Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

to get DD a white poppy to wear at a remembrance service?

(958 Posts)
GallumDrawnAndQuartered Wed 03-Nov-10 16:23:57

She is 14 and has been selected by the school to represent her house at their service.

DD is vehemently pacifist and anti-war.

Rather than her get in trouble for refusing to go (which is what she is planning on doing) would it be unreasonable for her to go but to wear a white poppy instead of a red one?

SumfingNew Wed 03-Nov-10 16:25:39

But the red poppy doesn't celebrate war - it commemorates the sacrifices of people who have died...in order for your daughter to have the freedom to decide for herself.

ForMashGetSmash Wed 03-Nov-10 16:26:51

WHat does a white poppy mean?

GallumDrawnAndQuartered Wed 03-Nov-10 16:28:09

but also raises masses of funds for the British legion and the Haig fund which support the armed forces.

Not that people who were blown up afte being conscripted don't need remembering and supporting.

the white poppy is to symbolise the fact there ar beter ways to resolve conflict.

AppleHEAD Wed 03-Nov-10 16:28:48

Can she wear both? So as not to offend anyone? I think White poppies can offend. My dad (who has been it the army and served during a war) always wears both.

olderandwider Wed 03-Nov-10 16:29:09

It's called Remembrance Day - to remember the fallen, not to celebrate any victory.

ForMashGetSmash Wed 03-Nov-10 16:31:32

I would not let her wear a white poppy...it's rude to go to a rememberance sevice with a symbol which basically says "Oh so many people died...if only you had all resolved the conflct better!"

The men were called up!

SumfingNew Wed 03-Nov-10 16:32:10

The Royal British Legion supports former solders fallen on hard times, casualties etc etc. The High Fund does similar work.

Neither fund or 'support' the armed forces as such, just the people that used to serve in them.

There is a difference, I think.

Also, the poppies (made in Richmond, SW London) sold help provide employment for former servicemen and women and people with disabilities.

All quite worthwhile, in my view...but your daughter is entitled to think otherwise, naturally.

Agree with ForMashGetSmash (and now have that bloody jingle echoing around my brain)

GallumDrawnAndQuartered Wed 03-Nov-10 16:32:52

But a white poppy is recognising sacrifice and is remembering - it is just making a point

canyou Wed 03-Nov-10 16:33:31

I agree with SumfingNew explain the actual meaning and the reason for the poppy, I am not British and from a county where we would never wear the poppy, so use the argument that they died to give us choice but I always support the appeal and give without taking the poppy.
I would ask her not to disrespect the 11/11 memorial but I would not ask her to wear the Poppy.
I have made this post sound really confused sorry blush

YunoYurbubson Wed 03-Nov-10 16:34:01

Wrong time and wrong place to make the point.

GallumDrawnAndQuartered Wed 03-Nov-10 16:34:07

might be able to pursuade her to wear both.

earwicga Wed 03-Nov-10 16:34:09

Gallum - great idea! There is a post here which I liked on white poppies http://welshpoliticaltwins.wordpress.com/2010/11/0 2/268/

The red poppy pays for the care of service people which is what their ex-employer is supposed to do. It makes me sick that charity has to do this. When there are charity appeals for nuclear weapons instead of artifical legs then I will know we are living in a better world.

SecretNutellaFix Wed 03-Nov-10 16:35:06

If she doesn't want to wear a red one, then none at all will be better than a white!

I always think it odd that the only time white poppies get worn or spoken about is at a time when th ered ones are around? Political? Almost certainly. Disrespectful? Many people will see it as such.

ANTagony Wed 03-Nov-10 16:35:09

I'm a pacifist, elder generations of my family are Quaker, however I think there is a balance between objecting to things current and future and respecting the sacrifice of those in the past.

'Least we forget' to me, means that we should learn from the brutality of war. No war solves all. The enormous sacrifice of the families of those who have died should not be forgotten and it is through their sacrifice that we have freedom to hold (and voice) our individual views. We cannot change the past but should learn from it. A red poppy is respect and acknowledgement that we are open to learning and not forgetting. It is to me a long way from being pro-war, in fact for me demonstrates a coming together and support for learning for the future and summarises the reasons to be anti-war.

At 14 I held some pretty strong views but their is a balance between voicing opinion and not insulting those and their families for things done.

BoobyMcLeaky Wed 03-Nov-10 16:35:14

Maybe a rememberance service is the wrong time and place to make a point.

NordicPrincess Wed 03-Nov-10 16:35:20

why dont you just ask her what she wants to do, its her choice. Personally i would never wear a red poppy as i am very against war and do not support it, but at 14 she should be able to choose for herself

GallumDrawnAndQuartered Wed 03-Nov-10 16:35:54
Bucharest Wed 03-Nov-10 16:36:03

Your daughter is 14 and should make up her own mind. So, if she wants to, then let her, but make sure she knows it might well not be approved of. Does she have to wear any poppy?

I was a member of the PPU many years ago. I wouldn't wear one now, (or a red one actually) butn reflection, I'd be more likely to wear red than white now. (middle age middle of the road non radicalism for you grin)

Sullwah Wed 03-Nov-10 16:36:19

I agree with YY - wrong time and place to make a point

BrigitBigKnickers Wed 03-Nov-10 16:36:22

"there are better ways to resolve conflicts..."

How exactly do you think Hitler should have been dealt with then? Sat him down with a nice cup of tea and tried to persuade him not to invade anyone else?

LadyThumb Wed 03-Nov-10 16:36:38

She may be anti-war and a pacifist, but I bet she'd fight like hell if someone tried to invade your home or hurt a member of her family. No difference to what our brave soldiers did in WWI and WWII.

I think wearing a white poppy would be disrespectful to all who gave their lives to give her her freedom.

Casserole Wed 03-Nov-10 16:38:08

Wrong and offensive time and place to make her point.

If she doesn't want to do it, then get her to write a letter to the head respectfully explaining why.

Sullwah Wed 03-Nov-10 16:39:49

Just re-read OP.

She has been selected by her house to represent them. I therefore don't think she should be making an individual political point.

Think she should turn the offer down and let someone else do it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now