became close. Lois and her DP, along with another couple, were the people DH and I would see most regularly - dinner parties at one another's homes, nights at the pub, that usual sort of thing. I also saw Lois regularly on my own; we'd have coffee or go out for drinks, and we confided in one another as friends do. I would not have been especially close to Lois's DP, or she to my DH, but we all got along.
When I met Lois I was a single, childless woman. DH and I married and I have a family of five now. I did see a bit less of Lois as a result, but we continued to socialise, to talk about work, and everything seemed to be OK. The one problem we did have was this: Lois was quite friendly with a woman who had done something underhanded to my DH and I (no, not an affair!). This other woman - I will call her Enid - works in the same field, and travels in the same social circles. I want nothing whatsoever to do with her, but have tried to simply keep my distance from her. I have never complained to Lois about her own friendship with the woman, and have never deliberately done anything to 'stir the pot' or inflame tensions; in fact, I think I have been pretty cowardly about the whole thing and just tried to avoid Enid because I am a bit afraid of her.
Now, let me get to the point. Last winter, Lois and her DP were married. I hosted a small party for them, at my home, which seemed to be a success. DH and I attended the wedding. All was fine, although I did get an email in advance 'warning' me that Enid would be there, which irritated me a bit as I was well aware that Enid would be there and was hardly going to make a scene, and had never made a scene previously, so thought "why is she saying this?"
Not long after the wedding, DH and I threw a special dinner party, marking an annual occasion and tradition, to which we have invited Lois and her DP and our other 'best couple', each year. Lois had actually asked a couple of months before if we would be having the event, and accepted the invite happily; then, a few days before the date she emailed to say that they were overwhelmed with work and could not come. I was surprised and a bit hurt, but accepted it at face value.
After that, though, Lois simply stopped communicating with me. I let it go, as I thought she was busy, and I was quite busy myself. As time passed, though, and after several casual attempts at contact went ignored, it was obvious something was going on. I racked my brain but cannot see any way that I offended her...I figured it had to be either that she felt I was neglecting the friendship since becoming a mum, or this business with Enid, who would be perfectly capable of smearing me if she had the chance!
I finally emailed her the other day (editing these as minimally as possible!)
Hi Lois
I feel as though I really ought to say something. Since your wedding and [our dinner party], you haven't seemed to want to have anything to do with me. I can't help but feel that I am missing something. Have I unintentionally done something to offend you? If you don't wish to discuss it, obviously that is your choice, but I really do feel as though there is something going on that I am quite unaware of, and I would like the chance to respond or put it right if I have hurt you in some way.
All the best,
dismissed
She wrote me back:
Hi dismissed,
Nice to hear from you. I have not been sure why we haven't been in touch with each other either. I did try getting in touch once, but we are both busy and maybe it got overlooked. Anyway, I am fine with how things are now.
All the best to you too.
See you around,
Lois
Am I wrong, or is this a complete blow-off? She says 'nice to hear from you', but goes on to say 'I am fine with how things are now' - ie, I don't want to rebuild the friendship. She signs it "see you around", which is totally dismissive. I thought my email was quite direct and even conciliatory, and I would have liked the respect of an equally direct reply, even if it were to tell me off about something - but this just seems like she in evading the topic and treating me as someone she once knew rather distantly, not even an ex-friend!
Am I being unreasonable? Am I obsessing? Should I ignore this or reply?
AIBU?
to interpret this email as a kiss-off from my 'friend'? Long, sorry.
dismissed · 15/05/2012 21:50
Did you wear a big white dress to their wedding by any chance?
No! 
They had a civil service, and she was the only one in a white dress. They did not have a photographer, and asked me when I arrived if I would take photos. I did; they were not brilliant but I am a decent photographer and they were of a passable casual, asked-for-them-at-the-last-moment standard, so I don't think it is about that. I attended the service and the pub-do afterwards; I did have to leave early-ish as I had a baby at home to nurse - but that truly didn't seem to be an issue at the time either - and she and I were getting along normally at the pub after. And yes, we gave them a very nice gift.
Oh no sorry - I am responding to squeaky who asked the OP if she really had 5 kids in the space of 4 years. Sorry 
it does look as if I am rambling madly.
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Wow, yanbu. That would reeeeally piss me off.
She's basically dumped you and also convinced herself she has the moral highground over whatever the hell her grievance is.
I wouldn't want any more to do with her tbh, as I'm sure her reasons would make me very 
and it's better to leave things with dignity while you can.
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