Well shit. I handled that one badly.

(456 Posts)
survivingthechildren Tue 16-Apr-13 12:19:16

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

Hullygully Tue 16-Apr-13 12:32:17

Hurrah!

Good for you.

Wow so many x posts all agreeing with you op, hope it helps

And so many typos in my post, hope it made some sense blush

IrnBruTheNoo Tue 16-Apr-13 12:33:04

I personally would leave it to cool down first, and then chat the following day when you've both had time to clear your heads.

I probably would have followed the same path and threw it out the window too, you are only human, and it's perfectly reasonable for your teenager to know you can only take so much.

Things will improve.

kickedatschool Tue 16-Apr-13 12:33:11

i don't think you should have thrown it out of the window.... i think. it would have been confiscated though for ever a very long time. he would have had serious consequences though.

I don't see the throwing out of the window a terrible thing though, given the appalling language and attitude. I just struggle with anything being broken and dad was abit throw it away for lesser misdemeanors.

well done to you!

if i'd have said even a quarter of that to my mother i wouldnt be here today (not advocating that tho!). children need to learn that there are lines that are NOT to be crossed - end of story.

you didnt scream and hit him - you simply brought the whole horrible situation to a close.

please do NOT give in and buy him another one tho! he needs to understand that what you did was in response to the high level disrespect that he showed you.

He's a wee smart alec with a big mouth. I had one.

You did good.

I'm afraid I laughed too because I would probably do the same if my DS said the same to his friends. I have a touch of the red mist if my oldest DS is disdainful.

Get yourself a glass of wine.

Don't go up and wait until both of you have had time to process what led up to it.

I wouldn't buy him one either. I might buy myself one, after a suitable time and some effort on his behalf, but it'd be mine and I might let him borrow it in return for being part of the family.

CheeseandPickledOnion Tue 16-Apr-13 12:34:09

Fucking awesome. He deserved it. I'd love to chuck my SS's out of the window. Xboxes are the devils work.

Don't replace, and wait for him to apologise for his awful behaviour.

HipHopHooray Tue 16-Apr-13 12:34:22

Another good for you. Don't apologise and don't replace it - he absolutely deserved it and will turn out to be a nicer person in the long run because of it!

Well...you did go a little too far, flinging it out of the window and destroying it when you probably should have just removed the device. But...I can totally understand the frustration and temper taking over.
Definitely don't replace it. Make him earn a new one. And then severely restrict xbox live.

schobe Tue 16-Apr-13 12:34:58

You could have made an even bigger impression if you'd had an axe handy. Maybe something to think about for the future?

<<applause>>

You did what I've often wanted to do, but don't have the balls to follow through. Go and get a glass of wine - you get the Most Awesome Mum Of Teenagers award for today.

thereistheball Tue 16-Apr-13 12:35:51

Congratulations, well done. I am angry on your behalf! Absolutely do not apologise. What are you going to do to get him to turn his patronising attitude round?

NB I'd be tempted to explain to his friend that your DS won't be playing online for a while since you put him in his place.

Badvoc Tue 16-Apr-13 12:35:58

Well done.
What he said to you was vile and not acceptable.
Don't replace it.
If he wants another he has to buy it.
Then restrict time on it.

Removing it would have involved taking out leads, and time and he'd have been trying to stop her and would have torn the house apart looking for it. Been there, done that with a PS something.

Better option is to have fired it out the window. grin

Seriously, look at the lesson he's learnt. Worth every fucking penny imho.

OHforDUCKScake Tue 16-Apr-13 12:36:26

Im not suprised you chucked it out the window, putting his mum in his place indeed! Id be frothing too.

Do not go to him, do not appologise and do not replace it.

Good luck.

livinginwonderland Tue 16-Apr-13 12:36:53

brilliant!

Do not apologise for losing it don't say you over reacted it gives him the control of the situation as well as the ammunition to complain to everyone what a bad person you are 'well she admitted she was wrong.........' just don't do it!!!

you did the right thing!! I not sure my cool would even have been that much let him apologise to you, you are most certainly not in the wrong!

have a wine and cool off smile

JollyPurpleGiant Tue 16-Apr-13 12:37:26

How you doing op?

bedmonster Tue 16-Apr-13 12:37:28

Jesus, i'm feeling elated on your behalf. What a disrespectful attitute he has shown towards you. Hopefully this might just be a mighty kick up his precious arse and make him realise you won't be spoken to like a piece of shit. I'm disgusted. Has he always shown you little respect or is it a recent thing?

"you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

Yep. He'd have had no teeth after that sentence. Just amazed.

You did a good thing. Okay, not textbook parenting good, but a human response.

farewellfarewell Tue 16-Apr-13 12:37:39

Don't replace and try not to feel guilty. You are a human being and you sound generally to be a great parent. I would have totally lost it at that point also. He simply cannot treat anyone like that and expect them to accept it without a reaction. God I dread parenting teens.

MandragoraWurzelstock Tue 16-Apr-13 12:38:01

Leaving aside your reaction, what on earth possessed him to speak to you like that? It's unthinkable - my children just wouldn't, well I say that, they're not teenagers quite yet though.

Is he learning this behaviour from someone? Not blaming you - just worried that's all. In case he sees others treat you in this way iyswim?

Pandemoniaa Tue 16-Apr-13 12:38:03

Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

When circumstances are extreme, sometimes a better, calmer decision isn't the right decision. The sounds like one of those times so don't beat yourself up about it. Your ds has to realise that his behaviour and atrocious lack of respect for you was the trigger for your actions and right now, he doesn't deserve the X-box. Do not apologise either but do discuss things calmly when the dust has settled. He needs to know that your good nature cannot be taken for granted if he isn't prepared to behave in a civilised manner.

willyoulistentome Tue 16-Apr-13 12:38:06

Does he have any other gadgets? Phone? Chuck them too...and ground him.

Will set a good precedent for him and any younger siblings who might think twice about behaviour like that.

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