Mumsnet Talk

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

My DS is very bright though.

But DD is very bright...

It's a very odd thing that there appears to be something wrong with positives.

to talk about your child's problems is ok. To say that they are doing well is not
To talk about your child's sen or ld is ok. To say they are 'gifted' is not
to talk about how you have no money is ok. To talk about having it is not
To talk about your shit relationship is ok. To say you are happy and in love is not

I am not sure whether this is because people only want to hear the misery of others, or because anything good in your life is somehow insensitive or insulting or what it is, but I think it's wrong.

It would be nice if we could be happy for others. I've got no money. My kids have autism and my marriage is a weird one. If there's someone out there with pots of cash, children with no difficulties whatsoever and a marriage made in heaven then good for them! I'm chuffed for them.

I dunno. I'm waffling and no doubt not being very clear. I just think it would be nice if we could share the good things in our lives the same as the bad without people thinking we have no right to talk about our happinesses.

Although it does have to be relevent. So if you are saying that you have seen a conversation where someone has said "What shall I have for tea tonight" and the reply has been "Well, my children are very bright, so I think you should have chips", then YANBU

<pats soothingly>

It can be hard to hear when yours aren't.

I just say 'my DD is clever' which cuts out the stealth boasty bit

"clever enough" = average.

Stop being jealous and shut up.

My DS is very bright too! What a coincidence RM and SB...

You sound very jealous.

I will describe ds as bright when it is relevant to the converstaion, and if that pisses someone else off then it is likely to be because of some issue they have rather than what I have said.

You wouldn't complain about someone saying their child was good at football, or karate or ballet.

Having very bright children comes with its own set of problems that parents should not be afraid to talk about.

YABVU

I find it irritating that in certain circles it's almost obligatory to describe your DC as "very bright". If all these kids are "very bright", what about the average ones (like my DD)?

I like JustHecate's answer

and Bramshott's

I don't think many people would describe their children as anything else but 'very bright'. It's right up there with 'cute', 'sweet' and 'he looks just like his father'. Even if all evidence is to the contrary, you wouldn't mention it. It's nice when parents are proud of their children anyway.

So what do you want me to say? DS, in particular, is very bright. He is also crap at football, probably the slowest runner in the year, and prone to spectacularly losing his temper. Am I allowed to mention the last 3 when relevant, but not the first - and if so, why, exactly?

FWIW, if you want definitions, he is in the top 3 of the top class in every subject inspite of being moved up a year. "very bright" seems more succinct to me.

The average ones academically will excel at something else Bramshott.

And you will be allowed to talk about it and have people be pleased for you, and sympathise with you when that thing costs you money or whatever. Those of us that dare to have very bright children get made to feel like we are boasting all the time, when actually all we want to do is be proud of our kids talents in the same way anyone would.b

All of mine are bright sparks - some not classically so... There have to be bright ones as well as not so

My eldest son was a quiet unassuming boy but very bright and academic. I always remember being puce at a sports day when he came penultimate last in a 1500 metres and waved madly at me!! Sporty people get to show off their prowess ...

When people ask me where ds is at university I am bloody proud - he IS bright!!

YABU. You sound like you're jealous

My DSs are so bright I have to wear shades I polish them daily so they are very shiny too.

What I don't get is this 'top of the class' thing, when and how to you get to know how your child is doing compared to his/her peers? My boys' school would never dream of letting on to a parent that one child is more advanced than another in the class. the secretive bastards

YABU. Some kids are very bright.

As opposed to a bit dim and dull. It's not the best phrase tbf

Wormy - DS's termly reports include position in class (exam and whole term) for every subject - hence my certainty.

yabu. It's a parent's job imo to be your child's greatest fan, and recognise their talents, whether they are Mario Kart, maths, woodwork, football or kindness.

I think there's more wrong with a parent who doesn't think their child is very bright. It's so amazing watching children learn new things, who wouldn't think they're brilliant?

I'd be more concerned if they described their kids as thick as pig shit really.

Being 'bright' can cover a whole multitude of things...not just school work.

Really most people are just looking for the good in their kids when they say that, and that's not a bad thing imo.

Much better than apathy.

completely agree Worra.