Bank account lies

[Lulu2515]

My DP left his bank account open on laptop a couple of months ago.. I had a snoop.

There was a transaction for a substantial amount of money sent to someone with same initials and surname as girl he was previously texting.
I tried to talk to him about it at the time, he shut me down.
Brought it up properly yesterday, he came up with an almost plausible excuse... but not quite.

I've messaged the girl today. She wouldn't confirm that he'd sent her the money or tell me why. She also said "I don't know why you're desperate to confirm what you already know".

DP is telling me I'm a psycho and have ruined our relationship. He's going to pick up DC from nursery then we're going to talk when he's gone to bed.

I don't know what to do. I'm so desperate for answers. I'm also softening... but I was right originally wasn't I? He sent that money to her?

[ferriswheel]

Id say you were right. Sorry.

[ImperialBlether]

Yes, you were right. Think about it - how many people do you know with identical names? He sent her some money and you need to know what's going on.

How much was it? (Ball park figure, of course.) Could he have bought something from her? Has he come home with something new?

[Lulu2515]

Hundreds of pounds...

[Kr1stina]

What was his excuse ?

[madgingermunchkin]

Yes he gave her the money.

I hate to put the cat amongst the pigeons, but isnt an abortion a few hundred pounds?

[Lulu2515]

I doubt very much he's bought anything from her

[VodkaValiumLattePlease]

Don't let him gaslight you, you know what you saw! Get rid of him!

[Lulu2515]

I considered abortion too :-(

[ImperialBlether]

He's the one who's ruined the relationship.

You found him texting her earlier, OP? Do you know if he was meeting up with her?

I thought of an abortion, too, I'm afraid. It's either that or a holiday and if he's going nowhere...

[ImperialBlether]

Do you have children together? Do you rent or own your home?

[Lulu2515]

Rent. One child

[Trifleorbust]

What was his almost plausible excuse?

[Lulu2515]

That he'd lent money to a friend...with the same initials but not the same surname... hence only almost

[HannahLily2014]

Sorry op but my first thought was abortion too, don't let him turn this on you 'for snooping' you need to get a straight answer or you will never rest x

[Trifleorbust]

So, actually, you have seen with your own eyes that the money was sent to someone other than the person he says? That's all you need to know, isn't it.

[Lulu2515]

I don't actually don't how to get an answer from someone that is just shutting down. I need an answer. I've lost my mind

[Lulu2515]

Well I suppose there's like a 2% chance that he's telling me the truth...

[Trifleorbust]

When you say he is shutting down, what do you mean? What have you asked him that he refuses to answer?

[Naicehamshop]

If he really has lent money to a friend, why is he not able to calmly talk to you about it instead of throwing a massive tantrum and saying that you have "ruined the relationship"?? Don't let him blame you for his appalling behaviour!

[cockadoodledoooo]

Go back to the ow he was texting and tell her that he denies any relationship or any intention of a relationship with her etc. This may hurt her ego and spill the beans.

If you are in a long term relationship isn't it both your monies, so you both have the ow money???

If he keeps up with the lies, tell him you want to speak to this friend with the same initials and give him an ultimatum - he tells the truth or he needs to leave??

[Naicehamshop]

Totally stand your ground on this op, and don't let yourself be pushed around. Find your anger!!

[Dlah]

It's easy enough to type a different surname into the bank to try and make it look different!

Sounds like he's sent her money for whatever (apologies abortion crossed my mind too) and he's slightly changed the name to give himself an excuse.

She's confirmed she's had the money so he's a blatant liar

[Montane50]

Her reply was defensive, so going back to her will produce nothing of use-she obviously knew you existed and if it was an abortion it clearly didn't stop them sleeping together. Id be really tempted to call his bluff, say you've contacted ow and he may as well tell you in his own words what happened because she's basically told you.

[madgingermunchkin]

To be perfectly honest, do you really need an answer.

You can't trust him, he's a liar. Your relationship is over, unless he is prepared to walk over hot coals, grovelling and do anything to prove he wants to make it up to you (including telling the whole truth).

Is he doing any of those things?

[ImperialBlether]

Surely her response tells you everything? If someone called me and asked about money their husband had given me, I'd ask what she was talking about? I'd spend time explaining that it couldn't have happened as a) I didn't know him or b) I hadn't spoken to him for a long time or something similar. Her reaction was hostile.

And please, always believe what's in front of your eyes.