Its too soon, isn't it? Talk me out of this....

(97 Posts)
PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 13:24:07

Hello. I have had some wonderful support on here following the death of my dear 18 year old cat Molly last Sunday. We are hoping to get her ashes back on Monday, have picked a lovely spot in the front garden to bury them and ordered a little memorial stone with her name on.
Today we took her leftover food to the cat rescue charity where we got her from 17 years ago. Lovely lady in there, immediately said 'Are you getting another one? Have you seen Lottie?' and showed us a picture of a beautiful 1yr old girl in the window. Likes older children - tick. Needs lots of space - tick. Needs a forever home - tick tick tick.
I explained, yes we miss having a cat, but we haven't even buried Molly yet, we've got two one week long holidays coming up (my mum and dad usually come up twice a day to feed the cat and would have done so this year as usual). 'Oh well have a think and come back when you're ready' said the lovely lady.
So now I cannot stop thinking about this cat! My boys were with me and started to get excited, I had to explain it might not be the right time, we can't replace one cat with another, we need to find the right cat etc.
BUT I do miss having a cat. My house feels a bit less like a home without one. Part of me wants to go and see her, but that would be worse if I fall in love wouldn't it? Wouldn't it?!!!! Talk sense to me please!

WannaBe Fri 22-Jul-16 13:49:51

So sorry about your lovely cat. flowers. I'm not sure that there's a right or wrong time, having another cat isn't going to replace your beloved cat, but it will bring a different spark to your house.

My lovely rescue cat was run over and killed in June, just ten weeks after we had rescued her. sad but she was so full of personality, had absolutely bounced into our lives that when she had gone my house felt entirely empty. Consequently I found myself at Battersea less than a week later, except when I started to talk about Tigi I burst into tears. blush the lovely lady said that there's no right or wrong time, that some people feel ready straight away and others wait for years. She then introduced us to a cat looking for a new home, who had in fact already been rehomed once and then come back. sad but she just didn't feel like the right cat, she seemed stressed, and I suspected my dog would have stressed her. So we walked away from her and committed to go back the next week. That was about five weeks ago, and we haven't been back yet, partly because of circumstances, but partly because I'm not sure now whether I want to go through that again.

And now I'm looking at booking a week away etc later in the holidays, a new cat just wouldn't be ok to be left or put in a cattery so soon after being adopted, so we won't be having any cats any time soon as things stand.

You could go and visit her at the rescue, but if you have holidays planned would it be fair? Are you looking for a cat or to fill the void your cat has left behind? I think for me it was partly the latter because Tigi just owned the house as soon as she came to live here, and left a huge void behind when she died.

And remember, not now doesn't mean never. smile.

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 22-Jul-16 13:52:40

I would go back after the holiday.

Wolfiefan Fri 22-Jul-16 13:55:38

I was where you are this very time last year. Lost 19 year old girl. House far too bloody empty. We had two one week holidays booked.
I stalked rescue websites. I could hardly stand waiting.
I waited until September. Kids settled back in school. No holiday plans and lots of time to settle in our two new monsters.
I would worry about settling in if you are going away. Only you can decide on the right time though.
flowers

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 13:59:25

Thank you for your repliessmile
flowers for you too Wanna that sounds like a very hard experience to go through. I understand what you are saying, cats do kind of own their home! Mine certainly did. I think I am looking to fill the cat void, rather than the Molly void, if that makes any sense? I just hate not having a cat around, we always had them as children and Molly was with us for such a long time, she was just part of our family.
One of our hols is at the beginning of Aug and one at the end, so maybe I could leave it until we get back from the first one.
<whispers.....or look before and bagsy her if she's right.....>

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 14:01:03

Wolfie you talk perfect sense! But I don't know how you waited until September! Very sensible and most probably exactly what I should do.
Wish that woman hadn't shown me the picture!

Garbadgeman Fri 22-Jul-16 14:01:06

Depends how long til your holidays tbh, that sounds like your only practical concern, as for it being too soon I'm not sure it is or you wouldn't be thinking about Lottie. You can never replace the ones you've lost but I'm a firm believer that having another one to love makes the grieving process that little bit easier to bear. Sorry, I know you wanted talking out of it but to me there's no sense in having all that love to give to an animal needing a home and keeping it to yourself. So, if there's time for her to settle before your holidays I say go for it!

Wolfiefan Fri 22-Jul-16 14:01:15

If you have fallen in love could you pay her cattery fees for a month? I really wouldn't want to bring her home and then go off on holiday.

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 14:04:06

Wolfie that is a very good idea.... Yes I would definitely be happy to do that if she was right for us and us for her.
Garbadgeman have you climbed inside my head and read my mind?wink I think I must be ready to be feeling this way...

Garbadgeman Fri 22-Jul-16 14:04:50

Sorry, cross posted with you, I would probably try and wait til you get back from the second holiday in that case but yes, by all means let the rescue centre know you want her.

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 14:06:16

Oh and I haven't exactly discussed it with DH... For a non cat person though he has been bloody wonderful supporting me through this.
I can definitely talk him round

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 14:08:36

OK that's the plan as agreed by MN cat jury. Will go and look, if she is right for us and vice versa will pay for her fees until end of August. Then we can settle her properly. If not then will look again in Sept.
Thanks for helping me!

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 14:10:00

This is Lottie if anyone is interested!

MiddleClassProblem Fri 22-Jul-16 14:10:52

I would go back after hols, if it's meant to be it's meant to be

Garbadgeman Fri 22-Jul-16 14:11:10

No, just been where you are myself, they leave such huge cat shaped holes in our lives and I honestly believe the ones we've lost want us to fill those gaps so another cat can have the same lovely life they did. Let us know what you decide flowers

Garbadgeman Fri 22-Jul-16 14:11:50

Oh she's gorgeous! smile

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 14:11:59

I will update you all, promise.

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 14:12:28

I know! So beautiful. Evil cat rescue ladywink

Goingtobeawesome Fri 22-Jul-16 14:14:34

Too soon for who?
We lost our 18 year old on the Thursday and on the Monday we went to the rescue place. It most definitely was not to enquire about a new cat. It was just to look at some in a controlled way. I knew I'd be sad if it just saw one when out and about hmmblush

Three years on and we have boy cat and girl cat who most definitely picked us and came home within two weeks.

Lottie looks like an owl, a fluffy one!

Get her

Get her

Get her

I think you should get her 🐱

CatchIt Fri 22-Jul-16 14:14:52

I'm sorry about your cat.

If it makes you feel any better, I had to have my 5 yr old horse pts back in April. I'd had him since he was 6 months old. It was truly shit and unfair.

By a strange twist of fate, another horse presented itself to me and I thought I'd be too much of an idiot to say no. This was literally a few days afterwards and she arrived 10 days after he was pts.

Sometimes things happen because they are meant to. My new horse will never replace my old horse, but she can't because she's totally different.

It's ok, there's no right or wrong. I have friends that have taken years before getting a new pet and some like me who can't be without them. If it's right, it's right flowers

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 14:16:21

Going you have made me laugh! Ok I am ringing them now. My DH knows nothing about this. He'll be fine.

CatchIt Fri 22-Jul-16 14:17:00

Just seen the picture and she's gorgeous!

PosiePootlePerkins Fri 22-Jul-16 14:17:36

CatchIt sorry about your horse. Fate definitely moves in mysterious ways. Thank you for your words of wisdom

ineedwine99 Fri 22-Jul-16 14:18:45

PosiePootlePerkins
She's gorgeous!!! Aww i want to cuddle!
I can't imagine how you feel as i haven' lost eother of mine yet, but i do dread the day. I don't think i'd last long without getting another one. flowers

Emochild Fri 22-Jul-16 14:19:17

Awwww she's lovely

Doesn't look a year old though -are they sure she isn't younger?

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