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Relationships

So bloody bored of DP

87 replies

Dominique07 · 30/03/2010 15:22

I don't need anyone telling me I don't love my DP or I should leave him if I'm not happy, and I don't particularly want to be told I should be more understanding.

Most of the time I am... but right now I just feel a bit pissed off with our lot.

Can other people talk to me about their similar experiences? And what is the sensible thing to do? Just remain optimistic that one day soon he will be fine and get a normal job and live a normal life. I literally hate that we have to get housing benefit etc.

When I met my DP I knew he had a history of medical problems, but he did think there was nothing new on the way.
It probably brought out the maternal side of me to have to take him to Doctor's appointments and hospital appointments/ops.

Now we have a toddler to look after though its really becoming a PITA.

I don't know how to feel about it at the moment.
It is not like living with a normal human being right now. I go out to school training to teach, other people look after DS most days while my DP sleeps and generally hangs around the house.

When I first met him I gradually came to realise he had agoraphobia and helped him to come to terms with that and approach the GP about it.
He hasn't really had any proper treatment, and usually doesn't find it easy to get to new places for treatment, even if he took a taxi to the place he might give up if he has to cross the road to get to the surgery etc, due to general anxiety.
He had a stroke a couple of years ago and for some reason the symptoms of that only seem to be showing up now. He was working until a few weeks after the stroke.
The damage done by the stoke caused difficulty walking and worsens his anxiety, he feels people are looking at him and see something is wrong. It is quite hard to see something is wrong with his walking except he does feel very unstable and feels the ground is not level. He walks as though he were on a very rocky boat on the sea.

He is completely used to staying at home and sleeping. I feel like telling him how useless he is.
Some days he is ok... usually Saturday night when he wants to go out with his friends. He says the drinking suppresses his anxiety and he cannot feel the problems so strongly.
Currently he is trying a really strong medication to deal with his anxiety which is making it all so much worse. He gets numb limbs, insomnia, mood swings. And I've noticed him being randomly controlling, i.e. last night taking DS out of bed to stay up an extra hour with Daddy. I couldn't talk him out of it. I feel I have to be a control freak with him at the moment, telling him to do specific tasks just so I can feel he has done something in the day to contribute.

Just want to send him away from me, but at the same time I know this is a good opportunity to all spend time together, that some families miss out on just due to long working hours, etc.

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TestPleaseDelete · 30/03/2010 15:46

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Dominique07 · 30/03/2010 15:48

Well thanks. I just feel like its all very hard work. And its not much of a choice.

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LadyintheRadiator · 30/03/2010 15:48

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LadyintheRadiator · 30/03/2010 15:49

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AnyFucker · 30/03/2010 15:52

dominique, I do sympathise

you must feel like you have another child to look after at times

I truly could not live like that

I really could not martyr my life to someone so helpless...except on a Saturday night when he is able to go out

I would lose respect for someone who cannot function in a normal way...but doesn't seem to be making that much of an effort to seek proper help

I am sorry

I expect that I (and possibly you) will get flamed for this...but I can feel your frustration

what has to happen, do you think ?

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Dominique07 · 30/03/2010 15:52

I don't really see any decent options.
Why should I punish him for being ill?

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Dominique07 · 30/03/2010 15:53

why would we get flamed AnyFucker? I must be really thick.. What are you saying?

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AnyFucker · 30/03/2010 15:53

do you believe he is actively seeking help ?

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coldtits · 30/03/2010 15:54

You have confused his bad behavior with his illnesses.

getting your son out of bed at night to keep him company is not nice. Your child needs his sleep. He's not your husbands toy, to be picked up and put down as he choses.

I suggest Relate.

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tartyhighheels · 30/03/2010 15:54

You made a choice, you either stop whining and make the best of it or leave - your choice and cannot see the point of posting if you don't want any advice.

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coldtits · 30/03/2010 15:55

"why should I punish him for being ill?"

Why should you punish yourself for being well?

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Dominique07 · 30/03/2010 15:56

Actually tarty I don't whine in real life which is why I need mumsnet right now.

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Lulumaam · 30/03/2010 16:01

sounds like his illnesses, physical and mental are real..but also he is making excuses to behave badly .. getting DS out of bed, not on. driking whilst on strong meds with the excuse drinking supresess his anxiety is not on.. being in bed most of the time, but ok to get up and go out with mates on a saturday, also not on

he should not drink if he is depressed and/or on strong meds

the novelty of caring for him is worn off and coupled with a toddler to care for, i am not surprised you feel resentful

is he getting or seeking help?

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Dominique07 · 30/03/2010 16:02

I suppose it comes down to my parents again, I can't imagine what they'd say to me if I were a single parent! Therefore I don't even contemplate it. And also I know other people really do have seriously disabled partners and somehow they live that life.

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Dominique07 · 30/03/2010 16:04

He is seeking help, was at the GP at 8am to get to front of queue. This is to get off this medicine, then to try another.

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AnyFucker · 30/03/2010 16:05

dominique...perhaps I mean more that I would get flamed

because I would get out of the relationship

I could not live like that, if I couldn't respect my DH

and it sounds like you don't respect yours (and I don't blame you, that is all)

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Lulumaam · 30/03/2010 16:06

well, taht is a good thing

he really needs to knock the drinking on the head

and if he is too ill /too tired to do family stuff during the day, he is too ill/too tired to go out with mates.

you need to talk. he needs to help himself and you need to be realistic
if he alreayd had health problemsa and has had a stroke, he is always going to need help and caring to an extent

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RealityIsWalking100K · 30/03/2010 16:06

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AnyFucker · 30/03/2010 16:06

what the hell does it have to do with your parents ?

are they living your life ???

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Dominique07 · 30/03/2010 16:07

Ok, thanks, I see. thanks for not blaming me. I don't know if I can continue like this anyway.

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AnyFucker · 30/03/2010 16:08

dom..I am not blaming you

I would understand if you walked away, seriously

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Hullygully · 30/03/2010 16:09

You know, don't you, that it is ludicrous to describe him as disabled and agoraphobic, post stroke-disordered and generally able to function apart from when it suits him of a Saturday night?

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Hullygully · 30/03/2010 16:10

Reality, you are perhaps a tad on the extreme side today...

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thehairybabysmum · 30/03/2010 16:10

Same as AF says...especially the saturday night

I do sympathise though as it is crap for you...personally i couldnt put up with it.

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Dominique07 · 30/03/2010 16:10
Sad
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