150k EDUCATION DD WANTS TO DO HAIR AND BEAUTY BTEC AT FE COLLEGE

(302 Posts)
helenjackson2 Sun 17-Mar-13 21:10:11

HI I AM NEW TO THIS FOURUM.DD CURRENTLY AT TOP GIRLS BOARDING SCHOOL SOUTH EAST.10GCSE GRADE A A* EXPECTED OXBRIDGE POTENTIAL.WANTS TO DO BTEC IN HAIR AND BEAUTY AT LOCAL FE COLLEGE WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP HER STUPID AND IDIOTIC IDEA.HELP

tiggytape Sun 17-Mar-13 22:30:48

Either she is following her dream - in which case support her.

Or she is rebelling - in which case let her get on with it. Forcing or coercing her to change her mind will either make her more determined to rebel or so resentful she messes up her A levels just to spite you.

She's got brilliant GCSE grades, it’s not like she's joining the French Foreign Legion, she can drop out of college if she feels like it at any time and do A Levels and a degree later in life - plenty of people do. She doesn't have to head off on a pathway at 16 and stay on it forever.

HappyMummyOfOne Sun 17-Mar-13 22:32:59

Her life her choice, you can guide but cant force her into anything.

Plenty go to uni then never use their degrees as they stay homme with children or change their careeer path completely.

Has the top boarding school taught your DD how to use upper and lower case letters appropriately?

Maybe she wants to live at home if she is looking at a local course. Maybe she misses you.

Chippychop Sun 17-Mar-13 22:38:03

OP you are not being snobby or pretentious or anything . For all anyone on here knows you may well have sacrificed your soul and sold your body to do it - who cares that's your choice not ours. Fact is you've got a bright daughter and you want her to use her talents/brains. Why not try and compromise with her... Sell her the benefits of owning her own business: beauty salon whatever and tell her she'd be better off long run owning and that you will support her in this but at the moment she needs to get the rest of her quals a-levels degree. Does she have a sat job sweeping hair? Maybe that will be put her off I'm sure it won't be enough of a challenge for her and like all teens will get bored of the monotony. Good luck

BooksandaCuppa Sun 17-Mar-13 22:44:30

1) It is proven time and time again in research that hairdressers and beauty therapists have the highest job satisfaction of any job.

2) I have straight As at GCSE and A level and a first in an academic subject and I have never earned as much as my hairdresser friend does.

3) Despite 1) and 2) I would maybe still try and persuade her to do some A levels alongside or before the Btec, just to keep her options only. She could do both at college.

tiggytape Sun 17-Mar-13 22:45:32

It doesn't matter what parents sacrifice for their children - there is no guaranteed return on raising a bright or well educated child!
And, when it comes to happiness, there's no rule that says one must work the limits of intellectual capability to feel satisfied or fulfilled in life. Plenty of people work in a job that is ‘beneath’ their intellectual capabilities because they feel strongly about it, enjoy it or simply don’t view a career as being of any importance in their life.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sun 17-Mar-13 22:45:38

Is the op coming back?

Yellowtip Sun 17-Mar-13 22:52:18

She hasn't even done her GCSEs but from an expensive top private school in the SE is predicted a mix of As and A*s. How on earth can you be so sure she has 'Oxbridge potential'? If I was her I might be sorely tempted to throw in the towel now and refuse to revise. Then my desire not to pursue an academic route would be a done deed. Be careful OP, especially with only weeks to go until the exams.

skratta Sun 17-Mar-13 22:58:21

biscuit Your DD is your DD. NOT YOU. Get it? As in, she has her own life, own skills, own desires....and own choice of career?

helenjackson2 Sun 17-Mar-13 23:06:20

THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVICE.I KNOW ALL ABOUT HAIR AND BEAUTY MY SISTER HAS 2 HAIR SALLONS IN GATESHEAD AND SHE EARNS A GOOD LIVING. MY SISTER WAS THE MOST BRILLIANT STUDENT AT HER KENT GRAMMAR IN THE LATE 80s EARLY 90s COULD HAVE GONE TO ANY UNIVERSITY IN THE COUNTRY BECAUSE OF FAMILY REASONS COULD NOT GO AND HAD TO START EARNING MONEY.DD HAS VERY CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER ANY SISTER WANTS TO STRANGLE HER AS FOR ME NOT HAVING 150k EDUCATION WENT TO 1980s SECONDARY MODERN KENT ENDED UP 1 CSE GRADE 2 in COOKERY BECAUSE I HAVE ASPERGERS AND IN THE EARLY 1980s THERE WAS NO SEN TEACHERS FOR THAT KIND OF THING SO THAT IS WHY I AM NOT GRAMATICAL CORRECT.

Please stop shouting

twentythirteen Sun 17-Mar-13 23:12:22

It must be hard, but she's young. Whatever she does now is unlikely to be what she will be doing when she's 30. You might have to wait a bit longer to see the fruits of your investment in her.

edam Sun 17-Mar-13 23:12:23

Helen, you could turn caps lock off though. All those capital letters are very shouty. Kids rebel, or turn out to have different plans than you expected...

My sister went through a really scary rebellion from her mid-teens, dropped out of school and so on - she ended up going to university in her 30s and is now a qualified nurse studying for further quals (only her dissertation to do and she will be a nurse prescriber, go sis!).

twentythirteen Sun 17-Mar-13 23:14:40

PS, it's hard to read when you write in all capital letters. I think that's what people are referring to when they say you are shouting.

She could always decide that she wanted to do A-levels and go to university later in life. There's no reason she has to do it straight from school, and mature students often get more out of their courses than those who go straight from school. Life and work experience can make a huge difference.

Or she may love being a hairdresser/beauty therapist and lead a happy life as one. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it as a career choice.

You paid for an education for your DD; it doesn't mean you get to determine her future. Nor does choosing to do something vocational make that education 'a waste of money'.

Calm down.

helenjackson2 Sun 17-Mar-13 23:23:23

thanks will not write in capital letters in future.

TheSecondComing Sun 17-Mar-13 23:24:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You can still use them at the start of sentences though. grin <-- lighthearted comment; not a dig.

landofsoapandglory Sun 17-Mar-13 23:41:08

She could have all the GCSE's in the world, at A* and not want to go to University. It isn't for everyone, it isn't the be all and end all of life. One thing is for certain people always want hairdressers.

DS1(18) has got 10 GCSEs at a mixture of A*s and As. He has just got 3 As in his January A level modules, and had places offered at 5 universities, but he isn't sure he wants to go. He wants to join the Army. He was going to his degree, then go to Sandhurst, now he is thinking of going in as a private and transferring over to officer training when he is eligible. He has asked me to go with him to find out about this. I'm not ranting and raving, I am supporting him. I want him to be happy, and if this is what is going to make him happy then so be it.

BoringTheBuilder Sun 17-Mar-13 23:44:58

SHE CAN COME AND TRY DO ANYTHING WITH MY HAIR AND I AM SURE SHE WILL CHANGE HER MIND. I AM IN LONDON

GetOrf Sun 17-Mar-13 23:45:08

OOh portofino I really wanted to do Travel and Tourism BTEC as well. I had visions of trotting around greek islands in a green and yellow polyester two piece suit with a clipboard and a jaunty hairbow as a travel rep.

I still secretly hanker after it now.

Perhaps when I hit my mid life crisis (imminent) I will give up my bastard of a job and do a season as a chalet girl followed by a season as a Cosmos Holidays rep in Tossa de Mar.

GetOrf Sun 17-Mar-13 23:47:11

land my dd wants to join the bloody army as well, she is considering Sandhurst applications but really wants to go in as a private and maybe transfer later as well. I cannot think of anything more HORRIBLE personally. But I can't say anything. DD is 17, really wants to do this, and I can't put my foot down with this, I need to support her.

abbeynationall Mon 18-Mar-13 00:26:23

Op, same thing happened to me and my DF. Boarding school right from when I was 4yrs old right through to 4 yrs in Uni and a year post uni. Quite alot of money was poured into my education and with it came very high expectations. I haven't ammounted into anything which has deeply hurt my family.
He's become so bitter I cannot bring myself to talk to him.

All that, you can imagine has left me undone. I hate myself for what has become of my DF, but more than that, I hate myself that I haven't become successfull. Guess where my self confidence is? I don't think most of my peers have such thoughts hanging over their heads frequently or in the same intensity as me.

Please don't do it to your daughter . Don't lay a price on her that she has to pay back e.g that she has to work harder and achieve more just because of her education bill, the guilt will be there naturally after elapse of teenage years. Bite your tongue and reign in your expectations of her. Most of all don't remind her how much money you've spent . I'm sure the private school thing was more your Idea than her's and if you'd have wanted value for money, an ISA , would have been fine.

Sorry for the long post, you can tell it's a topic close to my heart.

GetOrf Mon 18-Mar-13 00:30:35

Abbey that is very sad. Don't say you havent amounted to anything - you may not have done what your family wanted, but that doesn't mean you haven't achieved, I am sure you have. You sound as if your self esteem is shot to pieces, you poor thing.

GetOrf Mon 18-Mar-13 00:31:05

Well that sounds condescending hmm It wasn't meant to be, sorry. blush

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