Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

did you fancy him straight away?

(79 Posts)
funnychops Sun 15-May-16 18:52:00

So first date today with a lovely guy, such a sweet heart, we got on well but the thing is I just didn't fancy him at all. He has told me he really likes me but I'm just not feeling it, which I am completely gutted about because he's actually perfect boyfriend material but I'm just not attracted to him in that way.

Did you fancy your Dp/Dh straight away or was it a slow burner attraction?

RockMeMomma Sun 15-May-16 18:55:37

I did fancy my dh when I first met him.
My friend said her and her df didn't like each other when they first met. He thought she was stuck up, she thought he was moody and rude. They hit it off about 2 weeks later. They're getting married next year.

UmbongoUnchained Sun 15-May-16 18:57:46

Absolutely!

I8toys Sun 15-May-16 19:13:21

Not really. I was seeing his flat mate and he used to cook for us all. I dumped the flat mate and started seeing dh. 24 years later. We just clicked and then I started to really fancy him.

mummyto2monkeys Sun 15-May-16 19:15:22

The very first night I met my husband I thought he was arrogant and rude. He thought I was a gold digger going out with an older man. I was at a charity night with my parents and he thought I was 'with' my Dad. My Mums friend asked why he was rude to me (arrogant when introduced by a second person) and he told her the above. She thought this was hilarious, my Dad thought he was wonderful when he found out. I got his number to message him and tell him off for thinking that my Dad was my boyfriend and he replied asking me out. I said yes, because he made me laugh.

I will say though that when I met him for our first date, I was instantly attracted. Why don't you go for a second date? Where did you go for your first date? You could maybe go for a meal/ drink, give him another try. If you still aren't feeling it then make your decision. What I will say is that some of the strongest marriages started out as friendships. I would take it easy, spend more time with him and you never know what might grow 😁

Fwaffy Sun 15-May-16 19:16:53

Yes.

I did have a brief relationship with a guy I really didn't feel the lust for. He was so perfect for me in every other way and I figured I'd been blinded by the lust-haze previously and it hadn't ended well, so why not give the guy a chance.

It didn't work out. The fancying never happened and I realised I needed lust AND great personality/connection. Fussy so and so me.

Mumandmummer Sun 15-May-16 19:17:00

I knew my DH as a friend for a long time before we got together. I hadn't realised how attractive I found him until we suddenly spent a few nights together for work and I never wanted to be away from him ever again after that.

NotNob Sun 15-May-16 19:17:08

Yes, I did.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt Sun 15-May-16 19:19:33

No, not at all. Thought he was a bit strange tbh!

We're now married, v happy, one dc and another on the way.

tabpepsi Sun 15-May-16 19:20:06

yes i instantly fancied dh looks wise but i thought he was a bit cocky which i find an unappealing trait. by date 2, i was smitten, been on lots of dates with people who i grew to fancy in mind and body but dh to me was just the whole thing after a couple of weeks.

just give him a couple more dates if thats what he wants too, you're not really wasting his time with a couple of dates and you will see more of his personality.

good luck!

strandedabroad Sun 15-May-16 19:22:53

I didn't. Not quite tall enough, a bit of a 'teddy bear' look which wasn't my usual type, slightly too posh for me.

By date 3 I was smitten!

HandyWoman Sun 15-May-16 19:25:54

OP I'd give it two or three more dates, if attraction doesn't start to grow then it probably won't.

funnychops Sun 15-May-16 20:45:07

Maybe a couple more dates then, but I think I'm just finding excuses not to like him (eg his voice), I'm thinking maybe I'm still not over the ex and that's why I'm being so picky. Could that be possible?

Drbint Sun 15-May-16 21:00:54

Yes. He turned around and that was it.

Chinks123 Sun 15-May-16 21:07:59

I thought he was an irritating git the first night I met him actually. But the second we locked eyes I just knew..without sounding like complete cheddar, that I loved him. And I fancied him straight away, he wasn't my type at all but suddenly he was my type if that makes sense confused

Years later, first impression was right: he is an irritating git but I love him and I still fancy him. Ah this is making me all soppy wink

Mrskeats Sun 15-May-16 21:08:33

Yes
Straight away and still do

WalkerBait Sun 15-May-16 21:11:04

Yes and still very much do 11 years and 4 children later grin

PNGirl Sun 15-May-16 21:16:39

Only after the first time we sat down and properly spoke to each other over a pint. At that point I would describe it as "intrigued". The second time, I realised I was smitten.
We met at uni though so I had seen him around as a friend of a friend for a few months. We lived in the same halls of residence.

BeauGlacons Sun 15-May-16 21:24:07

Yes. I also knew I'd marry him within 30 minutes of meeting him. There was an intense connection. We met at a ball. He was with his girlfriend and I was with my boyfriend. He phoned me up two months later after he and gf had split up.

...............it's our silver wedding in six weeks. We're having a marquee and everything smile

leotwist Sun 15-May-16 21:33:31

No, not really. I felt a bit the way you do: lovely guy and great prospective partner, but wasn't really swept off my feet. Turns out it was a slow burner and things were better than I thought. We've had our ups and downs over the years, like most people; but now, after almost 20 years together, I love him to bits and don't know how I'd live without him!

isseywithcats Sun 15-May-16 22:16:03

at first sight no he was so far from the type of guy i usually went for, but we then went on an afternoon date and when he asked if i wanted to see him again i realised that i had found someone who could be something special, we took it very slowly and now 2.5 years later i couldnt imagine my life without him,

Dollypoppy Sun 15-May-16 22:22:05

Yes, having been on quite a few first dates I thought I'd have to wait for the attraction to grow because I hadn't felt it with anyone.

On the verge of giving up, one last date - I walked into the pub, saw him at the bar and the attraction was instant, he blew me away and still does. Only been a few months but hey, we've all got to start somewhere! smile

wallybantersjunkbox Sun 15-May-16 22:26:22

No, not at all in a loin burning, lady parts twitching, Mills & Boon way.

But I liked that he looked kind of goofy and shy, with really unusual eyes, and had lovely hands.

When he got nekkid, uff, then the twitching began...and hasn't stopped. blushsmile

U2HasTheEdge Sun 15-May-16 22:27:31

My mum pointed him out and told me this handsome man has walked in and I looked at him and said 'meh'

We were at our local pub and this woman who I couldn't stand started flirting with him badly and when he offered me a drink I took him up on it purely to piss her off blush She was clearly annoying him so when he asked if he could sit with us I said yes. The second we started talking I knew I wanted him in my life in some manner. The connection was instant but I didn't fancy him then but recognised that he was good looking actually.

By the third date I was crazily attracted to him and still am 10 years later.

I know of a few relationships where the physical attraction took a while to grow but when they got to know them as a person they began to find them physically attractive.

Montane50 Sun 15-May-16 22:30:07

Mummyto2, that sounds like a scene out of a Bridget Jones film!
I hit it off with dp as we messaged for a couple of weeks before meeting, my initial reaction to seeing him in the flesh was confusion! Not sure if i liked him or not, 2 hours later that was it, smitten with bells on. 3 years later we live together and i love him more and more each day. Maybe give your date a chance, you don't have a lot to lose x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now