A well meaning friend sent this to dd- I have to share it or murder someone! And why should I suffer alone?

[Hakluyt]

She's 19, and dealing with a collapsing relationship. An honorary uncle sent her this as a consoling message. Fortunately it fuelled her feminism, and she won't see him for a while, so his testicles will remain intact! But the thought of people thinking this sort of thing, offensive on so many levels is OK just make me despairing. So I want you all to despair as well.

[YonicScrewdriver]

[stoopstoconker]

this is (well intentioned I'm sure) horrible shite.
Most girls are rotten apples and most boys are maggots but I am a lovely shiny red apple just waiting to be scrumped ...kill me now

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

I was always a rotten apple ;)

Dearie dearie me.

[swazza]

PMSL! I find it quite amusing that the poor sod who sent that thinks he has done a really kind and thoughtful gesture!

[magimedi]

That really saddens me as well as making me want to puke.

But well done to your DD for it "fuelling her feminism".

[thatstoast]

I don't know where to start with that one.

[nochocolateforlentteacake]

Aww the poor soul. I bet he was really chuffed that he'd 'found' something that tells her that she is special and the lad she broke up with is a git.

Shame it might give her diabetes, but I'm sure his heart is in the right place.

Back to the Garden of Eden, eh? Bad, wicked, wanton girls causing the downfall of humankind and eternal damnation, and all that.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

excuse me while I vomit

[KateAdiesEarrings]

It's rubbish discarded lots of unMN words before settling on rubbish on so many levels. The idea that there's a difference between good girls and easy ones. The notion that only brave, good boys will pursue someone who demands effort ignoring all EA research that shows the opposite is also true The fact that they sent it as a show of support so don't even realise all the embedded patriarchal messages. . . I could go on and on and on . . .

It's why we should have decent lessons on relationships in schools - to counter all this shite.

This has made me irrationally for some reason.

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

Some apples are easy?!

[stoopstoconker]

...and there we have it, the first reaction for me is to laugh but I was brought up believing this shite. I should be flaming angry.

[Hakluyt]

Kate, I think it made you rationally angry and you expressed why very clearly indeed!

[ChopperGordino]

Oh FFS

Pleased to hear your DD saw it for the nonsense it is!

[EBearhug]

So am I meant to aim to be Cox's pippin, Granny Smith, Pink Lady, crab apple, or...

(I am meant to be thinking about shareholder value.)

[YonicScrewdriver]

Def not a pink lady!

[sausageeggbacon11]

OP I would blame her uncle on this, that message has been going round facebook for at least 3 years. And most of the people who have posted it have been other women. He probably saw a female friend or relation post it and assume it is okay. Be interested to know where some of these memes come from. I have FB friends who still assume prince charming will eventually appear and buy into the message using it to cope with self esteem issues. It is easy to laugh it off here but how many women need a message like that to help get through seeing themselves as someone who is unwanted?

Interesting isn't it the message is one that many people need to grasp and others find belittling. Do we suggest that we get rid of those sorts of message and remove the support it provides for many women? That may sound harsh but if we say the message is wrong then there are those whoi will struggle without it (or at least that is the impression I get from some of the discussions on FB).

[ErrolTheDragon]

No woman should need a message like that. One which categorises the lucky ones who've got a boy as easy rotten apples? How is it supporting a woman to demean others so horribly?

[nochocolateforlentteacake]

I'm a Spartan, me!

[KeturahLee]

Who will struggle without that message?

[IrenetheQuaint]

Women are just ornaments to be plucked by daring men, eh? The idea of them saying 'I'm sure you're lovely but I'm just not into you' is clearly unimaginable.

[soontobemumofthree]

That's almost funny, it's so awful. In solidarity I will despair with you.

[Koalafications]

Oh that is awful.

And the idea that the boy can climb to the top and have any apple he wants? Of course the apples are just sitting there waiting to be chosen...

FFS.

[Bolshybookworm]

I had a weird male colleague who used to write parables like this. They were always about women and always comparing them to something twee (flowers, butterflies etc). He thought they were romantic and wise. I thought they were grossly offensive and patent bollocks. Guess* which one of us (both in our 30s) had never had a meaningful relationship

*hint- it wasn't me

[ApocalypseThen]

I don't think I'd be immensely flattered by the implication that I had been a slaggy ground apple picked up by a lazy fool but all is not lost. I can reclimb the tree of purity and become worthy of an adventuring worthy.

[CuntCourtIsInSession]

It is awful! But it is also tremendously useful as an example of how very well-meaning people who love you can reinforce patriarchal beliefs while simultaneously genuinely wanting the best for you - which to be honest is a major lesson.

It's 'easy' to see patriarchy in some contexts, and less easy in others - therefore this is a really good way for your DD to see the contradictions inherent in patriarchal structures. She sounds a good'un!